thc7
thc7f
Vol 7: The Classics
THE CONFESSIONS OF
ST AUGUSTINE
TRANSLATED BY EDWARD B PL'SEY
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
BY THOMAS A KEMPIS
TRANSLATED HV WILLIAM UENHAM
WITH INTRODL'CTIONS AND NOTES
VOLUME 7
P F COLLIER & SON
NEW YORK
Copyright, 1909
By p. F. Collier & Son
Designed, Printed, and Bound at
TABLE OF CONTENTS
THE FIRST BOOK
Confessions of the greatness and unsearchableness of God, of God's
mercies in infancy and boyhood, and human wilfulness; of his
own sins of idleness, abuse of his studies, and of God's gifts up
to his fifteenth year
THE SECOND BOOK
Object of these Confessions. Further ills of idleness developed in
his sixteenth year. Evils of ill society, which betrayed him into
theft
23
THE THIRD BOOK
His residence at Carthage from his seventeenth to his nineteenth year.
Source of his disorders. Love of shows. Advance in studies, and
love of wisdom. Distaste for Scripture. Led astray to the Mani-
chaeans. Refutation of some of their tenets. Grief of his mother
Monnica at his heresy, and prayers for his conversion. Her vision
from God, and answer through a Bishop 33
THE FOURTH BOOK
Augustine's life from nineteen to eight-and-twenty; himself a Mani-
chnean, and seducing others to the same heresy; partial obedience
amidst vanity and sin; consulting astrologers, only partially shaken
herein; loss of an early friend, who is converted by being bap-
tised when in a swoon; reflections on grief, on real and unreal
friendship, and love of fame; writes on " the fair and fit." yet
cannot rightly, though God had given him great talents, since he
entertained wrong notions of God; and so even his knowledge he
applied ill 47
THE FIFTH BOOK
St. Augustine's twenty-ninth year. Faustus, a snare of Satan to many,
made an instrument of deliverance to St. Augustine, by showing
the ignorance of the Manichees on those things wherein they pro-
fessed to have divine knowledge. Augustine gives up all thought
of going further among the Manichees: is guided to Rome and
Milan, where he hears St. Ambrose, leaves the Manichees, and
becomes again a Catechumen in the Church Catholic .... 6s
I — HC VII *
2 TABLE OF CONTENTS
FAGB
THE SIXTH BOOK
Arrival of Monnica at Milan; her obedience to St. Ambrose, and his
value for her; St. Ambrose's habits; Augustine's gradual aban-
donment of error; finds that he has blamed the Church Catholic
wrongly; desire of absolute certainty, but struck with the contrary
analogy of God's natural Providence; how shaken in his worldly
pursuits; God's guidance of his friend Alypius; Augustine debates
with himself and his friends about their mode of life; his invet-
erate sins, and dread of judgment 82
THE SEVENTH BOOK
Augustine's thirty-first year; gradually extricated from his errors, but
still with material conceptions of God; much aided by an argu-
ment of Nebridius; sees that the cause of sin lies in free-will,
rejects the Manichaean heresy, but cannot altogether embrace the
doctrine of the Church; recovered from the belief in Astrology,
but miserably perplexed about the origin of evil; is led to find in
the Platonists the seeds of the doctrine of the divinity of the
Word, but not of His humiliation; hence he obtains clearer notions
of God's majesty, but, not knowing Christ to be the Mediator,
remains estranged from Him; all his doubts removed by the
study of Holy Scripture, especially St. Paul loa
THE EIGHTH BOOK
Augustine's thirty-second year. He consults Simplicianus; from him
hears the history of the conversion of Victorinus, and longs to
devote himself entirely to God, but is mastered by his old habits;
is still further roused by the history of St. Antony, and of the
conversion of two courtiers; during a severe struggle hears a
voice from heaven, opens Scripture, and is converted, with his
friend Alypius. His mother's visions fulfilled 123
THE NINTH BOOK
Augustine determines to devote his life to God, and to abandon his
profession of Rhetoric, quietly however; retires to the country to
prepare himself to receive the grace of Baptism, and is baptised
with Alypius and his son Adeodatus. At Ostia, on his way to
Africa, his mother Monnica dies, in her fifty-sixth year, the thirty-
third of Augustine. Her life and character 144
THE TENTH BOOK
Having in the former books spoken of himself before his receiving the
grace of Baptism, in this Augustine confesses what he then was.
But first he enquires by what faculty we can know God at all;
whence he enlarges on the mysterious character of the memory,
wherein God, being made known, dwells, but which could not
discover Him. Then he examines his own trials under the triple
division of temptation, " lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, and
pride"; what Christian continency prescribes as to each. On
Christ the Only Mediator, who heals and will heal ali infirmities i6r
INTRODUCTORY NOTE
AuRELius AuGUSTiNus, heitcr known cus Saint Augustine, was
born of poor parents in the small town of Thagaste in Numidia,
North Africa, A. D. 3S4- His father, Patricius, a pagan of
somewhat loose life, was converted to Christianity before his
death; his mother Monnica, on account of her personal piety and
her influence on her ison, is one of the most revered women in
the history of the Christian Church. Augustine was educated at
the University of Carthage, and according to his own account
belonged to a fast set and joined in their dissipations. While
there he entered into a relation which lasted for fourteen years
with a young woman who became the mother of his son Adeo-
ddtus; and he joined the heretical sect of the Manichccans, who
professed to have received from their founder, Manes, a higher
form of truth than that taught by Christ. At the close of his
university career, which had been brilliant in spite of distrac-
tions, he returned to his native town, and first there, and later
in Carthage and Rome, he practised as a teacher of rhetoric,
training young lawyers in the art of pleading. By the time he
was about twenty-seven he had begun to have doubts as to the
validity of Manichceism, but it was not till 387, while he was
Professor of Rhetoric in the University of Milan, that he wais
converted to Catholic Christianity, and received baptism. He
now gave up his profession and became an ascetic, studying the
foundations of the faith, writing, chiefly against his former sect,
and conversing with a group of disciples, first at Rome and then
in his native town. When he was on a I'isit to Hippo, not far
from Thagaste, he was forced into the priesthood, and in 395 he
became Bishop of Hippo, an office which he filled for the remain-
ing thirty-five years of his life. Though he took a leading part
in the activities of the African Church through all this time, and
gradually became one of the most distinguished ecclesiastical
figures in the Empire, the care of his diocese and the writing of
his books formed his chief occupations. He continued to lead
a life of extreme simplicity and self-denial, and in his episcopal
establishment he trained a large number of disciples who became
leaders in the Church. The strength of his hold on these younger
3
4 INTRODUCTORY NOTE
men was due not merely to his intellectual ascendency, but also
to the charm and sweetness of his disposition.
A large part of his literary activity was devoted to controversy
with the heretics of his time, first the Manichceans, then the
Donatists, and finally the Pelagians. It was in his writings
against these last and most important opponents that he elabo-
rated his statement of the doctrines of Predestination, Irresist-
ible Grace, and Final Perseverance, through which he has left
his chief mark upon the creeds of later times. The theology of
the Schoolmen, such as Thomas Aquinas, and of the Calvinists
of the Reformation, is built upon an Augustinian basis.
His two most important books are "The City of God" and the
"Confessions." The former of these was provoked by the attacks
upon Christianity, roused by the disasters that began to fall upon
the Western Empire in the beginning of the fifth century; and
Augustine replies by pointing out the failure of the heathen gods
in former times to protect the peoples who trusted in them, and
goes on to expose the evil influence of the belief in the old myth-
ology, in a minute examination of its traditions and mysteries.
The second part of the book deals with the history of the "City
of Man," founded upon love of self, and of the "City of God,"
founded upon love of God and contempt of self. This work is
a vast storehouse of the knowledge of the time, and is a monu-
ment noi only to Augustine's great learning, but also to the
keenest metaphysical mind of the age.
The "Confessions," here printed, speaks for itself. The earliest
of autobiographies, it remains unsurpassed as a sincere and inti-
mate record of a great and pious soul laid bare before God.
THE CONFESSIONS OF
ST. AUGUSTINE
THE FIRST BOOK
Confessions of the greatness and unsearchableness of God, of God's
mercies in infancy and boyhood, and human wilfulness; of his
own sins of idleness, abuse of his studies, and of God's gifts
up to his fifteenth year
^^REAT art Thou, O Lord, and greatly to he praised;
yY" gi'^ot is Thy power, and Thy wisdom infinite} And
Thee would man praise ; man. but a particle of Thy
creation ; man, that bears about him his mortality, the wit-
ness of his sin, the witness that Thou resistcst the proud:*
yet would man praise Thee; he. but a particle of Thy
creation. Thou awakest us to delight in Thy praise ; for
Thou madest us for Thyself, and our heart is restless, until
it repose in Thee. Grant me, Lord, to know and understand
which is first, to call on Thee or to praise Thee? and. again,
to know Thee or to call on Thee? for who can call on Thee,
not knowing Thee? for he that knoweth Thee not, may
call on Thee as other than Thou art. Or, is it rather, that
we call on Thee that we may know Thee? but hoiv shall
they call on Him in zvhom they have not believed? or how
shall they believe zvithoitt a preacher?'^ and they that seek
the Lord shall praise Him :* for they that seek shall find
Him,* and they that find shall praise Him. I will seek Thee.
Lord, by calling on Thee ; and will call on Thee, believing
in Thee ; for to us hast Thou been preached. My faith,
Lord, shall call on Thee, which Thou hast given me, where-
1 Ps. cxlv. 3; cxlvii. 5. * Jas. iv. 6; i Pet. v. 5. » Rom. x. 14.
* Ps. xxii. 26. ^ Matt. vii. 7.
6 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
with Thou hast inspired me, through the Incarnation of
Thy Son, through the ministry of the Preacher.
And how shall I call upon my God, my God and Lord,
since, when I call for Him, I shall be calling Him to myself?
and what room is there within me, whither my God can
come into me? whither can God come into me, God who
made heaven and earth ? is there, indeed, O Lord my God,
aught in me that can contain Thee? do then heaven and
earth, which Thou hast made, and wherein Thou hast made
me, contain Thee ? or, because nothing which exists could
exist without Thee, doth therefore whatever exists contain
Thee? Since, then, I too exist, why do I seek that Thou
shouldest enter into me, who were not, wert Thou not in me ?
Why? because I am not gone down in hell, and yet Thou
art there also. For if I go down into hell, Thou art there'
I could not be then, O my God, could not be at all, wert
Thou not in me ; or, rather, unless I were in Thee, of whom
are all things, by whom are all things, in whom are all
things f^ Even so. Lord, even so. Whither do I call Thee,
since I am in Thee? or whence canst Thou enter into me?
for whither can I go beyond heaven and earth, that thence
my God should come into me, who hath said, / fill the heaven
and the earth.^
Do the heaven and earth then contain Thee, since thou
fillest them ? or dost Thou fill them and yet overflow, since
they do not contain Thee? And whither, when the heaven
and the earth are filled, pourest Thou forth the remainder
of Thyself? or hast Thou no need that aught contain Thee,
who containest all things, since what Thou fillest Thou fillest
by containing it? for the vessels which Thou fillest uphold
Thee not, since, though they were broken. Thou wert
not poured out. And when Thou art poured ouf on us,
Thou art not cast down, but Thou upliftest us ; Thou art
not dissipated, but Thou gatherest us. But Thou who
fillest all things, fillest Thou them with Thy whole self?
or, since all things cannot contain Thee wholly, do they
contain part of Thee? and all at once the same part?
or each its own part, the greater more, the smaller less?
And is, then, one part of Thee greater, another less? or,
• Ps. cxxxix. 7. '^ Rom. xi. 36. * Jer. xxiii. 24. » Acts ii. i8.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 7
art Thou wholly everywhere, while nothing contains Thee
wholly ?
What art Thou then, my God? what, but the Lord God?
For who is Lord but the Lord? or who is God save our
God?^" Most highest, most good, most potent, most om-
nipotent; most merciful, yet most just; most hidden, yet
most present; most beautiful, yet most strong; stable, yet
incomprehensible; unchangeable, yet all-changing; never
new, never old; all-renewing, and bringing age upon the
proud, and they knozv it not; ever working, ever at rest;
still gathering, yet nothing lacking; supporting, filling, and
overspreading; creating, nourishing, and maturing; seeking,
yet having all things. Thou lovest, without passion ; art
jealous, without anxiety; repentest, yet grievest not; art
angry, yet serene; changest Thy works, Thy purpose un-
changed ; rcceivest again what Thou findest, yet didst never
lose; never in need, yet rejoicing in gains; never covetous,
yet exacting usury." Thou receivest over and above, that
Thou mayest owe; and who hath aught that is not Thine?
Thou payest debts, owing nothing; remittest debts, losing
nothing. And what have I now said, my God, my life, my
holy joy? or what saith any man when he speaks of Thee?
Yet woe to him that speaketh not. since mute are even the
most eloquent.
Oh ! that I might repose on Thee ! Oh ! that Thou
wouldest enter into my heart, and inebriate it. that I may
forget my ills, and embrace Thee, my sole good? What art
Thou to me? In Thy pity, teach me to utter it. Or what
am I to Thee that Thou demandest my love, and, if I give
it not, art wroth with me, and tbreatenest me with grievous
woes? Is it then a slight woe to love Thee not? Oh! for
Thy mercies' sake, tell me, O Lord my God, what Thou art
unto me. Say unto vty soul, I am thy salvation." So speak,
that I may hear. Behold, Lord, my heart is before Thee;
open Thou the ears thereof, and say unto my soul, I am thy
salvation. After this voice let me haste, and take hold on
Thee. Hide not Thy face from me. Let me die — lest I
die — only let me see Thy face.
*•> Ps. xviii. 31. "Matt. xxv. 27. suf'ererogatur tibi.
'* Ps. XXXV. 3.
8 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
Narrow is the mansion of my soul; enlarge Thou it, that
Thou mayest enter in. It is ruinous; repair Thou it. It
has that within which must offend Thine eyes; I confess
and know it. But who shall cleanse it? or to whom should
I cry, save Thee? Lord, cleanse me from my secret faults
and spare Thy servant from the power of the cnemy.^" I
believe, and therefore do I speak}* Lord, Thou knowest.
Have I not confessed against myself my transgressions unto
Thee, and Thou, my God, hast forgiven the iniquity of my
heart ?^ I contend not in judgment with Thee,^* who art
the truth; I fear to deceive myself; lest mine iniquity lie
unto itself." Therefore I contend not in judgment with
Thee; for if Thou, Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, Lord,
who shall abide itT^
Yet suffer me to speak unto Thy mercy, me, dust and
ashes}* Yet suffer me to speak, since I speak to Thy mercy,
and not to scornful man. Thou too, perhaps, despisest me,
yet wilt Thou return and have compassion^ upon me. For
what would I say, O Lord my God, but that I know not
whence I came into this dying life (shall I call it?) or
living death. Then immediately did the comforts of Thy
compassion take me up, as I heard (for I remember it not)
from the parents of my flesh, out of whose substance Thou
didst sometime fashion me. Thus there received me the
comforts of woman's milk. For neither my mother nor my
nurses stored their own breasts for me; but Thou didst
bestow the food of my infancy through them, according to
Thine ordinance, whereby Thou distributest Thy riches
through the hidden springs of all things. Thou also gavest
me to desire no more than Thou gavest; and to my nurses
willingly to give me what Thou gavest them. For they,
with a heaven-taught affection, willingly gave me what
they abounded with from Thee. For this my good from
them, was good for them. Nor, indeed, from them was it,
"but through them; for from Thee, O God, are all good
things, and from my God is all my health. This I since
learned. Thou, through these Thy gifts, within me and
without, proclaiming Thyself unto me. For then I knew
" Ps. xix. 12, 13. " Ps. cxvi. 10. ^^ Ps. xxxii. S- "Job ix. 3.
" Fs. xxvi. 12. — Vulg. 1* Ps. cxxx. 3. i» Gen. xviii. 27. '> Jer. xii. 15.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 9
but to suck; to repose in what pleased, and cry at what
offended my flesh ; nothing more.
Afterwards I began to smile; first in sleep, then waking:
for so it was told me of myself, and I believed it; for we
see the like in other infants, though of myself I remember
it not. Thus, little by little, I became conscious where I
was ; and to have a wish to express my wishes to those who
could content them, and I could not ; for the wishes were
within me, and they without ; nor could they by any sense of
theirs enter within my spirit. So I flung about at random
limbs and voice, making the few signs I could, and such
as I could, like, though in truth very little like, what I
wished. And when I was not presently obeyed (my wishes
being hurtful or unintelligible), then I was indignant with
my elders for not submitting to me, with those owing me no
service, for not serving me; and avenged myself on them
by tears. Such have I learnt infants to be from observing
them ; and that I was myself such, they, all unconscious,
have shown me better than my nurses who knew it.
And, lo ! my infancy died long since, and I live. But
Thou, Lord, who for ever livest, and in whom nothing dies :
for before the foundation of the worlds, and before all that
can be called " before," Thou art, and art God and Lord
of all which Thou hast created : in Thee abide, fixed for
ever, the first causes of all things unabiding; and of all
things changeable, the springs abide in Thee unchangeable :
and in Thee live the eternal reasons of all things unreason-
ing and temporal. Say, Lord, to me. Thy suppliant ; say,
all-pitying, to me, Thy pitiable one: say, did my infancy
succeed another age of mine that died before it? was it
that which I spent within my mother's womb? for of that
I have heard somewhat, and have myself seen women with
child? and what before that life again, O God my joy. was
I any where or any body? For this have I none to tell me,
neither father nor mother, nor experience of others, nor
mine own memory. Dost Thou mock me for asking this,
and bid me praise Thee and acknowledge Thee, for that
I do know?
I acknowledge Thee, Lord of heaven and earth, and praise
Thee for my first rudiments of being, and my infancy,
10 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
whereof I remember nothing; for Thou hast appointed that
man should from others guess much as to himself; and
believe much on the strength of weak females. Even then
I had being and life, and (at my infancy's close) I could
seek for signs whereby to make known to others my sensa-
tions. Whence could such a being be, save from Thee,
Lord? Shall any be his own artificer? or can there else-
where be derived any vein, which may stream essence and
life into us, save from Thee, O Lord, in whom essence and
life are one? for Thou Thyself art supremely Essence and
Life. For Thou art most high, and art not changed^ neither
in Thee doth to-day come to a close ; yet in Thee doth it
come to a close ; because all such things also are in Thee.
For they had no way to pass away, unless Thou upheldest
them. And since Thy years fail notf Thy years are one
to-day. How many of ours and our fathers' years have
flowed away through Thy " to-day," and from it received
the measure and the mould of such being as they had; and
still others shall flow away, and so receive the mould of
their degree of being. But Thou art still the same^ and
all things of to-morrow, and all beyond, and all of
yesterday, and all behind it, Thou hast done to-day.
What is it to me, though any comprehend not this? Let
him also rejoice and say, What thing is this^ Let him
rejoice even thus ; and be content rather by not discovering
to discover Thee, than by discovering not to discover Thee.
Hear, O God. Alas, for man's sin ! So saith man, and
Thou pitiest him; for Thou madest him, but sin in him
Thou madest not. Who remindeth me of the sins of my
infancy? for in Thy sight none is pure from sin, not even
the infant whose life is hut a day upon the earth.^ Who
remindeth me? doth not each little infant, in whom I see
what of myself I remember not? What then was my sin?
was it that I hung upon the breast and cried? for should
I now so do for food suitable to my age, justly should I be
laughed at and reproved. What I then did was worthy
reproof; but since I could not understand reproof, custom
and reason forbade me to be reproved. For those habits,
« Mai. iii. 6. - Ps. cii. 27. "' Ps. cii. 27.
^ Exod. xvi. 15. 25 Job XXV. 4.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST, AUGUSTINE 11
when grown, we root out and cast away. Now no man,
though he prunes, wittingly casts away what is good.^ Or
was it then good, even for a while, to cry for what, if
given, would hurt? bitterly to resent, that persons free, and
its own elders, yea, the very authors of its birth, served it
not? that many besides, wiser than it, obeyed not the nod
of its good pleasure? to do its best to strike and hurt, because
commands were not obeyed, which had been obeyed to its
hurt? The weakness then of infant limbs, not its will,
is its innocence. Myself have seen and known even a baby
envious; it could not speak, yet it turned pale and looked
bitterly on its foster-brother. Who knows not this? Mothers
and nurses tell yoH that they allay these things by I know
not what remedies. Is that too innocence, when the foun-
tain of milk is flowing in rich abundance, not to endure
one to share it, though in extremest need, and whose very
life as yet depends thereon? We bear gently with all this,
not as being no or slight evils, but because they will dis-
appear as years increase; for, though tolerated now, the
very same tempers are utterly intolerable when found in
riper years.
Thou, then. O Lord my God, who gavcst life to this my
infancy, furnishing thus with senses (as wc see) the frame
Thou gavest, compacting its limbs, ornamenting its pro-
portions, and for its general good and safety, implanting
in it all vital functions. Thou commandest me to praise
Thee in these things, to confess unto Thcc, and sing unto
Thy name. Thou most Highest." For Thou art God, Al-
mighty and Good, even hadst Thou done nought but only
this, which none could do but Thou ; whose Unity is the
mould of all things ; who out of Thy own fairness makest
all things fair; and orderest all things by Thy law. This
age, then. Lord, whereof I have no remembrance, which
I take on others' word, and guess from other infants that
I have passed, true though the guess be, I am yet loth to
count in this life of mine which I live in this world. For
no less than that which I spent in my mother's womb, is it
hid from me in the shadows of forgetfulness. But if / zvas
shapcn in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me^
^Johnxv. 2. '"Ps. xcii. I. **Ps. 1i.7.
12 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
where, I beseech Thee, O my God, where. Lord, or when,
was I Thy servant guiltless ? But, lo ! that period I pass
by; and what have I now to do with that, of which I can
recall no vestige?
Passing hence from infancy, I came to boyhood, or rather
it came to me, displacing infancy. Nor did that depart, —
(for whither went it?) — and yet it was no more. For I
was no longer a speechless infant, but a speaking boy. This
I remember; and have since observed how I learned to
speak. It was not that my elders taught me words (as,
soon after, other learning) in any set method ; but I, longing
by cries and broken accents and various motions of my limbs
to express my thoughts, that so I might have my will, and
yet unable to express all I willed, or to whom I willed, did
myself, by the understanding which Thou, my God, gavest
me, practise the sounds in my memory. When they named
any thing, and as they spoke turned towards it, I saw and
remembered that they called what they would point out by
the name they uttered. And that they meant this thing
and no other was plain from the motion of their body, the
natural language, as it were, of all nations, expressed by
the countenance, glances of the eye, gestures of the limbs,
and tones of the voice, indicating the affections of the mind,
as it pursues, possesses, rejects, or shuns. And thus by
constantly hearing words, as they occurred in various sen-
tences, I collected gradually for what they stood ; and
having broken in my mouth to these signs, I thereby gave
utterance to my will. Thus I exchanged with those about
me these current signs of our wills, and so launched deeper
into the stormy intercourse of human life, yet depending
on parental authority and the beck of elders.
O God my God, what miseries and mockeries did I now
experience, when obedience to my teachers was proposed
to me, as proper in a boy, in order that in this world I
might prosper, and excel in tongue-science, which shoUld
serve to the "praise of men," and to deceitful riches. Next
I was put to school to get learning, in which I (poor
wretch) knew not what use there was ; and yet, if idle in
learning, I was beaten. For this was judged right by our
forefathers; and many, passing the same course before us,
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 13
framed for us weary paths, through which we were fain
to pass; multiplying toil and grief upon the sons of Adam.
But, Lord, we found that men called upon Thee, and we
learnt from them to think of Thee (according to our powers)
as of some great One, who, though hidden from our senses,
couldst hear and help us. For so I began, as a boy, to
pray to Thee, my aid and refuge ; and broke the fetters of
my tongue to call on Thee, praying Thee, though small,
yet with no small earnestness, that I might not be beaten
at school. And when Thou heardst me not (not thereby
giving mc over to folly'^), my elders, yea, my very parents,
who yet wished me no ill, mocked my stripes, my then great
and grievous ill.
Is there. Lord, any of soul so great, and cleaving to Thee
with so intense affection (for a sort of stupidity will in a
way do it) ; but is there any one who, from cleaving devoutly
to Thee, is endued with so great a spirit, that he can think
as lightly of the racks and hooks and other torments (against
which, throughout all lands, men call on Thee with extreme
dread), mocking at those by whom they are feared most
bitterly, as our parents mocked the torments which we suf-
fered in boyhood from our masters? For we feared not our
torments less ; nor prayed we less to Thee to escape them.
And yet we sinned, in writing or reading or studying less
than was exacted of us. For we wanted not, O Lord, mem-
ory or capacity, whereof Thy will gave enough for our age ;
but our sole delight was play ; and for this we were punished
by those who yet themselves were doing the like. But elder
folks' idleness is called " business " ; that of boys, being
really the same, is punished by those elders; and none com-
miserates either boys or men. For will any of sound dis-
cretion approve of my being beaten as a boy, because, by
playing at ball, I made less progress in studies which I was
to learn, only that, as a man, I might play more unbeseem-
ingly? and what else did he who beat me? who, if worsted
in some trifling discussion with his fellow-tutor, was more
embittered and jealous than I when beaten at ball bv a play-
fellow ?
And yet, I sinned herein, O Lord God, the Creator and
™ Ps. xxi. 3. — \'ulg.
14 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
Disposer of all things in nature, of sin the Disposer^" only,
Lord my God, I sinned in transgressing the commands of
my parents and those my masters. For what they, with
whatever motive, would have me learn, I might afterwards
have put to good use. For I disobeyed, not from a better
choice, but from love of play, loving the pride of victory in
my contests, and to have my ears tickled with lying fables,
that they might itch the more; the same curiosity flashing
from my eyes more and more, for the shows and games of
my elders. Yet those who give these shows are in such
esteem, that almost all wish the same for their children, and
yet are very willing that they should be beaten, if those
very games detain them from the studies, whereby they would
have them attain to be the givers of them. Look with pity.
Lord, on these things, and deliver us who call upon Thee
now; deliver those too who call not on Thee yet, that they
may call on Thee, and Thou mayest deliver them.
As a boy, then, I had already heard of an eternal life,
promised us through the humility of the Lord our God stoop-
ing to our pride ; and even from the womb of my mother,
who greatly hoped in Thee, I was sealed with the mark of
His cross and salted with His salt. Thou sawest. Lord, how
while yet a boy, being seized on a time with sudden oppres-
sion of the stomach, and like near to death — Thou sawest,
my God (for Thou wert my keeper), with what eagerness
and what faith I sought, from the pious care of my mother
and Thy Church, the mother of us all, the baptism of Thy
Christ my God and Lord. Whereupon the mother of my
flesh, being much troubled (since, with a heart pure in Thy
faith, she even more lovingly travailed in hirth^^ of my sal-
vation), would in eager haste have provided for my con-
secration and cleansing by the health-giving sacraments,
confessing Thee, Lord Jesus, for the remission of sins, unless
1 had suddenly recovered. And so, as if I must needs be
again polluted should I live, my cleansing was deferred, be-
cause the defilements of sin would, after that washing, bring
greater and more perilous guilt. I then already believed : and
my mother, and the whole household except my father: yet
did not he prevail over the power of my mother's piety in
20 Ordinator. ^ Gal. iv. 19.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 15
me, that as he did not yet believe, so neither should I, For
it was her earnest care that Thou my God, rather than he,
shouldest be my father; and in this Thou didst aid her to
prevail over her husband, whom she, the better, obeyed,
therein also obeying Thee, who hast so commanded.
I beseech Thee, my God, I would fain know, if so Thou
wiliest, for what purpose my baptism was then deferred?
was it for my good that the rein was laid loose, as it were,
upon me, for me to sin? or was it not laid loose? If not,
why does it still echo in our ears on all sides, " Let him alone,
let him do as he will, for he is not yet baptised?" but as to
bodily health, no one says, " Let him be worse wounded, for
he is not yet healed." How much better then, had I been
at once healed: and then by my friends' diligence and my
own, my soul's recovered health had been kept safe in Thy
keeping who gavest it. Better truly. But how many and
great waves of temptation seemed to hang over me after my
boyhood ! These my mother foresaw ; and preferred to ex-
pose to them the clay whence I might afterwards be moulded,
than the very cast, when made.
In boyhood itself, however (so much less dreaded for me
than youth), I loved not study, and hated to be forced to it.
Yet I was forced; and this was well done towards me, but
I did not well ; for, unless forced, I had not learnt. But no
one doth well against his will, even though what he doth,
be well. Yet neither did they well who forced me, but what
was well came to me from Thee, my God. For they were re-
gardless how I should employ what they forced me to learn,
except to satiate the insatiate desires of a wealthy beggary,
and a shameful glory. But Thou, by zvhom the very hairs
of our head are numbered^" didst use for my good the error
of all who urged me to learn ; and my own, who would not
learn. Thou didst use for my punishment — a fit penalty for
one, so small a boy and so great a sinner. So by those who
did not well, Thou didst well for me; and by my own sin
Thou didst justly punish me. For Thou hast commanded,
and so it is, that every inordinate affection should be its own
punishment.
But why did I so much hate the Greek, which I studied as
32 Matt. X. 30.
16 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
a boy? I do not yet fully know. For the Latin I loved; not
what my first masters, but what the so-called grammarians
taught me. For those first lessons, reading, writing, and
arithmetic, I thought as great a burden and penalty as any
Greek. And yet whence was this too, but from the sin
and vanity of this life, because / was flesh, and a breath that
passeth away and cometh not againf^ For those first les-
sons were better certainly, because more certain ; by them I
obtained, and still retain, the power of reading what I find
written and myself writing what I will; whereas in the
others, I was forced to learn the wanderings of one ^neas,
forgetful of my own, and to weep for dead Dido, because she
killed herself for love; the while, with dry eyes, I endured
my miserable self dying among these things, far from Thee,
O God my life.
For what more miserable than a miserable being who
commiserates not himself; weeping the death of Dido for
love to ^neas, but weeping not his own death for want of
love to Thee, O God. Thou light of my heart. Thou bread
of my inmost soul. Thou Power who givest vigour to my
mind, who quickenest my thoughts, I loved Thee not. I com-
mitted fornication against Thee, and all around me thus
fornicating there echoed, " Well done ! well done ! " for the
friendship of this world is fornication against Thee;^ and
" Well done ! well done ! " echoes on till one is ashamed to be
thus a man. And all this I wep: not, I who wept for Dido
slain, and " seeking by the sword a stroke and wound ex-
treme," myself seeking the while a worse extreme, the
extremest and lowest of Thy creatures, having forsaken
Thee, earth passing into the earth. And if forbid to read
all this, I was grieved that I might not read what grieved
me. Madness like this is thought a higher and a richer
learning, than that by which I learned to read and write.
But now, my God, cry Thou aloud in my soul ; and let Thy
truth tell me, " Not so, not so. Far better was that first
study." For, lo, I would readily forget the wanderings of
^neas and all the rest, rather than how to read and write.
But over the entrance of the Grammar School is a veil
drawn! true; yet is this not so much an emblem of aught
33 Ps. Ixxviii. 39. ^ Jam. iv. 4.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 17
recondite, as a cloak of error. Let not those, whom I no
longer fear, cry out against me, while I confess to Thee, my
God, whatever my soul will, and acquiesce in the condem-
nation of my evil ways, that I may love Thy good ways. Let
not either buyers or sellers of grammar-learning cry out
against me. For if I question them whether it be true that
iEneas came on a time to Carthage, as the poet tells, the
less learned will reply that they know not, the more learned
that he never did. But should I ask with what letters the
name " ^neas " is written, every one who has learnt this
will answer me aright, as to the signs which men have con-
ventionally settled. If again, I should ask which might be
forgotten with least detriment to the concerns of life, reading
and writing or these poetic fictions? who does not foresee
what all must answer who have not wholly forgotten them-
selves? I sinned, then, when as a boy I preferred those
empty to those more profitable studies, or rather loved the
one and hated the other. " One and one, two ; " " two and
two, four; " this was to me a hateful singsong: " the wooden
horse lined with armed men," and " the burning of Troy,'"^
and " Creusa's shade and sad similitude," were the choice
spectacle of my vanity.
Why then did I hate the Greek classics, which have the
like tales? For Homer also curiously wove the like fictions,
and is most sweetly-vain, yet was he bitter to my boyish
taste. And so I suppose would Virgil be to Grecian children,
when forced to learn him as I was Homer, Difficulty, in
truth, the difficulty of a foreign tongue, dashed, as it were,
with gall all the sweetness of Grecian fable. For not one
word of it did I understand, and to make me understand
I was urged vehemently with cruel threats and punishments.
Time was also (as an infant) I knew no Latin; but this I
learned without fear or suffering, by mere observation, amid
the caresses of my nursery and jests of friends, smiling and
sportively encouraging me. This I learned without any
pressure of punishment to urge me on, for my heart urged me
to give birth to its conceptions which I could only do by learn-
ing words not of those who taught, but of those who talked
with me; in whose ears also I gave birth to the thoughts,
*5 ^n. 2.
i8 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
whatever I conceived. No doubt, then, that a free curi-
osity has more force in our learning these things, than
a frightful enforcement. Only this enforcement restrains
the rovings of that freedom, through Thy law^s, O my God,
Thy laws, from the master's cane to the martyr's trials, being
able to temper for us a wholesome bitter, recalling us to
Thyself from that deathly pleasure which lures us from Thee.
Hear, Lord, my prayer; let not my soul faint under Thy
discipline, nor let me faint in confessing unto Thee all Thy
mercies, whereby Thou hast drawn me out of all my most
evil ways, that Thou mightest become a delight to me above
all the allurements which I once pursued; that I may most
entirely love Thee, and clasp Thy hand with all my affections,
and Thou mayest yet rescue me from every temptation, even
unto the end. For, lo, O Lord, my King and my God, for
Thy service be whatever useful thing my childhood learned;
for Thy service, that I speak, write, read, reckon. For
Thou didst grant me Thy discipline, while I was learning
vanities; and my sin of delighting in those vanities Thou
hast forgiven. In them, indeed, I learnt many a useful word,
but these may as well be learned in things not vain ; and that
is the safe path for the steps of youth.
But woe is thee, thou torrent of human custom ! Who
shall stand against thee? how long shalt thou not be dried
up? how long roll the sons of Eve into that huge and hideous
ocean, which even they scarcely overpass who climb the
cross? Did not I read in thee of Jove the thunderer and the
adulterer? both, doubtless, he could not be; but so the feigned
thunder might countenance and pander to real adultery.
And now which of our gowned masters lends a sober ear to
one who from their own school cries out, " These were
Homer's fictions, transferring things human to the gods;
would he had brought down things divine to us ! " Yet more
truly had he said, " These are indeed his fictions ; but at-
tributing a divine nature to wicked men, that crimes might
be no longer crimes, and whoso commits them might seem
to imitate not abandoned men, but the celestial gods."
And yet, thou hellish torrent, into thee are cast the sons
of men with rich rewards, for compassing such learning;
and a great solemnity is made of it, when this is going on in
THE CONFESwSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 19
the forum, within sight of laws appointing a salary beside
the scholar's payments, and thou lashest thy rocks and
roarest, "Hence words are learnt; hence eloquence; most
necessary to gain your ends, or maintain opinions." As if
we should have never known such words as "golden shower,"
"lap," "beguile," "temples of the heavens," or others in
that passage, unless Terence had brought a lewd youth upon
the stage, setting up Jupiter as his example of seduction.
'' Viewing a picture, where the tale was drawn,
Of Jove's descending in a golden shower
To Danae's lap, a woman to beguile."
And then mark how he excites himself to lust as by celestial
authority :
" And what God ? Great Jove,
Who shakes heaven's highest temples with his thunder,
And I, poor mortal man, not do the same !
I did it, and with all my heart I did it."
Not one whit more easily are the words learnt for all this
vileness; but by their means the vileness is committed with
less shame. Not that I blame the words, being, as it were,
choice and precious vessels; but that wine of error which is
drunk to us in them by intoxicated teachers; and if we, too,
drink not, we are beaten, and have no sober judge to whom
we may appeal. Yet, O my God (in whose presence I now
without hurt may remember this), all this unhappily I learnt
willingly with great delight, and for this was pronounced a
hopeful boy.
Bear with me, my God, while I say somewhat of my wit,
Thy gift, and on what dotage I wasted it. For a task was
set me, troublesome enough to my soul, upon terms of praise
or shame, and fear of stripes, to speak the words of Juno,
as she raged and mourned that she could not
" This Trojan prince from Latium turn."
Which words I had heard that Juno never uttered ; but we
were forced to go astray in the footsteps of these poetic
fictions, and to say in prose much what he expressed in verse.
And his speaking was most applauded, in whom the passions
of rage and grief were most pre-eminent, and clothed in
the most fitting language, maintaining the dignity of the
20 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
character. What is it to me, O my true life, my God, that
my declamation was applauded above so many of my own
age and class? is not all this smoke and wind? and was there
nothing else whereon to exercise my wit and tongue? Thy
praises. Lord, Thy praises might have stayed the yet tender
■shoot of my heart by the prop of Thy Scriptures; so had it
not trailed away amid these empty trifles, a defiled prey for
the fowls of the air. For in more ways than one do men
sacrifice to the rebellious angels.
But what marvel that I was thus carried away to vanities,
and went from Thy presence, O my God, when men were set
before me as models, who, if in relating some action of theirs,
in itself not ill, they committed some barbarism or solecism,
being censured, were abashed ; but when in rich and adorned
and well-ordered discourse they related their own disordered
life, being bepraised, they gloried? These things Thou
seest, Lord, and boldest Thy peace; long-suffering, and
plenteous in mercy and truths Wilt Thou hold Thy peace
for ever? and even now Thou drawest out of this horrible
gulf the soul that seeketh Thee, that thirsteth for Thy pleas-
ures, whose heart saith unto Thee, I have sought Thy face;
Thy face. Lord, will I seekT For darkened^ affections is re-
moval from Thee. For it is not by our feet, or change of
place, that men leave Thee, or return unto Thee. Or did
that Thy younger son look out for horses or chariots, or
ships, fly with visible wings, or journey by the motion of his
limbs, that he might in a far country waste in riotous living
all Thou gavest at his departure ? a loving Father, when Thou
gavest, and more loving unto him, when he returned empty.
So then in lustful, that is, in darkened affections, is the
true distance from Thy face.
Behold, O Lord God, yea, behold patiently as Thou art
wont, how carefully the sons of men observe the covenanted
rules of letters and syllables received from those who spake
before them, neglecting the eternal covenant of everlasting
salvation received from Thee. Insomuch, that a teacher or
learner of the hereditary laws of pronunciation will more
offend men by speaking without the aspirate, of a "unian
being," in despite of the laws of grammar, than if he, a
*«Ps. Ixxxvi. 15. »' Ps. xxvii. 8. ^ Rom. i. 21,
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 21
" human being," hate a " human being " in despite of Thine.
As if any enemy could be more hurtful than the hatred with
which he is incensed against him ; or could wound more
deeply him whom he persecutes, than he wounds his own soul
by his enmity. Assuredly no science of letters can be so
innate as the record of conscience, "that he is doing to an-
other what from another he would be loath to suffer." How
deep are Thy ways, O God, Thou only great, that sittcst
silent on high" and by an unwearied law dispensing penal
blindness to lawless desires. In quest of the fame of elo-
quence, a man standing before a human judge, surrounded by
a human throng, declaiming against his enemy with fiercest
hatred, will take heed most watchfully, lest, by an error of
the tongue, he murder the word " human being " ; but takes
no heed, lest, through the fury of his spirit, he murder the
real human being.
This was the world at whose gate unhappy I lay in my
boyhood; this the stage where I had feared more to commit
a barbarism, than having committed one, to envy those who
had not. These things I speak and confess to Thee, my God;
for which I had praise from them, whom I then thought it
all virtue to please. For I saw not the abyss of vileness,
wherein / was cast azvay from Thine eycs.^° Before them
what more foul than I was already, displeasing even such
as myself? with innumerable lies deceiving my tutor, my
masters, my parents, from love of play, eagerness to see vain
shows and restlessness to imitate them ! Thefts also I com-
mitted, from my parents' cellar and table, enslaved by greed-
iness, or that I might have to give to boys, who sold me their
play, which all the while they liked no less than I. In this
play, too. I often sought unfair conquests, conquered myself
meanwhile by vain desire of pre-eminence. And what could
I so ill endure, or, when I detected it, upbraided I so fiercely,
as that I was doing to others? and for which if, detected, I
was upbraided, I chose rather to quarrel than to yield. And
is this the innocence of boyhood? Not so, Lord, not so; I
cry Thy mercy, O my God. For these very sins, as riper
years succeed, these very sins are transferred from tutors
and masters, from nuts and balls and sparrows, to magistrates
»» Is. xxxiii. 3. ** Ps. xxxi. 22.
22 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
and kings, to gold and manors and slaves, just as severer
punishments displace the cane. It was the low stature then
of childhood which Thou our King didst commend as an
emblem of lowliness, when Thou saidst, Of such is the king-
dom of heaven.*^
Yet, Lord, to Thee, the Creator and Governor of the uni-
verse, most excellent and most good, thanks were due to Thee
our God, even hadst Thou destined for me boyhood only.
For even then I was, I lived, and felt; and had implanted
providence over my well-being — a trace of that mysterious
Unity whence I was derived : I guarded by the inward sense
the entireness of my senses, and in these minute pursuits,
and in my thoughts on things minute, I learnt to delight in
truth, I hated to be deceived, had a vigorous memory, was
gifted with speech, was soothed by friendship, avoided pain,
baseness, ignorance. In so small a creature, what was not
wonderful, not admirable? But all are gifts of my God: it
was not I who gave them me ; and good these are, and these
together are myself. Good, then, is He that made me, and
He is my good; and before Him will I exult for every good
which of a boy I had. For it was my sin, that not in Him,
but in His creatures — myself and others — I sought for pleas-
ures, sublimities, truths, and so fell headlong into sorrows,
confusions, errors. Thanks be to Thee, my joy and my glory
and my confidence, my God, thanks be to Thee for Thy gifts ;
but do Thou preserve them to me. For so wilt Thou pre-
serve me, and those things shall be enlarged and perfected
which Thou hast given me, and I myself shall be with Thee,
since even to be Thou hast given me.
"- Matt. xix. 14.
THE SECOND BOOK
Object of these Confe^-sions. Further ills of idleness developed in
his sixteenth year. Evils of ill society, which betrayed him into
theft.
I WILL now call to mind my past foulness, and the
carnal corruptions of my soul ; not because I love them,
but that I may love Thee, O my God. For love of
Thy love I do it; revievi^ing my most wicked ways in the
very bitterness of my remembrance, that Thou mayest grow
sweet unto me (Thou sweetness never failing, Thou blissful
and assured sweetness) ; and gathering me again out of
that my dissipation, wherein I was torn piecemeal, while
turned from Thee, the One Good, I lost myself among a
multiplicity of things. For I even burnt in my youth
heretofore, to be satiated in things below ; and I dared to
grow wild again, with these various and shadowy loves:
my beauty consumed azcay, and I stank in Thine eyes;
pleasing myself, and desirous to please in the eyes of men.
And what was it that I delighted in, but to love, and be
beloved? but I kept not the measure of love, of mind to
mind, friendship's bright boundary: but out of the muddy
concupiscence of the flesh, and the bubblings of youth, mists
fumed up which beclouded and overcast my heart, that I
could not discern the clear brightness of love from the fog
of lustfulness. Both did confusedly boil in me, and hurried
my unstayed youth over the precipice of unholy desires, and
sunk me in a gulf of flagitiousnesses. Thy wrath had
gathered over me, and I knew it not. I was grown deaf by
the clanking of the chain of my mortality, the punishment
of the pride of my soul, and I strayed further from Thee,
and Thou lettest me alone, and I was tossed about, and
wasted, and dissipated, and I boiled over in my fornications,
and Thou heldest Thy peace. O Thou my tardy joy ! Thou
then heldest Thy peace, and T wandered further and further
23
24 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
from Thee, into more and more fruitless seed-plots of sor-
rows, with a proud dejectedness, and a restless weariness.
Oh ! that some one had then attempered my disorder,
and turned to account the fleeting beauties of these, the
extreme points of Thy creation ! had put a bound to their
pleasureableness, that so the tides of my youth might have
cast themselves upon the marriage shore, if they could not
be calmed, and kept within the object of a family, as Thy
law prescribes, O Lord: who this way formest the offspring
of this our death, being able with a gentle hand to blunt
the thorns which were excluded from Thy paradise ? For
Thy omnipotency is not far from us, even when we be far
from Thee. Else ought I more watchfully to have heeded
the voice from the clouds : Nevertheless such shall have
trouble in the flesh, hut I spare you^ And it is good for a
man not to touch a ii'oman.' And, he that is unmarried
thinketh of the things of the Lord, how he may please the
Lord; but he that is married careth for the things of this
world, how he may please his wife.*
To these words I should have listened more attentively,
and being severed for the kingdom of heaven's sake,* had
more happily awaited Thy embraces; but I, poor wretch,
foamed like a troubled sea, following the rushing of my own
tide, forsaking Thee, and exceeded all Thy limits; yet I
escaped not Thy scourges. For what mortal can? For
Thou wert ever with me mercifully rigorous, and besprink-
ling with most bitter alloy all my unlawful pleasures: that
I might seek pleasures without alloy. But where to find
such, I could not discover, save in Thee, O Lord, who
teachest by sorrozv, and woundest us, to heal; and killest
us, lest we die from Thee.' Where was I, and how far was
I exiled from the delights of Thy house, in that sixteenth
year of the age of my flesh, when the madness of lust (to
which human shamelessness giveth free licence, though un-
licensed by Thy laws) took the rule over me, and I resigned
myself wholly to it? My friends meanwhile took no care
by marriage to save my fall; their only care was that I
should learn to speak excellently, and be a persuasive orator.
For that year were my studies intermitted: whilst after
» Cor. vii. 28. » Ver. i. * Ver. 32. 33- * Matt. xix. 12. ^ Deut. xxxii. 29.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 25
my return from Madaura (a neighbour city, whither I had
journeyed to learn grammar and rhetoric), the expenses
for a further journey to Carthage were being provided for
me; and that, rather by the resolution than the means of
my father, who was but a poor freeman of Thagaste. To
whom tell I this? not to Thee, my God; but before Thee
to mine own kind, even to that small portion of mankind as
may light upon these writings of mine. And to what pur-
pose? that whosoever reads this, may think out of what
depths we are to cry unto Thce^ For what is nearer to
Thine ears than a confessing heart, and a life of faith?
Who did not extol my father, for that beyond the ability
of his means, he would furnish his son with all necessaries
for a far journey for his studies' sake? For many far abler
citizens did no such thing for their children. But yet this
same father had no concern how I grew towards Thee, or
how chaste I were; so that I were but copious in speech, how-
ever barren I were to Thy culture, O God, who art the
only true and good Lord of Thy field, my heart.
But while in that my sixteenth year I lived with my
parents, leaving all school for a while (a season of idleness
being interposed through the narrowness of my parents'
fortunes), the briers of unclean desires grew rank over my
head, and there was no hand to root them out. When that
my father saw me at the baths, now growing towards man-
hood, and endued with a restless youthfulness, he, as already
hence anticipating his descendants, gladly told it to my
mother; rejoicing in that tumult of the senses wherein the
world forgetteth Thee its Creator, and becometh enamoured
of Thy creature, instead of Thyself, through the fumes of that
invisible wine of its self-will, turning aside and bowing down
to the very basest things. But in my mother's breast Thou
hadst already begun Thy temple, and the foundation of
Thy holy habitation, whereas my father was as yet but a
catechumen, and that but recently. She then was startled
with a holy fear and trembling; and though I was not as yet
baptised, feared for me those crooked ways in which they
walk who turn their back to Thcc, and not their facc^
Woe is me ! and dare I say that Thou heldest Thy peace,
" Ps. cxxx. I. " Jer. ii. 27.
26 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
O my God, while I wandered further from Thee? Didst
Thou then indeed hold Thy peace to me? And whose but
Thine were these words which by my mother, Thy faithful
one. Thou sangest in my ears? Nothing whereof sunk into
my heart, so as to do it. For she wished, and I remember
in private with great anxiety warned me, " not to commit
fornication; but especially never to defile another man's
wife." These seemed to me womanish advices, which I
should blush to obey. But they were Thine, and I knew it
not: and I thought Thou wert silent and that it was she
who spake; by whom Thou wert not silent unto me; and
in her wast despised by me, her son, the son of Thy hand-
maid, Thy servant.^ But I knew it not; and ran headlong
with such blindness, that amongst my equals I was ashamed
of a less shamelessness, when I heard them boast of their
flagitiousness, yea, and the more boasting, the more they
were degraded : and I took pleasure, not only in the pleasure
of the deed, but in the praise. What is worthy of dispraise
but vice? But I made myself worse than I was, that I
might not be dispraised ; and when in any thing I had not
sinned as the abandoned ones, I would say that I had done
what I had not done, that I might not seem contemptible in
proportion as I was innocent ; or of less account, the more
chaste.
Behold with what companions I walked the streets of
Babylon, and wallowed in the mire thereof, as if in a bed
of spices and precious ointments. And that I might cleave the
faster to its very centre, the invisible enemy trod me down,
and seduced me, for that I was easy to be seduced. Neither
did the mother of my flesh (who had now Hed out of the
centre of Babylon,^ yet went more slowly in the skirts
thereof), as she advised me to chastity, so heed what she
had heard of me from her husband, as to restrain within the
bounds of conjugal affection (if it could not be pared away
to the quick) what she felt to be pestilent at present and for
the future dangerous. She heeded not this, for she feared
lest a wife should prove a clog and hindrance to my hopes.
Not those hopes of the world to come, which my mother re-
posed in Thee; but the hope of learning, which both my
* Ps. cxvi. 1 6. " Jer. li. 6.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 27
parents were too desirous I should attain ; my father, because
he had next to no thought of Thee, and of me but vain con-
ceits ; my mother, because she accounted that those usual
courses of learning would not only be no hindrance, but
even some furtherance towards attaining Thee. For thus
I conjecture, recalling, as well as I may, the disposition of
my parents. The reins, meantime, were slackened to me,
beyond all temper of due severity, to spend my time in
sport, yea, even unto dissoluteness in whatsoever I affected.
And in all was a mist, intercepting from me, O my God,
the brightness of Thy truth ; and mine iniquity burst out
as from 7Jcry fatness.^°
Theft is punished by Thy Law, O Lord, and the law
written in the hearts of men, which iniquity itself effaces
not. For what thief will abide a thief? not even a rich
thief, one stealing through want. Yet I lusted to thieve,
and did it, compelled by no hunger, nor poverty, but through
a cloyedness of well-doing, and a pamperedness of iniquity.
For I stole that, of which I had enough, and much better.
Nor cared I to enjoy what I stole, but joyed in the theft
and sin itself. A pear tree there was near our vineyard,
laden with fruit, tempting neither for colour nor taste.
To shake and rob this, some lewd young fellows of us went,
late one night (having according to our pestilent custom
prolonged our sports in the streets till then), and took huge
loads, not for our eating, but to fling to the very hogs, hav-
ing only tasted them. And this, but to do what we liked
only, because it was misliked. Behold my heart, O God,
behold my heart, which Thou hadst pity upon in the bottom
of the bottomless pit. Now, behold let my heart tell Thee
what it sought there, that I should be gratuitously evil,
having no temptation to ill, but the ill itself. It was foul,
and I loved it ; I loved to perish, I loved mine own fault, not
that for which I was faulty, but my fault itself. Foul soul,
falling from Thy firmanent to utter destruction : not seeking
aught through the shame, but the shame itself !
For there is an attractiveness in beautiful bodies, in gold
and silver, and all things; and in bodily touch, sympathy
hath much influence, and each other sense hath his proper
lops. Ixxiii. 7.
28 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
object answerably tempered. Worldly honour hath also its
grace, and the power of overcoming, and of mastery ; whence
springs also the thirst for revenge. But yet, to obtain all
these, we may not depart from Thee, O Lord, nor decline
from Thy law. The life also which here we live hath its
own enchantment, through a certain proportion of its own,
and a correspondence with all things beautiful here below.
Human friendship also is endeared with a sweet tie by
reason of the unity formed of many souls. Upon occasion
of all these, and the like, is sin committed, while through an
immoderate inclination towards these goods of the lowest
order, the better and higher are forsaken, — Thou, our Lord
God, Thy truth, and Thy law. For these lower things have
their delights, but not like my God, who made all things;
for in Hhn doth the righteous delight, and He is the joy
of the upright in heart.^
When, then, we ask why a crime was done, we believe
it not, unless it appear that there might have been some
desire of obtaining some of those which we called lower
goods, or a fear of losing them. For they are beautiful and
comely ; although compared with those higher and beatific
goods, they be abject and low. A man hath murdered an-
other; why? he loved his wife or his estate; or would rob
for his own livelihood; or feared to lose some such things
by him; or, wronged, was on fire to be revenged. Would
any commit murder upon no cause, delighted simply in mur-
dering? who would believe it? for as for that furious and
savage man, of whom it is said that he was gratuitously
evil and cruel, yet is the cause assigned; "lest" (saith he)
" through idleness hand or heart should grow inactive."
And to what end? that, through that practice of guilt, he
might, having taken the city, attain to honours, empire,
riches, and be freed from fear of the laws, and his embar-
rassments from domestic needs, and consciousness of vil-
lainies. So then, not even Catiline himself loved his own
villainies, but something else, for whose sake he did them.
What then did wretched I so love in thee, thou theft of
mine, thou deed of darkness, in that sixteenth year of my
age? Lovely thou wert not, because thou wert theft. But
^ Ps. Ixiv. 10.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 29
art thou any thing, that thus I speak to thee? Fair were
the pears we stole, because they were Thy creation, Thou
fairest of all, Creator of all, Thou good God; God, the
sovereign good and my true good. Fair were those pears,
but not them did my wretched soul desire ; for I had store
of better, and those I gathered, only that I might steal.
For, when gathered, I flung them away, my only feast
therein being my own sin, which I was pleased to enjoy.
For if aught of those pears came within my mouth,
what sweetened it was the sin. And now, O Lord my God,
I enquire what in that theft delighted me; and behold it
hath no loveliness; I mean not such loveliness as in justice
and wisdom ; nor such as is in the mind and memory, and
senses, and animal life of man; nor yet as the stars are
glorious and beautiful in their orbs; or the earth, or sea,
full of embryo-life, replacing by its birth that which de-
cayeth ; nay, nor even that false and shadowy beauty which
belongeth to deceiving vices.
For so doth pride imitate exaltednees; whereas Thou
alone art God exalted over all. Ambition, what seeks it,
but honours and glory ? whereas Thou alone art to be hon-
oured above all, and glorious for evermore. The cruelty
of the great would fain be feared ; but who is to be feared
but God alone, out of whose power what can be wrested or
withdrawn? when, or where, or whither, or by whom?
The tendernesses of the wanton would fain be counted love :
yet is nothing more tender than Thy charity ; nor is aught
loved more healthfully than that Thy truth, bright and
beautiful above all. Curiosity makes semblance of a desire
of knowledge ; whereas Thou supremely knowest all. Yea,
ignorance and foolishness itself is cloaked under the name
of simplicity and uninjuriousness; because nothing is found
more single than Thee: and what less injurious, since they
are his own works which injure the sinner? Yea, sloth
would fain be at rest ; but what stable rest besides the Lord ?
Luxury affects to be called plenty and abundance; but Thou
art the fulness and never-failing plenteousness of incor-
ruptible pleasures. Prodigality presents a shadow of liber-
ality : but Thou art the most overflowing Giver of all good.
Covetousness would possess many things: and Thou pos-
30 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
sessest all things. Envy disputes for excellency; what more
excellent than Thou? Anger seeks revenge: who revenges
more justly than Thou? Fear startles at things unwonted
and sudden, which endanger things beloved, and takes fore-
thought for their safety; but to Thee what unwonted or
sudden, or who separateth from Thee what Thou lovest?^
Or where but with Thee is unshaken safety? Grief pines
away for things lost, the delight of its desires; because it
would have nothing taken from it, as nothing can from
Thee.
Thus doth the soul commit fornication, when she turns
from Thee, seeking without Thee, what she findeth not
pure and untainted, till she returns to Thee. Thus all per-
vertedly imitate Thee, who remove far from Thee, and lift
themselves up against Thee. But even by thus imitating
Thee, they imply Thee to be the Creator of all nature;
whence there is no place whither altogether to retire from
Thee. What then did I love in that theft? and wherein
did I even corruptly and pervertedly imitate my Lord? Did
I wish even by stealth to do contrary to Thy law, because
by power I could not, so that being a prisoner, I might mimic
a maimed liberty by doing with impunity things unpermitted
me, a darkened likeness of Thy Omnipotency ? Behold, Thy
servant, fleeing from his Lord, and obtaining a shadow." O
rottenness, O monstrousness of life, and depth of death !
could I like what I might not, only because I might not?
What shall I render unto the Lord,^* that, whilst my
memory recalls these things, my soul is not affrighted at
them? / will love Thee, Lord, and thank Thee, and
confess unto Thy name; because Thou hast forgiven me
these so great and heinous deeds of mine. To Thy grace
I ascribe it, and to Thy mercy, that Thou hast melted away
my sins as it were ice. To Thy grace I ascribe also what-
soever I have not done of evil; for what might I not have
done, who even loved a sin for its own sake? Yea, all I
confess to have been forgiven me; both what evils I com-
mitted by own wilfulness, and what by Thy guidance I com-
mitted not. What man is he, who, weighing his own in-
firmity, dares to ascribe his purity and innocency to his
^ Rom. viii. 9. ^^ Jonah i., iv. " Ps. cxvi. 12.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 31
own strength ; that so he should love Thee the less, as if
he had less needed Thy mercy, whereby Thou retnittest sins
to those that turn to Thee? For whosoever, called by Thee,
followed Thy voice, and avoided those things which he
reads me recalling and confessing of myself, let him not
scorn me, who being sick was cured by that Physician,
through whose aid it was that he was not, or rather was
less, sick: and for this let him love Thee as much, yea
and more ; since by whom he sees me to have been recovered
from such deep consumption of sin, by Him he sees himself
to have been from the like consumption of sin preserved.
What fruit had I then (wretched man!) in those things,
of the remembrance zi'hercof I am nozv ashamedf^^ Espe-
cially, in that theft which I loved for the theft's sake ; and
it too was nothing, and therefore the more miserable I, who
loved it. Yet alone I had not done it: such was I then, I re-
member, alone I had never done it. I loved then in it also
the company of the accomplices, with whom I did it? I
did not then love nothing else but the theft, yea rather
I did love nothing else ; for that circumstance of the com-
pany was also nothing. What is, in truth ? who can teach
me, save He that enlighteneth my heart, and discovereth
its dark corners? What is it which hath come into my
mind to enquire, and discuss, and consider? For had I then
loved the pears I stole, and wished to enjoy them, I might
have done it alone, had the bare commission of the theft
sufficed to attain my pleasure ; nor needed I have inflamed
the itching of my desires by the excitement of accomplices.
But since my pleasure was not in those pears, it was in
the offence itself, which the company of fellow-sinners oc-
casioned.
What then was this feeling? For of a truth it was too
foul: and woe was me, who had it. But yet what was it?
Who can understand his errors f^** It was the sport, which
as it were tickled our hearts, that we beguiled those who
little thought what we were doing, and much disliked it.
Why then was my delight of such sort that I did it not
alone? Because none doth ordinarily laugh alone? or-
dinarily no one ; yet laughter sometimes masters men alone
1* Rom. vi. 21. *• Ps. xix. 12.
32 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
and singly when no one whatever is with them, if any thinj
very ludicrous presents itself to their senses or mind. Ye'
I had not done this alone; alone I had never done it. Be-
hold my God, before Thee, the vivid remembrance of mj
soul; alone, I had never committed that theft whereir
what I stole pleased me not, but that I stole; nor had i;
alone liked me to do it, nor had I done it. O friendshij
too unfriendly ! thou incomprehensible inveigler of the soul
thou greediness to do mischief out of mirth and wantonness
thou thirst of others' loss, without lust of my own gain oi
revenge : but when it is said, " Let's go, let's do it," w
are ashamed not to be shameless.
Who can disentangle that twisted and intricate knottinessi
Foul is it : I hate to think on it, to look on it. But Thet
I long for, O Righteousness and Innocency, beautiful anc
comely to all pure eyes, and of a satisfaction unsating
With Thee is rest entire, and life imperturbable. Whose
enters into Thee, enters into the joy of his Lord:^^ and shal
not fear, and shall do excellently in the All-Excellent. ]
sank away from Thee, and I wandered, O my God, too much
astray from Thee my stay, in these days of my youth, anc
I became to myself a barren land.
" Matt. XXV, 21.
THE THIRD BOOK
His residence at Carthage from his seventeenth to his nineteenth
year. Source of his disorders. Love of shows. Advance in
studies, and love of wisdom. Distaste for Scripture. Led astray
to the Manichaeans. Refutation of some of their tenets. Grief
of his mother Monnica at his heresy, and prayers for his conver-
sion. Her vision from God, and answer through a Bishop
TO CARTHAGE I came, where there sang all around
me in my ears a cauldron of unholy loves. I loved not
yet, yet I loved to love, and out of a deep-seated want,
I hated myself for wanting not. I sought what I might love,
in love with loving, and safety I hated, and a way without
snares. For within me was a famine of that inward food,
Thyself, my God; yet, through that famine I was not hun-
gered; but was without all longing for incorruptible suste-
nance, not because filled therewith, but the more empty, the
more I loathed it. For this cause my soul was sickly and
full of sores, it miserably cast itself forth, desiring to be
scraped by the touch of objects of sense. Yet if these had
not a soul, they would not be objects of love. To love then,
and to be beloved, was sweet to me; but more, when I
obtained to enjoy the person I loved. I defiled, therefore,
the spring of friendship with the filth of concupiscence,
and I beclouded its brightness with the hell of lustful-
ness; and thus foul and unseemly, I would fain, through
exceeding vanity, be fine and courtly. I fell headlong then
into the love wherein I longed to be ensnared. My God,
my Mercy, with how much gall didst Thou out of Thy
great goodness besprinkle for me that sweetness ? For
I was both beloved, and secretly arrived at the bond of
enjoying; and was with joy fettered with sorrow-bring-
ing bonds, that I might be scourged with the iron burning
2— HC VII ^^
34 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
rods of jealousy, and suspicion, and fears, and angers,
and quarrels.
Stage-plays also carried me away, full of images of my
miseries, and of fuel to my fire. Why is it, that man desires
to be made sad, beholding doleful and tragical things, which
yet himself would by no means suffer? yet he desires as a
spectator to feel sorrow at them, and this very sorrow is his
pleasure. What is this but a miserable madness? for a man
is the more affected with these actions, the less free he is
from such affections. Howsoever, when he suffers in his own
person, it uses to be styled misery; when he compassionates
others, then it is mercy. But what sort of compassion is
this for feigned and scenical passions? for the auditor is not
called on to relieve, but only to grieve : and he applauds the
actor of these fictions the more, the more he grieves. And
if the calamities of those persons (whether of old times, or
mere fiction) be so acted, that the spectator is not moved to
tears, he goes away disgusted and criticising; but if he be
moved to passion, he stays intent, and weeps for joy.
Are griefs then too loved? Verily all desire joy. Or
whereas no man likes to be miserable, is he yet pleased to
be merciful ? which because it cannot be without passion, for
this reason alone are passions loved? This also springs
from that vein of friendship. But whither goes that vein?
whither flows it ? wherefore runs it into that torrent of pitch
bubbling forth those monstrous tides of foul lustfulness, into
which it is wilfully changed and transformed, being of its
own will precipitated and corrupted from its heavenly
clearness? Shall compassion then be put away? by no
means. Be griefs then sometimes loved. But beware of
uncleanness, O my soul, under the guardianship of my God,
the God of our fathers, who is to be praised and exalted above
all for ever^ beware of uncleanness. For I have not now
ceased to pity; but then in the theatres I rejoiced with lovers
when they wickedly enjoyed one another, although this was
imaginary only in the play. And when they lost one another,
as if very compassionate, I sorrowed with them, yet had my
delight in both. But now I much more pity him that re-
joiceth in his wickedness, than him who is thought to suffer
* Song of the Three Children, ver. 3.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 35
hardship, by hissing some pernicious pleasure, and the loss
of some miserable felicity. This certainly is the truer mercy,
but in it grief delights not. For though he that grieves for
the miserable, be commended for his office of charity; yet
had he, who is genuinely compassionate, rather there were
nothing for him to grieve for. For if good will be ill willed
(which can never be), then may he, who truly and sincerely
commiserates, wish there might be some miserable, that he
might commiserate. Some sorrow may then be allowed,
none loved. For thus dost Thou, O Lord God, who lovest
souls far more purely than we, and hast more incorruptibly
pity on them, yet are wounded with no sorrowfulness. And
who is sufficient for these things ?-
But I, miserable, then loved to grieve, and sought out what
to grieve at, when in another's and that feigned and person-
ated misery, that acting best pleased me, and attracted me
the most vehemently, which drew tears from me. What
marvel that an unhappy sheep straying from Thy flock, and
impatient of Thy keeping, I became infected with a foul dis-
ease ? And hence the love of griefs ; not such as should sink
deep into me ; for I loved not to suffer, what I loved to look
on; but such as upon hearing their fictions should lightly
scratch the surface; upon which, as on envenomed nails,
followed inflamed swelling, impostumes, and a putrified sore!
My life being such, was it life, O my God?
And Thy faithful mercy hovered over me afar. Upon
how grievous iniquities consumed I myself, pursuing a sacri-
legious curiosity, that having forsaken Thee, it might bring
me to the treacherous abyss, and the beguiling service of
devils, to whom I sacrificed my evil actions, and in all these
things Thou didst scourge me! I dared even, while Thy
solemnities were celebrated within the walls of Thy church,
to desire, and to compass a business deserving death for its
fruits, for which Thou scourgedst me with grievous punish-
ments, though nothing to my fault, O Thou my exceeding
mercy, my God, my refuge from those terrible destroyers,
among whom I wandered with a stiff neck, withdrawing
further from Thee, loving mine own ways, and not Thine;
loving a vagrant liberty.
- 2 Cor. ii. i6.
36 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
Those studies also, which were accounted commendable,
had a view to excelling in the courts of litigation; the more
bepraised, the craftier. Such is men's blindness, glorying
even in their blindness. And now I was chief in the rhetoric
school, whereat I joyed proudly, and I swelled with arro-
gancy, though (Lord, Thou knowest) far quieter and alto-
gether removed from the subvertings of those " Subverters "
(for this ill-omened and devilish name was the very badge
of gallantry) among whom I lived, with a shameless shame
that I was not even as they. With them I lived, and was
sometimes delighted with their friendship, whose doings I
ever did abhor — i. e., their " subvertings," wherewith they
wantonly persecuted the modesty of strangers, which they
disturbed by a gratuitous jeering, feeding thereon their
malicious mirth. Nothing can be liker the very actions of
devils than these. What then could they be more truly
called than " subverters " ? themselves subverted and alto-
gether perverted first, the deceiving spirits secretly deriding
and seducing them, wherein themselves delight to jeer at,
and deceive others.
Among such as these, in that unsettled age of mine, learned
I books of eloquence, wherein I desired to be eminent, out
of a damnable and vainglorious end, a joy in human van-
ity. In the ordinary course of study, I fell upon a certain
book of Cicero^ whose speech almost all admire, not so his
heart. This book of his contains an exhortation to philos-
ophy, and is called " Hortensitis." But this book altered
my affections, and turned my prayers to Thyself, O Lord;
and made me have other purposes and desires. Every vain
hope at once became worthless to me ; and I longed with
an incredibly burning desire for an immortality of wisdom,
and began now to arise, that I might return to Thee. For
not to sharpen my tongue (which thing I seemed to be pur-
chasing with my mother's allowances, in that my nineteenth
year, my father being dead two years before), not to sharpen
my tongue did I employ that book; nor did it infuse into
me its style, but its matter.
How did I burn then, my God, how did I burn to re-mount
from earthly things to Thee, nor knew I what Thou wouldst
do with me? For with Thee is wisdom. But the love of
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 37
wisdom is in Greek called " philosophy," with which that book
inflamed me. Some there be that seduce through philosophy,
under a great, and smooth, and honourable name colouring
and disguising their own errors: and almost all who in that
and former ages were such, are in that book censured and
set forth: there also is made plain that wholesome advice
of Thy Spirit, by Thy good and devout servant : Beware lest
any man spoil yon through philosophy and vain deceit, after
the tradition of meti, after the rudiments of the world, and
not after Christ. For in Him dwelleth all the fulness of the
Godhead bodily.^ And since at that time (Thou, O light of
my heart, knowest) Apostolic Scripture was not known to
me, I was delighted with that exhortation, so far only, that
I was thereby strongly roused, and kindled, and inflamed to
love, and seek, and obtain, and hold, and embrace not this
or that sect, but wisdom itself whatever it were ; and this
alone checked me thus enkindled, that the name of Christ
was not in it. For this name, according to Thy mercy, O
Lord, this name of my Saviour Thy Son, had my tender
heart, even with my mother's milk, devoutly drunk in, and
deeply treasured; and whatsoever was without that name,
though never so learned, polished, or true, took not entire
hold of me.
I resolved then to bend my mind to the holy Scriptures,
that I might see what they were. But behold, I see a thing not
understood by the proud, nor laid open to children, lowly
in access, in its recesses lofty, and veiled with mysteries;
and I was not such as could enter into it, or stoop my neck
to follow its steps. For not as I now speak, did I feel when
I turned to those Scriptures ; but they seemed to me unworthy
to be compared to the stateliness of Tully: for my swelling
pride shrunk from their lowliness, nor could my sharp wit
pierce the interior thereof. Yet were they such as would
grow up in a little one. But I disdained to be a little one;
and, swollen with pride, took myself to be a great one.
Therefore I fell among men proudly doting, exceeding
carnal and prating, in whose mouths were the snares of the
Devil, limed with the mixture of the syllables of Thy name,
and of our Lord Jesus Christ, and of the Holy Ghost, the
3 Col. ii. 8, 9.
38 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
Paraclete, our Comforter. These names departed not out of
their mouth, but so far forth as the sound only and the
noise of the tongue, for the heart was void of truth. Yet
they cried out " Truth, Truth," and spake much thereof to
me, yet it was not in them:* but they spake falsehood, not of
Thee only (who truly art Truth), but even of those elements
of this world. Thy creatures. And I indeed ought to have
passed by even philosophers who spake truth concerning
them, for love of Thee, my Father, supremely good, Beauty
of all things beautiful. O Truth, Truth, how inwardly did
even then the marrow of my soul pant after Thee, when
they often and diversly, and in many and huge books, echoed
of Thee to me, though it was but an echo? And these were
the dishes wherein to me, hungering after Thee, they, in-
stead of Thee^ served up the Sun and Moon, beautiful works
of Thine, but yet Thy works, not Thyself, no nor Thy first
works. For Thy spiritual works are before these corporeal
works, celestial though they be, and shining. But I hun-
gered and thirsted not even after those first works of Thine,
but after Thee Thyself, the Truth, in whom is no variableness,
neither shadow of turning:^ yet they still set before me in
those dishes, glittering fantasies, than which better were it
to love this very sun (which is real to our sight at least),
than those fantasies which by our eyes deceive our mind.
Yet because I thought them to be Thee, I fed thereon ; not
eagerly, for Thou didst not in them taste to me as Thou art ;
for Thou wast not these emptinesses, nor was I nourished by
them, but exhausted rather. Food in sleep shows very like
our food awake ; yet are not those asleep nourished by it,
for they are asleep. But those were not even any way like
to Thee, as Thou hast now spoken to me ; for those were
corporeal fantasies, false bodies, than which these true bodies,
celestial or terrestrial, which with our fleshly sight we be-
hold, are far more certain : these things the beasts and birds
discern as well as we, and they are more certain than when
we fancy them. And again, we do with more certainty
fancy them, than by them conjecture other vaster and infinite
bodies which have no being. Such empty husks was I then
fed on ; and was not fed. But Thou, my soul's Love, in look-
* I John ii. 4. 5 James i. 17.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 39
ing for whom I fail^ that I may become strong, art neither
those bodies which we see, though in heaven ; nor those
which we see not there ; for Thou hast created them, nor
dost Thou account them among the chiefest of Thy works.
How far then art Thou from those fantasies of mine, fan-
tasies of bodies which altogether are not, than which the
images of those bodies, which are, are far more certain, and
more certain still the bodies themselves, which yet Thou art
not; no, nor the soul, which is the life of the bodies. So then,
better and more certain is the life of the bodies than the
bodies. But Thou art the life of souls, the life of lives,
having life in Thyself; and changest not, life of my soul.
Where then wert Thou then to me, and how far from
me? Far verily was I straying from Thee, barred from
the very husks of the swine, whom with husks I fed. For
how much better are the fables of poets and grammarians
than these snares ? For verses, and poems, and " Medea
flying," are more profitable truly than these men's five ele-
ments, variously disguised, answering to five dens of dark-
ness which have no being, yet slay the believer. For verses
and poems I can turn to true food, and " Medea flying,"
though I did sing, I maintained not ; though I heard it sung,
I believed not : but those things I did believe. Woe, woe.
by what steps was I brought down to the depths of hell T toil-
ing and turmoiling through want of Truth, since I sought
after Thee, my God (to Thee I confess it, who hadst mercy
on me, not as yet confessing), not according to the under-
standing by the mind, wherein Thou willedst that I should
excel the beasts, but according to the sense of the flesh.
But Thou wcrt more inward to me, than my most inward part ;
and higher than my highest. I lighted upon that bold woman,
simple and kuoweth nothing, shadowed out in Solomon, sit-
ting at the door, and saying, Eat ye bread of secrecies will-
ingly, and drink ye stolen waters which are sweet '^ she
seduced me, because she found my soul dwelling abroad in
the eye of my flesh, and ruminating on such food as through
it I had devoured.
For other than this, that which really is I knew not ; and
was, as it were through sharpness of wit, persuaded to assent
• Ps. Ixix. 3. '' Prov. ix. i8. * Prov. ix. 13-17.
40 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
to foolish deceivers, when they asked me, " whence is evil ? "
" is God bounded by a bodily shape, and has hairs and nails? "
" are they to be esteemed righteous who had many wives at
once, and did kill men, and sacrificed living creatures?"* At
which I, in my ignorance, was much troubled, and departing
from the truth, seemed to myself to be making towards it;
because as yet I knew not that evil was nothing but a priva-
tion of good, until at last a thing ceases altogether to be;
which how should I see, the sight of whose eyes reached
only to bodies, and of my mind to a phantasm? And I
knew not God to be a Spirit^" not one who hath parts ex-
tended in length and breadth, or whose being was bulk; for
every bulk is less in a part than in the whole : and if it be
infinite, it must be less in such part as is defined by a certain
space, than in its infinitude ; and so is not wholly every
where, as Spirit, as God. And what that should be in us,
by which we were like to God, and might in Scripture be
rightly said to be after the image of God^^ I was altogether
ignorant.
Nor knew I that true inward righteousness which judgeth
not according to custom, but out of the most rightful law
of God Almighty, whereby the ways of places and times were
disposed according to those times and places; itself mean-
time being the same always and every where, one thing in
one place, and another in another ; according to which Abra-
ham, and Isaac, and Jacob, and Moses, and David, were
righteous, and all those commended by the mouth of God;
but were judged unrighteous by silly men, judging out of
man's judgment^' and measuring by their own petty habits,
the moral habits of the whole human race. As if in an
armory, one ignorant what were adapted to each part should
cover his head with greaves, or seek to be shod with a helmet,
and complain that they fitted not : or as if on a day when busi-
ness is publicly stopped in the afternoon, one were angered
at not being allowed to keep open shop, because he had been
in the forenoon; or when in one house he observeth some
servant take a thing in his hand, which the butler is not
suffered- to meddle with; or something permitted out of
doors, which is forbidden in the dining-room; and should
» I Kings xviii. 40. " John iv. 24. " Gen. i. 27. ^ i Cor. iv. 3.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 41
be angry, that in one house, and one family, the same thing
is not allotted every where, and to all. Even such are they
who are fretted to hear something to have been lawful for
righteous men formerly, which now is not ; or that God, for
certain temporal respects, commanded them one thing, and
these another, obeying both the same righteousness : whereas
they see, in one man, and one day, and one house, different
things to be fit for different members, and a thing formerly
lawful, after a certain time not so ; in one corner permitted
or commanded, but in another rightly forbidden and punished.
Is justice therefore various or mutable? No. but the times,
over which it presides, flow not evenly, because they are
times. But men whose days arc fciv upon the carth^^ for
that by their senses they cannot harmonise the causes of
things in former ages and other nations, which they had no
experience of, with these which they have experience of,
whereas in one and the same body, day, or family, they
easily see what is fitting for each member, and season, part,
and person ; to the one they take exceptions, to the other
they submit.
These things I then knew not. nor observed ; they struck
my sight on all sides, and I saw them not. I indited verses,
in which I might not place every foot every where, but dif-
ferently in different metres; nor even in any one metre the
self-same foot in all places. Yet the art itself, by which I
indited, had not dift'erent principles for these different cases,
but comprised all in one. Still I saw not how that righteous-
ness, which good and holy men obeyed, did far more ex-
cellently and sublimely contain in one all those things which
God commanded, and in no part varied ; although in varying
times it prescribed not every thing at once, but apportioned
and enjoined what was fit for each. And I, in my blindness,
censured the holy Fathers, not only wherein they made use
of things present as God commanded and inspired them,
but also wherein they were foretelling things to come, as
God was revealing in them.
Can it at any time or place be unjust to love God ivith all
his heart, with all his soul, and u'ith all his mind; and his
neighbour as himself f^* Therefore are those foul offences
"Job xiv. I. 1* Matt. xxii. 37-39.
42 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
which be against nature, to be every where and at all times
detested and punished : such as were those of the men of Sod-
om ; which should all nations commit, they should all stand
guilty of the same crime, by the law of God, which hath not so
made men that they should so abuse one another. For even
that intercourse which should be between God and us is
violated, when that same nature, of which He is Author,
is polluted by perversity of lust. But those actions which are
offences against the customs of men, are to be avoided accord-
ing to the customs severally prevailing; so that a thing
agreed upon, and confirmed, by custom or law of any city
or nation, may not be violated at the lawless pleasure of any,
whether native or foreigner. For any part which harmon-
iseth not with its whole, is offensive. But when God com-
mands a thing to be done, against the customs or compact of
any people, though it were never by them done heretofore,
it is to be done; and if intermitted, it is to be restored;
and if never ordained, is now to be ordained. For lawful
if it be for a king, in the state which he reigns over, to com-
mand that which no one before him. nor he himself hereto-
fore, had commanded, and to obey him cannot be against
the common weal of the state (nay, it were against it if he
were not obeyed, for to obey princes is a general compact
of human society) ; how much more unhesitatingly ought we
to obey God, in all which He commands, the Ruler of all
His creatures ! For as among the powers in man's society,
the greater authority is obeyed in preference to the lesser,
so must God above all.
So in acts of violence, where there is a wish to hurt,
whether by reproach or injury; and these either for revenge,
as one enemy against another; or for some profit belonging
to another, as the robber to the traveller; or to avoid some
evil, as towards one who is feared; or through envy, as one
less fortunate to one more so, or one well thriven in any
thing, to him whose being on a par with himself he fears,
or grieves at. or for the mere pleasure at another's pain,
as spectators of gladiators, or deriders and mockers of others.
These be the heads of iniquity, which spring from the lust
of the flesh, of the eye,^^ or of rule, either singly, or two
^ 1 John ii. 1 6.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 43
combined, or all together; and so do men live ill against the
three, and seven, that psaltery of ten strings,^" Thy Ten Com-
mandments, O God, most high, and most sweet. But what
foul offences can there be against Thee, who canst not be
defiled? or what acts of violence against Thee, who canst
not be harmed? But Thou avengest what men commit
against themselves, seeing also when they sin against Thee,
they do wickedly against their own souls, and iniquity gives
itself the lie," by corrupting and perverting their nature,
which Thou hast created and ordained, or by an immoderate
use of things allowed, or in burning in things unallowed, to
that use zvhich is against nature :^^ or are found guilty, rag-
ing with heart and tongue against Thee, kicking against the
pricks :^^ or when, bursting the pale of human society, they
boldly joy in self-willed combinations or divisions, according
as they have any object to gain or subject of offence. And
these things are done when Thou art forsaken, O Fountain
of Life, who art the only and true Creator and Governor of
the Universe, and by a self-willed pride, any one false thing
is selected therefrom and loved. So then by a humble devout-
ness we return to Thee ; and Thou cleansest us from our
evil habits, and art merciful to their sins who confess, and
hearest the groaning of the prisoner,'^ and loosest us from
the chains which we made for ourselves, if we lift not up
against Thee the horns of an unreal liberty, suffering the
loss of all through covetousness of more, by loving more
our own private good than Thee, the Good of all.
Amidst these offences of foulness and violence, and so
many iniquities, are sins of men, who are on the whole
making proficency; which by those that judge rightly,
are, after the rule of perfection, discommended, yet the per-
sons commended, upon hope of future fruit, as in the green
blade of growing corn. And there are some, resemlDling
offences of foulness or violence, which yet are no sins; be-
cause they offend neither Thee, our Lord God, nor human
society; when, namely, things fitting for a given period are
obtained for the service of life, and we know not whether
out of a lust of having; or when things are, for the sake
"Ps. cxliv. o. '" Ps. x.wi I?.— \'ulg. "Rom. i.
10 Acts ix. s. a> Ps. cii. 20.
44 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
of correction, by constituted authority punished, and we
know not whether out of a lust of hurting. Many an action
then which in men's sight is disapproved, is by Thy testi-
mony approved; and many, by men praised are (Thou being
witness) condemned: because the show of the action, and
the mind of the doer, and the unknown exigency of the
period, severally vary. But when Thou on a sudden com-
mandest an unwonted and unthought of thing, yea, although
Thou hast sometime forbidden it, and still for the time
hidest the reason of Thy command, and it be against the
ordinance of some society of men, who doubts but it is to
be done, seeing that society of men is just which serves
Thee ? But blessed are they who know Thy commands !
For all things were done by Thy servants ; either to show
forth something needful for the present, or to foreshow
things to come.
These things I being ignorant of, scoffed at those Thy
holy servants and prophets. And what gained I by scoffing
at them, but to be scoffed at by Thee, being insensibly and
step by step drawn on to those follies, as to believe that a
fig-tree wept when it was plucked, and the tree, its mother,
shed milky tears? Which fig notwithstanding (plucked by
some other's, not his own, guilt) had some (Manichsean)
saint eaten, and mingled with his bowels, he should breathe
out of it angels, yea, there shall burst forth particles of
divinity, at every moan or groan in his prayer, which
particles of the most high and true God had remained bound
in that fig, unless they had been set at liberty by the teeth
or belly of some " Elect " saint ! And I, miserable, believed
that more mercy was to be shown to the fruits of the earth
than men, for whom they were created. For if any one an
hungered, not a Manichjean, should ask for any, that morsel
would seem as it were condemned to capital punishment,
which should be given him.
And Thou scntest Thine hand from ahove^ and drewest
my soul out of that profound darkness, my mother, thy faith-
ful one, weeping to Thee for me, more than mothers weep
the bodily deaths of their children. For she, by that faith
and spirit which she had from Thee, discerned the death
^ Ps. cxliv. 7.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 45
wherein I lay, and Thou heardest her, O Lord; Thou
heardest her, and despisedst not her tears, when streaming
down, they watered the ground under her eyes in every place
where she prayed, yea Thou heardest her. For whence
was that dream whereby Thou comfortedst her; so that she
allowed me to live with her, and to eat at the same table
in the house, which she had begun to shrink from, abhorring
and detesting the blasphemies of my error? For she saw
herself standing on a certain wooden rule, and a shining
youth coming towards her, cheerful and smiling upon her,
herself grieving, and overwhelmed with grief. But he hav-
ing (in order to instruct, as is their wont not to be in-
structed) enquired of her the causes of her grief and daily
tears, and she answering that she was bewailing my per-
dition, he bade her rest contented, and told her to look and
observe, " That where she was, there was I also." And
when she looked, she saw me standing by her in the same
rule. Whence was this, but that Thine ears were towards
her heart? O Thou Good omnipotent, who so carest for
every one of us, as if Thou caredst for him only; and so
for all, as if they were but one !
Whence was this also, that when she had told me this
vision, and I would fain bend it to mean, " That she rather
should not despair of being one day what I was ; " she
presently, without any hesitation, replies: "No; for it was
not told me that, 'where he, there thou also;' but 'where
thou, there he also '" ? I confess to Thee, O Lord, that to
the best of my remembrance (and I have oft spoken of this),
that Thy answer, through my waking mother, — that she was
not perplexed by the plausibility of my false interpretation,
and so quickly saw what was to be seen, and which I cer-
tainly had not perceived before she spake. — even then moved
me more than the dream itself, by which a joy to the holy
woman, to be fulfilled so long after, was, for the consola-
tion of her present anguish, so long before foresignified. For
almost nine years passed, in which I wallowed in the mire
of that deep pit, and the darkness of falsehood, often assay-
ing to rise, but dashed down the more grievously. All which
time that chaste, godly and sober widow (such as Thou
lovest), now more cheered with hope, yet no whit relaxing
46 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
in her weeping and mourning, ceased not at all hours of
her devotions to bewail my case unto Thee. And her
prayers entered into Thy presence;^ and yet Thou sufferest
me to be yet involved and reinvolved in that darkness.
Thou gavest her meantime another answer, which I call
to mind ; for much I pass by, hasting to those things which
more press me to confess unto Thee, and much I do not
remember. Thou gavest her then another answer, by a
Priest of Thine, a certain Bishop brought up in Thy Church,
and well studied in Thy books. Whom when this woman
had entreated to vouchsafe to converse with me, refute
my errors, unteach me ill things, and teach me good things
(for this he was wont to do, when he found persons fitted
to receive it), he refused, wisely, as I afterwards perceived.
For he answered, that I was yet unteachable, being puffed
up with the novelty of that heresy, and had already perplexed
divers unskilful persons with captious questions, as she had
told him: "but let him alone a while" (saith he), "only
pray God for him, he will of himself by reading find what
that error is, and how great its impiety." At the same time
he told her, how himself, when a little one, had by his
seduced mother been consigned over to the Manichees, and
had not only read, but frequently copied out almost all, their
books, and had (without any argument or proof from any
one) seen how much that sect was to be avoided; and had
avoided it. Which when he had said, and she would not be
satisfied, but urged him more, with entreaties and many
tears, that he would see me and discourse with me; he,
a little displeased at her importunity, saith, " Go thy ways,
and God bless thee, for it is not possible that the son of
these tears should perish." Which answer she took (as
she often mentioned in her conversations with me) as if it
had sounded from heaven.
^ Ps. Ixxxviii. I.
THE FOURTH BOOK
Augustine's life from nineteen to eight-and-twenty; himself a Mani-
chaean, and seducing others to the same heresy ; partial obedience
amidst vanity and sin, consulting astrologers, only partially shaken
herein ; loss of an early friend, who is converted by being bap-
tised when in a swoon ; reflections on grief, on real and unreal
friendship, and love of fame ; writes on "the fair and fit," yet
cannot rightly, though God had given him great talents, since he
entertained wrong notions of God ; and so even his knowledge
he applied ill
FOR this space of nine years then (from my nineteenth
year to my eight-and-twentieth) we lived seduced and
seducing, deceived and deceiving, in divers lusts ;
openly, by sciences which they call liberal ; secretly, with
a false-named religion; here proud, there superstitious,
every where vain ! Here, hunting after the emptiness of
popular praise, down even to theatrical applauses, and poetic
prizes, and strifes for grassy garlands, and the follies of
shows, and the intemperance of desires. There, desiring to
be cleansed from these defilements, by carrying food to those
who were called " elect " and " holy," out of which, in
the workhouse of their stomachs, they should forge for us
Angels and Gods, by whom we might be cleansed. These
things did I follow, and practise with my friends, deceived
by me, and with me. Let the arrogant mock me, and such
as have not been, to their soul's health, stricken and cast
down by Thee, O my God ; but I would still confess to Thee
mine own shame in Thy praise. Suffer me, I beseech Thee,
and give me grace to go over in my present remembrance
the wanderings of my forepassed time, and to offer unto
Thcc the saerifiee of thanksgiving} For what am T to
myself without Thee, but a guide to mine own downfall ? or
1 Ps. xlix. 14.
47
48 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
what am I even at the best, but an infant sucking the milk
Thou givest, and feeding upon Thee, the food that perisheth
not?' But what sort of man is any man, seeing he is but
a man? Let now the strong and the mighty laugh at us, but
let us poor and needy^ confess unto Thee.
In those years I taught rhetoric, and, overcome by cupid-
ity, made sale of a loquacity to overcome by. Yet I preferred
(Lord, Thou knowest) honest scholars (as they are ac-
counted), and these I, without artifice, taught artifices, not
to be practised against the life of the guiltless, though some-
times for the life of the guilty. And Thou, O God, from afar
perceivedst me stumbling in that slippery course, and amid
much smoke sending out some sparks of faithfulness, which
I showed in that my guidance of such as loved vanity, and
sought after leasing,* myself their companion. In those
years I had one, — not in that which is called lawful mar-
riage, but whom I had found out in a wayward passion, void
of understanding; yet but one, remaining faithful even to
her ; in whom I in my own case experienced what difference
there is betwixt the self-restraint of the marriage-covenant,
for the sake of issue, and the bargain of a lustful love, where
children are born against their parents' will, although, once
born, they constrain love.
I remember also, that when I had settled to enter the
lists for a theatrical prize, some wizard asked me what
I would give him to win; but I, detesting and abhorring
such foul mysteries, answered, " Though the garland were
of imperishable gold, I would not suffer a fly to be killed
to gain me it." For he was to kill some living creatures in
his sacrifices, and by those honours to invite the devils to
favour me. But this ill also I rejected, not out of a pure
love for Thee, O God of my heart; for I knew not how to
love Thee, who knew not how to conceive aught beyond a
material brightness. And doth not a soul, sighing after such
fictions, commit fornication against Thee, trust in things
unreal, and feed the wind?^ Still I would not forsooth have
sacrifices offered to devils for me, to whom I was sacrificing
myself by that superstition. For what else is it to feed the
'John vi. 2j. » Ps. Ixxiii. 21. * Is. xlii. s; Matt. xii. 20; Ps. iv. 2.
^ Hos. xii. I.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 49
wind, but to feed them, that is, by going astray to become
their pleasure and derision?
Those impostors then, whom they style Mathematicians,
I consulted without scruple ; because they seemed to use no
sacrifice, nor to pray to any spirit for their divinations:
which art, however. Christian and true piety consistently
rejects and condemns. For, it is a good thing to confess
unto Thee, and to say, Have mercy upon me, heal my
soul, for I have sinned against Thee/' and not to abuse Thy
mercy for a licence to sin, but to remember the Lord's words,
Behold, thou art made wJwle, sin no more, lest a worse
thing come unto theeJ All which wholesome advice they
labour to destroy, saying, " The cause of thy sin is inevitably
determined in heaven ; " and " This did Venus, or Saturn,
or Mars : " that man, forsooth, flesh and blood, and proud cor-
ruption, might be blameless; while the Creator and Ordainer
of heaven and the stars is to bear the blame. And who is He
but our God? the very sweetness and well-spring of right-
eousness, who rendcrcst to every man according to his works:
and a broken and contrite heart wilt Thou not despise.^
There was in those days a wise man, very skilful in physic,
and renowned therein, who had with his own proconsular
hand put the Agonistic garland upon my distempered head,
but not as a physician : for this disease Thou only curest,
ivho rcsistcst the proud, and givcst grace to the humble*
But didst Thou fail me even by that old man, or forbear
to heal my soul? For having become more acquainted with
him, and hanging assiduously and fixedly on his speech
(for though in simple terms, it was vivid, lively, and ear-
nest), when he had gathered by my discourse that I was
given to the books of nativity-casters, he kindly and fatherly
advised me to cast them away, and not fruitlessly bestow
a care and diligence, necessary for useful things, upon these
vanities; saying, that he had in his earliest years studied
that art, so as to make it the profession whereby he should
live, and that, understanding Hippocrates, he could soon
have understood such a study as this; and yet he had given
it over, and taken to physic, for no other reason but that
•Ps. xli. 4. ■'John V. 14. s Rorn. ii. 6; Matt. xvi. :;7; I's. li. 17-
» I Pet. V. 5 ; Jam. iv. 6.
50 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
he found it utterly false ; and he, a grave man, would not
get his living by deluding people. " But thou," saith he,
" hast rhetoric to maintain thyself by, so that thou followest
this of free choice, not of necessity : the more then oughtest
thou to give me credit herein, who laboured to acquire it so
perfectly as to get my living by it alone." Of whom when
I had demanded, how then could many true things be fore-
told by it, he answered me (as he could) "that the force
of chance, diffused throughout the whole order of things,
brought this about. For if when a man by haphazard opens
the pages of some poet, who sang and thought of something
wholly different, a verse oftentimes fell out, wondrously
agreeable to the present business: it were not to be won-
dered at, if out of the soul of man, unconscious what takes
place in it, by some higher instinct an answer should be
given, by hap, not by art, corresponding to the business and
actions of the demander."
And thus much, either from or through him, Thou con-
veyedst to me, and tracedst in my memory, what I might
hereafter examine for myself. But at that time neither he,
nor my dearest Nebridius, a youth singularly good and of
a holy fear, who derided the whole body of divination, could
persuade me to cast it aside, the authority of the authors
swaying me yet more, and as yet I had found no certain
proof (such as I sought) whereby it might without all doubt
appear, that what had been truly foretold by those consulted
was the result of haphazard, not of the art of the star-gazers.
In those years when I first began to teach rhetoric in
my native town, I had made one my friend, but too dear to
me, from a community of pursuits, of mine own age, and,
as myself, in the first opening flower of youth. He had
grown up a child with me, and we had been both school-
fellows and play-fellows. But he was not yet my friend as
afterwards, nor even then, as true friendship is ; for true
it cannot be, unless in such as Thou cementest together,
cleaving unto Thee, by that love which is shed abroad in our
hearts by the Holy Ghost, which is given unto us.^" Yet
was it but too sweet, ripened by the warmth of kindred
studies: for, from the true faith (which he as a youth had
"Rom. V. 5.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 51
not soundly and thoroughly imbibed), I had warped him
also to those superstitious and pernicious fables, for which
my mother bewailed me. With me he now erred in mind,
nor could my soul be without him. But behold Thou wert
close on the steps of Thy fugitives, at once God of ven-
geance^ and Fountain of mercies, turning us to Thyself
by wonderful means; Thou tookest that man OMt of this
life, when he had scarce filled up one whole year of my
friendship, sweet to me above all sweetness of that my life.
IVho can recount all Thy praises^' which he hath felt
in his one self? What diddest Thou then, my God, and
how unsearchable is the abyss of Thy judgments?^^ For
long, sore sick of a fever, he lay senseless in a death-sweat ;
and his recovery being despaired of, he was baptised, un-
knowing; myself meanwhile little regarding, and presum-
ing that his soul would retain rather what it had received
of me, not what was wrought on his unconscious body. But
it proved far otherwise; for he was refreshed, and restored.
Forthwith, as soon as I could speak with him (and I could,
so soon as he was able, for I never left him, and we hung
but too much upon each other), I essayed to jest with him,
as though he would jest with me at that baptism which he
had received, when utterly absent in mind and feeling, but
had now understood that he had received. But he so shrunk
from me, as from an enemy ; and with a wonderful and
sudden freedom bade me, as I would continue his friend,
forbear such language to him. I, all astonished and amazed,
suppressed all my emotions till he should grow well, and his
health were strong enough for me to deal with him as I
would. But he was taken away from my frenzy, that with
Thee he might be preserved for my comfort; a few days
after, in my absence, he was attacked agnin by the fever,
and so departed.
At this grief my heart was utterly darkened; and what-
ever I beheld was death. iSIy native country was a torment
to me, and my father's house a strange unhappiness; and
whatever I had shared with him, wanting him, became a
distracting torture. Mine eyes sought him every where,
but he was not granted them : and I hated all places, for
" Ps. xciv. I. " Ps. cvi. 2. "Ps. xxxvi. 2.
52 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
that they had not him; nor could they now tell me, "he is
coming," as when he was alive and absent. I became a great
riddle to myself, and I asked my soul, zvhy she was so sad,
and zvhy she disquieted me sorely i^"^ but she knew not what
to answer me. And if I said, Trust in God, she very rightly
obeyed me not; because that most dear friend, whom she
had lost, was, being man, both truer and better than that
phantasm she was bid to trust in. Only tears were sweet
to me, for they succeeded my friend, in the dearest of my
affections.
And now, Lord, these things are passed by, and time hath
assuaged my wound. May I learn from Thee, who art
Truth, and approach the ear of my heart unto Thy mouth,
that Thou mayest tell me why weeping is sweet to the mis-
erable? Hast Thou, although present every where, cast
away our misery far from Thee? And Thou abidest in
Thyself, but we are tossed about in divers trials. And
yet unless we mourned in Thine ears, we should have no
hope left. Whence then is sweet fruit gathered from the
bitterness of life, from groaning, tears, sighs, and com-
plaints? Doth this sweeten it, that we hope Thou hearest?
This is true of prayer, for therein is a longing to approach
unto Thee. But is it also in grief for a thing lost, and
the sorrow wherewith I was then overwhelmed? For I
neither hoped he should return to life nor did I desire this
with my tears ; but I wept only and grieved. For I was
miserable, and had lost my joy. Or is weeping indeed a
bitter thing, and for very loathing of the things which we
before enjoyed, does it then, when we shrink from them,
please us?
But what speak I of these things? for now is no time to
question, but to confess unto Thee. Wretched I was; and
wretched is every soul bound by the friendship of perishable
things; he is torn asunder when he loses them, and then
he feels the wretchedness which he had ere yet he lost them.
So was it then with me; I wept most bitterly, and found
my repose in bitterness. Thus was I wretched, and that
wretched life I held dearer than my friend. For though I
would willingly have changed it, yet was I more unwilling
'* Ps. xlii. 5.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE S3
to part with it than with him; yea, I know not whether
I would have parted with it even for him, as is related (if
not feigned) of Pylades and Orestes, that they would gladly
have died for each other or together, not to live together
being to them worse than death. But in me there had
arisen some unexplained feeling, too contrary to this, for
at once I loathed exceedingly to live and feared to die.
I suppose, the more I loved him, the more did I hate, and
fear (as a most cruel enemy) death, which had bereaved me
of him : and I imagined it would speedily make an end of
all men, since it had power over him. Thus was it with me,
I remember. Behold my heart, O my God, behold and see
into me ; for well I remember it, O my Hope, who cleansest
me from the impurity of such affections, directing mine eyes
towards Thee, and plucking my feet out of the suare.^'^ For
I wondered that others, subject to death, did live, since he
whom I loved, as if he should never die, was dead; and I
wondered yet more that myself, who was to him a second
self, could live, he being dead. Well said one of his friend,
" Thou half of my soul ; " for I felt that my soul and his
soul were " one soul in two bodies : " and therefore was my
life a horror to me, because I would not live halved. And
therefore perchance I feared to die, lest he whom I had
much loved should die wholly.
O madness, which knowest not how to love men, like
men ! O foolish man that I then was, enduring impatiently
the lot of man ! I fretted then, sighed, v/cpt, was distracted ;
had neither rest nor counsel. For I bore about a shattered
and bleeding soul, impatient of being borne by me, yet where
to repose it, I found not. Not in calm groves, not in games
and music, nor in fragrant spots, nor in curious banquetings,
nor in the pleasures of the bed and the couch; nor (finally)
in books or poesy, found it repose. All things looked ghastly,
yea, the very light ; whatsoever was not what he was, was
revolting and hateful, except groaning and tears. For in
those alone found I a little refreshment. But when my soul
was withdrawn from them a huge load of misery weighed
me down. To Thee, O Lord, it ought to have been raised,
for Thee to lighten ; I knew it ; but neither could nor would ;
^^ Ps. XXV. 14.
54 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
the more, since, when I thought of Thee, Thou wert not
to me any solid or substantial thing. For Thou wert not
Thyself, but a mere phantom, and my error was my God.
If I offered to discharge my load thereon, that it might
rest, it glided through the void, and came rushing down
again on me; and I had remained to myself a hapless spot,
where I could neither be, nor be from thence. For whither
should my heart flee from my heart? Whither should I flee
from myself? Whither not follow myself? And yet I fled
out of my country; for so should mine eyes less look for
him, where they were not wont to see him. And thus from
Thagaste, I came to Carthage.
Times lose no time ; nor do they roll idly by ; through our
senses they work strange operations on the mind. Behold,
they went and came day by day, and by coming and going,
introduced into my mind other imaginations and other re-
membrances ; and little by little patched me up again with
my old kind of delights, unto which that my sorrow gave
way. And yet there succeeded, not indeed other griefs, yet
the causes of other griefs. For whence had that former
grief so easily reached my very inmost soul, but that I had
poured out my soul upon the dust, in loving one that must
die, as if he would never die? For what restored and re-
freshed me chiefly was the solaces of other friends, with
whom I did love, what instead of Thee I loved; and this
was a great fable, and protracted lie, by whose adulterous
stimulus, our soul, which lay itching in our ears, was being
defiled. But that fable would not die to me, so oft as any
of my friends died. There were other things which in them
did more take my mind; to talk and jest together, to do
kind offices by turns; to read together honied books; to
' play the fool or be earnest together; to dissent at times
without discontent, as a man might with his own self; and
even with the seldomness of these dissentings, to season
our more frequent consentings; sometimes to teach, and
sometimes learn; long for the absent with impatience;
and welcome the coming with joy. These and the like
expressions, proceeding out of the hearts of those that
loved and were loved again, by the countenance, the
tongue, the eyes, and a thousand pleasing gestures, were
I
J
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 55
so much fuel to melt our souls together, and out of many
make but one.
This is it that is loved in friends ; and so loved, that a
man's conscience condemns itself, if he love not him that
loves him again, or love not again him that loves him, look-
ing for nothing from his person but indications of his love.
Hence that mourning, if one die, and darkenings of sorrows,
that steeping of the heart in tears, all sweetness turned to
bitterness; and upon the loss of life of the dying, the death
of the living. Blessed whoso loveth Thee, and his friend in
Thee, and his enemy for Thee. For he alone loses none
dear to him, to whom all are dear in Him who cannot be
lost. And who is this but our God, the God that made heaven
and earth, and filleth them^^ because by filling them He
created them? Thee none loseth, but who leaveth. And
who leaveth Thee, whither goeth or whither fleeth he, but
from Thee well-pleased, to Thee displeased? For where
doth he not find Thy law in his own punishment? And
Thy latv is truth." and truth Thou.
Turn us, O God of Hosts, show us Thy countenance, and
1JC shall be whole. ^'^ For whithersoever the soul of man
turns itself, unless towards Thee, it is riveted upon sorrows^
yea though it is riveted on things beautiful. And yet they,
out of Thee, and out of the soul, were not, unless they were
from Thee. They rise, and set; and by rising, they begin
as it were to be ; they grow, that they may be perfected ;
and perfected, they wax old and wither ; and all grow not
old, but all wither. So then when they rise and tend to be,
the more quickly they grow that they may be, so much the
more they haste not to be. This is the law of them. Thus
much hast Thou allotted them, because they are portions
of things, which exist not all at once, but by passing away
and succeeding, they together complete that universe,
whereof they are portions. And even thus is our speech
completed by signs giving forth a sound : but this again
is not perfected unless one word pass away when it hath
sounded its part, that another may succeed. Out of all these
things let my soul praise Thee, O God. Creator of all ; yet
let not my soul be riveted unto these things with the glue
"Gen. ii. 24; Jer. xxiii. 24. '" Ps. cxix. 142; John xiv. 6. ** Ps. Ixxx. 19.
56 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
of love, through the senses of the body. For they go whither
they were to go, that they might not be ; and they rend her
with pestilent longings, because she longs to be, yet loves
to repose in what she loves. But in these things is no place
of repose ; they abide not, they flee ; and who can follow
them with the senses of the flesh ? yea, who can grasp them,
when they are hard by? For the sense of the flesh is slow,
because it is the sense of the flesh ; and thereby is it bounded.
It sufficeth; for that it was made for; but it sufficeth not
to stay things running their course from their appointed
starting-place to the end appointed. For in Thy Word,
by which they are created, they hear their decree, " hence
and hitherto."
Be not foolish, O my soul, nor become deaf in the ear
of thine heart with the tumult of thy folly. Hearken thou
too. The Word itself calleth thee to return: and there is
the place of rest imperturbable, where love is not forsaken,
if itself forsaketh not. Behold, these things pass away, that
others may replace them, and so this lower universe be com-
pleted by all his parts. But do I depart any whither? saith
the Word of God. There fix thy dwelling, trust there what-
soever thou hast thence, O my soul, at least now thou art
tired out with vanities. Entrust Truth, whatsoever thou
hast from the Truth, and thou shalt lose nothing; and thy
decay shall bloom again, and all thy diseases be healed,^" and
thy mortal parts be reformed and renewed, and bound around
thee : nor shall they lay thee whither themselves descend ; but
they shall stand fast with thee, and abide for ever before
God, who abideth and standeth fast for ever.""
Why then be perverted and follow thy flesh? Be it con-
verted and follow thee. Whatever by her thou hast sense
of, is in part ; and the whole, whereof these are parts, thou
knowest not, and yet they delight thee. But had the sense
of thy flesh a capacity for comprehending the whole, and
not itself also, for thy punishment, been justly restricted to a
part of the whole, thou wouldest, that whatsoever existeth
at this present, should pass away, that so the whole might
better please thee. For what we speak also, by the same
sense of the flesh thou hearest; yet wouldest not thou have
w Ps. ciii. 3- ^ I Pet. i. 23.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 57
the syllables stay^ but fly away, that others may come, and
thou hear the whole. And so ever, when any one thing is
made up of many, all of which do not exist together, all col-
lectively would please more than they do severally, could all
be perceived collectively. But far better than these is He
who made all ; and He is our God, nor doth He pass away,
for neither doth aught succeed Him.
H bodies please thee, praise God on occasion of them,
and turn back thy love upon their Maker ; lest in these things
which please thee, thou displease. H souls please thee, be
they loved in God : for they too are mutable, but in Him are
they firmly stablished; else would they pass, and pass away.
In Him then be they beloved; and carry unto Him along
with thee what souls thou canst, and say to them, " Him
let us love, Him let us love: He made these, nor is He far
off. For He did not make them, and so depart, but they are
of Him, and in Him. See there He is, where truth is loved.
He is within the very heart, yet hath the heart strayed
from Him. Go hack into your heart, ye transgressors, and
cleave fast to Him that made you. Stand with Him, and ye
shall stand fast. Rest in Him, and ye shall be at rest.
Whither go ye in rough ways? Whither go ye? The good
that you love is from Him ; but it is good and pleasant
through reference to Him, and justly shall it be embittered,
because unjustly is anything loved which is from Him, if
He be forsaken for it. To what end then would ye still
and still walk these difficult and toilsome ways? There is
no rest, where ye seek it. Seek what ye seek ; but it is not
there where ye seek. Ye seek a blessed life in the land of
death ; it is not there. For how should there be a blessed
life where life itself is not?"
" But our true Life came down hither, and bore our death,
and slew him, out of the abundance of His own life : and
He thundered, calling aloud to us to return hence to Him
into that secret place, whence He came forth to us, first into
the virgin's womb, wherein he espoused the human creation,
our mortal flesh, that it might not be for ever mortal, and
thence like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, rejoic-
ing as a giant to run his course.'^ For He lingered not, but
" Ps. xix. 5.
58 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
ran, calling aloud by words, deeds, death, life, descent, as-
cension; crying aloud to us to return unto Him. And He
departed from our eyes, that we might return into our heart,
and there find Him. For He departed, and lo. He is here.
He would not be long with us, yet left us not ; for He departed
thither, whence He never parted, because the world was made
by Him.^ And in this world He was, and into this zvorld He
came to save sinners^"' unto whom my soul confesseth, and
He healeth it, for it hath sinned against Himr* O ye sons
of men, how long so slow of heart f^ Even now, after the
descent of Life to you, will ye not ascend and live? But
whither ascend ye, when ye are on high, and set your mouth
against the heavens f^ Descend, that ye may ascend, and
ascend to God. For ye have fallen, by ascending against
Him." Tell them this, that they may weep in the valley of
tears,^ and so carry them up with thee unto God ; because
out of His Spirit thou speakest thus unto them, if thou
speakest, burning with the fire of charity.
These things I then knew not, and I loved these lower
beauties, and I was sinking to the very depths, and to my
friends I said, " Do we love any thing but the beautiful ?
What then is the beautiful? and what is beauty? What is
it that attracts and wins us to the things we love ? for unless
there were in them a grace and beauty, they could by no
means draw us unto them." And I marked and perceived
that in bodies themselves, there was a beauty, from their
forming a sort of whole, and again, another from apt and
mutual correspondence, as of a part of the body with its
whole, or a shoe with a foot, and the like. And this con-
sideration sprang up in my mind, out of my inmost heart, and
I wrote " on the fair and fit," I think, two or three books.
Thou knowest, O Lord, for it is gone from me; for I have
them not, but they are strayed from me, I know not how.
But what moved me, O Lord my God, to dedicate these
books unto Hierius, an orator of Rome, whom I knew not by
face, but loved for the fame of his learning which was
eminent in him, and some words of his I had heard, which
pleased me? But more did he please me, for that he pleased
=*John i. 10. 23 I Tim. i. 15. ^Ps. xli. 4. == Ps. iv. 3.— Vulg.
-8 Ps. Ixxiii. 9. " Ps. Ixjcxiv. 6.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 59
others, who highly extolled him, amazed that out of a Syrian,
first instructed in Greek eloquence, should afterwards be
formed a wonderful Latin orator, and one most learned in
things pertaining unto philosophy. One is commended, and,
unseen, he is loved: doth this love enter the heart of the
hearer from the mouth of the commender ? Not so. But by
one who loveth is another kindled. For hence he is loved
who is commended, when the commender is believed to
extol him with an unfeigned heart; that is, when one that
loves him praises him.
For so did I then love men, upon the judgment of men,
not Thine, O my God, in whom no man is deceived. But
yet why not for qualities, like those of a famous charioteer,
or fighter with the beasts in the theatre, known far and
wide by a vulgar popularity, but far otherwise, and earnestly,
and so as I would be myself commended ? For I would not
be commended or loved, as actors are (though I myself did
commend and love them), but had rather be unknown, than
so known ; and even hated, than so loved. Where now are
the impulses to such various and divers kinds of loves laid
up in one soul? Why, since we are equally men, do I love
in another what, if I did not hate, I should not spurn and
cast from myself? For it holds not, that as a good horse is
loved by him, who would not, though he might, be that horse,
therefore the same may be said of an actor, who shares our
nature. Do I then love in a man, what I hate to be, who
am a man? Man himself is a great deep, whose very Jiairs
Thou numbcrest, O Lord, and they fall not to the ground
without Thccr" And yet are the hairs of his head easier to
be numbered than are his feelings, and the beatings of his
heart.
But that orator was of that sort whom I loved, as wishing
to be myself such; and I erred through a swelling pride, and
ivas tossed about unth every wind^^ but yet was steered by
Thee, though very secretly. And whence do I know, and
whence do I confidently confess unto Thee, that I had loved
him more for the love of his commenders, than for the very
things for which he was commended? Because, had he been
tmpraised, and these self-same men had dispraised him, and
'^ Matt. X. 29, 30. * Eph. iv. 14.
r
60 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
with dispraise and contempt told the very same things of
him, I had never been so kindled and excited to love him.
And yet the things had not been other, nor he himself other ;
but only the feelings of the relators. See v^here the impotent
soul lies along, that is not yet stayed up by the solidity of
truth ! Just as the gales of tongues blow from the breast of
the opinionative, so is it carried this way and that, driven
forward and backward, and the light is overclouded to
it, and the truth unseen. And lo, it is before us. And
it was to me a great matter, that my discourse and labours
should be known to that man: which should he approve, I
were the more kindled, but if he disapproved, my empty heart,
void of Thy solidity, had been wounded. And yet the " fair
and fit," whereon I wrote to him, I dwelt on with pleasure,
and surveyed it, and admired it, though none joined therein.
But I saw not yet, whereon this weighty matter turned
in Thy wisdom, O Thou Omnipotent, who only doest won-
ders f" and my mind ranged through corporeal forms; and
" fair," I defined and distinguished what is so in itself,
and " fit," whose beauty is in correspondence to some other
thing: and this I supported by corporeal examples. And
I turned to the nature of the mind, but the false notion which
I had of spiritual things, let me not see the truth. Yet the
force of truth did of itself flash into mine eyes, and I turned
away my panting soul from incorporeal substance to linea-
ments, and colours, and bulky magnitudes. And not being
able to see these in the mind, I thought I could not see my
mind. And whereas in virtue I loved peace, and in vicious-
ness I abhorred discord; in the first I observed a unity, but
in the other, a sort of division. And in that unity I conceived
the rational soul, and the nature of truth and of the chief
good to consist; but in this division I miserably imagined
there to be some unknown substance of irrational life, and
the nature of the chief evil, which should not only be a sub-
stance, but real life also, and yet not derived from Thee,
O my God, of whom are all things. And yet that first I
called a Monad, as it had been a soul without sex; but the
latter a Duad ; — anger, in deeds of violence, and in flagitious-
ness, lust; not knowing whereof I spake. For I had not
*" Ps. cvi. 4.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 61
known or learned that neither was evil a substance, nor our
soul that chief and unchangeable good.
For as deeds of violence arise, if that emotion of the soul
be corrupted, whence vehement action springs, stirring itself
insolently and unrulily; and lusts, when that affection of the
soul is ungoverned, whereby carnal pleasures are drunk in,
so do errors and false opinions defile the conversation, if the
reasonable soul itself be corrupted; as it was then in me, who
knew not that it must be enlightened by another light, that it
may be partaker of truth, seeing itself is not that nature of
truth. For Thou shall light my candle, Lord my God, Thou
shall enlighten my darkness :^^ and of Thy fulness have we
all received, for Thou art the true light that lighteth every
man that comelh into the world;^ for in Thee there is no
variableness, neither shadow of changed
But I pressed towards Thee, and was thrust from Thee,
that I might taste of death : for thoti resislest the proud.'*
But what prouder, than for me with a strange madness to
maintain myself to be that by nature which Thou art? For
whereas I was subject to change (so much being manifest
to me, my very desire to become wise, being the wish, of
worse to become better), yet chose I rather to imagine Thee
subject to change, than myself not to be that which Thou
art. Therefore I was repelled by Thee, and Thou resistedst
my vain stiff-neckedness, and I imagined corporeal forms,
and, myself flesh. I accused flesh ; and, a wind that passclh
azvay, I returned not^ to Thee, but I passed on and on to
things which have no being, neither in Thee, nor in me, nor
in the body. Neither were they created for me by Thy
truth, but by my vanity devised out of things corporeal.
And I was wont to ask Thy faithful little ones, my fellow-
citizens (from whom, unknown to myself, I stood exiled),
I was wont, prating and foolishly, to ask them, " Why then
doth the soul err which God created?" But I would not
be asked, "Why then doth God err?" And I maintained
that Thy unchangeable substance did err upon constraint,
rather than confess that my changeable substance had gone
astray voluntarily, and now, in punishment, lay in error.
»Ps. xviii. 28. "John i. i6, 9. "Jam. i. 17.
•* I Pet. V. 5; Jam. iv. 6. » Ps. Ixxviii. jg.
62 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
I was then sorr.e six or seven and twenty 3'ears old when
I wrote those vclu::.e: : revolving within me corooreal fic-
tions, buzzing in the ears of my heart, which ^ O
sweet truth, to thy inward melody, meditating : fair
and fit," and longing to stand and hearken to Thee, and
to rejoice greatly at the Bridegroom's voiced but could not;
for by the voices of mine own errors. I was hurried abroad,
and through the weight of my owti pride, I was sinking into
the lowest pit. For Thou didst not make me to hear joy and
gladness, nor did the hones exult which were not yet
humbled."
And what did it profit me, that scarce twent}^ years old,
a book of Aristotle, which they call the ten Predicaments,
falling into my hands (on whose very name I hvmg, as on
something great and divine, so often as m)- rhetoric master
of Carthage, and others, accounted learned, mouthed it with
cheeks bursting with pride). I read and understood it un-
aided? And on my conferring with others, who said that
they scarcely understood it with ven,^ able tutors, not only
orally explaining it, but drawing many things in sand, they
could tell me no more of it than I had learned, reading it
by myself. And the book appeared to me to speak very
clearly of substances, such as " man,'' and of their qualities,
as the figure of a man. of what sort it is; and stature, how
many feet high ; and his relationship, whose brother he is ;
or where placed; or when bom; or whether he stands or
sits ; or be shod or armed ; or does, or suflfers anjihing ; and
all the innumerable things which might be ranged under
these nine Predicaments, of which I have given some
specimens, or under that chief Predicament of Substance.
WTiat did all this further me, seeing it even hindered
me? when, imagining whatever was. was comprehended
under those ten Predicaments, I essayed in such wise to
understand, O my God, Thy wonderful and unchangeable
Unity also, as if Thou also hadst been subjected to Thine
own greatness or beauty; so that (as in bodies) they should
exist in Thee, as their subject: whereas Thou Thjself art
Thy greatness and beauty; but a body is not great or fair
in that it is a body, seeing that, though it were less great or
*• John iii. 29. »' P&. 31. S.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 63
fair, it should notwithstanding be a body. But it was false-
hood which of Thee I conceived, not truth, fictions of my
misery, not the realities of Thy Blessedness. For Thou hadst
commanded, and it was done in me, that the earth should
bring forth briars and thorns to mc, and that in the sweat
of my brozvs I should eat my bread.
And what did it profit me, that all the books I could pro-
cure of the so-called liberal arts, I, the vile slave of vile
affections, read by myself, and understood? And I de-
lighted in them, but knew not whence came all, that herein
was true or certain. For I had my back to the light, and
my face to the things enlightened; whence my face, with
which I discerned the things enlightened, itself was not en-
lightened. Whatever was written, either on rhetoric, or
logic, geometry, music, and arithmetic, by myself without
much difficulty or any instructor, I understood. Thou
knowest, O Lord my God ; because both quickness of un-
derstanding, and acuteness in discerning, is Thy gift : yet
did I not thence sacrifice to Thee. So then it served not
to my use, but rather to my perdition, since I went about to
get so good a portion of my substance into my own keeping;
and I kept not my strength for Thee, but wandered from
Thee into a far country, to spend it upon harlotries.^ For
what profited me good abilities, not employed to good uses?
For I felt not that those arts were attained with great diffi-
culty, even by the studious and talented, until I attempted
to explain them to such ; when he most excelled in them
who followed me not altogether slowly.
But what did this further me, imagining that Thou, O
Lord God, the Truth, wert a vast and bright body, and I
a fragment of that body ? Perverseness too great ! But
such was I. Nor do I blush, O my God, to confess to Thee
Thy mercies tozCards me, and to call upon Thee, who blushed
not then to profess to men my blasphemies, and to bark
against Thee. What profited me then my nimble wit in
those sciences and all those most knotty volumes, unravelled
by me, without aid from human instruction; seeing I erred
so foully, and with such sacrilegious shamefulness, in the
doctrine of piety? Or what hindrance was a far slower wit
* Luke XV.; Ps. Iviii. lo. — Vulg.
64 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
lo Thy little ones, since they departed not far from Thee,
that in the nest of Thy Church they might securely be
fledged, and nourish the wings of charity, by the food of a
sound faith. O Lord our God, under the shadow of Thy
wings let us hope; protect us, and carry us. Thou wilt
carry us both when little, and even to hoar hairs zvilt Thou
carry usf^ for our firmness, when it is Thou, then is it firm-
ness ; but when our own, it is infirmity. Our good ever
lives with Thee ; from which when we turn away, we
are turned aside. Let us now, O Lord, return, that
we may not be overturned, because with Thee our good
lives without any decay, which good art Thou ; nor
need we fear, lest there be no place whither to return,
because we fell from it: for through our absence, our man-
sion fell not — Thy eternity.
** Is. xlvi. 4.
THE FIFTH BOOK
St. Augustine's twenty-ninth year. Faustus, a snare of Satan to
many, made an in.strument of deliverance to St. Augustine, by
showing the ignorance of the Manichees on those things wherein
they professed to have divine knowledge. Augustine gives up all
thought of going further among the Manichees : is guided to
Rome and Milan, where he hears St. Ambrose, leaves the Mani-
chees, and becomes again a Catechumen in the Church Catholic
A CCEPT the sacrifice of my confessions from the min-
l\ istry of my tongue, which Thou hast formed and
-^-^ stirred up to confess unto Thy name. Heal Thou
ajl my bones, and let them say, O Lord, who is like unto
Thcef^ For he who confesses to Thee doth not teach Thee
what takes place within him ; seeing a closed heart closes
not out Thy eye. nor can man's hard-heartedness thrust back
Thy hand : for Thou dissolvest it at Thy will in pity or in
vengeance, and nothing can hide itself from Thy heat.' But
let my soul praise Thee, that it may love Thee; and let it
confess Thy own mercies to Thee, that it may praise Thee.
Thy whole creation ceaseth not, nor is silent in Thy praises;
neither the spirit of man with voice directed unto Thee,
nor creation animate or inanimate, by the voice of those
who meditate thereon : that so our souls may from their
weariness arise towards Thee, leaning on those things which
Thou hast created, and passing on to Thyself, who madest
them wonderfully; and there is refreshment and true
strength.
Let the restless, the godless, depart and flee from Thee;
yet Thou seest them, and dividest the darkness. And be-
hold, the universe with them is fair, though they are foul.
And how have they injured Thee? or how have they dis-
graced Thy government, which, from the heaven to this
3 — HC VII
1 Ps. XXXV. 20. ' Ps. xix. 6.
65
66 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
lowest earth, is just and perfect? For whither fled they,
when they fled from Thy presence?^ or where dost not
Thou find them ? But they fled, that they might not see Thee
seeing them, and, blinded, might stumble against Thee* (be-
cause Thoti forsakest nothing Thou hast made^) ; that the
unjust, I say, might stumble upon Thee, and justly be hurt;
withdrawing themselves from thy gentleness, and stumbling
at Thy uprightness, and falling upon their own ruggedness.
Ignorant, in truth, that Thou art every where, Whom no
place encompasseth ! and Thou alone art near, even to those
that remove far from Thee.^ Let them then be turned, and
seek Thee ; because not as they have forsaken their Creator,
hast Thou forsaken Thy creation. Let them be turned and
seek Thee ; and behold. Thou art there in their heart, in the
heart of those that confess to Thee, and cast themselves upon
Thee, and weep in Thy bosom, after all their rugged ways.
Then dost Thou gently wipe away their tears, and they
weep the more, and joy in weeping; even for that Thou,
Lord, — not man of flesh and blood, but — Thou, Lord, who
madest them, re-makest and comfortest them. But where
was I, when I was seeking Thee? And Thou wert before
me, but I had gone away from Thee; nor did I find myself,
how much less Thee !
I would lay open before my God that nine-and-twentieth
year of mine age. There had then come to Carthage a cer-
tain Bishop of the Manichees, Faustus by name, a great snare
of the Devil, and many were entangled by him through that
lure of his smooth language : which though I did commend,
yet could I separate from the truth of the things which I
was earnest to learn: nor do I so much regard the service
of oratory as the science which this Faustus, so praised
among them, set before me to feed upon. Fame had before
bespoken him most knowing in all valuable learning, and
exquisitely skilled in the liberal sciences. And since I had
read and well remembered much of the philosophers, I com-
pared some things of theirs with those long fables of the
Manichees, and found the former the more probable; even
although they could only prevail so far as to tnake judgment
of this lower world, the Lord of it they could by no means
» Ps. cxxxix. 7. * Gen. xvi. 14. = Wisd. xi. 25, old vers. * Ps. Ixxiii. 27.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 67
find out.'' For Thou art great, O Lord, and hast respect
unto the humble, but the proud Thou bcholdest afar off.^
Nor dost thou draw near, but to the contrite in heart,' nor
art found by the proud, no, not though by curious skill they
could number the stars and the sand, and measure the
starry heavens, and track the courses of the planets.
For with their understanding and wit, which Thou be-
stowedst on them, they search out these things; and much
have they found out; and foretold, many years before,
eclipses of those luminaries, the sun and moon, — what day
and hour, and how many digits, — nor did their calculation
fail ; and it came to pass as they foretold ; and they wrote
down the rules they had found out, and these are read at
this day, and out of them do others foretell in what year
and month of the year, and what day of the month, and
what hour of the day, and what part of its light, moon or
sun is to be eclipsed, and so it shall be, as it is foreshowed.
At these things men, that know not this art, marvel and
are astonished, and they that know it, exult, and are puffed
up ; and by an ungodly pride departing from Thee, and
failing of Thy light, they foresee a failure of the sun's light,
which shall be, so long before, but see not their own, which
is. For they search not religiously whence they have the
wit, wherewith they search out this. And finding that Thou
madest them, they give not themselves up to Thee, to pre-
serve what Thou madest, nor sacrifice to Thee what they
have made themselves ; nor slay their own soaring imagina-
tions, as fozvls of the air, nor their own diving curiosities
(wherewith, like the fishes of the sca^" they wander over
the unknown paths of the abyss), nor their own luxurious-
ness, as beasts of the field, that Thou, Lord, a consuming
fire^^ mayest burn up those dead cares of theirs, and re-
create themselves immortally.
But they knew not the way, Thy Word," by Whom Thou
madest these things which they number, and themselves
who number, and the sense whereby they perceive what they
number, and the understanding, out of which they number;
or that of Thy wisdom there is no number^ But the Only
^ Wisd. xiii. g. * Ps. cxxxviii. 6. * Ps. xxxiv. i8. ^" Ps. viii. 7, 8.
" Dcut. iv. 24. " John i. 3. " Ps. cxlvii. 5.
68 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
Begotten is Himself made unto us wisdom^ and righteous-
ness, and sanctification,^* and was numbered among us, and
paid tribute unto Ccesar}^ They knew not this Way whereby
to descend to Him from themselves, and by Him ascend
unto Him. They knew not this way, and deemed themselves
exalted amongst the stars and shining; and behold, they fell
upon the earth, and their foolish heart was darkened.^^ They
discourse many things truly concerning the creature; but
Truth, Artificer of the creature, they seek not piously, and
therefore find him not; or if they find him, knowing Him to
be God, they glorify Him not as God, neither are thankful,
but become vain in their imaginations, and profess them-
selves to be wise^'' attributing to themselves what is Thine;
and thereby with most perverse blindness, study to impute
to Thee what is their own, forging lies of Thee who art
the Truth, and changing the glory of the uncorruptible God
into an image made like corruptible man, and to birds, and
four-footed beasts, and creeping things, changing Thy truth
into a lie, and worshipping and serving the creature more
than the Creator}^
Yet many truths concerning the creature retained I from
these men, and saw the reason thereof from calculations,
the succession of times, and the visible testimonies of the
stars; and compared them with the saying of Manichaeus,
which in his frenzy he had written most largely on these
subjects; but discovered not any account of the solstices, or
equinoxes, or the eclipses of the greater lights, nor what-
ever of this sort I had learned in the books of secular phi-
losophy. But I was commanded to believe ; and yet it
corresponded not with what had been established by calcu-
lations and my own sight, but was quite contrary.
Doth then, O Lord God of truth, whoso knoweth these
things, therefore please Thee? Surely unhappy is he who
knoweth all these, and knoweth not Thee : but happy whoso
knoweth Thee, though he know not these. And whoso
knoweth both Thee and them is not the happier for them,
but for Thee only, if, knozving Thee, he glorifies Thee as
God, and is thankful, and becomes not vain in his imagina-
"i Cor. i. 30. i^Matt. xvii. 27. "Is. xiv. 13; Rev. xii. 4; Rom. i. 21.
"Rom. i. 21. 18 Rom. i. 23.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 69
tions.^^ For as he is better off who knows how to possess
a tree, and return thanks to Thee for the use thereof, al-
though he know not how many cubits high it is, or how wide
it spreads, than he that can measure it, and count all its
boughs, and neither owns it, nor knows or loves its Creator :
so a believer, whose all this world of wealth is, and uho
having nothing, yet possesseth all things/" by cleaving unto
Thee, whom all things serve, though he know not even the
circles of the Great Bear, yet is it folly to doubt but he is
in a better state than one who can measure the heavens, and
number the stars, and poise the elements, yet neglecteth Thee
zi'ho hast made all things in number, zveight. and measure."'
But yet who bade that Manichaeus write on these things
also, skill in which was no element of piety? For Thou hast
said to man. Behold piety and zcisdom;~ of which he might
be ignorant, though he had perfect knowledge of these
things ; but these things, since, knowing not, he most im-
pudently dared to teach, he plainly could have no knowledge
of piety. For it is vanity to make profession of these
worldly things even when known ; but confession to Thee
is piety. Wherefore this wanderer to this end spake much
of these things, that convicted by those who had truly learned
them, it might be manifest what understanding he had in
the other abstruser things. For he would not have himself
meanly thought of, but went about to persuade men, " That
the Holy Ghost, the Comforter and Enricher of Thy faithful
ones, was with plenary authority personally within him."
When then he was found out to have taught falsely of the
heaven and stars, and of the motions of the sun and moon
(althoughthesethings pertain not to the doctrine of religion),
yet his sacrilegious presumption would become evident
enough, seeing he delivered things which not only he knew
not. but which were falsified, with so mad a vanity of pride,
that he sought to ascribe them to himself, as to a divine
person.
For when I hear any Christian brother ignorant of these
things, and mistaken on them, I can patiently behold such
a man holding his opinion ; nor do I see that any ignorance
as to the position or character of the corporeal creation
" Rom. i. 21. * 2 Cor. vi. lo. '^ Wisd. xi. 20. —Job. xxviii. 28. LXX.
70 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
can injure him, so long as he doth not beUeve any thing
unworthy of Thee, O Lord, the Creator of all. But it doth
injure him, if he imagine it to pertain to the form of the
doctrine of piety, and will yet affirm that too stiffly whereof
he is ignorant. And yet is even such an infirmity, in the in-
fancy of faith, borne by our mother Charity, till the new-
born may grozv tip unto a perfect man, so as not to be
carried about zvith every wind of doctrine.^ But in him
who in such wise presumed to be the teacher, source, guide,
chief of all whom he could so persuade, that whoso followed
him thought that he followed, not a mere man, but Thy
Holy Spirit; who would not judge that so great madness,
when once convicted of having taught any thing false, were
to be detested and utterly rejected? But I had not as yet
clearly ascertained whether the vicissitudes of longer and
shorter days and nights, and of day and night itself, with
the eclipses of the greater lights, and whatever else of the
kind I had read of in other books, might be explained con-
sistently with his sayings ; so that, if they by any means
might, it should remain a question to me whether it were
so or no ; but I might, on account of his reputed sanctity,
rest my credence upon his authority.
And for almost all those nine years, wherein with unsettled
mind I had been their disciple, I had longed but too intensely
for the coming of this Faustus. For the rest of the sect,
whom by chance I had lighted upon, when unable to solve
my objections about these things, still held out to me the
coming of this Faustus, by conference with whom these
and greater difficulties, if I had them, were to be most
readily and abundantly cleared. When then he came, I
found him a man of pleasing discourse, and who could
speak fluently and in better terms, yet still but the self-same
things which they were wont to say. But what availed
the utmost neatness of the cup-bearer to my thirst for a
more precious draught? Mine ears were already cloyed
with the like, nor did they seem to me therefore better,
because better said; or therefore true, because eloquent;
nor the soul therefore wise, because the face was comely,
and the language graceful. But they who held him out to
^ Eph. iv. 13, 14.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 71
me were no good judges of things; and therefore to them
he appeared understanding and wise, because in words pleas-
ing. I felt however that another sort of people were
suspicious even of truth, and refused to assent to it. if
delivered in a smooth and copious discourse. But Thou,
my God, hadst already taught me by wonderful and secret
ways, and therefore I believe that Thou taughtest me, be-
cause it is truth, nor is there besides Thee any teacher of
truth, where or whencesoever it may shine upon us. Of
Thyself therefore had I now learned, that neither ought any
thing to seem to be spoken truly, because eloquently ; nor
therefore falsely, because the utterance of the lips is in-
harmonious ; nor, again, therefore true, because rudely de-
livered; or therefore false, because the language is rich;
but that wisdom and folly are as wholesome and unwhole-
some food ; and adorned or unadorned phrases as courtly or
country vessels ; either kind of meats may be served up in
either kind of dishes.
That greediness then, wherewith I had of so long time
expected that man, was delighted verily with his action and
feeling when disputing, and his choice and readiness of
words to clothe his ideas. I was then delighted, and, with
many others and more than they, did I praise and extol him.
It troubled me, however, that in the assembly of his auditors,
1 was not allowed to put in and communicate those questions
that troubled me. in familiar converse with him. Which
when I might, and with my friends began to engage his
ears at such times as it was not unbecoming for him to
discuss with me, and had brought forward such things as
moved me ; I found him first utterly ignorant of liberal sci-
ences, save grammar, and that but in an ordinary way. But
because he had read some of Tully's Orations, a very few
books of Seneca, some things of the poets, and such few vol-
umes of his own sect as were written in Latin and neatly,
and was daily practised in speaking, he acquired a certain
eloquence, which proved the more pleasing and seductive, be-
cause under the guidance of a good wit, and with a kind of
natural gracefulness. Is it not thus, as I recall it, O Lord
my God. Thou Judge of mv conscience? before Thee is my
heart, and my remembrance, Who didst at that time direct
72 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
me by the hidden mystery of Thy providence, and didst set
those shameful errors of mine before my face, that I might
see and hate them.^
For after it was clear that he was ignorant of those arts
in which I thought he excelled, I began to despair of his
opening and solving the difficulties which perplexed me (of
which indeed however ignorant, he might have held the
truths of piety, had he not been a Manichee). For their
books are fraught with prolix fables, of the heaven,
and stars, sun, and moon, and I now no longer thought him
able satisfactorily to decide what I much desired, whether,
on comparison of these things with the calculations I had
elsewhere read, the account given in the books of Manichaeus
were preferable, or at least as good. Which when I pro-
posed to be considered and discussed, he, so far modestly,
shrunk from the burthen. For he knew that he knew not
these things, and was not ashamed to confess it. For he
was not one of those talking persons, many of whom 1 had
endured, who undertook to teach me these things, and said
nothing. But this man had a heart, though not right
towards Thee, yet neither altogether treacherous to himself.
For he was not altogether ignorant of his own ignorance, nor
would he rashly be entangled in a dispute, whence he could
neither retreat nor extricate himself fairly. Even for this
I liked him the better. For fairer is the modesty of a candid
mind, than the knowledge of those things which I desired;
and such I found him, in all the more difficult and subtile
questions.
My zeal for the writings of Manichseus being thus blunted,
and despairing yet more of their other teachers, seeing that
in divers things which perplexed me, he, so renowned among
them, had so turned out; I began to engage with him in the
study of that literature, on which he also was much set (and
which as rhetoric-reader I was at that time teaching young
students at Carthage), and to read with him, either what him-
self desired to hear, or such as I judged fit for his genius.
But all my efforts whereby I had purposed to advance in
that sect, upon knowledge of that man, came utterly to an
end; not that I detached myself from them altogether, but
2*PS. 1. 21.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 73
as one finding nothing better. I had settled to be content
meanwhile with what I had in whatever way fallen upon,
unless by chance something more eligible should dawn upon
me. Thus that Faustus, to so many a snare of death, had
now, neither willing nor witting it, begun to loosen that
wherein I was taken. For Thy hands, O my God, in the
secret purpose of Thy providence, did not forsake my soul ;
and out of my mother's heart's blood, through her tears night
and day poured out, was a sacrifice offered for me unto Thee ;
and Thou didst deal with me by wondrous ways.^ Thou
didst it, O my God: for the steps of a man arc ordered by
the Lord, and He shall dispose his way." Or how shah we
obtain salvation, but from Thy hand, re-making what it
made ?
Thou didst deal with me, that I should be persuaded to
go to Rome, and to teach there rather, what I was teaching
at Carthage. And how I was persuaded to this, I will not
neglect to confess to Thee : because herein also the deepest re-
cesses of Thy wisdom, and Thy most present mercy to us, must
be considered and confessed. I did not wish therefore to go
to Rome, because higher gains and higher dignities were
warranted me by my friends who persuaded me to this
(though even these things had at that time an influence over
my mind), but my chief and almost only reason was, that
I heard that young men studied there more peacefully, and
were kept quiet under a restraint of more regular discipline ;
so that they did not, at their pleasures, petulantly rush into
the school of one whose pupils they were not, nor were
even admitted without his permission. Whereas at Carthage
there reigns among the scholars a most disgraceful and un-
ruly licence. They burst in audaciously, and with gestures
almost frantic, disturb all order which any one hath estab-
lished for the good of his scholars. Divers outrages they
commit, with a wonderful stolidity, punishable by law. did
did not custom uphold them ; that custom evincing them to
be the more miserable, in that they now do as lawful what
by Thy eternal law shall never be lawful ; and they think
they do it unpunished, whereas they are punished with the
very blindness whereby they do it, and suffer incomparably
'^ Joel. ii. 26. =* Ps. xxxvii. 23.
74 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
worse than what they do. The manners then which, when
a student, I would not make my own, I was fain as a teacher
to endure in others : and so I was well pleased to go where,
all that knew it, assured me that the like was not done. But
Thou, my refuge and my portion in the land of the living;'"
that I might change my earthly dwelling for the salvation of
my soul, at Carthage didst goad me, that I might thereby be
torn from it; and at Rome didst proffer me allurements,
whereby I might be drawn thither, by men in love with a
dying life, the one doing frantic, the other promising vain,
things; and, to correct my steps, didst secretly use their
and my own perverseness. For both they who disturbed
my quiet were blinded with a disgraceful frenzy, and they
who invited me elsewhere savoured of earth. And I, who
here detested real misery, was there seeking unreal happiness.
But why I went hence, and went thither. Thou knewest,
O God, yet showedst it neither to me, nor to my mother,
who grievously bewailed my journey, and followed me as
far as the sea. But I deceived her, holding me by force,
that either she might keep me back or go with me, and I
feigned that I had a friend whom I could not leave, till he
had a fair wind to sail. And I lied to my mother, and such
a mother, and escaped : for this also hast Thou mercifully
forgiven me, preserving me, thus full of execrable defile-
ments, from the waters of the sea, for the water of Thy
Grace ; whereby when I was cleansed, the streams of my
mother's eyes should be dried, with which for me she daily
watered the ground under her face. And yet refusing to
return without me, I scarcely persuaded her to stay that night
in a place hard by our ship, where was an Oratory in memory
of the blessed Cyprian. That night I privily departed, but
she was not behind in weeping and prayer. And what, O
Lord, was she with so many tears asking of Thee, but that
Thou wouldst not suffer me to sail? But Thou, in the
depth of Thy counsels and hearing the main point of her
desire, regardedst not what she then asked, that Thou
mightest make me what she ever asked. The wind blew
and swelled our sails, and withdrew the shore from our sight;
and she on the morrow was there, frantic with sorrow, and
»Ps. cxlii. 5.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 75
with complaints and groans filled Thine ears, who didst then
disregard them ; whilst through my desires. Thou wert hurry-
ing me to end all desire, and the earthly part of her affection
to me was chastened by the allotted scourge of sorrows. For
she loved my being with her, as mothers do. but much more
than many; and she knew not how great joy Thou wert about
to work for her out of my absence. She knew not; there-
fore did she weep and wail, and by this agony there appeared
in her the inheritance of Eve, with sorrow seeking what in
sorrow she had brought forth. And yet, after accusing my
treachery and hardheartedness, she betook herself again to
intercede to Thee for me, went to her wonted place, and
I to Rome.
And lo, there was I received by the scourge of bodily
sickness, and I was going down to hell, carrying all the sins
which I had committed, both against Thee, and myself, and
others, many and grievous, over and above that bond of
original sin, whereby zue all die in Adam.^ For Thou hadst
not forgiven me any of these things in Christ, nor had He
abolished by His cross the enmity which by my sins I had
incurred with Thee. For how should He, by the crucifixion
of a phantasm, which I believed Him to be? So true, then,
was the death of my soul, as that of His flesh seemed to
me false; and how true the death of His body, so false was
the life of my soul, which did not believe it. And now the
fever heightening, I was parting and departing for ever. For
had I then parted hence, whither had I departed, but into
fire and torments, such as my misdeeds deserved in the truth
of Thy appointment? And this she knew not, yet in absence
prayed for me. But Thou, everywhere present, heardest
her where she was. and, where I was, hadst compassion upon
me; that I should recover the health of my body, though
frenzied as yet in my sacrilegious heart. For I did not
in all that danger desire Thy baptism ; and I was better as
a boy, when I begged it of my mother's piety, as I have
before recited and confessed. But I had grown up to my
own shame, and I madly scofifed at the prescripts of Thy
medicine, who wouldest not suffer me, being such, to die a
double death. With which wound had my mother's heart
** I Cor. XV. 22.
76 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
been pierced, it could never be healed. For I cannot express
the affection she bare to me, and with how much more vehe-
ment anguish she was now in labour of me in the spirit,
than at her childbearing in the flesh.^
I see not then how she should have been healed, had such
a death of mine stricken through the bowels of her love.
And where would have been those her so strong and un-
ceasing prayers, unintermitting to Thee alone? But wouldest
Thou, God of mercies, despise the contrite and humhled
heart'" of that chaste and sober widow, so frequent in alms-
deeds, so full of duty and service to Thy saints, no day inter-
mitting the oblation at Thine altar, twice a day, morning
and evening, without any intermission, coming to Thy church,
not for idle tattlings and old wives' fables;^^ but that she
might hear Thee in Thy discourses, and Thou her in her
prayers. Couldest Thou despise and reject from Thy aid
the tears of such an one, wherewith she begged of Thee not
gold or silver, nor mutable or passing good, but the salvation
of her son's soul ? Thou, by whose gift she was such ?
Never, Lord. Yea, Thou wert at hand, and wert hearing
and doing, in that order wherein Thou hadst determined
before that it should be done. Far be it that Thou shouldest
deceive her in Thy visions and answers, some whereof I
have, some I have not mentioned, which she laid up in her
faithful heart, and ever praying urged upon Thee, as Thine
own handwriting. For Thou, because Thy mercy endureth
for, ever, vouchsafest to those to whom Thou forgivest all
their debts, to become also a debtor by Thy promises.
Thou recoveredst me then of that sickness, and healedst
the son of Thy handmaid, for the time in body, that he might
live, for Thee to bestow upon him a better and more abiding
health. And even then, at Rome, I joined myself to those
deceiving and deceived " holy ones " ; not with their disciples
only (of which number was he, in whose house I had fallen
sick and recovered) ; but also with those whom they call
" The Elect." For I still thought " that it was not we that
sin. but that I know not what other nature sinned in us " ;
and it delighted my pride, to be free from blame ; and when
I had done any evil, not to confess I had done any, that Thou
"Gal. iv. 9. 30 Ps. li, 17. 31 , Tim. v. 10.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 77
mightest heal my soul because it had sinned against Thee:"
but I loved to excuse it, and to accuse I know not what other
thing, which was with me, but which I was not. But in
truth it was wholly I, and mine impiety had divided me
against myself: and that sin was the more incurable, where-
by I did not judge myself a sinner; and execrable iniquity
it was, that I had rather have Thee, Thee, O God Almighty,
to be overcome in me to my destruction, than myself of Thee
to salvation. Not as yet then hadst Thou set a watch before
my mouth, and a door of safe keeping around my lips, that
my heart might not turn aside to wicked speeches, to make
excuses of sins, with men that work iniquity: and, therefore,
was I still united with their Elcct.^
But now despairing to make proficiency in that false doc-
trine, even those (with which if I should find no better, I had
resolved to rest contented) I now held more laxly and care-
lessly. For there half arose a thought in me that those
philosophers, whom they call Academics, were wiser than
the rest, for that they held men ought to doubt everything,
and laid down that no truth can be comprehended by man:
for so, not then understanding even their meaning, I also
was clearly convinced that they thought, as they are com-
monly reported. Yet did I freely and openly discourage that
host of mine from that over-confidence which I perceived
him to have in those fables, which the books of Manichaeus
are full of. Yet I lived in more familiar friendship with
them, than with others who were not of this heresy. Nor
did I maintain it with my ancient eagerness ; still my intimacy
with that sect (Rome secretly harbouring many of them)
made me slower to seek any other way : especially since I
despaired of finding the truth, from which they had turned
me aside, in Thy Church, O Lord of heaven and earth,
Creator of all things visible and invisible : "'and it seemed to
me unseemly to believe Thee to have the shape of human
flesh, and to be bounded by the bodily lineaments of our mem-
bers. And because, when I wished to think on my God, I
knew not what to think of, but a mass of bodies (for what
was not such did not seem to me to be any thing), this was_
the greatest, and almost only cause of my inevitable error.*
32 Ps. xH. 4. *• Ps. cxli. 3, 4. — Vulg.
78 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
For hence I believed Evil also to be some such kind of
substance, and to have its own foul and hideous bulk ; whether
gross, which they called earth, or thin and subtile (like the
body of the air), which they imagine to be some malignant
mind, creeping through that earth. And because a piety,
such as it was, constrained me to believe that the good God
never created any evil nature, I conceived two masses, con-
trary to one another, both unbounded, but the evil narrower,
the good more expansive. And from this pestilent beginning,
the other sacrilegious conceits followed on me. For when my
mind endeavoured to recur to the Catholic faith, I was driven
back, since that was not the Catholic faith which I thought
to be so. And I seemed to myself more reverential, if I
believed of Thee, my God (to whom Thy mercies confess
out of my mouth), as unbounded, at least on other sides,
although on that where the mass of evil was opposed to Thee,
I was constrained to confess Thee bounded ; than if on all
sides I should imagine Thee to be bounded by the form of
a human body. And it seemed to me better to believe Thee
to have created no evil (which to me ignorant seemed not
some only, but a bodily substance, because I could not con-
ceive of mind unless as a subtile body, and that diffused in
definite spaces), than to believe the nature of evil, such as
I conceived it, could come from Thee. Yea, and our Saviour
Himself, Thy Only Begotten, I believed to have been reached
forth (as it were) for our salvation, out of the mass of Thy
most lucid substance, so as to believe nothing of Him, but
what I could imagine in my vanity. His Nature then, being
such, I thought could not be born of the Virgin Mary, with-
out being mingled with the flesh : and how that which I had
so figured to myself could be mingled, and not defiled, I
saw not. I feared therefore to believe Him born in the
flesh, lest I should be forced to believe Him defiled by the
flesh. Now will Thy spiritual ones mildly and lovingly
smile upon me, if they shall read these my confessions.
Yet such was L
Furthermore, what the Manichees had criticised in Thy
Scriptures, I thought could not be defended; yet at times
verily I had a wish to confer upon these several points with
some one very well skilled in those books, and to make trial
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 79
what he thought thereon : for the words of one Helpidius,
as he spoke and disputed face to face against the said Mani-
chees, had begun to stir me even at Carthage : in that he had
produced things out of the Scriptures, not easily withstood,
the Manichees' answer whereto seemed to me weak. And
this answer they liked not to give publicly, but only to us
in private. It was, that the Scriptures of the New Testa-
ment had been corrupted by I know not whom, who wished
to engraff the law of the Jews upon the Christian faith:
yet themselves produced not any uncorrupted copies. But
I, conceiving of things corporeal only, was mainly held down,
vehemently oppressed and in a manner suffocated by those
" masses " ; panting under which after the breath of Thy
truth, I could not breathe it pure and untainted.
I began then diligently to practise that for which I came
to Rome, to teach rhetoric ; and first, to gather some to my
house, to whom, and through whom, I had begun to be
known ; when lo, I found other offences committed in Rome,
to which I was not exposed in Africa. True, those " sub-
vertings " by profligate young men were not here practised,
as was told me : but on a sudden, said they, to avoid paying
their master's stipend, a number of youths plot together, and
remove to another; — breakers of faith, who for love of
money hold justice cheap. These also my heart hated,
though not with a perfect hatred:^ for perchance I hated
them more because I was to suffer by them, than because
they did things utterly unlawful. Of a truth such are base
persons, and they go a whoring from Thee, loving these
fleeting mockeries of things temporal, and filthy lucre, which
fouls the hand that grasps it; hugging the fleeting world,
and despising Thee, who abidest, and recallest, and forgivest
the adulteress soul of man, when she returns to Thee. And
now I hate such depraved and crooked persons, though I
love them if corrigible, so as to prefer to money the learning
which they acquire, and to learning. Thee, O God, the truth
and fulness of assured good, and most pure peace. But then
I rather for my own sake misliked them evil, than liked and
wished them good for Thine.
When therefore they of Milan had sent to Rome to the
•* Ps. CXXXix. 22.
80 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
prefect of the city, to furnish them with a rhetoric reader
for their city, and send him at the pubhc expense, I made
appHcation (through those very persons, intoxicated with
Manichsean vanities, to be freed wherefrom I was to go,
neither of us however knowing it) that Symmachus, then
prefect of the city, would try me by setting me some subject,
and so send me. To Milan I came, to Ambrose the Bishop,
known to the whole world as among the best of men, Thy
devout servant; whose eloquent discourse did then plenti-
fully dispense unto Thy people the flour of Thy wheat, the
gladness of Thy oil, and the sober inebriation of Thy wine.'^
To him was I unknowing led by Thee, that by him I might
knowingly be led to Thee. That man of God received me as
a father, and showed me an Episcopal kindness on my com-
ing. Thenceforth I began to love him, at first indeed not
as a teacher of the truth (which I utterly despaired of in
Thy Church), but as a person kind towards myself. And I
listened diligently to him preaching to the people, not with
that intent I ought, but, as it were, trying his eloquence,
whether it answered the fame thereof, or flowed fuller or
lower than was reported; and I hung on his words at-
tentively ; but of the matter I was as a careless and scorn-
ful looker-on; and I was delighted with the sweetness of
his discourse, more recondite, yet in manner less winning and
harmonious, than that of Faustus. Of the matter, however,
there was no comparison ; for the one was wandering amid
Manichaean delusions, the other teaching salvation most
soundly. But salvation is far from sinners^ such as I then
stood before him; and as yet was I drawing nearer by little
and little, and unconsciously.
For though I took no pains to learn what he spake, but
only to hear how he spake (for that empty care alone was
left me, despairing of a way, open for man, to Thee), yet
together with the words which I would choose, came also
into my mind the things which I would refuse; for I could
not separate them. And while I opened my heart to admit
" how eloquently he spake," there also entered " how truly
he spake ; " but this by degrees. For first, these things also
had now begun to appear to me capable of defence; and the
'5 Ps. iv. 7; civ. IS. ^Ps. cxix. 155.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 81
Catholic faith, for which I had thought nothing could be
said against the Manichees' objections, I now thought might
be maintained without shamelessness; especially after I had
heard one or two places of the Old Testament resolved, and
ofttimes " in a figure,'"'' which when I understood literally,
I was slain spiritually. Very many places then of those
books having been explained, I now blamed my despair, in
believing that no answer could be given to such as hated
and scoffed at the Law and the Prophets. Yet did I not
therefore then see that the Catholic way was to be held, be-
cause it also could find learned maintainers, who could at
large and with some show of reason answer objections; nor
that what I held was therefore to be condemned, because
both sides could be maintained. For the Catholic cause
seemed to me in such sort not vanquished, as still not as yet
to be victorious.
Hereupon I earnestly bent my mind, to see if in any way
I could by any certain proof convict the Manichees of false-
hood. Could I once have conceived a spiritual substance,
all their strongholds had been beaten down, and cast utterly
out of my mind ; but I could not. Notwithstanding, concern-
ing the frame of this world, and the whole of nature, which
the senses of the flesh can reach to, as I more and more con-
sidered and compared things, I judged the tenets of most of
the philosophers to have been much more probable. So then
after the manner of the Academics (as they are supposed)
doubting of everything, and wavering between all. I settled
so far, that the Manichees were to be abandoned; judging
that, even while doubting, I might not continue in that sect,
to which I already preferred some of the philosophers; to
which philosophers notwithstanding, for that they were with-
out the saving Name of Christ, I utterly refused to commit
the cure of my sick soul. I determined therefore so long
to be a Catechumen in the Catholic Church, to which I had
been commended by my parents, till something certain should
dawn upon me, whither I might steer my course.
3'' I Cor. xiii. 12; 2 Cor. iii. 6.
THE SIXTH BOOK
Arrival of Monnica at Milan ; her obedience to St. Ambrose, and his
value for her ; St. Ambrose's habits ; Augustine's gradual aban-
donment of error ; finds that he has blamed the Church Catholic
wrongly ; desire of absolute certainty, but struck with the con-
trary analogy of God's natural Providence ; how shaken in his
worldly pursuits; God's guidance of his friend Alypius; Augustine
debates with himself and his friends about their mode of life ;
his inveterate sins, and dread of judgment
OTHOU, my hope from my youth^ where wert Thou
to me, and whither wert Thou gone? Hadst not
Thou created me, and separated me from the beasts
of the field, and fowls of the air? Thou hadst made me
wiser, yet did I walk in darkness, and in slippery places,
and sought Thee abroad out of myself, and found not the
God of my heart; and had come into the depths of the sea,
and distrusted and despaired of ever finding truth. My
mother had now come to me, resolute through piety, follow-
ing me over sea and land, in all perils confiding in Thee.
For in perils of the sea, she comforted the very mariners
(by whom passengers unacquainted with the deep, use rather
to be comforted when troubled), assuring them of a safe
arrival, because Thou hadst by a vision assured her thereof.
She found me in grievous peril, through despair of ever
finding truth. But when I had discovered to her that I was
now no longer a Manichee, though not yet a Catholic Chris-
tian, she was not overjoyed, as at something unexpected;
although she was now assured concerning that part of my
misery, for which she bewailed me as one dead, though to
be reawakened by Thee, carrying me forth upon the bier
of her thoughts, that Thou mightest say to the son of the
zi'idow, Young man, I say unto thee. Arise; and he should
revive, and begin to speak, and thou shoiddest deliver him
'^ Ps. Ixxi. 5.
82
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 83
to his mother." Her heart then was shaken with no tumul-
tuous exultation, when she heard that what she daily de-
sired of Thee was already in so great part realised ; in that,
though I had not yet attained the truth, I was rescued from
falsehood ; but, as being assured, that Thou, who hadst
promised the whole, wouldest one day give the rest, most
calmly, and with a heart full of confidence, she replied to
me, " She believed in Christ, that before she departed this
life, she should see me a Catholic believer." Thus much to
me. But to Thee. Fountain of mercies, poured she forth
more copious prayers and tears, that Thou wouldest hasten
Thy help, and enlighten my darkness ; and she hastened
the more eagerly to the Church, and hung upon the lips of
Ambrose, praying for the fountain of that zvater, which
springcth up unto life everlasting!^ But that man she loved
as an angel of God, because she knew that by him I had
been brought for the present to that doubtful state of faith
I now was in, through which she anticipated most confidently
that I should pass from sickness unto health, after the access,
as it were, of a sharper fit, which physicians call " the
crisis."
When then my mother had once, as she was wont in Afric,
brought to the Churches built in memory of the Saints,
certain cakes, and bread and wine, and was forbidden by
the door-keeper; so soon as she knew that the Bishop had
forbidden this, she so piously and obediently embraced
his wishes, that I myself wondered how readily she censured
her own practice, rather than discuss his prohibition. For
wine-bibbing did not lay siege to her spirit, nor did love
of wine provoke her to hatred of the truth, as it doth too
many (both men and women), who revolt at a lesson of
sobriety, as men well-drunk at a draught mingled with water.
But she. when she had brought her basket with the accus-
tomed festival-food, to be but tasted by herself, and then
given away, never joined therewith more than one small cup
of wine, diluted according to her own abstemious habits,
which for courtesy she would taste. And if there were many
churches of the departed saints that were to be honoured
in that manner, she still carried round that same one cup,
^ Luke vii. 14, 15. *John iv. 14.
84 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
to be used every where; and this, though not only made
very watery, but unpleasantly heated with carrying about,
she would distribute to those about her by small sips; for
she sought there devotion, not pleasure. So soon, then, as
she found this custom to be forbidden by that famous
preacher and most pious prelate, even to those that would
use it soberly, lest so an occasion of excess might be given
to the drunken; and for that these, as it were, anniversary
funeral solemnities did much resemble the superstition of
the Gentiles, she most willingly forbare it: and for a basket
filled with fruits of the earth, she had learned to bring
to the Churches of the martyrs a breast filled with more
purified petitions, and to give what she could to the poor;
that so the communication of the Lord's Body might be there
rightly celebrated, where, after the example of His Passion,
the martyrs had been sacrificed and crowned. But yet it
seems to me, O Lord my God, and thus thinks my heart of
it in Thy sight, that perhaps she would not so readily have
yielded to the cutting off of this custom, had it been for-
bidden by another, whom she loved not as Ambrose, whom,
for my salvation, she loved most entirely; and he her again,
for her most religious conversation, whereby in good works,
so fervent in spirit, she was constant at church ; so that,
when he saw me, he often burst forth into her praises ; con-
gratulating me that I had such a mother ; not knowing what
a son she had in me, who doubted of all these things, and
imagined the way to life could not be found out.
Nor did I yet groan in my prayers, that Thou wouldest
help me; but my spirit was wholly intent on learning, and
restless to dispute. And Ambrose himself, as the world
counts happy, I esteemed a happy man, whom personages
so great held in such honour; only his celibacy seemed to
me a painful course. But what hope he bore within him,
what struggles he had against the temptations which beset
his very excellencies, or what comfort in adversities, and
what sweet joys Thy Bread had for the hidden mouth of
his spirit, when chewing the cud thereof, I neither could
conjecture, nor had experienced. Nor did he know the
tides of my feelings, or the abyss of my danger. For I
could not ask of him, what I would as I would, being shut
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 85
out both from his ear and speech by multitudes of busy
people, whose weaknesses he served. With whom when he
was not taken up (which was but a little time), he was
either refreshing his body with the sustenance absolutely
necessary, or his mind with reading. But when he was
reading, his eye glided over the pages, and his heart searched
out the sense, but his voice and tongue were at rest. Oft-
times when we had come (for no man was forbidden to
enter, nor was it his wont that any who came should be
announced to him), we saw him thus reading to himself,
and never otherwise; and having long sat silent (for who
durst intrude on one so intent?) we were fain to depart,
conjecturing that in the small interval which he obtained,
free from the din of others' business, for the recruiting of
his mind, he was loth to be taken off; and perchance he
dreaded lest if the author he read should deliver any thing
obscurely, some attentive or perplexed hearer should desire
him to expound it, or to discuss some of the harder ques-
tions; so that his time being thus spent, he could not turn
over so many volumes as he desired ; although the preserving
of his voice (which a very little speal-dng would weaken)
might be the truer reason for his reading to himself. But
with what intent soever he did it, certainly in such a man
it was good.
I however certainly had no opportunity of enquiring what
I wished of that so holy oracle of Thine, his breast, unless
the thing might be answered briefly. But those tides in me,
to be poured out to him, required his full leisure, and never
found it. I heard him indeed every Lord's day, rightly ex-
pounding the Word of truth* among the people ; and I was
more and more convinced that all the knots of those crafty
calumnies, which those our deceivers had knit against the
Divine Books, could be unravelled. But when I understood
withal, that " man, created by Thee after Thine oxvn image,"
was not so understood by Thy spiritual sons, whom of the
Catholic Mother Thou hast born again through grace as
though they believed and conceived of Thee as bounded
by human shape (although what a spiritual substance should
be I had not even a faint or shadowy notion) ; yet, with
* 2 Tim. ij. IS.
86 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
joy I blushed at having so many years barked not against
the Catholic faith, but against the fictions of carnal imagi-
nations. For so rash and impious had I been, that what
I ought by enquiring to have learned, I had pronounced on,
condemning. For Thou, Most High, and most near; most
secret, and most present; Who hast not limbs some larger,
some smaller, but art wholly every where, and no where in
space, art not of such corporeal shape, yet hast Thou made
man after Thine own image; and behold, from head to foot
is he contained in space.
Ignorant then how this Thy image should subsist, I should
have knocked and proposed the doubt, how it was to be
believed, not insultingly opposed it, as if believed. Doubt,
then, what to hold for certain, the more sharply gnawed my
heart, the more ashamed I was, that so long deluded and
deceived by the promise of certainties, I had with childish
error and vehemence, prated of so many uncertainties. For
that they were falsehoods became clear to me later. How-
ever I was certain that they were uncertain, and that I
had formerly accounted them certain, when with a blind
contentiousness, I accused Thy Catholic Church, whom I
now discovered, not indeed as yet to teach truly, but at least
not to teach that for which I had grievously censured her.
So I was confounded, and converted; and I joyed, O my
God, that the One Only Church, the body of Thine Only
Son (wherein the name of Christ had been put upon me
as an infant), had no taste for infantine conceits; nor in
her sound doctrine maintained any tenet which should
confine Thee, the Creator of all, in space, however great
and large, yet bounded every where by the limits of a
human form.
I joyed also that the old Scriptures of the law and the
Prophets were laid before me, not now to be perused with
that eye to which before they seemed absurd, when I reviled
Thy holy ones for so thinking, whereas indeed they thought
not so : and with joy I heard Ambrose in his sermons to
the people, oftentimes most diligently recommend this text
for a rule. The letter killeth, hut the Spirit giveth lifef whilst
he drew aside the mystic veil, laying open spiritually what,
5 2 Cor. iii. 6.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 87
according to the letter, seemed to teach something unsound ;
teaching herein nothing that offended me, though he taught
what I knew not as yet, whether it were true. For I kept
my heart from assenting to any thing, fearing to fall head-
long; but by hanging in suspense I was the worse killed.
For I wished to be as assured of the things I saw not, as I
was that seven and three are ten. For I was not so mad
as to think that even this could not be comprehended ; but
I desired to have other things as clear as this, whether
things corporeal, which were not present to my senses, or
spiritual, whereof I knew not how to conceive, except cor-
poreally. And by believing might I have been cured, that
so the eyesight of my soul being cleared, might in some
way be directed to Thy truth, which abideth always, and in
no part faileth. But as it happens that one who has tried
a bad physician, fears to trust himself with a good one,
so was it with the health of my soul, which could not be
healed but by believing, and lest it should believe falsehoods,
refused to be cured; resisting Thy hands, who hast pre-
pared the medicines of faith, and hast applied them to the
diseases of the whole world, and given unto them so great
authority.
Being led, however, from this to prefer the Catholic doc-
trine, I felt that her proceeding was more unassuming and
honest, in that she required to be believed things not dem-
onstrated (whether it was that they could in themselves
be demonstrated but not to certain persons, or could not
at all be), whereas among the Manichees our credulity was
mocked by a promise of certain knowledge, and then so
many most fabulous and absurd things were imposed to
be believed, because they could not be demonstrated. Then
Thou, O Lord, little by little with most tender and most
merciful hand, touching and composing my heart, didst
persuade me — considering what innumerable things I be-
lieved, which I saw not, nor was present while they were
done, as so many things in secular history, so many reports
of places and of cities, which I had not seen; so many
of friends, so many of physicians, so many continually of
other men, which unless we should believe, we should do
nothing at all in this life; lastly, with how unshaken an
88 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
assurance I believed of what parents I was born, which
I could not know, had I not believed upon hearsay — con-
sidering all this, Thou didst persuade me, that not they
who believed Thy Books (which Thou hast established in
so great authority among almost all nations), but they who
believed them not, were to be blamed ; and that they were
not to be heard who should say to me, " How knowest thou
those Scriptures to have been imparted unto mankind by
the Spirit of the one true and most true God ? " For this very
thing was of all most to be believed, since no contentious-
ness of blasphemous questionings, of all that multitude which
I had read in the self-contradicting philosophers, could
wring this belief from me, " That Thou art " whatsoever
Thou wert (what I knew not), and "That the government
of human things belongs to Thee."
This I believed, sometimes more strongly, more weakly
other- whiles ; yet I ever believed both that Thou wert, and
hadst a care of us; though I was ignorant, both what was
to be thought of Thy substance, and what way led or led
back to Thee. Since then we were too weak by abstract
reasonings to find out truth : and for this very cause needed
the authority of Holy Writ ; I had now begun to believe that
Thou wouldest never have given such excellency of author-
ity to that Writ in all lands, hadst Thou not willed thereby
to be believed in, thereby sought. For now what things,
sounding strangely in the Scripture, were wont to offend
me, having heard divers of them expounded satisfactorily,
I referred to the depths of the mysteries, and its authority
appeared to me the more venerable, and more worthy of
religious credence, in that, while it lay open to all to
read, it reserved the majesty of its mysteries within its
profounder meaning, stooping to all in the great plainness
of its words and lowliness of its style, yet calling forth
the intensest application of such as are not light of heart;
that so it might receive all in its open bosom, and through
narrow passages waft over towards Thee some few, yet
many more than if it stood not aloft on such a height of
authority, nor drew multitudes within its bosom by its holy
lowliness. These things I thought on, and Thou wert with
me; I sighed, and Thou heardest me; I wavered, and Thou
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 89
didst guide me ; I wandered through the broad way of the
world, and Thou didst not forsake me.
I panted after honours, gains, marriage; and Thou de-
ridest me. In these desires I underwent most bitter crosses,
Thou being the more gracious, the less Thou sufiferedst
aught to grow sweet to me, which was not Thou. Behold
my heart, O Lord, who wouldest I should remember all
this, and confess to Thee. Let my soul cleave unto Thee,
now that Thou hast freed it from that fast-holding bird-lime
of death. How wretched was it ! and Thou didst irritate
the feeling of its wound, that forsaking all else, it might
be converted unto Thee, who art above all, and without
whom all things would be nothing; be converted, and be
healed. How miserable was I then, and how didst Thou deal
with me, to make me feel my misery on that day, when I
was preparing to recite a panegyric of the Emperor, wherein
I was to utter many a lie, and lying, was to be applauded
by those who knew I lied, and my heart was panting with
these anxieties, and boiling with the feverishness of con-
suming thoughts. For. passing through one of the streets
of Milan, I observed a poor beggar, then, I suppose, with a
full belly, joking and joyous: and I sighed, and spoke to
the friends around me, of the many sorrows of our frenzies ;
for that by all such efforts of ours, as those wherein I then
toiled, dragging along, under the goading of desire, the
burthen of my own wretchedness, and, by dragging, aug-
menting it. we yet looked to arrive only at that very joy-
ousness whither that beggar-man had arrived before us,
who should never perchance attain it. For what he had
obtained by means of a few begged pence, the same was
I plotting for by many a toilsome turning and winding;
the joy of a temporary felicity. For he verily had not the
true joy ; but yet I with those my ambitious designs was
seeking one much less true. And certainly he was joyous,
I anxious; he void of care. I full of fears. But should any
ask me, had I rather be merry or fearful? I would answer,
merry. Again, if he asked had I rather be such as he was,
or what I then was? I should choose to be myself, though
worn with cares and fears; but out of wrong judgment; for,
was it the truth ? For I ought not to prefer myself to him,
00 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
because more learned than he, seeing I had no joy therein,
but sought to please men by it ; and that not to instruct,
but simply to please. Wherefore also Thou didst break my
bones with the staff of Thy correction.
Away with those then from my soul who say to her, " It
makes a difference whence a m.an's joy is. That beggar-man
joyed in drunkenness; Thou desiredst to joy in glory."
What glory. Lord? That which is not in Thee. For even
as his was no true joy, so was that no true glory: and it
overthrew my soul more. He that very night should digest
his drunkenness; but I had slept and risen again with mine,
and was to sleep again, and again to rise with it, how many
days. Thou, God, knowest. But " it doth make a difference
whence a man's joy is." I know it, and the joy of a faithful
hope lieth incomparably beyond such vanity. Yea, and so
was he then beyond me: for he verily was the happier;
not only for that he was thoroughly drenched in mirth, I
disembowelled with cares : but he, by fair wishes, had gotten
wine ; I, by lying, was seeking for empty, swelling praise.
Much to this purpose said I then to my friends : and I often
marked in them how it fared with me; and I found it went
ill with me, and grieved, and doubled that very ill; and if
any prosperity smiled on me, I was loth to catch at it, for
almost before I could grasp it, it flew away.
These things we, who are living as friends together, be-
moaned together, but chiefly and most familiarly did I speak
thereof with Alypius and Nebridius, of whom Alypius was
born in the same town with me, of persons of chief rank
there, but younger than I. For he had studied under me,
both when I first lectured in our town, and afterwards at
Carthage, and he loved me much, because I seemed to him
kind, and learned ; and I him, for his great towardliness
to virtue, which was eminent enough in one of no greater
years. Yet the whirlpool of Carthaginian habits (amongst
whom those idle spectacles are hotly followed) had drawn
him into the madness of the Circus. But while he was
miserably tossed therein, and I, professing rhetoric there,
had a public school, as yet he used not my teaching, by
reason of some unkindness risen betwixt his father and me.
I had found then how deadly he doted upon the Circus, and
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 91
was deeply grieved that he seemed likely, nay, or had thrown
away so great promise : yet had I no means of advising
or with a sort of constraint reclaiming him, either by the
kindness of a friend, or the authority of a master. For I
supposed that he thought of me as did his father; but he
was not such ; laying aside then his father's mind in that
matter, he began to greet me, come sometimes into my
lecture-room, hear a little, and be gone.
I however had forgotten to deal with him, that he should
not through a blind and headlong desire of vain pastimes,
undo so good a wit. But Thou, O Lord, who guidest the
course of all Thou hast created, hadst not forgotten him,
who was one day to be among Thy children. Priest and
Dispenser of Thy Sacrament ; and that his amendment might
plainly be attributed to Thyself, Thou effectedst it through
me, but unknowingly. For as one day I sat in my accus-
tomed place, with my scholars before me, he entered, greeted
me, sat down, and applied his mind to what I then handled.
I had by chance a passage in hand, which while I was ex-
plaining, a likeness from the Circensian races occurred
to me, as likely to make what I would convey pleasanter
and plainer, seasoned with biting mockery of those whom
that madness had enthralled; God, Thou knowest that I then
thought not of curing Alypius of that infection. But he
took it wholly to himself, and thought that I said it simply
for his sake. And whence another would have taken occa-
sion of offence with me, that right-minded youth took as
a ground of being offended at himself, and loving me more
fervently. For Thou hadst said it long ago, and put it into
Thy book. Rebuke a zvisc man and he unll love thee.' But
I had not rebuked him. but Thou, who employest all, knowing
or not knowing, in that order which Thyself knowest (and
that order is just), didst of my heart and tongue make
burning coals, by which to set on fire the hopeful mind, thus
languishing, and so cure it. Let him be silent in Thy praises,
who considers not Thy mercies, which confess unto Thee
out of my inmost soul. For he upon that speech burst out
of that pit so deep, wherein he was wilfully plunged, and
was blinded with its wretched pastimes; and he shook his
eProv. ix. 8.
92 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
mind with a strong self-command ; whereupon all the filths
of the Circensian pastimes flew off from him, nor came
he again thither. Upon this, he prevailed with his unwilling
father that he might be my scholar. He gave way, and gave
in. And Alypius beginning to be my hearer again, was in-
volved in the same superstition with me, loving in the Mani-
chees that show of continency which he supposed true and
unfeigned. Whereas it was a senseless and seducing con-
tinency, ensnaring precious souls, unable as yet to reach
the depth of virtue, yet readily beguiled with the surface
of what was but a shadowy and counterfeit virtue.
He, not forsaking that secular course which his parents
had charmed him to pursue, had gone before me to Rome, to
study law, and there he was carried away incredibly with
an incredible eagerness after the shows of gladiators. For
being utterly averse to and detesting such spectacles, he was
one day by chance met by divers of his acquaintance and
fellow-students coming from dinner, and they with a familiar
violence haled him, vehemently refusing and resisting, into
the Amphitheatre, during these cruel and deadly shows, he
thus protesting: " Though you hale my body to that place, and
there set me, can you force me also to turn my mind or my
eyes to those shows? I shall then be absent while present,
and so shall overcome both you and them." They hearing
this, led him on nevertheless, desirous perchance to try that
very thing, whether he could do as he said. When they were
come thither, and had taken their places as they could, the
whole place kindled with that savage pastime. But he, clos-
ing the passages of his eyes, forbade his mind to range
abroad after such evils; and would he had stopped his ears
also ! For in the fight, when one fell, a mighty cry of the
whole people striking him strongly, overcome by curiosity,
and as if prepared to despise and be superior to it whatso-
ever it were, even when seen, he opened his eyes, and was
stricken with a deeper wound in his soul than the other, whom
he desired to behold, was in his body; and he fell more
miserably than he upon whose fall that mighty noise was
raised, which entered through his ears, and unlocked his
eyes, to make way for the striking and beating down of a
soul, bold rather than resolute, and the v/eaker, in that it
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 93
had presumed on itself, which ought to have relied on Thee.
For so soon as he saw that blood, he therewith drunk down
savageness ; nor turned away, but fixed his eye, drinking in
frenzy, unawares, and was delighted with that guilty fight,
and intoxicated with the bloody pastime. Nor was he now
the man he came, but one of the throng he came unto, yea, a
true associate of theirs that brought him thither. Why
say more? He beheld, shouted, kindled, carried thence with
him the madness which should goad him to return not only
with them who first drew him thither, but also before them,
yea and to draw in others. Yet thence didst Thou with a
most strong and most merciful hand pluck him, and taughtest
him to have confidence not in himself, but in Thee. But
this was after.
But this was already being laid up in his memory to be a
medicine hereafter. So was that also, that when he was
yet studying under me at Carthage, and was thinking over
at mid-day in the market-place what he was to say by heart
(as scholars use to practise), Thou sufferedst him to be
apprehended by the oflficers of the market-place for a thief.
For no other cause, I deem, didst Thou, our God, suffer it
but that he who was hereafter to prove so great a man,
should already begin to learn that in judging of causes, man
was not readily to be condemned by man out of a rash
credulity. For as he was walking up and down by himself
before the judgment-seat, with his note-book and pen, lo, a
young man, a lawyer, the real thief, privily bringing a
hatchet, got in, unperceived by Alypius, as far as the leaden
gratings which fence in the silversmiths' shops, and began
to cut away the lead. But the noise of the hatchet being
heard, the silversmiths beneath began to make a stir, and
sent to apprehend whomever they should find. But he hear-
ing their voices, ran away, leaving his hatchet, fearing to be
taken with it. Alypius now, who had not seen him enter,
was aware of his going, and saw with what speed he made
away. And being desirous to know the matter, entered the
place ; where finding the hatchet, he was standing, wonder-
ing and considering it, when behold, those that had been
sent, find him alone with the hatchet in his hand, the noise
whereof had startled and brought them thither. They seize
94 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
him, hale faim away, and gathering the dwellers in the
mailcet-^ace togellier, boast of having taken a notorious
ttaei, and so he was being led away to be taken befote the
But tfans far was Alypins to be instrocted. For forthwith,
O Lord, Thoa snccomedst his innocency, wfaoeof Thou alooe
wert witness;. For as he was being led either to prison or
to pamshment, a certain architect met them, who had the
dnef charge of the pdbiic boildmgs. Glad they were to
meet Irim e^iecially, by whom they were wont to be sus-
pected of stealing the goods lost oiit of the mark^-^ace, as
thoi^fa to show him at last by whom these thefts were com-
mitted. He, however, had divers times seen Alypius at a
certain senabn^s honse, to whom he often went to pa}' his
respects; and recx^nisin^ him immedtatdy, took him aside
by the hand, and enquiring the occasion of so great a ca-
lamity, heard the whole matter, and bade all present, amid
much upioar and threats, to go with him. So th^ came to
die boose of the young man who had done the deed. There,
before the door, was a boy so jpoung as to be likely, not
apprehending any harm to his master, to disdose the whole.
For he had attended his nsaster to the market-^Iaoe. Wliom
so soon as Aly^us remembexed, he toM the architect: and
he showing die hatdiet to the boy, a^ed him " Wliose that
was?" "Ours," quoth he presendy: and being further
qnestianed. he discovered every thing. Thus the crime be-
ii^ transferred to that house, and die muldtode ashamed,
which had b^un to insult over Alypius, he who was to be
a di^ienser of Thy Word, and an examina' of man}- causes
in Thy Churdi. went awa^ better experienced and instructed.
ISm then I had found at Rome, and he clave to me by a
most strong tie, and went with me to Milan, both thEt he
might not leave me, and might practise something of the
law he had studied, more to please his parents than hirr.self.
There he had dirice sat as A^«^or, with an uncorruptness
much wandered at by others, he wondering at others rather
who could prefer gold to honesiy. His character was tried
besides, not only with die bait of covetousness, but with the
goad of fear. At Rome he was Assessor to the count of
the Italian Treasury. There was at that time a verj- poTrcr-
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 95
ful senator, to whose favours many stood indebted, many
much feared. He would needs, by his usual power, have a
thing allowed him which by the laws was unallowed. Aly-
pius resisted it: a bribe was promised: with all his heart he
scorned it: threats were held out; he trampled upon them:
all wondering at so unwonted a spirit, which neither desired
the friendship, nor feared the enmity of one so great and so
mightily renowned for innumerable means of doing good
or evil. And the very Judge, whose councillor Alypius was.
although also unwilling it should be. yet did not openly re-
fuse, but put the matter off upon Ah-pius, alleging that he
would not allow him to do it: for in truth had the Judge
done it, Alypius would have decided otherwise. With this
one thing in the way of learning was he well-nigh seduced,
that he might have books copied for him at Praetorian prices,
but consulting justice, he altered his deliberation for the
better: esteeming equity whereby he was hindered more
gainful than the power whereby he were allowed. These
are slight things, but he that is faithful in littk, is faithful
also in much.^ Xor can that any how be void, which pro-
ceeded out of the mouth of Thy Truth : // ye have not been
faithful in the unrighteous Mammon, -who ivill commit to
your trust true riches? And if ye have not been faithful in
that which is another man's, who shall give you that which is
your ownf^ He being such, did at that time cleave to me,
and with me wavered in purpose, what course of life was
to be taken.
Nebridius also, who having left his native countrv- near
Carthage, yea and Carthage itself, where he had much lived,
leaving his excellent family-estate and house, and a mother
behind, who was not to follow him, had come to Milan, for
no other reason but that with me he might live in a most
ardent search after truth and wisdom. Like me he sighed,
like me he wavered, an ardent searcher after true life, and
a most acute examiner of the most difficult questions. Thus
were there the mouths of three indigent persons, sighing out
their wants one to another, and waiting upon Thee that Thou
mightcst give them their meat in due season* And in all the
bitterness which by Thy mercy followed our worldly affairs,
" Lukf xvi. 10. * Luke xvi. ii, 12. • Ps. cxlv. 15.
96 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
as we looked towards the end, why we should suffer all this,
darkness met us ; and we turned away groaning, and say-
ing, How long shall these things be? This too we often
said ; and so saying forsook them not, for as yet there
dawned nothing certain, which, these forsaken, we might
embrace.
And I, viewing and reviewing things, most wondered at
the length of time from that my nineteenth year, wherein
I had begun to kindle with the desire of wisdom, settling
when I had found her. to abandon all the empty hopes and
lying frenzies of vain desires. And lo, I was now in my
thirtieth year, sticking in the same mire, greedy of enjoying
things present, which passed away and wasted my soul ;
while I said to myself. "To-morrow I shall find it; it will
appear manifestly, and I shall grasp it ; Faustus the Manichee
will come, and clear every thing ! O you great men, ye
Academicians, it is true then, that no certainty can be at-
tained for the ordering of life ! Nay, let us search the more
diligently, and despair not. Lo, things in the ecclesiastical
books are not absurd to us now, which sometimes seemed
absurd, and may be otherwise taken, and in a good sense,
I will take my stand, where, as a child, my parents placed
me, until the clear truth be found out. But where shall
it be sought or when ? Ambrose has no leisure ; we have
no leisure to read; where shall we find even the books?
Whence, or when procure them? from whom borrow them?
Let set times be appointed, and certain hours be ordered for
the health of our soul. Great hope has dawned; the Catholic
Faith teaches not what we thought, and vainly accused it
of; her instructed members hold it profane to believe God
to be bounded by the figure of a human body: and do we
doubt to ' knock,' that the rest * may be opened ' ? The fore-
noons our scholars take up; what do we during the rest?
Why not this? But when then pay we court to our great
friends, whose favour we need? When compose what we
may sell to scholars? When refresh ourselves, unbending
our minds from this intenseness of care?"
" Perish every thing, dismiss we these empty vanities, and
betake ourselves to the one search for truth ! Life is vain,
death uncertain; if it steals upon us on a sudden, in what
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 97
state shall we depart hence? and where shall we learn what
here we have neglected? and shall we not rather suffer the
punishment of this negligence? What, if death itself cut
off and end all care and feeling? Then must this be ascer-
tained. But God forbid this ! It is no vain and empty thing,
that the excellent dignity of the authority of the Christian
Faith hath overspread the whole world. Never would such
and so great things be by God wrought for us, if with the
death of the body the life of the soul came to an end. Where-
fore delay then to abandon worldly hopes, and give ourselves
wholly to seek after God and the blessed life? But wait!
Even those things are pleasant ; they have some, and no
small sweetness. We must not lightly abandon them, for it
were a shame to return again to them. See, it is no great
matter now to obtain some station, and then what should
we more wish for? We have store of powerful friends; if
nothing else offer, and we be in much haste, at least a presi-
dentship may be given us: and a wife with some money, that
she increase not our charges : and this shall be the bound of
desire. Many great men, and most worthy of imitation, have
given themselves to the study of wisdom in the state of
marriage."
While I went over these things, and these winds shifted
and drove my heart this way and that, time passed on, but
I delayed to turn to the Lord ; and from day to day deferred
to live in Thee, and deferred not daily to die in myself.
Loving a happy life, I feared it in its own abode, and sought
it, by fleeing from it. I thought I should be too miserable,
unless folded in female arms ; and of the medicine of Thy
mercy to cure that infirmity I thought not, not having tried it.
As for continency, I supposed it to be in our own power
(though in myself I did not find that power), being so
foolish as not to know what is written, None can he continent
unless Thou give it;^" and that Thou wouldest give it, if with
inward groanings I did knock at Thine ears, and with a
settled faith did cast my care on Thee.
Alypius indeed kept me from marrying; alleging that so
could we by no means with undistracted leisure live together
in the love of wisdom, as we had long desired. For himself
"> Wisd. viii. 2. — Vulg.
4— HC VII
98 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
was even then most pure in this point, so that it was wonder-
ful ; and that the more, since in the outset of his youth he
had entered into that course, but had not stuck fast therein ;
rather had he felt remorse and revolting at it, living thence-
forth until now most continently. But I opposed him with
the examples of those who as married men had cherished
wisdom, and served God acceptably, and retained their
friends, and loved them faithfully. Of whose greatness of
spirit I was far short; and bound with the disease of the
flesh and its deadly sweetness, drew along my chain, dread-
ing to be loosed, and as if my wound had been fretted, put
back his good persuasions, as it were the hand of one that
would unchain me. Moreover, by me did the serpent speak
unto Alypius himself, by my tongue weaving and laying in
his path pleasurable snares, wherein his virtuous and free
feet might be entangled.
For when he wondered that I, whom he esteemed not
slightly, should stick so fast in the birdlime of that pleasure,
as to protest (so oft as we discussed it) that I could never
lead a single life ; and urged in my defence when I saw
him wonder, that there was great difference between his
momentary and scarce-remembered knowledge of that life,
which so he might easily despise, and my continued acquaint-
ance whereto if but the honourable name of marriage were
added, he ought not to wonder why I could not contemn that
course; he began also to desire to be married; not as over-
come with desire of such pleasure, but out of curiosity. For
he would fain know, he said, what that should be, without
which my life, to him so pleasing, would to me seem not life
but a punishment. For his mind, free from that chain, was
amazed at my thraldom; and through that amazement was
going on to a desire of trying it, thence to the trial itself,
and thence perhaps to sink into that bondage whereat he
wondered, seeing he was willing to make a covenant with
death;^ and he that loves danger, shall fall into it.^ For
whatever honour there be in the office of well-ordering a
married life, and a family, moved us but slightly. But me
for the most part the habit of satisfying an insatiable ap-
petite tormented, while it held me captive ; him, an admiring
^ Is. xxviii. IS. " Ecclus. iii. 27.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 99
wonder was leading captive. So were we, until Thou, O
Most High, not forsaking our dust, commiserating us miser-
able, didst come to our help, by wondrous and secret ways.
Continual effort was made to have me married. I wooed,
I was promised, chiefly through my mother's pains, that so
once married, the health-giving baptism might cleanse me,
towards which she rejoiced that I was being daily fitted,
and observed that her prayers, and Thy proinases,
were being fulfilled in my faith. At which time verily,
both at my request and her own longing, with strong cries
of heart she daily begged of Thee, that Thou wouldest by
a vision discover unto her something concerning my future
marriage ; Thou never wouldest. She saw indeed certain
vain and fantastic things, such as the energy of the human
spirit, busied thereon, brought together ; and these she told
me of, not with that confidence she was wont, when Thou
showedst her any thing, but slighting them. For she could,
she said, through a certain feeling, which in words she could
not express, discern betwixt Thy revelations, and the dreams
of her own soul. Yet the matter was pressed on, and a
maiden asked in marriage, two years under the fit age ; and,
as pleasing, was waited for.
And many of us friends conferring about, and detesting
the turbulent turmoils of human life, had debated and now
almost resolved on living apart from business and the bustle
of men ; and this was to be thus obtained ; we were to bring
whatever we might severally procure, and make one house-
hold of all ; so that through the truth of our friendship noth-
ing should belong especially to any ; but the whole thus
derived from all, should as a whole belong to each, and all
to all. We thought there might be some ten persons in this
society; some of whom were very rich, especially Roman-
ianus our townsman, from childhood a very familiar friend
of mine, whom the grievous perplexities of his affairs had
brought up to court; who was the most earnest for this proj-
ect ; and therein was his voice of great weight, because his
ample estate far exceeded any of the rest. We had settled
also that two annual officers, as it were, should provide all
things necessary, the rest being undisturbed. But when
we began to consider whether the wives, which some of
100 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
us already had, others hoped to have, would allow this, all
that plan, which was being so well moulded, fell to pieces
in our hands, was utterly dashed and cast aside. Thence
we betook us to sighs, and groans, and our steps to follow
the broad and beaten ways of the world ;^' for many thoughts
were in our heart,, but Thy counsel standeth for ever}* Out
of which counsel Thou didst deride ours, and preparedst
Thine own ; purposing to give us meat in due season, and to
open Thy hand, and to Ull our souls with blessing}^
Meanwhile my sins were being multiplied, and my con-
cubine being torn from my side as a hindrance to my mar-
riage, my heart which clave unto her was torn and wounded
and bleeding. And she returned to Afric, vowing unto Thee
never to know any other man, leaving with me my son by
her. But unhappy I, who could not imitate a very woman,
impatient of delay, inasmuch as not till after two years was
I to obtain her I sought, not being so much a lover of mar-
riage as a slave to lust, procured another, though no wife,
that so by the servitude of an enduring custom, the disease of
my soul might be kept up and carried on in its vigour, or
even augmented, into the dominion of marriage. Nor was
that my wound cured, which had been made by the cutting
away of the former, but after inflammation and most acute
pain, it mortified, and my pains became less acute, but more
desperate.
To Thee be praise, glory to Thee, Fountain of mercies.
I was becoming more miserable, and Thou nearer. Thy
right hand was continually ready to pluck me out of the
mire, and to wash me throughly, and I knew it not ; nor did
any thing call me back from a yet deeper gulf of carnal
pleasures, but the fear of death, and of Thy judgment to
come; which amid all my changes, never departed from my
breast. And in my disputes with my friends Alypius and
Nebridius of the nature of good and evil, I held that Epi-
curus had in my mind won the palm, had I not believed that
after death there remained a life for the soul, and places
of requital according to men's deserts, which Epicurus would
not believe. And I asked, "were we immortal, and to live
in perpetual bodily pleasures, without fear of losing it, why
'2 Matt. vii. 13. 1* Ps. xxxiii. 11. ^'' Ps. cxlv. 15, 16.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 101
should we not be happy, or what else should we seek ? " not
knowing that great misery was involved in this very thing,
that, being thus sunk and blinded, I could not discern that
light of excellence and beauty, to be embraced for its own
sake, which the eye of flesh cannot see, and is seen by the
inner man. Nor did I, unhappy, consider from what source
it sprung, that even on these things, foul as they were, I
with pleasure discoursed with my friends, nor could I, even
according to the notions I then had of happiness, be happy
without friends, amid what abundance soever of carnal pleas-
ures. And yet these friends I loved for themselves only,
and I felt that I was beloved of them again for myself only.
O crooked paths! Woe to the audacious soul, which
hoped, by forsaking Thee, to gain some better thing ! Turned
it hath, and turned again, upon back, sides, and belly, yet
all was painful; and Thou alone rest. And behold, Thou
art at hand, and deliverest us from our wretched wanderings,
and placest us in Thy way, and dost comfort us, and say,
"Run; I will carry you; yea I will bring you through;
there also will I carry you."
THE SEVENTH BOOK
Augustine's thirty-first year; gradually extricated from his errors,
but still with material conceptions of God ; much aided by an
argument of Nebridius ; sees that the cause of sin lies in free-
will, rejects the Manichjean heresy, but can not altogether
embrace the doctrine of the Church ; recovered from the belief
in Astrology, but miserably perplexed about the origin of evil ;
is led to find in the Platonists the seeds of the doctrine of the
Divinity of the Word, but not of His humiliation ; hence he
obtains clearer notions of God's majesty, but, not knowing
Christ to be the Mediator, remains estranged from Him ; all
his doubts removed by the study of Holy Scripture, especially
St. Paul
DECEASED was now that my evil and abominable
youth, and I was passing into early manhood ; the
more defiled by vain things as I grew in years, who
could not imagine any substance, but such as is wont to
be seen with these eyes. I thought not of Thee, O God,
under the figure of a human body; since I began to hear
aught of wisdom, I always avoided this; and rejoiced to
have found the same in the faith of our spiritual mother,
Thy Catholic Church. But what else to conceive Thee
I knew not. And I, a man, and such a man, sought to con-
ceive of Thee the sovereign, only, true God; and I did in
my inmost soul believe that Thou wert incorruptible, and
uninjurable, and unchangeable; because though not knowing
whence or how, yet I saw plainly, and was sure, that that
which may be corrupted must be inferior to that which
cannot; what could not be injured I preferred unhesitatingly
to what could receive injury; the unchangeable to things
subject to change. My heart passionately cried out against
all my phantoms, and with this one blow I sought to beat
away from the eye of my mind all that unclean troop which
buzzed around it. And lo, being scarce put off, in the
102
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 103
twinkling of an eye they gathered again thick about
me, flew against my face, and beclouded it; so that though
not under the form of the human body, yet was I constrained
to conceive of Thee (that incorruptible, uninjurable, and
unchangeable, which I preferred before the corruptible,
and injurable, and changeable) as being in space, whether
infused into the world, or diffused infinitely without it.
Because whatsoever I conceived, deprived of this space,
seemed to me nothing, yea altogether nothing, not even a
void, as if a body were taken out of its place, and the place
should remain empty of any body at all, of earth and water,
air and heaven, yet would it remain a void place, as it were
a spacious nothing.
I then being thus gross-hearted, nor clear even to myself,
whatsoever was not extended over certain spaces, nor dif-
fused, nor condensed, nor swelled out, or did not or could
not receive some of these dimensions, I thought to be alto-
gether nothing. For over such forms as my eyes are wont
to range, did my heart then range: nor yet did I see that
this same notion of the mind, whereby I formed those very
images, was not of this sort, and yet it could not have formed
them, had not itself been some great thing. So also did I
endeavour to conceive of Thee, Life of my life, as vast,
through infinite spaces on every side penetrating the whole
mass of the universe, and beyond it. every way, through
unmeasurable boundless spaces ; so that the earth should
have Thee, the heaven have Thee, all things have Thee,
and they be bounded in Thee, and Thou bounded nowhere.
For that as the body of this air which is above the earth,
hindereth not the light of the sun from passing through it,
penetrating it, not by bursting or by cutting, but by filling
it wholly: so I thought the body not of heaven, air, and sea
only, but of the earth too, previous to Thee, so that in all
its parts, the greatest as the smallest, it should admit Thy
presence, by a secret inspiration within and without, direct-
ing all things which Thou hast created. So I guessed, only
as unable to conceive aught else, for it was false. For thus
should a greater part of the earth contain a greater portion
of Thee, and a less, a lesser: and all things should in such
sort be full of Thee, that the body of an elephant should
104 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
contain more of Thee than that of a sparrow, by how much
larger it is and takes up more room; and thus shouldest
Thou make the several portions of Thyself present unto the
several portions of the world, in fragments, large to the
large, petty to the petty. But such are not Thou. But
not as yet hadst Thou enlightened my darkness.
It was enough for me, Lord, to oppose to those deceived
deceivers, and dumb praters, since Thy word sounded not
out of them; — that was enough which long ago, while we
were yet at Carthage, Nebridius used to propound, at which
all we that heard it were staggered: "That said nation of
darkness, which the Manichees are wont to set as an op-
posing mass over against Thee, what could it have done
unto Thee, hadst Thou refused to fight with it? For, if
they answered, 'it would have done Thee some hurt,' then
shouldest Thou be subject to injury and corruption: but if
'it could do Thee no hurt,' then was no reason brought for
Thy fighting with it; and fighting in such wise, as that a
certain portion or member of Thee, or offspring of Thy very
Substance, should be mingled with opposed powers, and
natures not created by Thee, and be by them so far cor-
rupted and changed to the worse, as to be turned from
happiness into misery, and need assistance, whereby it might
be extricated and purified; and that this offspring of Thy
Substance was the soul, which being enthralled, defiled,
corrupted. Thy Word free, pure and whole might relieve;
that Word itself being still corruptible because it was of
one and the same Substance. So then, should they affirm
Thee, whatsoever Thou art, that is. Thy Substance whereby
Thou art, to be incorruptible, then were all these sayings
false and execrable; but if corruptible, the very statement
showed it to be false and revolting." This argument then
of Nebridius sufficed against those who deserved wholly to
be vomited out of the overcharged stomach ; for they had
no escape, without horrible blasphemy of heart and tongue,
thus thinking and speaking of Thee.
But I also as yet, although I held and was firmly per-
suaded that Thou our Lord the true God, who madest not
only our souls, but our bodies, and not only our souls and
bodies, but all beings, and all things wert undefilable and
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 105
unalterable, and in no degree mutable ; yet understood
I not, clearly and without difficulty, the cause of evil.
And yet whatever it were, I perceived it was in
such wise to be sought out, as should not constrain me to
believe the immutable God to be mutable, lest I should
become that evil I was seeking out. I sought it out then,
thus far free from anxiety, certain of the untruth of what
these held, from whom I shrunk with my whole heart: for
I saw, that through enquiring the origin of evil, they were
filled with evil, in that they preferred to think that Thy
substance did suffer ill than their own did commit it.
And I strained to perceive what I now heard, that free-
will was the cause of our doing ill, and Thy just judgment
of our suffering ill. But I was not able clearly to discern
it. So then endeavouring to draw my soul's vision out of
that deep pit, I was again plunged therein, and endeavouring
often, I was plunged back as often. But this raised me a
little into Thy light, that I knew as well that I had a will,
as that I lived : when then I did will or nill any thing, I was
most sure that no other than myself did will and nill : and
I all but saw that there was the cause of my sin. But what
I did against my will, I saw that I suffered rather than did,
and I judged not to be my fault, but my punishment; whereby
however, holding Thee to be just. I speedily confessed myself
to be not unjustly punished. But again I said, Who made
me? Did not my God, who is not only good, but goodness
itself? Whence then came I to will evil and nill good, so
that I am thus justly punished? who set this in me, and
ingrafted into me this plant of bitterness, seeing I was
wholly formed by my most sweet God? If the devil were
the author, whence is that same devil? And if he also by
his own perverse will, of a good angel became a devil,
whence, again, came in him that evil will whereby he became
a devil, seeing the whole nature of angels was made by that
most good Creator? By these thoughts I was again sunk
down and choked; yet not brought down to that hell of
error (where no man confesseth unto Thee), to think rather
that Thou dost suffer ill, than that man doth it.'
For I was in such wise striving to find out the rest, as
»Ps. vi. 5.
106 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
one who had already found that the incorruptible must
needs be better than the corruptible: and Thee therefore,
whatsoever Thou wert, I confessed to be incorruptible. For
never soul was, nor shall be able to conceive any thing which
may be better than Thou, who art the sovereign and the
best good. But since most truly and certainly, the incorrup-
tible is preferable to the corruptible (as I did now prefef
it), then, wert Thou not incorruptible, I could in thoughl
have arrived at something better than my God. Where then
I saw the incorruptible to be preferable to the corruptible,
there ought I to seek for Thee, and there observe " wherein
evil itself was ; " that is whence corruption comes, by which
Thy substance can by no means be impaired. For corruption
does no ways impair our God; by no will, by no necessity,
by no unlooked-for chance : because He is God, and what
He wills is good, and Himself is that good ; but to be cor-
rupted is not good. Nor art Thou against Thy will con-
strained to any thing, since Thy will is not greater than
Thy power. But greater should it be, were Thyself greater
than Thyself. For the will and power of God is God Him-
self. And what can be unlocked for by Thee, who knowest
all things? Nor is there any nature in things, but Thou
knowest it. And what should we more say, " why that
substance which God is should not be corruptible," seeing
if it were so, it should not be God?
And I sought " whence is evil," and sought in an evil way ;
and saw not the evil in my very search. I set now before
the sight of my spirit the whole creation, whatsoever we can
see therein (as sea, earth, air, stars, trees, mortal creatures) ;
yea, and whatever in it we do not see, as the firmament of
heaven, all angels moreover, and all the spiritual inhabitants
thereof. But these very beings, as though they were bodies,
did my fancy dispose in place, and I made one great mass
of Thy creation, distinguished as to the kinds of bodies ; some,
real bodies, some, what myself had feigned for spirits. And
this mass I made huge, not as it was (which I could not
know), but as I thought convenient, yet every way finite.
But Thee, O Lord, I imagined on every part environing and
penetrating it, though every way infinite: as if there were
a sea, every where, and on every side, through unmeasured
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 107
space, one only boundless sea, and it contained within it some
spongfe, huge, but bounded; that sponge must needs, in all
its parts, be filled from that unmcasurable sea: so conceived
I Thy creation, itself finite, full of Thee, the Infinite ; and
I said, Behold God, and behold what God hath created; and
God is good, yea, most mightily and incomparably better
than all these: but yet He, the Good, created them good;
and see how He environeth and fulfils them. Where is evil
then, and whence, and how crept it in hither? What is its
root, and what its seed? Or hath it no being? Why then
fear we and avoid what is not? Or if we fear it idly,
then is that very fear evil, whereby the soul is thus idly
goaded and racked. Yea, and so much a greater evil, as we
have nothing to fear, and yet do fear. Therefore either is
that evil which we fear, or else evil is, that we fear. Whence
is it then ? seeing God, the Good, hath created all these
things good. He indeed, the greater and chiefest Good, hath
created these lesser goods ; still both Creator and created, all
are good. Whence is evil ? Or, was there some evil matter
of which He made, and formed, and ordered it, yet left some-
thing in it which He did not convert into good ? Whv so
then ? Had He no right to turn and change the whole, so that
no evil should remain in it, seeing He is Almighty? Lastly,
why should He make any thing at all of it, and not rather
by the same All-mightiness cause it not to be at all? Or,
could it then be against His will? Or if it were from eter-
nity, why suffered He it so to be for infinite spaces of times
past, and was pleased so long after to make something out
of it? Or if He were suddenly pleased now to effect some-
what, this rather should the All-mighty have effected, that
this evil matter should not be. and He alone be, the whole,
true, sovereign, and infinite Good. Or if it was not good
that He who was good should not also frame and create
something that were good, then, that evil matter being taken
away and brought to nothing, He might form good matter,
whereof to create all things. For He should not be All-
mighty, if He might not create something good without the
aid of that matter which Himself had not created. These
thoughts I revolved in my miserable heart, overcharged with
most gnawing cares, lest I should die ere I had found the
108 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
truth ; yet was the faith of Thy Christ, our Lord and Saviour,
professed in the Church Catholic, firmly fixed in my earth,
in many points, indeed, as yet unformed, and fluctuating
from the rule of doctrine; yet did not my mind utterly
leave it, but rather daily took in more and more of it.
By this time also had I rejected the lying divinations and
impious dotages of the astrologers. Let Thine own mercies,
out of my very inmost soul, confess unto Thee for this also,
O my God.^ For Thou, Thou altogether (for who else calls
us back from the death of all errors, save the Life which
cannot die, and the Wisdom which needing no light en-
lightens the minds that need it, whereby the universe is
directed, down to the whirling leaves of trees?), — Thou
madest provision for my obstinacy wherewith I struggled
against Vindicianus,'' an acute old man, and Nebridius, a
young man of admirable talents; the first vehemently affirm-
ing, and the latter often (though with some doubtfulness)
saying, " That there was no such art whereby to foresee
things to come, but that men's conjectures were a sort of
lottery, and that out of many things which they said should
come to pass, some actually did, unawares to them who spake
it, who stumbled upon it, through their oft speaking." Thou
providest then a friend for me, no negligent consulter of the
astrologers; nor yet well skilled in those arts, but (as I
said) a curious consulter with them, and yet knowing some-
thing, which he said he had heard of his father, which how
far it went to overthrow the estimation of that art, he knew
not. This man then, Firminus by name, having had a
liberal education, and well taught in Rhetoric, consulted me,
as one very dear to him, what, according to his so-called
constellations, I thought on certain affairs of his, wherein
his worldly hopes had risen, and I, who had herein now
begun to incline towards Nebridius' opinion, did not alto-
gether refuse to conjecture, and tell him what came into my
unresolved mind: but added, that I was now almost per-
suaded that these were but empty and ridiculous follies.
Thereupon he told me that his father had been very curious
in such books, and had a friend as earnest in them as him-
self, who with joint study and conference fanned the flame
2 Fs. cvi. 8.— Vulg. 3 See Book IV., p. 50.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 109
of their affections to these toys, so that they would observe
the moments whereat the very dumb animals, which bred
about their houses, ga\ e birth, and then observed the relative
position of the heavens, thereby to make fresh experiments
in this so-called art. He said then that he had heard of
his father, that what time his mother was about to give birth
to him, Firminus, a woman-servant of that friend of his
father's was also with child, which could not escape her
master, who took care with most exact diligence to know
the births of his very puppies. And so it was that (the one
for his wife, and the other for his servant, with the most
careful observation, reckoning days, hours, nay, the lesser
divisions of the hours) both were delivered at the same
instant ; so that both were constrained to allow the same
constellations, even to the minutest points, the one for
his son, the other for his new-born slave. For so soon as
the women began to be in labour, they each gave notice to
the other what was fallen out in their houses, and had
messengers ready to send to one another so soon as they
had notice of the actual birth, of which they had easily pro-
vided, each in his own province, to give instant intelligence.
Thus then the messengers of the respective parties met, he
averred, at such an equal distance from either house, that
neither of them could make out any difference in the position
of the stars, or any other minutest points ; and yet Firminus,
born in a high estate in his parents' house, ran his course
through the gilded paths of life, was increased in riches,
raised to honours; whereas that slave continued to serve
his masters, without any relaxation of his yoke, as Firminus,
who knew him, told me.
Upon hearing and believing these things, told by one of
such credibility, all that my resistance gave way; and first I
endeavoured to reclaim Firminus himself from that curiosity,
by telling him that upon inspecting his constellations. I ought,
if I were to predict truly, to have seen in them parents emi-
nent among their neighbours, a noble family in its own city
high birth, good education, liberal learning. But if that
servant had consulted me upon the same constellations, since
they were his also, I ought again (to tell him too truly) to
see in them a lineage the most abject, a slavish condition,
110 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
and every thing else utterly at variance with the former.
Whence then, if I spake the truth, I should, from the same
constellations, speak diversely, or if I spake the same, speak
falsely : thence it followed most certainly that whatever,
upon consideration of the constellations, was spoken truly,
was spoken not out of art, but chance ; and whatever spoken
falsely, was not out of ignorance in the art, but the failure
of the chance.
An opening thus made, ruminating with myself on the
like things, that no one of those dotards (who lived by
such a trade, and whom I longed to attack, and with de-
rision to confute) might urge against me that Firminus
had informed me falsely, or his father him ; I bent my
thoughts on those that are born twins, who for the most part
come out of the womb so near one to other, that the small
interval (how much force soever in the nature of things
folk may pretend to have) cannot be noted by human obser-
vation, or be at all expressed in those figures which the
astrologer is to inspect, that he may pronounce truly. Yet
they cannot be true : for looking into the same figures, he
must have predicted the same of Esau and Jacob, whereas
the same happened not to them. Therefore he must speak
falsely; or if truly, then, looking into the same figures,
he must not give the same answer. Not by art, then, but
by chance, would he speak truly. For Thou, O Lord, most
righteous Ruler of the Universe, while consulters and con-
sulted know it not, dost by Thy hidden inspiration effect that
the consulter should hear what, according to the hidden de-
servings of souls, he ought to hear, out of the unsearchable
depth of Thy just judgment, to Whom let no man say, What
is this ? Why that ? Let him not so say, for he is man.
Now then, O my Helper, hadst thou loosed me from those
fetters : and I sought " whence is evil," and found no way.
But thou sufferedst me not by any fluctuations of thought
to be carried away from the Faith whereby I believed Thee
both to be, and Thy substance to be unchangeable, and that
Thou hast a care of, and wouldest judge men, and that in
Christ, Thy Son, our Lord, and the holy Scriptures, which
the authority of Thy Catholic Church pressed upon me,
Thou hadst set the way of man's salvation, to that life which
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 111
is to be after this death. These things being safe and im-
movably settled in my mind, I sought anxiously " whence
was evil ? " What were the pangs of my teeming heart, what
groans, O my God ! yet even there were Thine ears open,
and I knew it not : and when in silence I vehemently sought,
those silent contritions of my soul were strong cries unto
Thy mercy. Thou knewest what I suffered, and no man.
For, what was that which was thence through my tongue
distilled into the ears of my most familiar friends? Did
the whole tumult of my soul, for which neither time nor
utterance sufficed, reach them ? Yet went up the whole to
Thy hearing, all which I roared out from the groanings
of my heart; and my desire was before Thee, and the light
of mine eyes was not with me ■* for that was within. I with-
out: nor was that confined to place, but I was intent on
things contained in place, but there found I no resting-place,
nor did they so receive me, that I could say, " It is enough,"
" it is well : " nor did they yet suffer me to turn back, where
it might be well enough with me. For to these things was I
superior, but inferior to Thee; and Thou art my true joy
when subjected to Thee, and Thou hadst subjected to me
what Thou createdst below me. And this was the true tem-
perament, and middle region of my safety, to remain in Thy
Image, and by serving Thee, rule the body. But when
I rose proudly against Thee, and ran against the Lord ivith
my. neck, zvith the thick bosses of my buckler,^ even these
inferior things were set above me, and pressed me down,
and no where was there respite or space for breathing. They
met my sight on all sides by heaps and troops, and in thought
the images thereof presented themselves unsought, as I
would return to Thee, as if they would say unto me,
" Whither goest thou, unworthy and defiled ? " And these
things had grown out of my wound ; for Thou " humbledst
the proud like one that is wounded,'" and through my own
swelling was I separated from Thee; yea, my pride-swollen
face closed up mine eyes.
But Thou, Lord, abidest for ever, yet not for ever art
Thou angry with us ; because Thou pitiest our dust and ashes,
and it was pleasing in Thy sight to reform my deformities:
*Ps. xxxvii. 9-1 1. — Vulg. »Job xv, 26. « Ps. Ixxxviii. 11. — Vulg.
112 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
and by inward goads didst Thou rouse me, that I should be
ill at ease, until Thou wert manifested to my inward sight.
Thus, by the secret hand of Thy medicining was my swelling
abated, and the troubled and bedimmed eye-sight of my
mind, by the smarting anointings of healthful sorrows, was
from day to day healed.
And Thou, willing first to show me how Thou resistest
the proud, hut givest grace unto the humble^ and by how
great an act of Thy Mercy Thou hadst traced out to men
the way of humility, in that Thy Word was made flesh, and
dwelt among men : — Thou procuredst for me, by means of
one puffed up with most unnatural pride, certain books
of the Platonists, translated from Greek into Latin. And
therein I read, not indeed in the very words, but to the
very same purpose, enforced by many and divers reasons,
that In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with
God, and the Word was God: the Same zvas in the begin-
ning with God: all things were made by Him, and without
Him was nothing made: that which was made by Him is
life, and the life was the light of men, and the light shineth
in the darkness, and the darkness comprehended it not^ And
that the soul of man, though it bears witness to the light, yet
itself is not that light; but the Word of God, being God,
is that true light that lighteth every man that cometh into
the worlds And that He was in the world, and the world
was made by Him, and the world knew Him not.^" But that
He came unto His own, and His own received Him not;^
but as many as received Him, to them gave He power to be-
come the sons of God, as many as believed in His name,'^
this I read not there.
Again I read there, that God the Word was born not of
flesh, nor of blood, nor of the will of man, nor of the
will of the flesh, but of GodF But that the Word was
made flesh, and dwelt among us,^* I read not there. For
I traced in those books that it was many and divers
ways said, that the Son was in the form of the Father, and
thought it not robbery to be equal with God, for that
naturally He was the Same Substance. But that He
'Jam. iv. 6; i Pet. v. 5. » John i. 1-5. ^ lb. g. ^'^' lb. 10.
^Ib. II. ^Ib. 12. ^^Ib. 13. "/&. 14.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 113
emptied himself, taking the form of a servant, being made
in the likeness of men, and found in fashion as a man, hum-
bled Himself, and became obedient unto death, and that the
death of the cross: wherefore God exalted Him from the
dead and gave Him a name above every name, that at the
name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven,
and things in earth, and things under the earth; and that
every tongue should confess that the Lord Jesus Christ is
in the Glory of God the Father;^^ those books have not.
For that before all times and above all times Thy Only-
Begotten Son remaineth unchangeable, co-eternal with Thee,
and that of His fulness souls receive ^'^ that they may be
blessed ; and that by participation of wisdom abiding in them,
they are renewed, so as to be wise, is there. But that in
due time He died for the ungodly;^' and that Thou sparedst
not Thine Only Son, but dcliveredst Him for us all,^^ is not
there. For Thou hiddcst these things from the wise, and
revealcdst them to babes; that they that labour and are heavy
laden might come unto Him, and He refresh them, because
He is meek and lozvly in heart;^" and the meek He directeth
in judgment, and the gentle He teachcth His ways^ behold-
ing our loneliness and trouble, and forgiving all our sinsJ"^
But such as are lifted up in the lofty walk of some would-be
sublimer learning, hear not Him, saying, Learn of Me, for
I am meek and lozcly in heart, and ye shall find rest to your
soulsf' Although they kuezv God, yet they glorify Him not
as God, nor are thankful, but wax vain in their thoughts;
and their foolish heart is darkened; professing that they
were wise, they became fools.^
And therefore did I read there also, that they had changed
the glory of Thy incorruptible nature into idols and divers
shapes, into the likeness of the image of corruptible man, and
birds, and beasts, and creeping things;'* namely, into that
Egyptian food for which Esau lost his birthright,"^ for that
Thy first-born people worshipped the head of a four-footed
beast instead of Thee -^ turning in heart back towards Eg)pt ;
and bowing Thy image, their own soul, before the image of a
isPhil. ii. 6-II. i«Johni. i6. " Rom. v. 6. " 7&. viii. 32.
"Matt. xi. 25, 28, 29. snPs. xxv. 9. ^ lb. 18. » Matt. xi. 29.
2=' Rom. 1. 21, 22. s* Rom. i. 23. =5 Qen. xxv. 33, 34.
** Ex. xxxii. 1-6.
114 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
calf that eateth hay.^ These things found I here, but I fed
not on them. For it pleased Thee, O Lord, to take away
the reproach of diminution from Jacob, that the elder should
serve the younger f^ and Thou calledst the Gentiles into
Thine inheritance. And I had come to Thee from among
the Gentiles; and I set my mind upon the gold which Thou
,willedst Thy people to take from Egypt, seeing Thine it was,
wheresoever it were.^' And to the Athenians Thou saidst
by Thy Apostle, that in Thee we live, move, and have our
being, as one of their own poets had said.^" And verily
these books came from thence. But I set not my mind on the
idols of Egypt, whom they served with Thy gold^^ who
changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and
served the creature more than the Creator!"
And being thence admonished to return to myself, I en-
tered even into my inward self. Thou being my Guide: and
able I was, for Thou wert become my Helper. And I entered
and beheld with the eye of my soul (such as it was), above
the same eye of my soul, above my mind, the Light Unchange-
able. Not this ordinary light, which all flesh may look upon,
nor as it were a greater of the same kind, as though the
brightness of this should be manifold brighter, and with its
greatness take up all space. Not such was this light, but
other, yea, far other from all these. Nor was it above my
soul, as oil is above water, nor yet as heaven above earth:
but above to my soul, because It made me; and I below It,
because I was made by it. He that knows the Truth, knows
what that Light is; and he that knows It, knows eternity.
Love knoweth it. O Truth Who art Eternity ! and Love Who
art Truth ! and Eternity Who art Love ! Thou art my God,
to Thee do I sigh night and day. Thee when I first knew.
Thou liftedst me up, that I might see there was what I might
see, and that I was not yet such as to see. And Thou didst
beat back the weakness of my sight, streaming forth Thy
beams of light upon me most strongly, and I trembled with
love and awe : and I perceived myself to be far off from Thee,
in the region of unlikeness, as if I heard this Thy voice from
on high: "I am the food of grown men; and thou shalt
a^Ps. cvi. 20. 28 Rom. ix. 13. 29 Ex. iii. 22; xi. 2.
so Acts xvii. 28. ^ Hos. ii. 8. ^ Rom. i. 25.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE US
feed upon Me ; nor shalt thou convert Me, like the food of
thy flesh, into thee, but thou shalt be converted into Me."
And I learned, that Tlioii for iniquity chastcncst man, and
Thou madcst my soul to consume aivay like a spider.^ And
I said, " Is Truth therefore nothing because it is not diffused
through space finite or infinite?" And Thou criedst to me
from afar: " Yea, verily, / AM that I AM.""* And I heard,
as the heart heareth, nor had I room to doubt, and I should
sooner doubt that I live than that Truth is not, which is
clearly seen, being understood by those things which are
made.^
And I beheld the other things below Thee, and I per-
ceived that they neither altogether are, nor altogether are
not, for they are, since they are from Thee, but are not,
because they are not, what Thou art. For that truly is
which remains unchangeably. It is good then for me to
hold fast unto God;^ for if I remain not in Him, I cannot
in myself; but He remaining in Himself, rcne^vcth oil
things.^^ And Thou art the Lord my God since Thou stand-
est not in need of my goodness^
And it was manifested unto me, that those things be good
which yet are corrupted; which neither were they sovereignly
good, nor unless they were good could be corrupted : for if
sovereignly good, they were incorruptible, if not good at all,
there were nothing in them to be corrupted. For corruption
injures, but unless it diminished goodness, it could not injure.
Either then corruption injures not, which cannot be; or
which is most certain, all which is corrupted is deprived of
good. But if they be deprived of all good, they shall cease
to be. For if they shall be, and can now no longer be cor-
rupted, they shall be better than before, because they shall
abide incorruptibly. And what more monstrous than to affirm
things to become better by losing all their good? There-
fore, if they shall be deprived of all good, they shall no
longer be. So long therefore as they are, they are good :
therefore whatsoever is, is good. That evil then which I
sought, whence it is, is not my substance : for were it a sub-
stance, it should be good. For either it should be an incor-
** Ps. xxxix. 1 1. ** Exod. iii. 14. *^ Rom. 1. 20.
»* Ps. budii. 28. " Wisd. vii. 27. * Ps. xvi. i.
116 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
ruptible substance, and so a chief good: or a corrupt-
ible substance; which unless it were good, could not
be corrupted. I perceived therefore, and it was manifested
to me that Thou madest all things good, nor is there any
substance at all, which Thou madest not; and for that Thou
madest not all things equal, therefore are all things ; because
each is good, and altogether very good, because our God
made all things very good.'^
And to Thee is nothing whatsoever evil : yea, not only to
Thee, but also to Thy creation as a whole, because there
is nothing without, which may break in, and corrupt that
order which Thou hast appointed it. But in the parts there-
of some things, because unharmonising with other some, are
accounted evil : whereas those very things harmonise with
others, and are good; and in themselves are good. And
all these things which harmonise not altogether, do yet with
the inferior part, which we call Earth, having its own cloudy
and windy sky harmonising with it. Far be it then that I
should say, " These things should not be :" for should I see
nought but these, I should indeed long for the better; but
still must even for these alone praise Thee; for that Thou
art to be praised, do show from the earth, dragons, and all
deeps, fire, hail, snow, ice, and stormy wind which fulfil
Thy word; mountains and all hills, fruitfid trees, and all
cedars; beasts, and all cattle, creeping things, and fiying
fowls; kings of the earth, and all people, princes, and all
judges of the earth; young men and maidens, old men and
young, praise Thy Name. But when, from heaven, these
praise Thee, praise Thee, our God, in the heights, all Thy
angels, all Thy hosts, sun and moon, all the stars and light,
the Heaven of heavens, and the waters that be above the
heavens, praise Thy Name;*" I did not now long for things
better because I conceived of all: and with a sounder judg-
ment I apprehended that the things above were better than
these below, but all together better than those above by
themselves.
There is no soundness in them, whom aught of Thy cre-
ation displeaseth : as neither in me, when much which Thou
hast made, displeased me. And because my soul durst not
39 Gen. i. 31; Eccli. xxxix. 21. ^Ps. cxlviii. 1-12.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 117
be displeased at my God, it would fain not account that
Thine, which displeased it. Hence it had gone into the
opinion of two substances, and had no rest, but talked idly.
And returning thence, it had made to itself a God, through in-
finite measures of all space ; and thought it to be Thee, and
placed it in its heart ; and had again become the temple of
its own idol, to Thee abominable. But after Thou hadst
soothed my head, unknown to me, and closed mine eyes that
they should not behold vanity,*^ I ceased somewhat of my
former self, and my frenzy was lulled to sleep; and I awoke
in Thee, and saw Thee infinite, but in another way, and
this sight was not derived from the flesh.
And I looked back on other things ; and I saw that they
owed their being to Thee; and were all bounded in Thee:
but in a diflferent way; not as being in space; but because
Thou containest all things in Thine hand in Thy Truth;
and all things are true so far as they be; nor is there any
falsehood unless when that is thought to be, which is not.
And I saw that all things did harmonise, not with their
places only, but with their seasons. And that Thou, who
only art Eternal, didst not begin to work after innumerable
spaces of times spent ; for that all spaces of times, both which
have passed, and which shall pass, neither go nor come, but
through Thee, working, and abiding.
And I perceived and found it nothing strange, that bread
which is pleasant to a healthy palate is loathsome to one
distempered : and to sore eyes light is offensive, which to the
sound is delightful. And Thy righteousness displeaseth the
wicked; much more the viper and reptiles, which Thou hast
created good, fitting in with the inferior portions of Thy
Creation, with which the very wicked also fit in; and that
the more, by how much they be unlike Thee ; but with the
superior creatures by how much they become more like to
Thee. And I enquired what iniquity was, and found it
to be no substance, but the perversion of the will, turned
aside from Thee, O God, the Supreme, towards these
lower things, and casting out its bozvcls, and puffed up out-
wardly.
And I wondered that I now loved Thee, and no phantasn:
"Ps. cxix. 37.
118 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
for Thee. And yet did I not press on to enjoy my God;
but was borne up to Thee by Thy beauty, and soon borne
down from Thee by mine own weight, sinking with sorrow
into these inferior things. This weight was carnal custom.
Yet dwelt there with me a remembrance of Thee; nor did I
any way doubt that there was One to whom I might cleave,
but that I was not yet such as to cleave to Thee: for that
the body zvhich is corrupted presseth dozvn the soul, and the
earthly tabernacle tveigheth dozvn the mind that museth upon
many things.*^ And most certain I was, that Thy invisible
works from the creation of the zvorld are clearly seen, being
understood by the things that are made, even Thy eternal
pozver and Godhead.^ For examining whence it was that I
admired the beauty of bodies celestial or terrestrial ; and what
aided me in judging soundly on things mutable, and pro-
nouncing, "This ought to be thus, this not;" examining,
I say, whence it was that I so judged, seeing I did so judge,
I had found the unchangeable and true Eternity of Truth
above mj' changeable mind. And thus by degrees I passed
from bodies to the soul, which through the bodily senses per-
ceives; and thence to its inward faculty, to which the bodily
senses represent things external, whitherto reach the faculties
of beasts ; and thence again to the reasoning faculty, to which
what is received from the senses of the body is referred to
be judged. Which finding itself also to be in me a thing
variable, raised itself up to its own understanding, and drew
away my thoughts from the power of habit, withdrawing
itself from those troops of contradictory phantasms; that
so it might find what that light was whereby it was bedewed,
when, without all doubting, it cried out, " That the un-
changeable was to be preferred to the changeable ; " whence
also it knew That Unchangeable, which, unless it had in some
way known, it had had no sure ground to prefer it to the
changeable. And thus with the flash of one trembling glance
it arrived at That Which Is. And then I saw Thy in-
visible things understood by the things which are made.**"
But I could not fix my gaze thereon ; and my infirmity being
struck back, I was thrown again on my wonted habits, carry-
ing along with me only a loving memory thereof, and a
*2Wisd. ix. IS. «Rom. i. 20. ** Rom. i. 20.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 119
longing for what I had, as it were, perceived the odour of,
but was not yet able to feed on.
Then I sought a way of obtaining strength sufficient to
enjoy Thee ; and found it not, until I embraced that Mediator
betwixt God and men, the Man Christ Jesus,*^ who is over
all, God blessed for evermore,*^ calling unto me, and saying,
/ am the zvay, the truth, and the life" and mingling that
food which I was unable to receive, with our flesh. For, the
Word was made flesh,*^ that Thy wisdom, whereby Thou
createdst all things, might provide milk for our infant state.
For I did not hold to my Lord Jesus Christ, I, humbled, to
the humble; nor knew I yet whereto His infirmity would
guide us. For Thy Word, the Eternal Truth, far above the
higher parts of Thy Creation, raises up the subdued unto
Itself: but in this lower world built for Itself a lowly habi-
tation of our clay, whereby to abase from themselves such as
would be subdued, and bring them over to Himself; allaying
their swelling, and fomenting their love ; to the end they
might go on no further in self-confidence, but rather consent
to become weak, seeing before their feet the Divinity weak
by taking our coats of skin;*" and wearied, might cast them-
selves down upon It, and It rising, might lift them up.
But I thought otherwise; conceiving only of my Lord
Christ as of a man of excellent wisdom, whom no one could
be equalled unto ; especially, for that being wonderfully born
of a Virgin, He seemed, in conformity therewith, through
the Divine care for us, to have attained that great eminence
of authority, for an ensample of despising things temporal
for the obtaining of immortality. But what mystery there
lay in "The Word was made flesh," I could not even imagine.
Only I had learnt out of what is delivered to us in writing of
Him that He did eat, and drink, sleep, walk, rejoiced in
spirit, was sorrowful, discoursed ; that flesh did not cleave
by itself unto Thy Word but with the human soul and mind.
All know this who know the unchangeableness of Thy Word,
which I now knew, as far as I could, nor did I at all doubt
thereof. For, now to move the limbs of the body by will,
now not, now to be moved by some affection, now not, now
'^ I Tim. ji. 5. ** Rom. ix. 5. *" John xiv. 6.
**John i. 14. ** Gen. iii. 21.
120 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
to deliver wise sayings through human signs, now to keep
silence, belong to soul and mind subject to variation. And
should these things be falsely written of Him, all the rest
also would risk the charge, nor would there remain in those
books any saving faith for mankind. Since then they were
written truly, I acknowledged a perfect man to be in Christ ;
not the body of a man only, nor, with the body, a sensitive
soul without a rational, but very man; whom, not only as
being a form of Truth, but for a certain great excellency of
human nature and a more perfect participation of wisdom,
I judged to be preferred before others. But Alypius im-
agined the Catholics to believe God to be so clothed with
flesh, that besides God and flesh, there was no soul at all
in Christ, and did not think that a human mind was ascribed
to him. And because he was well persuaded that the actions
recorded of Him could only be performed by a vital and a
rational creature, he moved the more slowly towards the
Christian Faith. But understanding afterwards that this
was the error of the Apollinarian heretics, he joyed in and
was conformed to the Catholic Faith. But somewhat later,
I confess, did I learn how in that saying, The Word was
made flesh, the Catholic Truth is distinguished from the false-
hood of Photinus. For the rejection of heretics makes the
tenets of Thy Church and sound doctrine to stand out more
clearly. For there must also he heresies, that the approved
may he made manifest among the weak.^"
But having then read those books of the Platonists, and
thence been taught to search for incorporeal truth, I saw
Thy invisible things, understood by those things zvhich are
madefy and though cast back, I perceived what that was
which through the darkness of my mind I was hindered from
contemplating, being assured, " That Thou wert, and wert in-
finite, and yet not diffused in space, finite or infinite ; and that
Thou truly art who art the same ever, in no part nor motion
varying; and that all other things are from Thee, on this
most sure ground alone, that they are." Of these things
I was assured, yet too unsure to enjoy Thee. I prated as
one well skilled ; but had I not sought Thy way in Christ our
Saviour, I had proved to be, not skilled, but killed. For now
^ 1 Cor. xi. 19. *i Rom. i. 20,
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 121
I had begun to wish to seem wise, being filled with mine own
punishment, yet I did not mourn, but rather scorn, puffed
up with knowledge."^" For where was that charity building
upon the foundation of humility, which is Christ Jcsiisf^ or
when should these books teach me it? Upon these, I be-
lieve. Thou therefore willedst that I should fall, before I
studied Thy Scriptures, that it might be imprinted on my
memory how I was affected by them; and that afterwards
when my spirits were tamed through Thy books, and my
wounds touched by Thy healing fingers, I might discern
and distinguish between presumption and confession ;
between those who saw whither they were to go, yet
saw not the way, and the way that leadeth not to
behold only but to dwell in the beatific country. For
had I first been formed in Thy Holy Scriptures, and hadst
Thou in the familiar use of them grown sweet unto me, and
had I then fallen upon those other volumes, they might per-
haps have withdrawn me from the solid ground of piety,
or, had I continued in that healthful frame which I had
thence imbibed, I might have thought that it might have been
obtained by the study of those books alone.
Most eagerly then did I seize that venerable writing of
Thy Spirit : and chiefly the Apostle Paul. Whereupon those
difficulties vanished away, wherein he once seemed to me
to contradict himself, and the text of his discourse not to
agree with the testimonies of the Law and the Prophets.
And the face of that pure word appeared to me one and the
same; and I learned to rejoice zoith trembling.'* So 1 began;
and whatsoever truth I had read in those other books, I
found here amid the praise of Thy Grace ; that whoso sees,
may not so glory as if he had not rcccivcd,^^ not only what
he sees, but also that he sees {for what hath he, which he
hath not received?), and that he may be not only admon-
ished to behold Thee, Who art ever the same, hut also healed,
to hold Thee, and that he who cannot see afar oft, may yet
walk on the way, whereby he may arrive, and behold, and
hold Thee. For, though a man be delighted with the lazv of
God after the inner manj^ what shall he do with that other
^i Cor. viii. i. ^ Ibid. iii. ii. _ " Ps. ii. ii.
^^ 1 Cor. iv. 7. ^* Rom. vii. 22.
122 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
law in his members which warreth against the law of his
mind, and hringeth him into captivity to the law of sin which
is in his members f''^ For, Thou art righteous, Lord, but
we have sinned and committed iniquity, and have done
wickedly,^ and Thy hand is grown heavy upon us, and we are
justly delivered over unto that ancient sinner, the king of
death; because he persuaded our will to be like his will,
whereby he abode not in Thy truth. What shall wretched
man do? who shall deliver him from the body of this death,
but only Thy Grace, through Jesus Christ our Lord^'^ whom
Thou hast begotten co-eternal, and formedst in the beginning
of Thy ways,'^ in whom the prince of this world found noth-
ing worthy of dcath,^"- yet killed he Him; and the hand-
writing, which was contrary to us, was blotted outf^" This
those writings contain not. Those pages present not the
image of this piety, the tears of confession. Thy sacrifice, a
troubled spirit, a broken and a contrite hearty the salvation
of the people, the Bridal City,^ the earnest of the Holy
Ghost,^ the Cup of our Redemption^ No man sings there.
Shall not my soul be submitted unto God? for of Him cometh
my salvation. For He is my God and my salvation, my
guardian, I shall no more be moved.^'' No one there hears
Him call. Come unto Me, all ye that labour.^ They scorn
to learn of Him, because He is meek and lowly in heart; for
these things hast Thou hid from the z^ise and prudent, and
hast revealed them unto babcs.^^ For it is one thing, from
the mountain's shaggy top to see the land of peace, and to
find no way thither ;™ and in vain to essay through ways un-
passable, opposed and beset by fugitives and deserters, under
their captain the lion and the dragon: and another to keep on
the way that leads thither, guarded by the host of the heavenly
General; where they spoil not who have deserted the
heavenly army; for they avoid it, as very torment. These
things did wonderfully sink into my bowels, when I read
that least of Thy Apostles^'' and had meditated upon Thy
works, and trembled exceedingly.
^ Rom. vii. 23. ^ Song of the Three Children, 4 et seq. ^9 Rom. vii. 24.
soProv. viii. 22. 01 John xiv. 30. ^^ Col. ii. 14. 63 pg. li. 17.
*« Rev. xxi. 2. ^2 Cor. v. 5- *" Ps. cxvi. 13. «■ Ps. Ixii. 1, 2.
^ Matt. xi. 28. ** Ver. 29. ™ Deut. xxxii. 49. '^ i Cor. xv. 9.
THE EIGHTH BOOK
Augustine's thirty-second year. He consults Simplicianus : from him
hears the history of the conversion of Victorinus, and longs to
devote himself entirely to God, but is mastered by his old habits ;
is still further roused by the history of St. Antony, and the
conversion of two courtiers ; during a severe struggle hears a
voice from heaven, opens Scripture, and is converted, with his
friend Alypius. His mother's vision fulfilled
OiMY God, let me, with thanksgiving, remember, and
confess unto Thee Thy mercies on me. Let my bones
be bedewed with Thy love, and let them say unto
Thee, Who is like unto Thee, O Lordf^ Thou hast broken
my bonds in sunder, I zinll offer unto Thee the sacrifice of
thanksgiz'ing.' And how Thou hast broken them, I will
declare; and all who worship Thee, when they hear this,
shall say, " Blessed be the Lord in heaven and in earth,
great and wonderful is His name." Thy words had stuck
fast in my heart, and / n'as hedged round about on all sides
by Theej^ Of Thy eternal life I was now certain, though
I saw it in a figure and as through a glass.* Yet I had ceased
to dotibt that there was an incorruptible substance, whence
was all other substance; nor did I now desire to be more
certain of Thee, but more steadfast in Thee. But for my
temporal life, all was wavering, and my heart had to be
purged from the old leaven.^ The Way' the Saviour Him-
self, well pleased me, but as yet I shrunk from going through
its straitness. And Thou didst put into my mind, and it
seemed good in my eyes, to go to Simplicianus, who seemed
to me a good servant of Thine ; and Thy grace shone in
him. I had heard also that from his very youth he had
lived most devoted unto Thee. Now he was grown into
* Ps. XXXV. lo. = Ps. cxvi. 1 6, 17. 'Job. i. 10.
♦ I Cor. xiii. 12. ^ i Cor. v. 7. "John xiv, 6.
123
124 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
years ; and by reason of so great age spent in such zealous
following of Thy ways, he seemed to me likely to have
learned much experience ; and so he had. Out of which
store I wished that he would tell me (setting before him my
anxieties) which were the fittest way for one in my case
to walk in Thy paths.
For, I saw the church full; and one went this way, and
another that way. But I was displeased that I led a secular
life; yea now that my desires no longer inflamed me, as
of old, with hopes of honour and profit, a very grievous
burden it was to undergo so heavy a bondage. For, in com-
parison of Thy sweetness, and the beauty of Thy house
•zvhich I loved/ those things delighted me no longer. But
still I was enthralled with the love of woman ; nor did the
Apostle forbid me to marry, although he advised me to some-
thing better, chiefly wishing that all men were as himself
was.^ But I being weak, chose the more indulgent place ;
and because of this alone, was tossed up and down in all
beside, faint and wasted with withering cares, because in
other matters I was constrained against my will to conform
myself to a married life, to which I was given up and en-
thralled. I had heard from the mouth of the Truth, thai
there were some eunuchs which had made themselves eu-
nuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake: hut, saith He, let
hifn who can receive it, receive it^ Surely vain are all men
who are ignorant of God, and could not out of the good
things which are seen, find out Him who is good}" But I
was no longer in that vanity ; I had surmounted it ; and by
the common witness of all Thy creatures had found Thee
our Creator, and Thy Word, God with Thee, and together
with Thee one God, by whom Thou createdst all things.
There is yet another kind of ungodly, who knowing God,
glorified Him not as God, neither zvere thankful.^ Into
this also I had fallen, but Thy right hand upheld me}" and
took me thence, and Thou placedst me where I might re-
cover. For Thou hast said unto man. Behold, the fear of the
Lord is wisdom}^ and, Desire not to seem wisef* because
they who affirmed themselves to he wise, hecame fools.^ But
Ts. xxxvi. 8. *i Cor. vii. 8. » Matt. xix. 12. " Wisd. xiii. i.
^ Rom. i. 21. ^ Ps. xviii. 35. "Job. xxviii. 28. ^* Prov. iii. 7.
^ Rom. i. 22.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 125
I had now found the goodly pearl, which selling all that
I had,^" I ought to have bought, and I hesitated.
To Simplicianus then I went, the father of Ambrose (a
Bishop now) in receiving Thy grace, and whom Ambrose
truly loved as a father. To him I related the mazes of my
wanderings. But when I mentioned that I had read certain
books of the Platonists, which Victorinus, sometime Rhetoric
Professor of Rome (who had died a Christian, as I had
heard), had translated into Latin, he testified his joy that
I had not fallen upon the writings of other philosophers,
full of fallacies and deceits, after the rudiments of this
world," whereas the Platonists many ways led to the belief
in God and His Word. Then to exhort me to the humility
of Christ, hidden from the wise, and revealed to little oncs,^'
he spoke of Victorinus himself, whom while at Rome he had
most intimately known: and of him he related what I will
not conceal. For it contains great praise of Thy grace, to
be confessed unto Thee, how that aged man, most learned
and skilled in the liberal sciences, and who had read, and
weighed so many works of the philosophers ; the instructor
of so many noble Senators, who also, as a monument of his
excellent discharge of his office, had (which men of this
world esteem a high honour) both deserved and obtained
a statue in the Roman Forum ; he, to that age a worshipper
of idols, and a partaker of the sacrilegious rites, to which
almost all the nobility of Rome were given up, and had in-
spired the people with the love of
" Anubis, barking Deity, and all
The monster Gods of every kind, who fought
'Gainst Neptune, Venus, and Minerva" :
whom Rome once conquered, now adored, all which the
aged Victorinus had with thundering eloquence so many
years defended ; — he now blushed not to be the child of Thy
Christ, and the new-born babe of Thy fountain ; submitting
his neck to the yoke of humility, and subduing his forehead
to the reproach of the Cross.
O Lord, Lord, Which hast bozved the heavens and come
down, touched the mountains and they did smoke^^ by what
" Matt. xiii. 46. 1" Col. ii. 8. " Matt. xi. 25. ^^ Ps. cxHv. 5.
126 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
means didst Thou convey Thyself into that breast? He
used to read (as Simplicianus said) the holy Scripture, most
studiously sought and searched into all the Christian writ-
ings, and said to Simplicianus (not openly, but privately and
as a friend), "Understand that I am already a Christian."
Whereto he answered, " I will not believe it, nor will I rank
you among Christians, unless I see you in the Church of
Christ." The other, in banter replied, '* Do walls then make
Christians ? " And this he often said, that he was already
a Christian ; and Simplicianus as often made the same
answer, and the conceit of the " walls " was by the other
as often renewed. For he feared to offend his friends, proud
daemon worshippers, from the height of whose Babylonian
dignity, as from cedars of Libanus,^ which the Lord had not
yet broken dozvn, he supposed the weight of enmity would
fall upon him. But after that by reading and earnest thought
he had gathered firmness, and feared to be denied by Christ
before the holy angels, should he now be afraid to confess
Him before men^ and appeared to himself guilty of a heavy
offence, in being ashamed of the Sacraments of the humility
of Thy Word, and not being ashamed of the sacrilegious
rites of those proud daemons, whose pride he had imitated
and their rites adopted, he became bold-faced against vanity,
and shame-faced towards the truth, and suddenly and unex-
pectedly said to Simplicianus (as himself told me), "Go
we to the Church ; I wish to be made a Christian." But he,
not containing himself for joy, went with him. And having
been admitted to the first Sacrament and become a Catechu-
men, not long after he further gave in his name, that he
might be regenerated by baptism, Rome wondering, the
Church, rejoicing. The proud sazv, and were zvroth ; they
gnashed with their teeth, and melted away." But the Lord
God was the hope of Thy servant, and he regarded not van-
ities and lying madness.^
To conclude, when the hour was come for making profes-
sion of his faith (which at Rome they, who are about to
approach to Thy grace, deliver, from an elevated place, in
the sight of all the faithful, in a set form of words committed
to memory), the presbyters, he said, offered Victorinus (as
^ Ps. xxix. 5. ^ Luke ix. 26. ^ Ps. cxii. 10. ^ Ps. xxxi. 6, 40, etc.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 127
was done to such as seemed likely through bashfulness to be
alarmed) to make his profession more privately: but he
chose rather to profess his salvation in the presence of
the holy multitude. " For it was not salvation that he
taught in rhetoric, and yet that he had publicly professed:
how much less then ought he, when pronouncing Thy word,
to dread Thy meek flock, who, when delivering his own
words, had not feared a mad multitude ! " When, then, he
went up to make his profession, all, as they knew him, whis-
pered his name one to another with the voice of congratula-
tion. And who there knew him not? and there ran a low
murmur through all the mouths of the rejoicing multitude,
Victorinus ! Victorinus ! Sudden was the burst of rapture,
that they saw him ; suddenly were they hushed that they
might hear him. He pronounced the true faith with an ex-
cellent boldness, and all wished to draw him into their very
heart : yea by their love and joy they drew him thither, such
were the hands wherewith they drew him.
Good God ! what takes place in man that he should more
rejoice at the salvation of a soul despaired of, and freed
from greater peril, than if there had always been hope of
him, or the danger had been less? For so Thou also, mer-
ciful Father, dost more rejoice over one penitent than over
ninety-nine just persons that need no repentance!^ And
with much joyfulness do we hear, so often as we hear with
what joy the sheep which had strayed is brought back upon
the shepherd's shoulder, and the groat is restored to Thy
treasury, the neighbours rejoicing zcith the woman who
found it;^ and the joy of the solemn service of Thy house
forceth to tears, when in Thy house it is read of Thy younger
son, that he zvas dead, and livcth again; had been lost, and
is found. For Thou rejoiccst in us, and in Thy holy angels,
holy through holy charity. For Thou art ever the same ; for
all things which abide not the same nor for ever. Thou for
ever knowest in the same way.
What then takes place in the soul, when it is more de-
lighted at finding or recovering the things it loves, than if it
had ever had them? yea, and other things witness hereunto;
and all things are full of witnesses, crying out, ** So is it."
2* Luke XV. 7. ^ \"er. 5-9.
128 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
The conquering commander triumphant ; yet had he not
conquered unless he had fought ; and the more peril there
was in the battle, so much the more joy is there in the
triumph. The storm tosses the sailors, threatens shipwreck;
all wax pale at approaching death; sky and sea are calmed,
and they are exceedingly joyed, as having been exceeding
afraid. A friend is sick, and his pulse threatens danger ; all
who long for his recovery are sick in mind with him. He is
restored, though as yet he walks not with his former
strength; yet there is such joy, as was not, when before he
walked sound and strong. Yea, the very pleasures of human
life men acquire by difficulties, not those only which fall upon
us unlocked for, and against our wills, but even by self-
chosen, and pleasure-seeking trouble. Eating and drinking
have no pleasure, unless there precede the pinching of
hunger and thirst. Men, given to drink, eat certain salt
meats, to procure a troublesome heat, which the drink al-
laying, causes pleasure. It is also ordered that the affianced
bride should not at once be given, lest as a husband
he should hold cheap whom, as betrothed, he sighed not
after.
This law holds in foul and accursed joy; this in permitted
and lawful joy; this in the very purest perfection of friend-
ship; this, in him who was dead, and lived again; had been
lost and zvas found. Every where the greater joy is ushered
in by the greater pain. What means this, O Lord my God,
whereas Thou art everlastingly joy to Thyself, and some
things around Thee evermore rejoice in Thee? What means
this, that this portion of things thus ebbs and flows alter-
nately displeased and reconciled? Is this their allotted
measure? Is this all Thou hast assigned to them, whereas
from the highest heavens to the lowest earth, from the be-
ginning of the world to the end of ages, from the angel to
the worm, from the first motion to the last. Thou settest
each in its place, and realisest each in their season, every
thing good after its kind? Woe is me! how high art Thou
in the highest, and how deep in the deepest ! and Thou never
departest, and we scarcely return to Thee.
Up, Lord, and do ; stir us up, and recall us ; kindle and
draw us; inflame, grow sweet unto us; let us now love, let
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 129
us runJ^' Do not many, out of a deeper hell of blindness than
Victorious, return to Thee, approach, and are enlightened,
receiving that Light, which they -who receive, receive power
from Thee to become Thy sons?"' But if they be less known
to the nations, even they that know them, joy less for them.
For when many joy together, each also has more exuberant
joy ; for that they are kindled and inflamed one by the other.
Again, because those known to many, influence the more
towards salvation, and lead the way with many to follow.
And therefore do they also who preceded them much rejoice
not in them, because they rejoice not in them alone. For
far be it, that in Thy tabernacle the persons of the
rich should be accepted before the poor, or the noble
before the ignoble ; seeing rather Thou hast chosen the
weak things of the world to confound the strong; and
the base things of this world, and the things despised hast
Thou chosen, and those things zvhich are not, that Thou
niightest bring to nought things that are.^ And yet even
that least of Thy apostles,^ by whose tongue Thou soundedest
forth these words, when through his warfare, Paulus the
Proconsul, his pride conquered, was made to pass under the
easy yoke of Thy Christ, and became a provincial of the
great King; he also for his former name Saul, was pleased
to be called Paul, in testimony of so great a victory. For
the enemy is more overcome in one, of whom he hath more
hold; by whom he hath hold of more. But the proud he
hath more hold of, through their nobility; and by them,
of more through their authority. By how much the more
welcome then the heart of Victorinus was esteemed, which
the devil had held as an impregnable possession, the tongue
of Victorinus, with which mighty and keen weapon he had
slain many; so much the more abundantly ought Thy sons
to rejoice, for that our King hath bound the strong man,'"'
and they saw his vessels taken from him and cleansed, and
made meet for Thy honour;^ and become serviceable for the
Lord, unto every good tvork^
But when that man of Thine, Simplicianus, related to me
this of Victorinus, I was on fire to imitate him ; for for this
»«Cant. i. 4. 2^ John i. 12. ^ i Cor. i. 27, 28. » i Cor. xv. 9.
*• Matt. xii. 29. SI Luke xi. 22, 25. *^ Tim. ii. 21.
5 — HC Xll
130 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
very end had he related it. But when he had subjoined
also, how in the days of the Emperor Julian a law was made,
whereby Christians were forbidden to teach the liberal
sciences or oratory; and how he, obeying this law, chose
rather to give over the wordy school than Thy Word, by
which Thou makest eloquent the tongues of the dumb;'^ he
seemed to me not more resolute than blessed, in having thus
found opportunity to wait on Thee only. Which thing I was
sighing for, bound as I was, not with another's irons, but
by my own iron will. My will the enemy held, and thence
had made a chain for me, and bound me. For of a froward
will, was a lust made ; and a lust served, became custom ;
and custom not resisted, became necessity. By which links,
as it were, joined together (whence I called it a chain) a
hard bondage held me enthralled. But that new will which
had begun to be in me, freely to serve Thee, and to wish
to enjoy Thee, O God, the only assured pleasantness, was
not yet able to overcome my former wilfulness, strengthened
by age. Thus did my two wills, one new, and the other old,
one carnal, the other spiritual, struggle within me; and by
their discord, undid my soul.
Thus I understood, by my own experience, what I had
read, how the flesh lusteth against the spirit and the spirit
against the flesh.^* Myself verily either way; yet more
myself, in that which I approved in myself, than in that
which in myself I disapproved.'^ For in this last, it was
now for the more part not myself, because in much I rather
endured against my will, than acted willingly. And yet it
was through me, that custom had obtained this power of
warring against me, because I had come willingly, whither
I willed not. And who has any right to speak against it,
if just punishment follow the sinner? Nor had I now any
longer my former plea, that I therefore as yet hesitated
to be above the world and serve Thee, for that the truth was
not altogether ascertained to me; for now it too was. But
I still under service to the earth, refused to fight under Thy
banner, and feared as much to be freed of all encumbrances,
as we should fear to be encumbered with it. Thus with the
baggage of this present world was I held down pleasantly,
" Wisd. X. 21. 8* Gal. v. 17. ^ Rom. vii. 18.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 131
as in sleep ; and the thoughts wherein I meditated on Thee
were like the efforts of such as would awake, who yet over-
come with a heavy drowsiness, are again drenched therein.
And as no one would sleep for ever, and in all men's sober
judgment waking is better, yet a man for the most part, feel-
ing a heavy lethargy in all his limbs, defers to shake off
sleep, and, though half displeased, yet even, after it is time
to rise, with pleasure yields to it, so was I assured that
much better were it for me to give myself up to Thy charity,
than to give myself over to mine own cupidity; but though
the former course satisfied me and gained the mastery, the
latter pleased me and held me mastered. Nor had I any
thing to answer Thee calling to me, Azvake, thou that
steepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee
light.^ And when Thou didst on all sides show me that what
Thou saidst was true, I, convicted by the truth, had nothing
at all to answer, but only those dull and drowsy words,
" Anon, anon," " presently," " leave me but a little." But
" presently, presently," had no present, and my " little while "
went on for a long while ; in vain / delighted in Thy law
according to the inner man, when another law in my mem-
bers rebelled against the law of my mind, and led me captive
under the lazv of sin which zvas in my mcmbers.^^ For the
law of sin is the violence of custom, whereby the mind is
drawn and holden, even against its will; but deservedly, for
that it willingly fell into it. Who then should deliver me
thus wretched from the body of this death, but Thy grace
only, through Jesus Christ our Lord?^
And how Thou didst deliver me out of the bonds of desire,
wherewith I was bound most straitly to carnal concupiscence,
and out of the drudgery of worldly things, I will now de-
clare, and confess unto Thy name, Lord, my helper and
my Redeemer'^' Amid increasing anxiety, I was doing my
wonted business, and daily sighing unto Thee. I attended
Thy Church, whenever free from the business under the
burden of which I groaned. Alypius was with me, now after
the third sitting released from his law business, and waiting
to whom to sell his counsel, as I sold the skill of speaking,
if indeed teaching can impart it. Nebridius had now, in
"Eph. V. 14. 37Roii,_ vii^ 22. ^Ver. 24, 25. »» Ps. xix. 14.
132 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
consideration of our friendship, consented to teach under
Verecundus, a citizen and a grammarian of Milan, and a
very intimate friend of us all; who urgently desired, and by
the right of friendship challenged from our company, such
faithful aid as he greatly needed. Nebridius then was not
drawn to this by any desire of advantage (for he might have
made much more of his learning had he so willed), but as
a most kind and gentle friend, he would not be wanting to
a good office, and slight our request. But he acted herein
very discreetly, shunning to become known to personages
great according to this world, avoiding the distraction of
mind thence ensuing, and desiring to have it free and at
leisure, as many hours as might be, to seek, or read, or hear
something concerning wisdom.
Upon a day then, Nebridius being absent (I recollect not
why), lo, there came to see me and Alypius, one Pontitianus,
our countryman so far as being an African, in high office
in the Emperor's court. What he would with us, I know
not, but we sat down to converse, and it happened that upon
a table for some game, before us, he observed a book, took,
opened it, and contrary to his expectation, found it the
Apostle Paul; for he had thought it some of those books
which I was wearing myself in teaching. Whereat smiling,
and looking at me, he expressed his joy and wonder that
he had on a sudden found this book, and this only before
my eyes. For he was a Christian, and baptised, and often
bowed himself before Thee our God in the Church, in fre-
quent and continued prayers. When then I had told him
that I bestowed very great pains upon those Scriptures, a
conversation arose (suggested by his account) on Antony
the Eg)^ptian monk; whose name was in high reputation
among Thy servants, though to that hour unknown to us.
Which when he discovered, he dwelt the more upon that
subject, informing and wondering at our ignorance of one
so eminent. But we stood amazed, hearing Thy wonderful
works most fully attested, in times so recent, and almost in
our own, wrought in the true Faith and Church Catholic.
We all wondered ; we, that they were so great, and he, that
they had not reached us.
Thence his discourse turned to the flocks in the monas-
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 133
teries, and their holy ways, a sweet-smelling savour unto
Thee, and the fruitful deserts of the wilderness, whereof we
knew nothing. And there was a monastery at Milan, full
of good brethren, without the city walls, under the fostering
care of Ambrose, and we knew it not. He went on with
his discourse, and we listened in intent silence. He told us
then how one afternoon at Triers, when the Emperor was
taken up with the Circensian games, he and three others,
his companions, went out to walk in gardens near the city
walls, and there as they happened to walk in pairs, one went
apart with him, and the other two wandered by themselves;
and these, in their wanderings, lighted upon a certain cot-
tage, inhabited by certain of Thy servants, poor in spirit, of
whom is the kingdom of heaven^ and there they found a
little book containing the life of Antony. This one of them
began to read, admire, and kindle at it ; and as he read, to
meditate on taking up such a life, and giving over his secular
service to serve Thee. And these two were of those whom
they style agents for the public affairs. Then suddenly, filled
with a holy love, and a sober shame, in anger with himself
he cast his eyes upon his friend, saying " Tell me, I pray
thee, what would we attain by all these labours of ours ? what
aim we at? what serve we for? Can our hopes in court
rise higher than to be the Emperor's favourites ? and in this,
what is there not brittle, and full of perils? and by how many
perils arrive we at a greater peril? and when arrive we
thither? But a friend of God, if I wish it, I become now at
once." So spake he. And in pain with the travail of a
new life, he turned his eyes again upon the book, and read
on, and was changed inwardly, where Thou sawest, and
his mind was stripped of the world, as soon appeared. For
as he read and rolled up and down the waves of his heart,
he stormed at himself a while, then discerned, and deter-
mined en a better course; and now being Thine, said to his
friend, " Now have I broken loose from those our hopes, and
am resolved to serve God ; and this, from this hour, in this
place, I begin upon. If thou likest not to imitate me, oppose
not." The other answered, he would cleave to him, to
partake so glorious a reward, so glorious a service. Thus
*o Matt. V. 3.
134 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
both being now Thine, were building the tower at the
necessary cost, the forsaking all that they had, and following
Thee.'^ Then Pontitianus and the other with him, that had
talked in other parts of the garden, came in search of them
to the same place; and finding them, reminded them to
return, for the day was now far spent. But they relating
their resolution and purpose, and how that will was begun
and settled in them, begged them, if they would not join,
not to molest them. But the others, though nothing altered
from their former selves, did yet bewail themselves (as he
affirmed), and piously congratulated them, recommending
themselves to their prayers ; and so, with hearts lingering
on the earth, went away to the palace. But the other two,
fixing their heart on heaven, remained in the cottage. And
both had affianced brides, who when they heard hereof, also
dedicated their virginity unto God.
Such was the story of Pontitianus; but Thou, O Lord,
while he was speaking, didst turn me round towards myself,
taking me from behind my back where I had placed me,
unwilling to observe myself; and setting me before my face,
that I might see how foul I was, how crooked and defiled,
bespotted and ulcerous. And I beheld and stood aghast ; and
whither to flee from myself I found not. And if I sought
to turn mine eye from off myself, he went on with his re-
lation, and Thou again didst set me over against myself, and
thrustedst me before my eyes, that / might find out mine
iniquity, and hate it.*^ I had known it, but made as though
I saw it not, winked at it, and forgot it.
But now, the more ardently I loved those whose healthful
affections I heard of, that they had resigned themselves
wholly to Thee to be cured, the more did I abhor myself,
when compared with them. For many of my years (some
twelve) had now run out with me since my nineteenth, when,
upon the reading of Cicero's Hortensius, I was stirred to an
earnest love of wisdom; and still I was deferring to reject
mere earthly felicity, and give myself to search out that,
whereof not the finding only, but the very search, was to be
preferred to the treasures and kingdoms of the world, though
already found, and to the pleasures of the body, though spread
*^ Luke xiv. 26-35. *^ Ps. xxxvi. 2.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 135
around me at my will. But I wretched, most wretched, in
the very commencement of my early youth, had begged
chastity of Thee, and said, " Give me chastity and continency,
only not yet." For I feared lest Thou shouldest hear me
soon, and soon cure me of the disease of concupiscence,
which I wished to have satisfied, rather than extinguished.
And I had wandered through crooked ways in a sacrilegious
superstition, not indeed assured thereof, but as preferring it
to the others which I did not seek religiously, but opposed
maliciously.
I had thought that I therefore deferred from day to day
to reject the hopes of this world, and follow Thee only, be-
cause there did not appear aught certain, whither to direct
my course. And now was the day come wherein I was to
be laid bare to myself, and my conscience was to upbraid me.
"Where art thou now, my tongue? Thou saidst that for
an uncertain truth thou likedst not to cast off the baggage
of vanity; now, it is certain, and yet that burden still op-
presseth thee, while they who neither have worn themselves
out with seeking it, nor for ten years and more have been
thinking thereon, have had their shoulders lightened, and re-
ceived wings to fly away." Thus was I gnawed within, and
exceedingly confounded with a horrible shame, while Pon-
titianus was so speaking. And he having brought to a close
his tale and the business he came for, went his way; and I
into myself. What said I not against myself? with what
scourges of condemnation lashed I not my soul, that it might
follow me, striving to go after Thee ! Yet it drew back ;
refused, but excused not itself. All arguments were spent
and confuted; there remained a mute shrinking; and she
feared, as she would death, to be restrained from the flux
of that custom, whereby she was wasting to death.
Then in this great contention of my inward dwelling,
which I had strongly raised against my soul, in the chamber"
of my heart, troubled in mind and countenance, I turned upon
Alypius. "What ails us?" I exclaim: "what is it? what
heardest thou? The unlearned start up and take hcaz'en by
force,** and we with our learning, and without heart, lo,
where we wallow in flesh and blood ! Are we ashamed to
*3Is. xxvi. 20; Matt. vi. 6. ** Matt vi. 12.
136 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
follow, because others are gone before, and not ashamed not
even to follow ? " Some such words I uttered, and my fever
of mind tore me away from him, while he, gazing on me in
astonishment, kept silence. For it was not my wonted tone;
and my forehead, cheeks, eyes, colour, tone of voice, spake
my mind more than the words I uttered. A little garden
there was to our lodging, which we had the use of, as of
the whole house; for the master of the house, our host, was
not living there. Thither had the tumult of my breast
hurried me, where no man might hinder the hot contention
wherein I had engaged with myself, until it should end as
Thou knewest, I knew not. Only I was healthfully dis-
tracted and dying, to live; knowing what evil thing I was,
and not knowing what good thing I was shortly to become.
I retired then into the garden, and Alypius, on my steps.
For his presence did not lessen my privacy ; or how could he
forsake me so disturbed? We sate down as far removed as
might be from the house. I was troubled in spirit, most
vehemently indignant that I entered not into Thy will and
covenant, O my God, which all my hones cried out unto me
to enter, and praised it to the skies. And therein we enter
not by ships, or chariots, or feet, no, move not so far as I
had come from the house to that place where we were sitting.
For, not to go only, but to go in thither was nothing else
but to will to go, but to will resolutely and thoroughly; not
to turn and toss, this way and that, a maimed and half-
divided will, struggling, with one part sinking as another
rose.
Lastly, in the very fever of my irresoluteness, I made with
my body many such motions as men sometimes would, but can-
not, if either they have not the limbs, or these be bound with
bands, weakened with infirmity, or any other way hindered.
Thus, if I tore my hair, beat my forehead, if locking my
fingers I clasped my knees; I willed, I did it. But I might
have willed, and not done it; if the power of motion in my
limbs had not obeyed. So many things then I did, when " to
will " was not in itself " to be able " ; and I did not what
both I longed incomparably more to do, and which soon
after, when I should will, I should be able to do; be-
cause soon after, when I should will, I should will
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 137
thoroughly. For in these things the abiHty was one with the
will, and to will was to do ; and yet was it not done : and more
easily did my body obey the weakest willing of my soul,
in moving its limbs at its nod, than the soul obeyed itself
to accomplish in the will alone this its momentous will.
Whence is this monstrousness ? and to what end ? Let Thy
mercy gleam that I may ask, if so be the secret penalties of
men, and those darkest pangs of the sons of Adam, may
perhaps answer me. Whence is this monstrousness ? and to
what end? The mind commands the body, and it obeys in-
stantly; the mind commands itself, and is resisted. The
mind commands the hand to be moved ; and such readiness
is there, that command is scarce distinct from obedience.
Yet the mind is mind, the hand is body. The mind com-
mands the mind, its own self, to will and yet it doth not.
Whence this monstrousness? and to what end? It com-
mands itself, I say, to will, and would not command, unless
it willed, and what it commands is not done. But it willeth
not entirely : therefore doth it not command entirely. For
so far forth it commandeth, as it willeth : and, so far forth
is the thing commanded, not done, as it willeth not. For the
will commandeth that there be a will ; not another, but itself.
But it doth not command entirely, therefore what it com-
mandeth, is not. For were the will entire, it would not
even command it to be, because it would already be. It is
therefore no monstrousness partly to will, partly to nill, but
a disease of the mind, that it doth not wholly rise, by truth
up-borne, borne down by custom. And therefore are there
two wills, for that one of them is not entire: and what the
one lacketh, the other hath.
Let them perish from Thy presence,*^ O God, as perish
vain talkers and seducers*^ of the soul: who observing that
in deliberating there were two wills, affirm that there are
two minds in us of two kinds, one good, the other evil.
Themselves are truly evil, when they hold these evil things:
and themselves shall become good when they hold the truth
and assent unto the truth, that Thy Apostle may say to them,
Ye were sometimes darkness, but now light in the Lord."
But they, wishing to be light, not in the Lord, but in them-
«Ps. Ixviii. 2. «xit. i. 10. */Eph. v. 8.
138 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
selves, imagining the nature of the soul to be that which
God is, are made more gross darkness through a dreadful
arrogancy; for that they went back farther from Thee, the
true Light that enlighteneth every man that cometh into the
world.^ Take heed what you say, and blush for shame :
drazv near unto Him and he enlightened, and your faces
shall not be ashamed.^ Myself when I was deliberating
upon the serving the Lord my God now, as I had long pur-
posed, it was I who willed, I who nilled, I, I myself. I neither
willed entirely, nor nilled entirely. Therefore was I at
strife with myself, and rent asunder by myself. And this
rent befell me against my will, and yet indicated, not the
presence of another mind, but the punishment of my own.
Therefore it was no more I that wrought it, but sin that
dwelt in mcf° the punishment of a sin more freely committed,
in that I was a son of Adam.
For if there be so many contrary natures as there be con-
flicting wills, there shall now be not two only, but many. If
a man deliberate whether he should go to their conventicle
or to the theatre, these Manichees cry out. Behold, here are
two natures: one good, draws this way; another bad, draws
back that way. For whence else is this hesitation between
conflicting wills? But I say that both be bad: that which
draws to them, as that which draws back to the theatre.
But they believe not that will to be other than good, which
draws to them. What then if one of us should deliberate,
and amid the strife of his two wills be in a strait, whether he
should go to the theatre or to our church? would not these
Manichees also be in a strait what to answer? For either
they must confess (which they fain would not) that the will
which leads to our church is good, as well as theirs, who have
received and are held by the mysteries of theirs : or they
must suppose two evil natures, and two evil souls conflicting
in one man, and it will not be true, which they say, that
there is one good and another bad; or they must be con-
verted to the truth, and no more deny that where one de-
liberates, one soul fluctuates between contrary wills.
Let them no more say then, when they perceive two con-
flicting wills in one man, that the conflict is between two
** John i. 9. ** Ps. xxxiv. 5. ^ Rom. vii. 17.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 139
contrary souls, of two contrary substances, from two con-
trary principles, one good, and the other bad. For Thou, O
true God, dost disprove, check, and convict them ; as when,
both wills being bad, one deliberates whether he should kill
a man by poison or by the sword ; whether he should seize
this or that estate of another's, when he cannot both ; whether
he should purchase pleasure by luxury, or keep his money
by covetousness ; whether he go to the circus or the theatre,
if both be open on one day ; or thirdly, to rob another's
house, if he have the opportunity ; or, fourthly, to commit
adultery, if at the same time he have the means thereof also;
all these meeting together in the same juncture of time, and
all being equally desired, which cannot at one time be acted:
for they rend the mind amid four, or even (amid the vast
variety of things desired) more, conflicting wills, nor do
they yet allege that there are so many divers substances. So
also in wills which are good. For I ask them, is it good
to take pleasure in reading the Apostle? or good to take
pleasure in a sober Psalm? or good to discourse on the
Gospel ? They will answer to each, " It is good." What
then if all give equal pleasure, and all at once? Do not divers
wills distract the mind, while he deliberates which he should
rather choose? yet are they all good, and are at variance
till one be chosen, whither the one entire will may be borne,
which before was divided into many. Thus also, when,
above, eternity delights us, and the pleasure of temporal
good holds us down below, it is the same soul which willeth
not this or that with an entire will; and therefore is rent
asunder with grievous perplexities, while out of truth it
sets this first, but out of habit sets not that aside.
Thus soul-sick was I, and tormented, accusing myself
much more severely than my wont, rolling and turning me
in my chain, till that were wholly broken, whereby I now was
but just, but still was, held. And Thou, O Lord, pressedst
upon me in my inward parts by a severe mercy, redoubling
the lashes of fear and shame, lest I should again give way,
and not bursting that same slight remaining tie, it should
recover strength, and bind me the faster. For I said within
myself, " Be it done now, be it done now," and as I spake,
I all but enacted it: I all but did it, and did it not: yet sunk
140 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
not back to my former state, but kept my stand hard by,
and took breath. And I essayed again, and wanted some-
what less of it, and somewhat less, and all but touched, and laid
hold of it; and yet came not at it, nor touched nor laid hold
of it; hesitating to die to death and to live to life: and the
worse whereto I was inured, prevailed more with me than
the better whereto I was unused : and the very moment
wherein I was to become other than I was, the nearer it
approached me, the greater horror did it strike into me;
yet did it not strike me back, nor turned me away, but held
me in suspense.
The very toys of toys, and vanities of vanities, my ancient
mistresses, still held me; they plucked my fleshly garment,
and whispered softly, " Dost thou cast us off? and from that
moment shall we no more be with thee for ever? and from
that moment shall not this or that be lawful for thee for
ever ? " And what was it which they suggested in that I
said, " this or that," what did they suggest, O my God ?
Let Thy mercy turn it away from the soul of Thy servant.
What defilements did they suggest ! what shame ! And now
I much less than half heard them, and not openly showing
themselves and contradicting me, but muttering as it were
behind my back, and privily plucking me, as I was departing,
but to look back on them. Yet they did retard me, so that
I hesitated to burst and shake myself free from them, and to
spring over whither I was called; a violent habit saying to
me, " Thinkest thou, thou canst live without them ? "
But now it spake very faintly. For on that side whithef
I had set my face, and whither I trembled to go, there ap-
peared unto me the chaste dignity of Continency, serene, yet
not relaxedly, gay, honestly alluring me to come and doubt
not; and stretching forth to receive and embrace me, her
holy hands full of multitudes of good examples : there were
so many young men and maidens here, a multitude of youth
and every age, grave widows and aged virgins ; and Conti-
ttence herself in all, not barren, but a fruitful mother of chil-
dren of joys, by Thee her Husband, O Lord. And she smiled
on me with a persuasive mockery, as would she say, " Canst
not thou what these youths, what these maidens can? or
can they either in themselves, and not rather in the Lord
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 141
their God? The Lord their God gave me unto them. Why
standest thou in thyself, and so standest not? cast thyself
upon Him, fear not He will not withdraw Himself that
thou shouldest fall ; cast thyself fearlessly upon Him, He
will receive, and will heal thee." And I blushed exceedingly,
for that I yet heard the muttering of those toys, and hung
in suspense. And she again seemed to say, " Stop thine
ears against those thy unclean members on the earth, that
they may be mortified. They tell thee of delights, hut not
as doth the law of the Lord thy God."^^ This controversy
in my heart was self against self only. But Alypius sitting
close by my side, in silence waited the issue of my unwonted
emotion.
But when a deep consideration had from the secret bottom
of my soul drawn together and heaped up all my misery
in the sight of my heart ; there arose a mighty storm, bring-
ing a mighty shower of tears. Which that I might pour
forth wholly, in its natural expressions, I rose from Alypius :
solitude was suggested to me as fitter for the business of
weeping; so I retired so far that even his presence could
not be a burden to me. Thus was it then with me, and he
perceived something of it; for something I suppose I had
spoken, wherein the tones of my voice appeared choked with
weeping, and so had risen up. He then remained where
we were sitting, most extremely astonished. I cast myself
down I know not how, under a certain fig-tree, giving full
vent to my tears ; and the floods of mine eyes gushed out an
acceptable sacrifice to Thee. And, not indeed in these words,
yet to this purpose, spake I much unto Thee: and Thou,
Lord, hozv long? how long. Lord, zvilt Thou be angry, for
everf^^ Remember not our former iniquities,^ for I felt
that I was held by them. I sent up these sorrowful words:
How long, how long. " to-morrow, and to-morrow ? " Why
not now ? why not is there this hour an end to my uncleanness ?
So was I speaking and weeping in the most bitter contrition
of my heart, when, lo ! I heard from a neighbouring house
a voice, as of boy or girl, I know not, chanting, and oft
repeating, " Take up and read ; Take up and read." In-
stantly, my countenance altered, I began to think most in-
" Ps. cix. 8s. Old Ver. ^a pg, y,, 4. m pg. ixxix. 5. 8.
142 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
tently whether children were wont in any kind of play to
sing such words : nor could I remember ever to have heard
the like. So checking the torrent of my tears, I arose ; inter-
preting it to be no other than a command from God to open
the book, and read the first chapter I should find. For I
had heard of Antony, that coming in during the reading of
the Gospel, he received the admonition, as if what was being
read was spoken to him : Go, sell all that thou hast, and give
to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven, and
come and follow me:^ and by such oracle he was forthwith
converted unto Thee. Eagerly then I returned to the place
where Alypius was sitting; for there had I laid the volume of
the Apostle when I arose thence. I seized, opened, and in
silence read that section on which my eyes first fell : Not in
rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness,
not in strife and envying; hut put ye on the Lord Jesus
Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, ^ in concupiscence.
No further would I read ; nor needed I : for instantly
at the end of this sentence, by a light as it were of serenity
infused into my heart, all the darkness of doubt vanished
away.
Then putting my finger between, or some other mark, I
shut the volume, and with a calmed countenance made it
known to Alypius. And what was wrought in him, which
I knew not, he thus showed me. He asked to see what I had
read : I showed him ; and he looked even further than I
had read, and I knew not what followed. This followed,
hirn that is weak in the faith, receive;^ which he applied to
himself, and disclosed to me. And. by this admonition was
he strengthened ; and by a good resolution and purpose, and
most corresponding to his character, wherein he did always
very far dif¥er from me, for the better, without any turbulent
delay he joined me. Thence we go in to my mother; we
tell her; she ^ejoiceth : we relate in order how it took place;
she leaps for joy, and triumpheth, and blessed Thee, JVho art
able to do above that which rve ask or think;" for she per-
ceived that Thou hadst given her more for me, than she was
wont to beg by her pitiful and most sorrowful groanings.
"Matt. xix. 21. 55 Ron, xiii. 13, 14. ^e Rgm. xiv. i.
■ 5'' Eph. iii. 20.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 143
For thou convertedst nie unto Thyself, so that I sought
neither wife, nor any hope of this world, standing in that
rule of faith, where Thou hadst showed me unto her in a
vision, so many years before. And Thou didst convert her
mourning into joy^ much more plentiful than she had de-
sired, and in a much more precious and purer way than she
erst required, by having grandchildren of my body.
* Ps. XXX. I z.
THE NINTH BOOK
Augustine determines to devote his life to God, and to abandon his
profession of Rhetoric, quietly however ; retires to the country
to prepare himself to receive the grace of Baptism, and is
baptised with Alypius, and his son Adeodatus. At Ostia, in his
way to Africa, his mother Monnica dies, in her fifty-sixth year,
the thirty-third of Augustine. Her life and character
OLORD, I am Thy servant ; I am Thy servant, and the
son of Thy handmaid. Thou hast broken my bonds in
sunder. I will offer to Thee the sacrifice of praise.^
Let my heart and my tongue praise Thee ; yea, let all my bones
say, O Lord, who is like unto Thee? Let them say, and answer
Thou me. and say unto my soul, I am thy salvation?'' Who
am I, and what am I ? What evil have not been either my
deeds, or if not my deeds^ my words, or if not my words, my
will ? But Thou, O Lord, art good and merciful, and Thy
right hand had respect unto the depth of my death, and from
the bottom of my heart emptied that abyss of corruption.
And this Thy whole gift was, to nill what I willed, and to
will what Thou willedst. But where through all those
years, and out of what low and deep recess was my free-will
called forth in a moment, whereby to submit my neck to Thy
easy yokef and my shoulders unto Thy light burden, Christ
Jesus, my Helper and my Redeemer?* How sweet did it
at once become to me, to want the sweetness of those toys !
and what I feared to be parted from, was now a joy to part
with. For Thou didst cast them forth from me, Thou true
and highest sweetness. Thou castest them forth, and for
them enteredst in Thyself, sweeter than all pleasure, though
not to flesh and blood; brighter than all light, but more
hidden than all depths, higher than all honour, but not to the
high in their own conceits. Now was my soul free from
the biting cares of canvassing and getting, and weltering in
iPs. cxvi. 1 6, 17. 2Ps. XXXV. 10. ^ Matt, xi. 30. * Ps. xix. 4.
144
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 145
filth, and scratching off the itch of lust. And my infant
tongue spake freely to Thee, my brightness, and my riches,
and my health, the Lord my God.
And I resolved in Thy sight, not tumultuously to tear, but
gently to withdraw, the service of my tongue from the
marts of lip-labour: that the young, no students in Thy law,
nor in Thy peace, but in lying dotages and law-skirmishes,
should no longer buy at my mouth arms for their madness.
And very seasonably, it now wanted but very few days unto
the Vacation of the Vintage, and I resolved to endure them,
then in a regular way to take my leave, and having been
purchased by Thee, no more to return for sale. Our purpose
then was known to Thee ; but to men, other than our own
friends, was it not known. For we had agreed among our-
selves not to let it out abroad to any : although to us, now
ascending from the valley of tears, and singing that song of
degrees, Thou hast given sharp arrows, and destroying coals
against the subtle tongue, which as though advising for us,
would thwart, and would out of love devour us, as it doth
its meat.
Thou hadst pierced our hearts with Thy charity, and we
carried Thy words as it were fixed in our entrails : and the
examples of Thy servants, whom for black Thou hadst made
bright, and for dead, alive, being piled together in the recep-
tacle of our thoughts, kindled and burned up that our heavy
torpor, that we should not sink down to the abyss ; and they
fired up so vehemently, that all the blasts of subtle tongues
from gainsayers might only inflame us the more fiercely, not
extinguish us. Nevertheless, because for Thy Name's sake
which Thou hast hallowed throughout the earth, this our
vow and purpose might also find some to commend it, it
seemed like ostentation not to wait for the vacation now so
near, but to quit beforehand a public profession, which was
before the eyes of all ; so that all looking on this act of mine,
and observing how near was the time of vintage which I
wished to anticipate, would talk much of me, as if I had
desired to appear some great one. And what end had it
served me, that people should repute and dispute upon my
purpose, and that our good should be evil spoken of.''
* Rom. xiv. 16.
146 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
Moreover, it had at first troubled me that in this very
summer my lungs began to give way, amid too great liter-
ary labour, and to breathe deeply with difficulty, and by the
pain in my chest to show that they were injured, and to
refuse any full or lengthened speaking; this had troubled
me, for it almost constrained me of necessity to lay down
that burden of teaching, or, if I could be cured and recover,
at least to intermit it. But when the full wish for leisure,
that I might see how that Thou art the Lord^ arose, and
was fixed, in me; my God, Thou knowest, I began even to
rejoice that I had this secondary, and that no feigned, ex-
cuse, which might something moderate the offence taken by
those who, for their sons' sake, wished me never to have
the freedom of Thy sons. Full then of such joy, I endured
till that interval of time were run; it may have been some
twenty days, yet they were endured manfully ; endured, for
the covetousness which aforetime bore a part of this heavy
business, had left me, and I remained alone, and had been
overwhelmed, had not patience taken its place. Perchance,
some of Thy servants, my brethren, may say that I sinned
in this, that with a heart fully set on Thy service, I suffered
myself to sit even one hour in the chair of lies. Nor would
I be contentious. But hast not Thou, O most merciful Lord,
pardoned and remitted this sin also, with my other most
horrible and deadly sins, in the holy water?
Verecundus was worn down with care about this our
blessedness, for that being held back by bonds, whereby he
was most straitly bound, he saw that he should be severed
from us. For himself was not yet a Christian, his wife one
of the faithful; and yet hereby, more rigidly than by any
other chain, was he let and hindered from the journey which
we had now essayed. For he would not, he said, be a
Christian on any other terms than on those he could not.
However, he offered us courteously to remain at his country-
house so long as we should stay there. Thou, O Lord, shalt
reward him in the resurrection of the just,'' seeing Thou hast
already given him the lot of the righteous.* For although,
in our absence, being now at Rome, he was seized with
bodily sickness, and therein being made a Christian, and
* Ps. xlvi. lo. 'Luke xiv. 14, * Ps. cxxv. 3.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 147
one of the faithful, he departed this life; yet hadst Thou
mercy not on him only, but on us also ;* lest remembering the
exceeding kindness of our friend towards us, yet unable to
number him "among Thy flock, we should be agonised with
intolerable sorrow. Thanks unto Thee, our God, we are
Thine : Thy suggestions and consolations tell us. Faithful
in promises, Thou now requitest Verecundus for his country-
house of Cassiacum, where from the fever of the world we
reposed in Thee, with the eternal freshness of Thy Para-
dise : for that Thou hast forgiven him his sins upon earth,
in that rich mountain, that mountain which yieldeth milk,
Thine own mountain.
He then had at that time sorrow, but Nebridius joy. For
although he also, not being yet a Christian, had fallen into
the pit of that most pernicious error, believing the flesh
of Thy Son to be a phantom : yet emerging thence, he be-
lieved as we did; not as yet endued with any Sacraments of
Thy Church, but a most ardent searcher out of truth.
Whom, not long after our conversion and regeneration by
Thy Baptism, being also a faithful member of the Church
Catholic, and serving Thee in perfect chastity and con-
tinence amongst his people in Africa, his whole house having
through him first been made Christian, didst Thou release
from the flesh ; and now he lives in Abraham's bosom. What-
ever that be, which is signified by that bosom, there lives
my Nebridius, my sweet friend, and Thy child, O Lord,
adopted of a freed man: there he liveth. For what other
place is there for such a soul? There he liveth. whereof
he asked much of me, a poor inexperienced man. Now lays
he not his ear to my mouth, but his spiritual mouth unto
Thy fountain, and drinketh as much as he can receive,
wisdom in proportion to his thirst, endlessly happy. Nor
do I think that he is so inebriated therewith, as to forget
me; seeing Thou, Lord, Whom he drinketh, art mindful of
us. So were we then, comforting Verecundus, who sor-
rowed, as far as friendship permitted, that our conversion
was of such sort; and exhorting him to become faithful,
according to his measure, namely, of a married estate : and
awaiting Nebridius to follow us, which, being so near, he
•Phil. ii. 27.
148 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
was all but doing: and so, lo ! those days rolled by at length;
for long and many they seemed, for the love I bare to the
easeful liberty, that I might sing to Thee from my inmost
marrow, My heart hath said unto Thee, I have sought Thy
face: Thy face, Lord, will I seek}"
Now was the day come wherein I was in deed to be freed
of my Rhetoric Professorship, whereof in thought I was
already freed. And it was done. Thou didst rescue my
tongue, whence Thou hadst before rescued my heart. And
I blessed Thee, rejoicing; retiring with all mine to the villa.
What I there did in writing, which was now enlisted in Thy
service, though still, in this breathing-time as it were, pant-
ing from the school of pride, my books may witness, as well
what I debated with others, as what with myself alone,
before Thee: what with Nebridius, who was absent, my
Epistles bear witness. And when shall I have time to re-
hearse all Thy great benefits towards us at that time, espe-
cially when hastening on to yet greater mercies? For my
remembrance recalls me, and pleasant is it to me, O Lord,
to confess to Thee, by what inward goads Thou tamedst me ;
and how Thou hast evened me, lozvering the mountains and
hills of my high imaginations, straightening my crookedness,
and smoothing my rough ways; and how Thou also subduest
the brother of my heart, Alypius, unto the Name of Thy
Only Begotten, our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, which
he would not at first vouchsafe to have inserted in our
writings. For rather would he have them savour of the
lofty cedars of the Schools, which the Lord hath now
broken down^'^ than of the wholesome herbs of the Church,
the antidote against serpents.
Oh, in what accents spake I unto Thee, my God, when I
read the Psalms of David, those faithful songs, and sounds
of devotion, which allow of no swelling spirit, as yet a Cate-
chumen, and a novice in Thy real love, resting in that
villa, with Alypius a Catechumen, my mother cleaving to us,
in female garb with masculine faith, with the tranquillity
of age, motherly love, Christian piety! Oh, what accents
did I utter unto Thee in those Psalms, and how was I by
them kindled towards Thee, and on fire to rehearse them, if
18 Ps. xxTii. 8. " Ps. xxix. s.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 149
possible, through the whole world, against the pride of man-
kind ! And yet they are sung through the whole world,
nor can any hide himself from Thy heat}^ With what
vehement and bitter sorrow was I angered at the Manichees !
and again I pitied them for that they knew not those Sacra-
ments, those medicines, and were mad against the antidote
which might have recovered them of their madness. How
I would they had then been somewhere near me, and without
my knowing that they were there, could have beheld my
countenance, and heard my words, when I read the fourth
Psalm in that time of my rest, and how that Psalm wrought
upon me. When I called, the God of my righteousness heard
me; in tribulation Thou enlargedst me. Have mercy upon
me, O Lord, and hear my prayer." Would that what I
uttered on these words, they could hear, without my knowing
whether they heard, lest they should think I spake it for
their sakes ! Because in truth neither should I speak the
same things, nor in the same way, if I perceived that they
heard and saw me; nor if I spake them would they so re-
ceive them, as when I spake by and for myself before Thee,
out of the natural feelings of my soul.
I trembled for fear, and again kindled with hope, and with
rejoicing in Thy mercy, O Father : and all issued forth both
by mine eyes and voice, when Thy good Spirit turning
unto us. said, O ye sous of men, how long slow of heart f why
do ye love vanity, and seek after leasing?'* For I had
loved vanity, and sought after leasing.^' And Thou, O Lord,
hadst already magnified Thy Holy One, raising Him from
the dead, and setting Him at Thy right hand," whence from
on high He should send His promise, the Comforter, the
Spirit of truth." And He had already sent Him, but I
knew it not; He had sent Him, because He was now mag-
nified, rising again from the dead, and ascending into
heaven." For till then, the Spirit was not yet given, because
Jesus was not yet glorified.'" And the prophet cries out,
How long, slow of heart? why do ye love vanity, and seek
after leasing? Knoiv this, that the Lord hath magnified
His Holy One. He cries out. How long? He cries out,
"v"' '''''■ ^- \IP\'^': '■ Old Vers. >« Ps. iv. 2. Old Vers.
^ Acts ii , . . f^l'- ••••"°- " ^"'''^ *^^- «: J°^° *'^- '6- '7-
/vets n. 1-4. "John vu. 39.
ISO THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
Know this: and I so long, not knowing, loved vanity, and
sought after leasing: and therefore I heard and trembled,
because it was spoken unto such as I remembered myself
to have been. For in those phantoms which I had held for
truths, was there vanity and leasing; and I spake aloud many
things earnestly and forcibly, in the bitterness of my remem-
brance. Which would they had heard, who yet love vanity
and seek after leasing! They would perchance have been
troubled, and have vomited it up ; and Thou wouldest hear
them when they cried unto Thee; for by a true death in the
flesh did He die for us, who now intercedcth unto Thee
/so
or us.
I further read, Be angry, and sin not.^ And how was I
moved, O my God, who had now learned to be angry at
myself for things past, that I might not sin in time to come !
Yea, to be justly angry; for that it was not another nature
of a people of darkness which sinned for me, as they say
who are not angry at themselves, and treasure up wrath
against the day of wrath, and of the revelation of Thy just
judgment.^^ Nor were my good things now without, nor
sought with the eyes of flesh in that earthly sun; for they
that would have joy from without soon become vain, and
waste themselves on the things seen and temporal, and in
their famished thoughts do lick their very shadows. Oh that
they were wearied out with their famine, and raid. Who
will show us good things?^ And we would say, and they
hear. The light of Thy countenance is sealed upon us.^ For
we are not that light which enlighteneth every man^ but
we are enlightened by Thee; that having been sometimes
darkness, we may he light in Thee.'" Oh that they could see
the eternal Internal, which having tasted, I was grieved that
I could not show It them, so long as they brought me their
heart in their eyes roving abroad from Thee, while they said,
Who will show tis good things?" For there, where I was
angry within myself in my chamber, where I was inwardly
pricked, where I had sacrificed, slaying my old man and
commencing the purpose of a new life, putting my trust in
Thee^ — there hadst Thou begun to grow sweet unto me,
» Rom. viii. 34. ^ Epii. W. 26. 22 R„m. ;;. 5. 23 p^ j^. 6.
»* Ihid. =» John i. 9. 28 Eph. v. 8. 2^ Ps. iv. 6. as Ver. 5.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 151
and hadst put gladness in my hearth And I cried out, as
I read this outwardly, finding it inwardly. Nor would I be
multiplied with worldly goods; wasting away time, and
wasted by time; whereas I had in Thy eternal Simple Es-
sence other corn, and zvine, and oil.
And with a loud cry of my heart I cried out in the next
verse, O in peace, O for The Selfsame! O what said he, /
will lay me down and sleep*" for who shall hinder us, when
Cometh to pass that saying which is written. Death is swal-
lowed up in victory?"^ And Thou surpassingly are the Self-
same, Who art not changed; and in Thee is rest which for-
getteth all toil, for there is none other with Thee, nor are
we to seek those many other things, which are not what
Thou art : but Thou Lord, alone hast made me dwell in
hope. I read, and kindled ; nor found I what to do to
those deaf and dead, of whom myself had been, a pestilent
person, a bitter and a blind bawler against those writings,
which are honied with the honey of heaven, and lightsome
with Thine own light : and I was consumed with zeal at the
enemies of this Scripture.
When shall I recall all which passed in those holy-days?
Yet neither have I forgotten, nor will I pass over the
severity of Thy scourge, and the wonderful swiftness of
Thy mercy. Thou didst then torment me with pain in
my teeth; which when it had come to such height that I
could not speak, it came into my heart to desire all my
friends present to pray for me to Thee, the God of all
manner of health. And this I wrote on wax. and gave it
to them to read. Presently so soon as with humble devotion
we had bowed our knees, that pain went away. But what
pain? or how went it away? I was affrighted, O my
Lord, my God, for from infancy I had never experienced
the like. And the power of Thy Nod was deeply conveyed
to me. and rejoicing in faith, I praised Thy Name. And
that faith suffered me not to be at ease about my past sins,
which were not yet forgiven me by Thy baptism.
The vintage-vacation ended, I gave notice to the Milanese
to provide their scholars with another master to sell words
to them ; for that I had both made choice to serve Thee, and
" Ps. iv. 7. *" Ver. 8. " i Cor. xv. 54.
152 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
through my difficulty of breathing and pain in my chest
was not equal to the Professorship. And by letters I
signified to Thy Prelate, the holy man Ambrose, my former
errors and present desires, begging his advice what of Thy
Scriptures I had best read, to become readier and fitter for
receiving so great grace. He recommended Isaiah the
Prophet : I believe, because he above the rest is a more clear
fore-shower of the Gospel and of the calling of the Gentiles.
But I, not understanding the first lesson in him, and imagin-
ing the whole to be like it, laid it by, to be resumed when
better practised in our Lord's own words.
Thence, when the time was come wherein I was to give
in my name, we left the country and returned to Milan. It
pleased Alypius also to be with me born again in Thee,
being already clothed with the humility befitting Thy Sacra-
ments; and a most valiant tamer of the body, so as, with
unwonted venture, to wear the frozen ground of Italy with
his bare feet. We joined with us the boy Adeodatus, born
after the flesh of my sin. Excellently hadst Thou made him.
He was not quite fifteen, and in wit surpassed many grave
and learned men. I confess unto Thee Thy gifts, O Lord
my God, Creator of all, and abundantly able to reform our
deformities : for I had no part in that boy, but the sin.
For that we brought him up in Thy discipline, it was Thou,
none else, had inspired us with it. I confess unto Thee Thy
gifts. There is a book of ours entitled The Master; it is
a dialogue between him and me. Thou knowest that all there
ascribed to the person conversing with me were his ideas,
in his sixteenth year. Much besides, and yet more admirable,
I found in him. That talent struck awe into me. And who
but Thou could be the work-master of such wonders? Soon
didst Thou take his life from the earth: and I now remem-
ber him without anxiety, fearing nothing for his childhood
or youth, or his whole self. Him we joined with us, our
contemporary in grace, to be brought up in Thy discipline ;
and we were baptised, and anxiety for our past life vanished
from us. Nor was I sated in those days with the wondrous
sweetness of considering the depth of Thy counsels concern-
ing the salvation of mankind. How did I weep, in Thy
Hymns and Canticles, touched to the quick by the voices
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 153
of Thy sweet-attuned Church ! The voices flowed into mine
ears, and the Truth distilled into my heart, whence the
affections of my devotion overflowed, and tears ran down,
and happy was I therein.
Not long had the Church of Milan begun to use this kind
of consolation and exhortation, the brethren zealously join-
ing with harmony of voice and hearts. For it was a year,
or not much more, that Justina, mother to the Emperor
Valentinian, a child, persecuted Thy servant Ambrose, in
favour of her heresy, to which she was seduced by the
Arians. The devout people kept watch in the Church,
ready to die with their Bishop Thy servant. There my
mother Thy handmaid, bearing a chief part of those anxie-
ties and watchings, lived for prayer. We, yet unwarmed
by the heat of Thy Spirit, still were stirred up by the sight
of the amazed and disquieted city. Then it was first in-
stituted that after the manner of the Eastern Churches,
Hymns and Psalms should be sung, lest the people should
wax faint through the tediousness of sorrow : and from
that day to this the custom is retained, divers (yea, almost
all) Thy congregations, throughout other parts of the world,
following herein.
Then didst Thou by a vision discover to Thy forenamed
Bishop where the bodies of Gervasius and Protasius the
martyrs lay hid (whom Thou hadst in Thy secret treasury
stored uncorrupted so many years), whence Thou mightest
seasonably produce them to repress the fury of a woman,
but an Empress. For when they were discovered and dug
up, and with due honour translated to the Ambrosian Basil-
ica, and not only they who were vexed with unclean spirits
(the devils confessing themselves) were cured, but a
certain man who had for many years been blind, a citizen,
and well known to the city, asking and hearing the reason
of the people's confused joy, sprang forth, desiring his
guide to lead him thither. Led thither, he begged to be
allowed to touch with his handkerchief the bier of Thy
saints, zvhose death is precious in Thy sight." Which when
he had done, and put to his eyes, they were forthwith opened.
Thence did the fame spread, thence Thy praises glowed,
*^ Ps. cxvi. IS.
154 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
shone; thence the mind of that enemy, though not turned
to the soundness of believing, was yet turned back from her
fury of persecuting. Thanks to Thee, O my God. Whence
and whither hast Thou thus led my remembrance, that I
should confess these things also unto Thee? which great
though they be, I had passed by in forgetfulness. And yet
then, when the odour of Thy ointments zvas so fragrant,
did we not run after Thee^ Therefore did I more weep
among the singing of Thy Hymns, formerly sighing after
Thee, and at length breathing in Thee, as far as the breath
may enter into this our house of grass.
Thou that makest men to dwell of one mind in one house,'*
didst join with us Euodius also, a young man of our own
city. Who being an officer of Court, was before us con-
verted to Thee and baptised : and quitting his secular warfare,
girded himself to Thine. We were together, about to dwell
together in our devout purpose. We sought where we might
serve Thee most usefully, and were together returning to
Africa: whitherward being as far as Ostia, my mother de-
parted this life. Much I omit, as hastening much. Receive
my confessions and thanksgivings, O my God, for innumer-
able things whereof I am silent. But I will not omit
whatsoever my soul would bring forth concerning that Thy
handmaid, who brought me forth, both in the flesh, that
I might be born to this temporal light, and in heart, that
I might be born to Light eternal. Not her gifts, but Thine
in her, would I speak of; for neither did she make nor
educate herself. Thou createdst her; nor did her father
and mother know what a one should come from them. And
the sceptre of Thy Christ, the discipline of Thine only Son,
in a Christian house, a good member of Thy Church, edu-
cated her in Thy fear. Yet for her good discipline was
she wont to commend not so much her mother's diligence,
as that of a certain decrepit maid-servant, who had carried
her father when a child, as little ones use to be carried at
the backs of elder girls. For which reason, and for her
great age, and excellent conversation, was she, in that
Christian family, well respected by its heads. Whence also
the charge of her master's daughters was entrusted to her,
^^ Cant. i. 2, 3. ^ Ps. Ixviii. 6.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 155
to which she gave diligent heed, restraining them earnestly,
when necessary, with a holy severity, and teaching them
with a grave discretion. For, except at those hours wherein
they were most temperately fed at their parents' table, she
would not suffer them, though parched with thirst, to drink
even water; preventing an evil custom, and adding this
wliolesome advice : " Ye drink water now, because you have
not wine in your power ; but when you come to be married,
and be made mistresses of cellars and cupboards, you will
scorn water, but the custom of drinking will abide." By
this method of instruction, and the authority she had she
refrained the greediness of childhood, and moulded their
very thirst to such an excellent moderation that what they
should not, that they would not.
And yet (as Thy handmaid told me her son) there had
crept upon her a love of wine. For when (as the manner
was) she, as though a sober maiden, was bidden by her
parents to draw wine out of the hogshead, holding the vessel
under the opening, before she poured the wine into the flagon,
she sipped a little with the tip of her lips ; for more her in-
stinctive feelings refused. For this she did, not out of any
desire of drink, but out of the exuberance of youth, whereby,
it boils over in mirthful freaks, which in youthful spirits
are wont to be kept under by the gravity of their elders.
And thus by adding to that little, daily littles {for whoso
dcspisefJi little things shall fall by little and little^) she had
fallen into such a habit as greedily to drink off her
little cup brim-full almost of wine. Where was then
that discreet old woman, and that her earnest counter-
manding? Would aught avail against a secret disease,
if Thy healing hand, O Lord, watched not over us ? Father,
mother, and governors absent. Thou present, who createdst,
who callest, who also by those set over us, workest something
towards the salvation of our souls, what didst Thou then, O my
God? how didst Thou cure her? how heal her? didst Thou
not out of another soul bring forth a hard and a sharp taunt,
like a lancet out of Thy secret store, and with one touch
remove all that foul stuff? For a maid-servant with whom
she used to go to the cellar, falling to words (as it happens)
** Ecclus. xix. I.
156 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
with her little mistress, when alone with her, taunted her
with this fault, with most bitter insult, calling her wine-
bibber. With which taunt, she, stung to the quick, saw the
foulness of her fault, and instantly condemned and forsook
it. As flattering friends pervert, so reproachful enemies
mostly correct. Yet not what by them Thou doest, but what
themselves purposed, dost Thou repay them. For she in
her anger sought to vex her young mistress, not to amend
her; and did it in private, either for that the time and place
of the quarrel so found them; or lest herself also should
have anger, for discovering it thus late. But Thou, Lord,
Governor of all in heaven and earth, who turnest to Thy
purposes the deepest currents, and the ruled turbulence of
the tide of times, didst by the very unhealthiness of one
soul heal another; lest any, when he observes this, should
ascribe it to his own power, even when another, whom he
wished to be reformed, is reformed through words of his.
Brought up thus modestly and soberly, and made subject
rather by Thee to her parents, than by her parents to Thee,
so soon as she was of marriageable age, being bestowed
upon a husband, she served him as her lord; and did her
diligence to win him unto Thee, preaching Thee unto him by
her conversation ; by which Thou ornamentedst her, making
her reverently amiable, and admirable unto her husband.
And she so endured the wronging of her bed as never to
have any quarrel with h^r husband thereon. For she
looked for Thy mercy upon him, that believing in Thee,
he might be made chaste. But besides this, he was fervid,
as in his affections, so in anger: but she had learnt not to
resist an angry husband, not in deed only, but not even
in word. Only when he was smoothed and tranquil, and
in a temper to receive it, she would give an account of her
actions, if haply he had overhastily taken offence. In a
word, while many matrons, who had milder husbands, yet
bore even in their faces marks of shame, would in familiar
talk blame their husbands' lives, she would blame their
tongues, giving them, as in jest, earnest advice: "That
from the time they heard the marriage writings read to
them, they should account them as indentures, whereby they
were made servants; and so, remembering their condition,
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 157
ought not to set themselves up against their lords." And
when they, knowing what a choleric husband she endured,
marvelled that it had never been heard, nor by any token
perceived, that Patricius had beaten his wife, or that there
had been any domestic difference between them, even for
one day, and confidentially asking the reason, she taught
them her practice above mentioned. Those wives who
observed it found the good, and returned thanks; those
who observed it not, found no relief, and suffered.
Her mother-in-law also, at first by whisperings of evil
servants incensed against her, she so overcame by observ-
ance and persevering endurance and meekness, that she of
her own accord discovered to her son the meddling tongues
whereby the domestic peace betwixt her and her daughter-
in-law had been disturbed, asking him to correct them.
Then, when in compliance with his mother, and for the well-
ordering of the family, and the harmony of its members, he
had with stripes corrected those discovered, at her will who
had discovered them, she promised the like reward to any
who, to please her, should speak ill of her daughter-in-law
to her: and none now venturing, they lived together with
a remarkable sweetness of mutual kindness.
This great gift also Thou bestowedst, O my God, my mercy,
upon that good handmaid of Thine, in whose womb Thou
createdst me, that between any disagreeing and discordant
parties where she was able, she showed herself such a peace-
maker, that hearing on both sides most bitter things, such as
swelling and indigested choler uses to break out into, when
the crudities of enmities are breathed out in sour discourses
to a present friend against an absent enemy, she never would
disclose aught of the one unto the other, but what might
tend to their reconcilement. A small good this might appear
to me, did I not to my grief know numberless persons, who
through some horrible and wide-spreading contagion of sin,
not only disclose to persons mutually angered things said in
anger, but add withal things never spoken, whereas to
humane humanity, it ought to seem a light thing not to
foment or increase ill will by ill words, unless one study withal
by good words to quench it. Such was she, Thyself, her most
inward Instructor, teaching her in the school of the heart.
158 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
Finally, her own husband, towards the very end of his earth-
ly life, did she gain unto Thee ; nor had she to complain of that
in him as a believer, which before he was a believer she had
borne from him. She was also the servant of Thy servants ;
whosoever of them knew her, did in her much praise and
honour and love Thee; for that through the witness of the
fruits of a holy conversation they perceived Thy presence
in her heart. For she had been the wife of one man, had
requited her parents, hnd governed her house piously, was
well reported of her good works, had brought up children*^
so often travailing in birth of them,"'' as she saw them swerv-
ing from Thee. Lastly, of all of us Thy servants, O Lord
(whom on occasion of Thy own gift Thou sufferest to speak),
us, who before her sleeping in Thee lived united together,
having received the grace of Thy baptism, did she so take
care of, as though she had been mother of us all ; so served
us, as though she had been child to us all.
The day now approaching whereon she was to depart this
life (which day Thou well knewest, we knew not), it came
to pass. Thyself, as I believe, by Thy secret ways so order-
ing it, that she and I stood alone, leaning in a certain win-
dow, which looked into the garden of the house where we
now lay, at Ostia; where removed from the din of men, we
were recruiting from the fatigues of a long journey, for the
voyage. We were discoursing then together, alone, very
sweetly; and forgetting those things which are behind, and
reaching forth unto those things which are before,*^ we
were enquiring between ourselves in the presence of the
Truth, which Thou art, of what sort the eternal life of the
saints was to be, which eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, nor
hath it entered into the heart of man.^^ But yet we gasped
with the mouth of our heart, after those heavenly streams
of Thy fountain, the fountain of life, which is with Thee;"'
that being bedewed thence according to our capacity, we
might in some sort meditate upon so high a mystery.
And when our discourse was brought to that point, that
the very highest delight of the earthly senses, in the very
purest material light, was, in respect of the sweetness of
••Tim. V. 4, 9, 10. ^ Gal. iv. 19. ^' Phil. iii. 13.
^^ I Cor. ii. 9. ^ Ps. xxxvi. 9.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 159
that life, not only not worthy of comparison, but not even
of mention ; we raising up ourselves with a more glowing
affection towards the " Self-same," did by degrees pass
through all things bodily, even the very heaven whence sun
and moon and stars shine upon the earth ; yea, we were
soaring higher yet, by inward musing, and discourse, and
admiring of Thy works ; and we came to our own minds,
and went beyond them, that we might arrive at that region
of never-failing plenty, where Thou fecdcst Israel*^ for ever
with the food of truths, and where life is the Wisdom by
whom all these things arc made, and what have been, and
what shall be, and she is not made, but is, as she hath been,
and so shall she be ever; yea rather, to "have been," and
" hereafter to be," are not in her, but only " to be," seeing
she is eternal. For to " have been," and to " be hereafter,"
are not eternal. And while we were discoursing and pant-
ing after her, we slightly touched on her with the whole
effort of our heart ; and we sighed, and there we leave bound
the first fruits of the Spirit ;" and returned to vocal expres-
sions of our mouth, where the word spoken has beginning
and end. And what is like unto Thy Word, our Lord, who
endureth in Himself without becoming old, and makcth all
things ncwf**
We were saying then: If to any the tumult of the flesh
were hushed, hushed the images of earth, and waters, and
air, hushed also the poles of heaven, yea the very soul be
hushed to herself, and by not thinking on self surmount self,
hushed all dreams and imaginary revelations, every tongue
and every sign, and whatsoever exists only in transition,
since if any could hear, all these say. We made not ourselves,
but He made us that abideth for ever — If then having uttered
this, they too should be hushed, having roused only our ears
to Him who made them, and He alone speak, not by them,
but by Himself, that we may hear His Word, not through
any tongue of flesh, nor Angel's voice, nor sound of thunder,
nor in the dark riddle of a similitude, but might hear Whom
in these things we love, might hear His Very Self without
these (as we two now strained ourselves, and in swift
thought touched on that Eternal Wisdom which abideth
*i Ps. Ixxx. I. *^ Rom. viii. 22. ** Wisd. vii, 27.
160 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
over all) : — could this be continued on, and other visions of
kind far unlike be withdrawn, and this one ravish, and
absorb, and wrap up its beholder amid these inward joys, so
that life might be for ever like that one moment of under-
standing which now we sighed after; were not this, Enter
into thy Master's joyf** And when shall that be? When
we shall all rise again, though we shall not all be changed?"
Such things was I speaking, and even if not in this very
manner, and these same words, yet Lord, Thou knowest that
in that day when we were speaking of these things, and this
world with all its delights became, as we spake, contemptible
to us, my mother said, " Son, for mine own part I have no
further delight in any thing in this life. What I do here
any longer, and to what end I am here, I know not, now
that my hopes in this world are accomplished. One thing
there was for which I desired to linger for a while in this
life, that I might see thee a Catholic Christian before I
died. My God hath done this for me more abundantly, that
I should now see thee withal, despising earthly happiness,
become His servant : what do I here ? "
What answer I made her unto these things, I remember
not. For scarce five days after, or not much more, she fell
sick of a fever; and in that sickness one day she fell into
a swoon, and was for a while withdrawn from these visible
things. We hastened round her; but she was soon brought
back to her senses ; and looking on me and my brother stand-
ing by her, said to us enquiringly, " Where was I ? " And
then looking fixedly on us, with grief amazed : " Here," saith
she, " shall you bury your mother." I held my peace and
refrained weeping; but my brother spake something, wish-
ing, for her, as the happier lot, that she might die, not in
a strange place, but in her own land. Whereat, she with
anxious look, checking him with her eyes, for that he still
savoured such things, and then looking upon me : " Behold,"
saith she, "what he saith:" and soon after to us both,
"Lay," she saith, "this body any where; let not the care
for that any way disquiet you: this only I request, that you
would remember me at the Lord's altar, wherever you be."
And having delivered this sentiment in what words she
''Matt. XXV, 21. *^ I Cor. xv. 51.— Vulg., etc.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 161
could she held her peace, being exercised by her growing
sickness.
But I, considering Thy gifts, Thou unseen God, which
Thou instillest into the hearts of Thy faithful ones, whence
wondrous fruits do spring, did rejoice and give thanks to
Thee, recalling what I before knew, how careful and anxious
she had ever been as to her place of burial, which she had
provided and prepared for herself by the body of her hus-
band. For because they had lived in great harmony together,
she also wished (so little can the human mind embrace things
divine) to have this addition to that happiness, and to
have it remembered among men, that after her pilgrimage
beyond the seas, what was earthly of this united pair had
been permitted to be united beneath the same earth. But
when this emptiness had through the fulness of Thy goodness
begun to cease in her heart, I knew not, and rejoiced ad-
miring what she had so disclosed to me; though indeed in
that our discourse also in the window, when she said, " What
do I here any longer?" there appeared no desire of dying
in her own country. I heard afterwards also, that when we
were now at Ostia, she with a mother's confidence, when
I was absent, one day discoursed with certain of my friends
about the contempt of this life, and the blessing of death :
and when they were amazed at such courage which Thou
hadst given to a woman, and asked, "Whether she were not
afraid to leave her body so far from her own city ? " she
replied, " Nothing is far to God ; nor was it to be feared
lest at the end of the world, He should not recognise whence
He were to raise me up." On the ninth day then of her
sickness, and the fifty-sixth year of her age, and the three-
and-thirtieth of mine, was that religious and holy soul freed
from the body.
I closed her eyes; and there flowed withal a mighty sor-
row into my heart, which was overflowing into tears; mine
eyes at the same time, by the violent command of my mind,
drank up their fountain wholly dry; and woe was me in
such a strife ! But when she breathed her last, the boy
Adeodatus burst out into a loud lament ; then, checked by
us all. held his peace. In like manner also a childish feeling
in me, which was, through my heart's youthful voice, finding
6 — HC vii
162 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
its vent in weeping, was checked and silenced. For we
thought it not fitting to solemnise that funeral with tearful
lament, and groanings ; for thereby do they for the most part
express grief for the departed, as though unhappy, or alto-
gether dead ; whereas she was neither unhappy in her death,
nor altogether dead. Of this we were assured on good
grounds, the testimony of her good conversation and her
faith unfeigned.
What then was it which did grievously pain me within,
but a fresh wound wrought through the sudden wrench of
that most sweet and dear custom of living together? I
joyed indeed in her testimony, when, in that her last sickness,
mingling her endearments with my acts of duty, she called
me " dutiful," and mentioned, with great affection of love,
that she never had heard any harsh or reproachful sound
uttered by my mouth against her. But yet, O my God, Who
madest us, what comparison is there betwixt that honour
that I paid to her, and her slavery for me? Being then
forsaken of so great comfort in her, my soul was wounded,
and that life rent asunder as it were, which, of hers and
mine together, had been made but one.
The boy then being stilled from weeping, Euodius took
up the Psalter, and began to sing, our whole house answer-
ing him, the Psalm, / will sing of mercy and judgment to
Thee, Lordf^ But hearing what we were doing, many
brethren and religious women came together ; and whilst
they (whose office it was) made ready for the burial,
as the manner is, I (in a part of the house, where I might
properly), together with those who thought not fit to leave
me, discoursed upon something fitting the time ; and by this
balm of truth assuaged that torment, known to Thee, they
unknowing and listening intently, and conceiving me to be
without all sense of sorrow. But in Thy ears, where none
of them heard, I blamed the weakness of my feelings, and
refrained my flood of grief, which gave way a little unto
me; but again came, as with a tide, yet not so as to burst
out into tears, nor to a change of countenance; still I knew
what I was keeping down in my heart. And being very
much displeased that these human things had such power
*«Ps. ci.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 163
over me, which in the due order and appointment of our
natural condition must needs come to pass, with a new grief
I grieved for my grief, and was thus worn by a double
sorrow.
And behold, the corpse was carried to the burial; we
went and returned without tears. For neither in those
prayers which we poured forth unto Thee, when the Sacri-
fice of our ransom was offered for her, when now the corpse
was by the grave's side, as the manner there is. previous
to its being laid therein, did I weep even during those
prayers; yet was I the whole day in secret heavily sad, and
with troubled mind prayed Thee, as I could, to heal my
sorrow, yet Thou didst not; impressing, I believe, upon my
memory by this one instance, how strong is the bond of all
habit, even upon a soul, which now feeds upon no deceiving
Word. It seemed also good to me to go and bathe, having
heard that the bath had its name (balneum) from the Greek
^aXavecuv, for that it drives sadness from the mind. And
this also I confess unto Thy mercy, Father of the fatherless"
that I bathed, and was the same as before I bathed. For
the bitterness of sorrow could not exude out of my heart.
Then I slept, and woke up again, and found my grief not
a little softened; and as I was alone in my bed, I remem-
bered those true verses of Thy Ambrose. For Thou art the
" Maker of all, the Lord,
And Ruler of the height,
Who, robing day in light, hast poured
Soft slumbers o'er the night,
That to our limbs the power
Of toil may be renew'd,
And hearts be rais'd that sink and cower,
And sorrows be subdu'd."
And then by little and little I recovered my former
thoughts of Thy handmaid, her holy conversation towards
)Thee, her holy tenderness and observance towards us,
whereof I was suddenly deprived: and I was minded to
weep in Thy sight, for her and for myself, in her behalf
and in my own. And I gave way to the tears which I
"Ps. Ixviii. 5.
164 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
before restrained, to overflow as much as they desired;
reposing my heart upon them; and it found rest in them,
for it was in Thy ears not in those of man, who would
have scornfully interpreted my weeping. And now, Lord,
in writing I confess it unto Thee. Read it, who will, and
interpret it, how he will: and if he finds sin therein, that
I wept my mother for a small portion of an hour (the
mother who for the time was dead to mine eyes, who had
for many years wept for me that I might live in Thine
eyes), let him not deride me; but rather, if he be one of
large charity, let him weep himself for my sins unto Thee,
the Father of all the brethren of Thy Christ.
But now, with a heart cured of that wound, wherein it
might seem blameworthy for an earthly feeling, I pour out
unto Thee, our God, in behalf of that Thy handmaid, a far
different kind of tears, flowing from a spirit shaken by the
thoughts of the dangers of every soul that dietJi in Adam.*^
And although she having been quickened in Christ, even
before her release from the flesh, had lived to the praise
of Thy name for her faith and conversation ; yet dare I not
say that from what time Thou regeneratedst her by bap-
tism, no word issued from her mouth against Thy Com-
mandment." Thy Son, the Truth, hath said. Whosoever
shall say unto his brother, Thou fool, shall he in danger of
hell fire.^ And woe be even unto the commendable life of
men, if, laying aside mercy. Thou shouldest examine it.
But because Thou art not extreme in enquiring after sins,
we confidently hope to find some place with Thee. But
whosoever reckons up his real merits to Thee, what reckons
he up to Thee but Thine own gifts? O that men would
know themselves to be men ; and that he that glorieth would
glory in the Lord^^
I therefore, O my Praise and my Life, God of my heart,
' laying aside for a while her good deeds, for which I give
thanks to Thee with joy, do now beseech Thee for the sins
of my mother. Hearken unto me, I entreat Thee, by the
Medicine of our wounds. Who hung upon the tree, and
now sitting at Thy right hand maketh intercession to Thee
*■ I Cor. XV. 22. *» Matt. xii. 36. ^ Matt. v. 22,
^ I Cor. X. 17.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 165
for us.'' I know that she dealt mercifully, and from her
heart forgave her debtors their debts; do Thou also forgive
her debts,** whatever she may have contracted in so many
years, since the water of salvation. Forgive her, Lord,
forgive, I beseech Thee; enter not into the judgment with
her.^ Let Thy mercy be exalted above Thy justice^ since
Thy words are true, and Thou hast promised mercy unto
the merciful;"" which thou gavest them to be, who wilt have
mercy on whom Thou wilt have mercy; and wilt have com-
passion on whom Thou hast had compassion."
And, I believe, Thou hast already done what I ask;
but accept, O Lord, the free-will offerings of my month^
For she, the day of her dissolution now at hand, took no
thought to have her body sumptuously wound up, or em-
balmed with spices; nor desired she a choice monument,
or to be buried in her own land. These things she en-
joined us not; but desired only to have her name com-
memorated at Thy Altar, which she had served without
mtermission of one day: whence she knew that holy Sacri-
fice to be dispensed, by which the hand-writing that was
against us is blotted out;'' through which the enemy was
triumphed over, who summing up our offences, and seeking
what to lay to our charge, found nothing in Him,'° in Whom
we conquer. Who shall restore to Him the innocent blood?
Who repay Him the price wherewith He bought us, and
so take us from Him? Unto the Sacrament of which our
ransom, Thy handmaid bound her soul by the bond of
faith. Let none sever her from Thy protection: let neither
the lion nor the dragon'' interpose himself by force or fraud.
For she will not answer that she owes nothing, lest she
be convicted and seized by the crafty accuser: but she will
answer that her sins are forgiven her by Him, to Whom
none can repay that price which He, Who owed nothing,
paid for us.
May she rest then in peace with the husband before and
after whom she had never any; whom she obeyed, with
patience bringing forth fruit"' unto Thee, that she might
win him also unto Thee. And inspire, O Lord my God,
«Rom. viii. 34. ^ Matt, xviii. 35; vi. 12. " Ps. cxiiii. j.
"James 11. 13. ™ Matt. v. 7. £■- Ro,n j^. ,5. cs pg. ^xix. 108.
"Col. II. 14. 8»John xiv. 30. " Ps. xci. i; « Luke viii. 15.
166 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
inspire Thy servants my brethren, Thy sons my masters,
whom with voice and heart, and pen I serve, that so many
as shall read these Confessions, may at Thy Ahar remember
Monnica Thy handmaid, with Patricius, her sometimes hus-
band, by whose bodies Thou broughtest me into this life,
how, I know not. May they with devout affection remember
my parents in this transitory light, my brethren under
Thee our Father in our Catholic Mother, and my fellow-
citizens in that eternal Jerusalem which Thy pilgrim people
sigheth after from their Exodus, even unto their return
thither. That so my mother's last request of me, may
through my Confessions, more than through my prayers,
be, through the prayers of many, more abundantly ful-
filled to her.
THE TENTH BOOK
Having in the former books spoken of himself before his receiving
the grace of Baptism, in this Augustine confesses what he then
was. But first, he enquires by what faculty we can know God
at all, whence he enlarges on the mysterious character of the
memory, wherein God, being made known, dwells, but which
could not discover Him. Then he examines his own trials under
the triple division of temptation, "lust of the flesh, lust of the
eyes, and pride" ; what Christian continency prescribes as to
each. On Christ the Only Mediator, who heals and will heal
all infirmities
LET me know Thee, O Lord, who knowest me ; let me
. kiiozi' Tlicc, as I am knozi'ii} Power of my soul, enter
■ into it, and fit it for Thee, that Thou mayest have and
hold it ivithout spot or wrinkle.* This is my hope, there-
fore do I speak ;^ and in this hope do I rejoice, when I
rejoice healthfully. Other things of this life are the less
to be sorrowed for, the more they are sorrowed for ; and
the more to be sorrowed for, the less men sorrow for them.
For behold, Thou lovcst the truth* and he that doth it, com-
eth to the light.^ This would I do in my heart before Thee
in confession : and in my writing, before many witnesses.
And from Thee, O Lord, unto wJwse eyes^ the abyss of
man's conscience is naked, what could be hidden in me
though I would not confess it? For I should hide Thee
from me, not me from Thee. But now, for that my groaning
is witness, that I am displeased with myself, Thou shinest
out, and art pleasing, and beloved, and longed for; that I
may be ashamed of myself, and renounce myself, and choose
Thee, and neither please Thee nor myself, but in Thee. To
Thee therefore, O Lord, am I open, whatever I am; and
with what fruit I confess unto Thee, I have said. Nor do
I it with words and sounds of the flesh, but with the words
*1 Cor. xiii. 12. « Eph. v. 27. ' Ps. cxvi. 10. * Ps. li. 6.
"John iii. 20. » Heb. iv. 13.
167
168 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
of my soul, and the cry of the thought which Thy ear
knoweth. For when I am evil, then to confess to Thee is
nothing else than to be displeased with myself; but when
holy, nothing else than not to ascribe it to myself: because
Thou, O Lord, hlessest the godly^ but first Thou justifiest
him when ungodly.^ My confession then, O my God, in Thy
sight, is made silently, and not silently. For in sound, it is
silent; in affection, it cries aloud. For neither do I utter
any thing right unto men, which Thou hast not before
heard from me ; nor dost Thou hear any such thing from me,
which Thou hast not first said unto me.
What then have I to do with men, that they should hear
my confessions — as if they could heal all my infirmities^ —
a race, curious to know the lives of others, slothful to
amend their own? Why seek they to hear from me what
I am ; who will not hear from Thee what themselves are ?
And how know they, when from myself they hear of my-
self, whether I say true; seeing no man knows what is in
man, but the spirit of man zvhich is in him?^" But if they
hear from Thee themselves, they cannot say, " The Lord
lieth." For what is it to hear from Thee of themselves, but
to know themselves? and who knoweth and saith, "It is
false," unless himself lieth? But because charity helieveth
all things^ (that is, among those whom knitting unto itself
it maketh one), I also, O Lord, will in such wise confess
unto Thee, that men may hear, to whom I cannot demon-
strate whether I confess truly; yet they believe me, whose
ears charity openeth unto me.
But do Thou, my inmost Physician, make plain unto me
what object I may gain by doing it. For the confessions of
my past sins, which Thou hast forgiven and covered,^'^ that
Thou mightest bless me in Thee, changing my soul by
Faith and Thy Sacrament, when read and heard, stir up the
heart, that it sleep not in despair and say " I cannot," but
awake in the love of Thy mercy and the sweetness of Thy
grace, whereby whoso is zveak, is strong, when by it he be-
came conscious of his own weakness. And the good delight
to hear of the past evils of such as are now freed from
'Ps. V. 12. 8 Rom. iv. s. ^ Ps. ciii. 3. '" i Cor. ii. 11,
" Ibid. xiii. 7. " Ps. xxxii. i.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 169
them, not because they are evils, but because they have been
and are not. With what object, then, O Lord my God, to
Whom my conscience daily confesseth, trusting more in the
hope of Thy mercy than in her own innocency, with what
object, I pray, do I by this book confess to men also in Thy
presence what I now am, not what I have been? For that
other object I have seen and spoken of. But what I now
am, at the very time of making these confessions, divers
desire to know, who have or have not known me, who have
heard from me or of me; but their ear is not at my heart,
where I am, whatever I am. They wish then to hear me
confess what I am within ; whither neither their eye, nor
ear, nor understanding can reach ; they wish it, as ready to
believe — but will they know? For charity, whereby they
are good, telleth them that in my confessions I lie not ; and
she in them, believeth me.
But for what object would they hear this? Do they desire
to joy with me, when they hear how near, by Thy gift, I
approach unto Thee? and to pray for me, when they shall
hear how much I am held back by my own weight ? To such
will I discover myself. For it is no mean object, O Lord
my God, that by many thanks should be given to Thee on our
bcJialf,^^ and Thou be by many entreated for us. Let the
brotherly mind love in me what Thou teachest is to be
loved, and lament in me what Thou teachest is to be
lamented. Let a brotherly, not a stranger, mind, not that
of the strange children, wliose viouth talkcth of vanity, and
their right hand is a right hand of iniquity,^* but that
brotherly mind which when it approveth rejoiceth for me, and
when it disapproveth me, is sorry for me; because whether
it approveth or disapproveth, it loveth me. To such will I
discover myself: they will breathe freely at my good deeds,
sigh for my ill. My deeds are Thine appointments and Thy
gifts; my evil ones are my offences, and Thy judgments.
Let them breathe freely at the one, sigh at the other; and
let hymns and weeping go up into Thy sight out of the
hearts of my brethren, Thy censcrs.^'^ And do Thou, O
Lord, be pleased with the incense of Thy holy temple, have
mercy upon me according to Thy great mercy for Thine own
"i Cor. ii. II. " Ps. cxliv. ii. ^^ Rev. viii. 3.
170 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
name's sake;^' and no ways forsaking what Thou hast be-
gun, perfect my imperfections.
This is the object of my confessions of what I am, not
of what I have been, to confess this, not before Thee only,
in a secret exultation with trembling/^ and a secret sorrow
with hope; but in the ears also of the believing sons of
men, sharers of my joy, and partners in my mortality, my
fellow-citizens, and fellow-pilgrims, who are gone before,
or are to follow on, companions of my way. These are Thy
servants, my brethren, whom Thou wiliest to be Thy sons;
my masters, whom Thou commandest me to serve, if I would
live with Thee, of Thee. But this Thy Word were little
did it only command by speaking and not go before in per-
forming. This then I do in deed and word, this I do under
Thy wings; in over great peril, were not my soul subdued
unto Thee under Thy wings, and my infirmity known unto
Thee. I am a little one, but my Father ever liveth, and my
Guardian is sufficient for me. For he is the same who begat
me, and defends me : and Thou Thyself art all my good ;
Thou, Almighty, Who art with me, yea, before I am with
Thee. To such then whom Thou commandest me to serve
will I discover, not what I have been, but what I now am
and what I yet am. But neither do I judge myself. ^^ Thus
therefore I would be heard.
For Thou, Lord, dost judge me:^^ because, although no
man knoweth the things of a man, but the spirit of a man
which is in him, yet is there something of man, which
neither the spirit of man that is in him, itself knoweth.'° But
Thou, Lord, knowest all of him. Who hast made him. Yet
I, though in Thy sight I despise myself, and account myself
dust and ashes; yet know I something of Thee, which I
know not of myself. And truly, now we see through a glass
darkly, not face to face^ as yet. So long therefore as / be
absent from Thee,^ I am more present with myself than with
Thee, and yet know I Thee that Thou art in no ways passible ;
but I, what temptations I can resist, what I cannot, I know
not. And there is hope, because Thoii art faithfid, Who
wilt not suffer us to be tempted above that we are able; but
"Ps. li. I. "Ps. ii, II. 18 I Cor. iv. 3. " ZWd.
^ Ibid. ii. II. ^Ibid. xiii. 12. 2=2 Cor. v. 6.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 171
Tinlt with the temptation also make a way to escape, that we
may he able to hear it!^ I will confess then what I know of
myself, I will confess also what I know not of myself. And
that because what I do know of myself, I know by Thy shin-
ing upon me ; and what I know not of myself, so long know
I not it, until my darkness be made as the noon-day"*' in Thy
countenance.
Not with doubting, but with assured consciousness, do I
love Thee, Lord. Thou hast stricken my heart with Thy
word, and I loved Thee. Yea also heaven and earth, and
all that therein is, behold on every side they bid me love
Thee ; nor cease to say so unto all, that they may he without
excuse. But more deeply wilt Thou have mercy on zchom
Thou wilt have mercy, and wilt have compassion on whom
Thou hast had compassion:'^ else in deaf ears do the heaven
and the earth speak Thy praises. But what do I love, when
I love Thee? not beauty of bodies, nor the fair harmony of
time, nor the brightness of the light, so gladsome to our eyes,
nor sweet melodies of varied songs, nor the fragrant smell
of flowers, and ointments, and spices, not manna and honey,
not limbs acceptable to embracements of flesh. None of these
I love, when I love my God; and yet I love a kind of light,
and melody, and fragrance, and meat, and embracement
when I love my God, the light, melody, fragrance, meat,
embracement of my inner man: where there shineth unto
my soul what space cannot contain and there soundeth
what time beareth not away, and there smelleth what breath-
ing disperscth not, and there tasteth what eating diminisheth
not, and there clingeth what satiety divorceth not. This is
it which I love when I love my God.
And what is this? I asked the earth, and it answered me,
"I am not He;" and whatsoever are in it confessed the
same. I asked the sea and the deeps, and the living creeping
things, and they answered, " We are not Thy God, seek
above us." I asked the moving air; and the whole air with
his inhabitants answered. " Anaximenes was deceived, I am
not God." I asked the heavens, sun, moon, stars, " Nor
(say they) are we the God whom thou seekest." And I
replied unto all the things which encompass the door of my
" I Cor. X. 3. ** Isa. Iviii. 10. -'• Rom. i. 20; ix. 15.
172 THE CONF'ESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
flesh : " Ye have told me of my God, that ye are not He ; tell
me something of Him." And they cried out with a loud
voice, " He made us." My questioning them, was my
thoughts on them : and their form of beauty gave the answer.
And I turned myself unto myself, and said to myself, " Who
art thou ? " And I answered, " A man." And behold, in me
there present themselves to me soul, and body, one without,
the other within. By which of these ought I to seek my
God? I had sought Him in the body from earth to heaven,
so far as I could send messengers, the beams of mine eyes.
But the better is the inner, for to it as presiding and judg-
ing, all the bodily messengers reported the answers of
heaven and earth, and all things therein, who said, " We
are not God, but He made us." These things did my
inner man know by the ministry of the outer: I the
inner knew them; I, the mind, through the senses of my
body. I asked the whole frame of the world about my
God; and it answered me, "I am not He, but He made
me."
Is not this corporeal figure apparent to all whose senses
are perfect? why then speaks it not the same to all? Ani-
mals small and great see it, but they cannot ask it: because
no reason is set over their senses to judge on what they
report. But men ask, so that the invisible things of God
are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are
made;^ but by love of them, they are made subject unto
them: and subjects cannot judge. Nor yet do the creatures
answer such as ask, unless they can judge: nor yet do they
change their voice (i. e., their appearance), if one man only
sees, another seeing asks, so as to appear one way to this
man, another way to that; but appearing the same way to
both, it is dumb to this, speaks to that; yea rather it speaks
to all ; but they only understand, who compare its voice
received from without, with the truth within. For truth
saith unto me, " Neither heaven, nor earth, nor any other
body is thy God." This, their very nature saith to him that
seeth them : " They are a mass ; a mass is less in a part
thereof than in the whole." Now to thee I speak, O my
soul, thou art my better part: for thou quickenest the mass
** Rom. i. 20.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 173
of my body, giving it life, which no body can give to a body :
but thy God is even unto thee the Life of thy Hfe.
What then do I love, when I love my God? who is He
above the head of my soul? By my very soul will I ascend
to Him. I will pass beyond that power whereby I am united
to my body, and fill its whole frame with life. Nor can I
by that power find my God; for so horse and mule that have
no understanding" might find Him; seeing it is the
same power, whereby even their bodies live. But another
power there is, not that only whereby I animate, but that too
whereby 1 imbue with sense my flesh, which the Lord hath
framed for me : commanding the eye not to hear, and the ear
not to see; but the eye, that through it I should see, and
the ear, that through it I should hear; and to the other
senses severally, what is to each their own peculiar seats and
offices ; which, being divers, I the one mind, do through them
enact. I will pass beyond this power of mine also; for
this also have the horse and mule, for they also perceive
through the body.
I will pass then beyond this power of my nature also,
rising by degrees unto Him who made me. And I come to
the fields and spacious palaces of my memory, where are
the treasures of innumerable images, brought into it from
things of all sorts perceived by the senses. There is stored
up, whatsoever besides we think, either by enlarging or di-
minishing, or any other way varying those things which the
sense hath come to ; and whatever else hath been committed
and laid up. which forgetfulness hath not yet swallowed
up and buried. When I enter there, I require what I will
to be brought forth, and something instantly comes ; others
must be longer sought after, which are fetched, as it were,
out of some inner receptacle ; others rush out in troops, and
while one thing is desired and required, they start forth,
as who should say, "Is it perchance I ?" These I drive
away with the hand of my heart, from the face of my re-
membrance ; until what I wish for be unveiled, and appear
in sight, out of its secret place. Other things come up read-
ily, in unbroken order, as they are called for ; those in front
making way for the following; and as they make way,
2^Ps. xxxii. 9.
174 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
they are hidden from sight, ready to come when I will. All
which takes place when I repeat a thing by heart.
There are all things preserved distinctly and under gen-
eral heads, each having entered by its own avenue : as light,
and all colours and forms of bodies by the eyes; by the
ears all sorts of sounds ; all smells by the avenue of the
nostrils; all tastes by the mouth; and by the sensation of
the whole body, what is hard or soft; hot or cold; smooth
or rugged; heavy or light; either outwardly or inwardly to
the body. All these doth that great harbour of the memory
receive in her numberless secret and inexpressible windings,
to be forthcoming, and brought out at need; each entering
in by his own gate, and there laid up. Nor yet do the things
themselves enter in ; only the images of the things perceived
are there in readiness, for thought to recall. Which images,
how they are formed, who can tell, though it doth plainly
appear by which sense each hath been brought in and stored
up? For even while I dwell in darkness and in silence, in
my memory I can produce colours, if I will, and discern be-
twixt black and white, and what others I will : nor yet do
sounds break in and disturb the image drawn in by my eyes,
which I am reviewing, though they also are there, lying
dormant, and laid up, as it were, apart. For these too I
call for, and forthwith they appear. And though my tongue
be still, and my throat mute, so can I sing as much as I will ;
nor do those images of colours, which notwithstanding be
there, intrude themselves and interrupt, when another store
is called for, which flowed in by the ears. So the other
things, piled in and up by the other senses, I recall at my
pleasure. Yea, I discern the breath of lilies from violets,
though smelling nothing; and I prefer honey to sweet wine,
smooth before rugged, at the time neither tasting nor han-
dling, but remembering only.
These things do I within, in that vast court of my memory.
For there are present with me, heaven, earth, sea, and what-
ever I could think on therein, besides what I have forgotten.
There also meet I with myself, and recall myself, and when,
where, and what I have done, and under what feelings.
There be all which I remember, either on my own experience,
or others' credit. Out of the same store do I myself with the
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 175
past continually combine fresh and fresh likenesses of things
which I have experienced, or, from what I have experienced,
have believed: and thence again infer future actions, events
and hopes, and all these again I reflect on, as present. " I will
do this or that," say I to myself, in that great receptacle of
my mind, stored with the images of things so many and so
great, "and this or that will follow." " O that this or that
might be ! " " God avert this or that ! " So speak I to
myself : and when I speak, the images of all I speak of are
present, out of the same treasury of memory; nor would I
speak of any thereof, were the images wanting.
Great is this force of memory, excessive great, O my God ;
a large and boundless chamber ! who ever sounded the bottom
thereof? yet is this a power of mine, and belongs unto my
nature; nor do I myself comprehend all that I am. There-
fore is the mind too strait to contain itself. And where should
that be, which it containeth not of itself? Is it without it,
and not within? how then doth it not comprehend itself? A
wonderful admiration surprises me, amazement seizes me
upon this. And men go abroad to admire the heights of
mountains, the mighty billows of the sea, the broad tides of
rivers, the compass of the ocean, and the circuits of the stars,
and pass themselves by ; nor wonder that when I spake of all
these things, I did not see them with mine eyes, yet could not
have spoken of them, unless I then actually saw the moun-
tains, billows, rivers, stars which I had seen, and that ocean
which I believe to be, inwardly in my memory, and that, with
the same vast spaces between, as if I saw them abroad. Yet
did not I by seeing draw them into myself, when with mine
eyes I beheld them ; nor are they themselves with me, but
their images only. And I know by what sense of the body
each was impressed upon me.
Yet not these alone does the unmeasurable capacity of my
memory retain. Here also is all, learnt of the liberal sciences
and as yet unforgotten ; removed as it were to some inner
place, which is yet no place : nor are they the images thereof,
but the things themselves. For, what is literature, what the
art of disputing, how many kinds of questions there be, what-
soever of these I know, in such manner exists in my memory,
as that I have not taken in the image, and left out the thing,
176 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
or that it should have sounded and passed away like a voice
fixed on the ear by that impress, whereby it might be recalled,
as if it sounded, when it no longer sounded; or as a smell
while it passes and evaporates into air affects the sense of
smell, whence it conveys into the memory an image of itself,
which remembering, we renew, or as meat, which verily in
the belly hath now no taste, and yet in the memory still in a
manner tasteth; or as any thing which the body by touch
perceiveth, and which when removed from us, the memory
still conceives. For those things are not transmitted into the
memory, but their images only are with an admirable swift-
ness caught up, and stored as it were in wondrous cabinets,
and thence wonderfully by the act of remembering, brought
forth.
But now when I hear that there be three kinds of ques-
tions, "Whether the thing be ? what it is ? of what kind it is ?"
I do indeed hold the images of the sounds of which those
words be composed, and that those sounds, with a noise passed
through the air, and now are not. But the things themselves
which are signified by those sounds, I never reached with any
sense of my body, nor even discerned them otherwise than in
my mind ; yet in my memory have I laid up not their images,
but themselves. Which how they entered into me, let them
say if they can ; for I have gone over all the avenues of my
flesh, but cannot find by which they entered. For the eyes
say, " if those images were coloured, we reported of them."
The ears say, " if they sound, we gave knowledge of them."
The nostrils say, " if they smell, they passed by us." The
taste says, " unless they have a savour, ask me not." The
touch says, "if it have not size, I handled it not ; if I handled
it not, I gave no notice of it." Whence and how entered
these things into my memory ? I know not how. For when
I learned them, I gave no credit to another man's mind, but
recognized them in mine; and approving them for true, I
commended them to it, laying them up as it were, whence I
might bring them forth when I willed. In my heart then
they were, even before I learned them, but in my memory
they were not. Where then? or wherefore, when they were
spoken, did I acknowledge them, and said, "So is it, it is
true," unless that they were already in the memory, but so
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 177
thrown back and buried as it were in deeper recesses, that
had not the suggestion of another drawn them forth I had
perchance been unable to conceive of them?
Wherefore we find, that to learn these things whereof we
imbibe not the images by our senses, but perceive within by
themselves, without images, as they are, is nothing else, but
by conception to receive, and by marking to take heed that
those things which the memory did before contain at random
and unarranged, be laid up at hand as it were in that same
memory where before they lay unknown, scattered and
neglected, and so readily occur to the mind familiarised to
them. And how many things of this kind does my memory
bear which have been already found out, and as I said, placed
as it were at hand, which we are said to have learned and
come to know; which were I for some short space of time
to cease to call to mind, they are again so buried, and glide
back, as it were, into the deeper recesses, that they must
again, as if new, be thought out thence, for other abode they
have none : but they must be drawn together again, that they
may be known : that is to say. they must as it were be col-
lected together from their dispersion: whence the word
"cogitation" is derived. For cogo (collect) and cogito (re-
collect) have the same relation to each other as ago and
agito, facio and factito. But the mind hath appropriated to
itself this word (cogitation), so that, not what is "collected"
any how, but what is "re-collected." i.e., brought together,
in the mind, is properly said to be cogitated, or thought
upon.
The memory containeth also reasons and laws innumerable
of numbers and dimensions, none of which hath any bodily
sense impressed ; seeing they have neither colour, nor sound,
nor taste, nor smell, nor touch. I have heard the sound of
the words whereby when discussed they are denoted: but
the sounds are other than the things. For the sounds are
other in Greek than in Latin; but the things are neither
Greek, nor Latin, nor any other language. I have seen the
lines of architects, the very finest, like a spider's thread ; but
those are still different, they are not the images of those
lines which the eye of flesh showed me: he knoweth them,
whosoever without any conception whatsoever of a body,
178 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
recognises them within himself. I have perceived also the
numbers of the things with which we number all the senses
of my body; but those numbers wherewith we number are
different, nor are they the images of these, and therefore
they indeed are. Let him who seeth them not, deride me for
saying these things, and I will pity him, while he derides me.
All these things I remember, and how I learnt them I re-
member. Many things also most falsely objected against
them have I heard, and remember; which though they be
false, yet is it not false that I remember them ; and I re-
member also that I have discerned betwixt those truths and
these falsehoods objected to them. And I perceive that the
present discerning of these things is different from remem-
bering that I oftentimes discerned them, when I often thought
upon them. I both remember then to have often understood
these things; and what I now discern and understand, I lay
up in my memory, that hereafter I may remember that I
understood it now. So then I remember also to have remem-
bered ; as if hereafter I shall call to remembrance, that I have
now been able to remember these things, by the force of
memory shall I call it to remembrance.
The same memory contains also the affections of my mind,
not in the same manner that my mind itself contains them,
when it feels them ; but far otherwise, according to a power
of its own. For without rejoicing I remember myself to
have joyed; and without sorrow do I recollect my past sor-
row. And that I once feared, I review without fear ; and
without desire call to mind a past desire. Sometimes, on the
contrary, with joy do I remember my fore-past sorrow, and
with sorrow, joy. Which is not wonderful, as to the body;
for mind is one thing, body another. If I therefore with joy
remember some past pain of body, it is not so wonderful.
But now seeing this very memory itself is mind (for when
we give a thing in charge, to be kept in memory, we say,
"See that you keep it in mind ;" and when we forget, we
say, "It did not come to my mind," and, "It slipped out of
my mind," calling the memory itself the mind) ; this being
so, how is it that when with joy I remember my past sorrow,
the mind hath joy, the memory hath sorrow; the mind upon
the joy fulness which is in it, is joyful, yet the memory upon
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 179
the sadness which is in it, is not sad? Does the memory
perchance not belong to the mind? Who will say so? The
memory then is, as it were, the belly of the mind, and joy
and sadness, like sweet and bitter food ; which, when com-
mitted to the memory, are. as it were, passed into the belly,
where they may be stowed, but cannot taste. Ridiculous it
is to imagine these to be alike; and yet are they not utterly
unlike.
But, behold, out of my memory I bring it, when I say
there be four perturbations of the mind, desire, joy, fear,
sorrow ; and whatsoever I can dispute thereon, by dividing
each into its subordinate species, and by defining it, in my
memory find I what to say, and thence do I bring it : yet
am I not disturbed by any of these perturbations, when by
calling them to mind, I remember them ; yea, and before I
recalled and brought them back, they were there ; and there-
fore could they, by recollection, thence be brought. Per-
chance, then, as meat is by chewing the cud brought up out
of the belly, so by recollection these out of the memory.
Why then does not the disputer, thus recollecting, taste in
the mouth of his musing the sweetness of joy, or the bitter-
ness of sorrow? Is the comparison unlike in this, because
not in all respects like? For who would willingly speak
thereof, if so oft as we name grief or fear, we should be
compelled to be sad or fearful? And yet could we not speak
of them, did we not find in our memory, not only the sounds
of the names according to the images impressed by the senses
of the body, but notions of the very things themselves which
we never received by any avenue of the body, but which the
mind itself perceiving by the experience of its own passions,
committed to the memory, or the memory of itself retained,
without being committed unto.
But whether by images or no, who can readily say? Thus,
I name a stone, I name the sun, the things themselves not
being present to my senses, but their images to my memory.
I name a bodily pain, yet it is not present with me, when
nothing aches: yet unless its image were present in my
memory, I should not know what to say thereof, nor in dis-
coursing discern pain from pleasure. I name bodily health ;
being sound in body, the thing itself is present with me;
180 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
yet, unless its image also were present in my memory, I could
by no means recall what the sound of this name should
signify. Nor would the sick, when health were named, rec-
ognise what were spoken, unless the same image were by
the force of memory retained, although the thing itself were
absent from the body. I name numbers whereby we num-
ber; and not their images, but themselves are present in my
memory. I name the image of the sun, and that image is
present in my memory. For I recall not the image of its
image, but the image itself is present to me, calling it to
mind. I name memory, and I recognize what I name. And
where do I recognise it, but in the memory itself? Is it also
present to itself by its image, and not by itself?
What, when I name forgetfulness, and withal recognise
what I name? whence should I recognize it, did I not re-
member it? I speak not of the sound of the name, but of the
thing which it signifies : which if I had forgotten I could not
recognise what that sound signifies. When then I remember
memory, memory itself is, through itself, present with itself:
but when I remember forgetfulness, there are present both
memory and forgetfulness ; memory whereby I remember,
forgetfulness which I remember. But what is forgetfulness,
but the privation of memory? How then is it present that
I remember it, since when present I cannot remember? But
if what we remember we hold it in memory, yet, unless we
did remember forgetfulness, we could never at the hearing
of the name recognise the thing thereby signified, then for-
getfulness is retained by memory. Present then it is, that
we forget not, and being so, we forget. It is to be under-
stood from this that forgetfulness, when we remember it,
is not present to the memory by itself, but by its image : be-
cause if it were present by itself, it would not cause us to
remember, but to forget. Who now shall search out this?
who shall comprehend how it is?
Lord, I, truly, toil therein, yea and toil in myself; I am
become a heavy soil requiring over much szveat of the brow.
For we are not now searching out the regions of heaven, or
measuring the distances of the stars, or enquiring the bal-
ancings of the earth. It is I myself who remember, I the
mind. It is not so wonderful, if what I myself am not, be
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 181
far from me. But what is nearer to me than myself? And
lo, the force of mine own memory is not understood by me;
though I cannot so much as name myself without it. For
what shall I say, when it is clear to me that I remember for-
getfulness? Shall I say that that is not in my memory,
which I remember? or shall I say that forgetfulness is for
this purpose in my memory, that I might not forget? Both
were most absurd. What third way is there? How can I
say that the image of forgetfulness is retained by my
memory, not forgetfulness itself, when I remember it? How
could I say this either, seeing that when the image of any
thing is impressed on the memory, the thing itself must needs
be first present, whence that image may be impressed? For
thus do I remember Carthage, thus all places where I have
been, thus men's faces whom I have seen, and things re-
ported by the other senses; thus the health or sickness of
the body. For when these things were present, my memory
received from them images, which, being present with me,
I might look on and bring back in my mind, when I remem-
bered them in their absence. If then this forgetfulness is
retained in the memory through its image, not through itself,
then plainly itself was once present, that its image might be
taken. But when it was present, how did it write its image
in the memory, seeing that forgetfulness by its presence
effaces even what it finds already noted? And yet, in what-
ever way, although that way be past conceiving and explain-
ing, yet certain am I that I remember forgetfulness itself
also, whereby what we remember is effaced.
Great is the power of memory, a fearful thing, O my God
a deep and boundless manifoldness ; and this thing is the mind,
and this am I myself. What am I then, O my God? What
nature am I? A life various and manifold, and exceeding
immense. Behold in the plains, and caves, and caverns of
my memory, innumerable and innumerably full of innu-
merable kinds of things, either through images, as all bodies ;
or by actual presence, as the arts ; or by certain notions or
impressions, as the affections of the mind, which, even when
the mind doth not feel, the memory retaineth, while yet what-
soever is in the memory is also in the mind — over all these
do I run, I fly; I dive on this side and on that, as far as I
182 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
can, and there is no end. So great is the force of memory,
so great the force of life, even in the mortal life of man.
What shall I do then, O Thou my true life, my God ? I will
pass even beyond this power of mine which is called mem-
ory: yea, I will pass beyond it, that I may approach unto
Thee, O sweet Light. What sayest Thou to me? See, I am
mounting up through my mind towards Thee who abidest
above me. Yea, I now will pass beyond this power of mine
which is called memory, desirous to arrive at Thee, whence
Thou mayest be arrived at ; and to cleave unto Thee, whence
one may cleave unto Thee. For even beasts and birds have
memory; else could they not return to their dens and nests,
nor many other things they are used unto: nor indeed could
they be used to any thing, but by memory. I will pass then
beyond memory also, that I may arrive at Him who hath
separated me from the four-footed beasts and made me wiser
than the fowls of the air, I will pass beyond memory also,
and where shall I find Thee, Thou truly good and cer-
tain sweetness? And where shall I find Thee? If I find
Thee without my memory, then do I not retain Thee in
my memory. And how shall I find Thee, if I remember
Thee not?
For the woman that had lost her groat, and sought it with
a light; unless she had remembered it, she had never found
it.^ For when it was found, whence should she know
whether it were the same, unless she remembered it? I re-
member to have sought and found many a thing; and this I
thereby know, that when I was seeking any of them, and was
asked, " Is this it? " " Is that it? " so long said I " No," until
that were offered me which I sought. Which had I not re-
membered (whatever it were) though it were offered me,
yet should I not find it, because I could not recognize it. And
so it ever is, when we seek and find any lost thing. Not-
withstanding, when any thing is by chance lost from the
sight, not from the memory (as any visible body), yet its
image is still retained within, and it is sought until it be
restored to sight; and when it is found, it is recognized by
the image which is within : nor do we say that we have found
what was lost, unless we recognize it; nor can we recognize
2« Luke XV. 8.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 183
it, unless we remember it. But this was lost to the eyes, but
retained in the memory.
But what when the memory itself loses any thing, as falls
out when we forget and seek that we may recollect ? Where
in the end do we search, but in the memory itself? and there,
if one thing be perchance offered instead of another, we re-
ject it, until what we seek meets us; and when it doth, we
say, " This is it;" which we should not unless we recognized
it, nor recognize it unless we remembered it. Certainly then
we had forgotten it. Or, had not the whole escaped us, but
by the part whereof wc had hold, was the lost part sought
for ; in that the memory felt that it did not carry on together
all which it was wont, and maimed, as it were, by the curtail-
ment of its ancient habit, demanded the restoration of what
it missed? For instance, if we see or think of some one
known to us, and having forgotten his name, try to recover
it; whatever else occurs, connects itself not therewith; be-
cause it was not wont to be thought upon together with him,
and therefore is rejected, until that present itself, whereon
the knowledge reposes equably as its wonted object. And
whence does that present itself, but out of the memory itself?
for even when we recognize it, on being reminded by an-
other, it is thence it comes. For we do not believe it as
something new, but, upon recollection, allow what was named
to be right. But were it utterly blotted out of the mind, we
should not remember it, even when reminded. For we have
not as yet utterly forgotten that, which we remember our-
selves to have forgotten. What then we have utterly for-
gotten, though lost, we cannot even seek after.
How then do I seek Thee, O Lord? For when I seek
Thee, my God, I seek a happy life. / linll seek Thee, that
my soul may live. For my body liveth by my soul ; and
my soul by Thee. How then do I seek a happy life, seeing
I have it not, until I can say, where I ought to say it, " It
is enough " ? How seek I it ? By remembrance, as though
I had forgotten it, remembering that I had forgotten it?
Or, desiring to learn it as a thing unknown, either never
having known, or so forgotten it, as not even to remember
that I had forgotten it? is not a happy life what all will,
and no one altogether wills it not? where have they known
184 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
it, that they so will it? where seen it, that they so love it?
Truly we have it, how, I know not. Yea, there is another
way, wherein when one hath it, then is he happy; and there
are, who are blessed in hope. These have it in a lower kind,
than they who have it in very deed; yet are they better off
than such as are happy neither in deed nor in hope. Yet
even these, had they it not in some sort, would not so
will to be happy, which that they do will, is most certain.
They have known it then, I know not how, and so have
it by some sort of knowledge, what, I know not, and am per-
plexed whether it be in the memory, which if it be, then we
have been happy once ; whether all severally, or in that man
who first sinned, in whom also we all died^ and from
whom we are all born with misery, I now enquire not;
but only, whether the happy life be in the memory? For
neither should we love it, did we not know it. We hear
the name, and we all confess that we desire the thing; for
we are not delighted with the mere sound. For when a
Greek hears it in Latin, he is not delighted, not knowing
what is spoken ; but we Latins are delighted, as would he
too, if he heard it in Greek; because the thing itself is neither
Greek nor Latin, which Greeks and Latins, and men of all
other tongues, long for so earnestly. Known therefore it
is to all^ for could they with one voice be asked, " would
they be happy ? " they would answer without doubt, " they
would." And this could not be, unless the thing itself
whereof it is the name were retained in their memory.
But is it so, as one remembers Carthage who hath seen
it? No. For a happy life is not seen with the eye, because
it is not a body. As we remember numbers then ? No. For
these, he that hath in his knowledge, seeks not further to
attain unto; but a happy life we have in our knowledge
and therefore love it, and yet still desire to attain it, that
we may be happy. As we remember eloquence then? No.
For although upon hearing this name also, some call
to mind the thing, who still are not yet eloquent, and many
who desire to be so, whence it appears that it is in their
knowledge ; yet these have by their bodily senses observed
others to be eloquent, and been delighted, and desire to be
^ I Cor, XV. 22.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 185
the like (though indeed they would not be delighted but
for some inward knowledge thereof, nor wish to be the
like, unless they were thus delighted) ; whereas a happy
life, we do by no bodily sense experience in others. As
then we remember joy? Perchance; for my joy I remem-
ber, even when sad, as a happy life, when unhappy; nor did
I ever with bodily sense see, hear, smell, taste, or touch my
joy; but I experienced it in my mind, when I rejoiced; and
the knowledge of it clave to my memory, so that I can
recall it with disgust sometimes, at others with longing,
according to the nature of the things, wherein I remember
myself to have joyed. For even from foul things have I
been immersed in a sort of joy; which now recalling,
I detest and execrate ; otherwise in good and honest
things, which I recall with longing, although perchance
no longer present; and therefore with sadness I recall former
joy-
Where then and when did I experience my happy life, that
I should remember, and love, and long for it? Nor is it
I alone, or some few besides, but we all would fain be happy;
which, unless by some certain knowledge we knew, we should
not with so certain a will desire. But how is this, that if
two men be asked whether they would go to the wars, one,
perchance would answer that he w^ould, the other, that he
would not; but if they were asked whether they would be
happy, both would instantly without any doubting say they
would ; and for no other reason would the one go to the
wars, and the other not, but to be happy. Is it perchance
that as one looks for his joy in this thing, another in that,
all agree in their desire of being happy, as they would (if
they were asked) that they wished to have joy, and this
joy they call a happy life? Although then one obtains this
joy by one means, another by another, all have one end.
which they strive to attain, namely, joy. Which being a
thing which all must say they have experienced, it is there-
fore found in the memory, and recognised whenever the
name of a happy life is mentioned.
Far be it, Lord, far be it from the heart of Thy servant
who here confesseth unto Thee, far be it, that, be the joy
what it may, I should therefore think myself happy. For
186 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
there is a joy which is not given to the ungodly^ but to
those who love Thee for Thine own sake, whose joy Thou
Thyself art. And this is the happy life, to rejoice to Thee,
of Thee, for Thee ; this is it, and there is no other. For they
who think there is another, pursue some other and not the
true joy. Yet is not their will turned away from some sem-
blance of joy.
It is not certain then that all wish to be happy, inasmuch
as they who wish not to joy in Thee, which is the only happy
life, do not truly desire the happy life. Or do all men
desire this, but because the Uesh lusteth against the Spirit,
and the Spirit against the Uesh, that they cannot do what
they would^^ they fall upon that which they can, and are
content therewith; because, what they are not able to do,
they do not will so strongly as would suffice to make them
able? For I ask any one, had he rather joy in truth, or in
falsehood? They will as little hesitate to say " in the truth,"
as to say " that they desire to be happy," for a happy life
is joy in the truth: for this is a joying in Thee, Who art
the Triith,^" O God my light, health of my countenance, my
God^ This is the happy life which all desire ; this life
which alone is happy, all desire; to joy in the truth all
desire. I have met with many that would deceive ; who
would be deceived, no one. Where then did they know
this happy life, save where they knew the truth also? For
they love it also, since they would not be deceived. And
when they love a happy life, which is no other than joying
in the truth, then also do they love the truth ; which yet they
would not love, were there not some notice of it in their
memory. Why then joy they not in it? why are they not
happy? because they are more strongly taken up with other
things which have more power to make them miserable,
than that which they so faintly remember to make them happy.
For there is yet a little light in men; let them walk, let
them walk, that the darkness overtake them not.^
But why doth " truth generate hatred," and the man of
thinc^^ preaching the truth, become an enemy to them?
whereas a happy life is loved, which is nothing else but
*• Is. xlviii. 22. ^ Gal. v. 17. *2John xiv. 6. ^ Ps. xxvii. i; xlii. 11.
"John xii. 35. ** John viii. 40.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 187
joying in the truth; unless that truth is in that kind loved,
that they who love any thing else would gladly have that
which they love to be the truth : and because they would
not be deceived, would not be convinced that they are so?
Therefore do they hate the truth for that thing's sake which
they love instead of the truth. They love truth when she
enlightens, they hate her when she reproves. For since they
would not be deceived, and would deceive, they love her
when she discovers herself unto them, and hate her when
she discovers them. Whence she shall so repay them, that
they who would not be made manifest by her, she both
against their will makes manifest, and herself becometh not
manifest unto them. Thus, thus, yea thus doth the mind
of man, thus blind and sick, foul and ill-favoured, wish
to be hidden, but that aught should be hidden from it, it
wills not. But the contrary is requited it, that itself should
not be hidden from the Truth; but the Truth is hid from
it. Yet even thus miserable, it had rather joy in truths
than in falsehoods. Happy then will it be, when, no dis-
traction interposing, it shall joy in that only Truth, by
Whom all things are true.
See what a space I have gone over in my memory seeking
Thee, O Lord ; and I have not found Thee, without it. Nor
have I found any thing concerning Thee, but what I have
kept in memory, ever since I learnt Thee. For since I
learnt Thee, I have not forgotten Thee. For where I found
Truth, there found I my God, the Truth Itself; which
since I learnt, I have not forgotten. Since then I learnt
Thee, Thou residest in my memory ; and there do I find
Thee, when I call Thee to remembrance, and delight in
Thee. These be my holy delights, which Thou hast given
me in Thy mercy, having regard to my poverty.
But where in my memory residest Thou, O Lord, where
residest Thou there? what manner of lodging hast Thou
framed for Thee? what manner of sanctuary hast Thou
builded for Thee? Thou hast given this honour to my
memory, to reside in it; but in what quarter of it Thou
residest, that am I considering. For in thinking on Thee, I
passed beyond such parts of it as the beasts also have, for
I found Thee not there among the images of corporeal
188 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
things : and I came to those parts to which I committed the
affections of my mind, nor found Thee there. And I en-«
tered into the very seat of my mind (which it hath in my
memory, inasmuch as the mind remembers itself also),
neither wert Thou there: for as Thou art not a corporeal
image, nor the affection of a living being (as when we
rejoice, condole, desire, fear, remember, forget, or the like) ;
so neither art Thou the mind itself; because Thou art the
Lord God of the mind ; and all these are changed, but Thou
remainest unchangeable over all, and yet hast vouchsafed
to dwell in my memory, since I learnt Thee. And why
seek I now in what place thereof Thou dwellest, as if there
were places therein? Sure I am, that in it Thou dwellest,
since I have remembered Thee ever since I learnt Thee,
and there I find Thee, when I call Thee to remembrance.
Where then did I find Thee, that I might learn Thee?
For in my memory Thou wert not, before I learned Thee.
Where then did I find Thee, that I might learn Thee, but
in Thee above me? Place there is none; we go backward
and forwardf^ and there is no place. Every where, O
Truth, dost Thou give audience to all who ask counsel of
Thee, and at once answerest all, though on manifold
matters they ask Thy counsel. Clearly dost Thou answer,
though all do not clearly hear. All consult Thee on what
they will, though they hear not always what they will.
He is Thy best servant who looks not so much to hear
that from Thee which himself willeth, as rather to will that
which from Thee he heareth.
Too late loved I Thee, O Thou Beauty of ancient days,
yet ever new ! too late I loved Thee ! And behold. Thou
wert within, and I abroad, and there I searched for Thee;
deformed I, plunging amid those fair forms which Thou
hadst made. Thou wert with me, but I was not with Thee.
Things held me far from Thee, which, unless they were
in Thee, were not at all. Thou calledst and shoutedst, and
burstest my deafness. Thou fliashedst, shonest, and scat-
teredst my blindness. Thou breathedst odours, and / drew
in breath and pant for Thee. I tasted, and hunger and
thirst. Thou touchedst me, and I burned for Thy peace.
^ Job xxiii. 8, 9.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 189
When I shall with my whole self cleave to Thee, I shall
no where have sorrow or labour; and my life shall wholly
live, as wholly full of Thee. But now since whom Thou
fiUest, Thou liftest up, because I am not full of Thee I am
a burden to myself. Lamentable joys strive with joyous
sorrows: and on which side is the victory, I know not.
Woe is me ! Lord, have pity on me. My evil sorrows strive
with my good joys; and on which side is the victory, I know
not. Woe is me! Lord, have pity on me. Woe is me! lo!
I hide not my wounds ; Thou art the Physician, I the sick ;
Thou merciful, I miserable. Is not the life of man upon
earth all trial T^ Who wishes for troubles and difficulties?
Thou commandest them to be endured, not to be loved. No
man loves what he endures, though he love to endure. For
though he rejoices that he endures, he had rather there were
nothing for him to endure. In adversity I long for pros-
perity, in prosperity I fear adversity. What middle place
is there betwixt these two, where the life of man is not all
trial f Woe to the prosperities of the world, once and again,
through fear of adversity, and corruption of joy ! Woe to
the adversities of the world, once and again, and the third
time, from the longing for prosperity, and because adversity
itself is a hard thing, and lest it shatter endurance. Is not
the life of man upon earth all trial: without any interval?
And all my hope is no where but in Thy exceeding great
mercy. Give what Thou enjoinest, and enjoin what Thou
wilt. Thou enjoinest us continency; and zchen I knew, saith
one, that no man can be continent, unless God give it, this
also zi'as a part of ■wisdom to knozv xvhose gift she is^ By
continency verily are we bound up and brought back into
One, whence we were dissipated into many. For too little
doth he love Thee, who loves any thing with Thee, which
he loveth not for Thee. O love, who ever burnest and never
consumest! O charity, my God! kindle me. Thou enjoinest
continency: give me what Thou enjoinest, and enjoin what
Thou wilt.
Verily Thou enjoinest me continency from the lust of
the iiesh, the lust of the eyes, and the ambition of the world."
Thou enjoinest continency from concubinage; and for wed-
»^Job. vii. I,— Old Vulg. as wisd. viii. 21. »* i John ii. 16.
190 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
lock itself. Thou hast counselled something better than what
Thou hast permitted. And since Thou gavest it, it was done,
even before I became a dispenser of Thy Sacrament. But
there yet live in my memory (whereof I have much spoken)
the images of such things as my ill custom there fixed,
which haunt me, strengthless when I am awake : but in sleep,
not only so as to give pleasure, but even to obtain assent,
and what is very like reality. Yea, so far prevails the
illusion of the image, in my soul and in my flesh, that, when
asleep, false visions persuade to that which when waking,
the true cannot. Am I not then myself, O Lord my God?
And yet there is so much difference betwixt myself and
myself, within that moment wherein I pass from waking
to sleeping, or return from sleeping to waking! Where is
reason then, which, awake, resisteth such suggestions ? And
should the things themselves be urged on it, it remaineth
unshaken. Is it clasped up with the eyes? is it lulled asleep
with the senses of the body? And whence is it that often
even in sleep we resist, and mindful of our purpose, and
abiding most chastely in it, yield no assent to such entice-
ments? And yet so much difference there is, that when
it happeneth otherwise, upon waking we return to peace
of conscience; and by this very difference discover that we
did not, what yet we be sorry that in some way it was done
in us.
Art Thou not mighty, God Almighty, so as to heal all the
diseases of my soul/° and by Thy more abundant grace to
quench even the impure motions of my sleep ! Thou wilt
increase, Lord, Thy gifts more and more in me, that my
soul may follow me to Thee, disentangled from the bird-
lime of concupiscence; that it rebel not against itself, and
even in dreams not only not, through images of sense, com-
mit those debasing corruptions, even to pollution of the flesh,
but not even to consent unto them. For that nothing of this
sort should have, over the pure affections even of a sleeper,
the very least influence, not even such as a thought would
restrain — to work this, not only during life, but even at my
present age is not hard for the Almighty, Who art able to do
above all that we ask or think."' But what I yet am in this
*° Ps. ciii. 3. *^ Eph. iii. 20.
I
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 191
kind of my evil, have I confessed unto my good Lord ; re-
joicing with trembling^ in that which Thou hast given me,
and bemoaning that wherein I am still imperfect ; hoping
that Thou wilt perfect Thy mercies in me, even to perfect
peace, which my outward and inward man shall have with
Thee, when death shall be sivallowed up in victory.*'
There is another evil of the day,** which I would were
sufficient for it. For by eating and drinking" we repair the
daily decays of our body, until Thou destroy both belly and
tneat,*^ when Thou shalt slay my emptiness with a wonder-
ful fulness, and clothe this corruptible with an eternal
incorruption.** But now the necessity is sweet unto me,
against which sweetness I fight, that I be not taken captive ;
and carry on a daily war by fastings ; often bringing my body
into subjection" and my pains are removed by pleasure.
For hunger and thirst are in a manner pains ; they burn and
kill like a fever, unless the medicine of nourishments come
to our aid. Which since it is at hand through the con-
solations of Thy gifts, with which land, and water, and air
serve our weakness, our calamity is termed gratification.
This hast Thou taught me, that I should set myself to take
food as physic. But while I am passing from the discomfort
of emptiness to the content of replenishing, in the very pas-
sage the snare of concupiscence besets me. For that passing,
is pleasure, nor is there any other way to pass thither,
whither we needs must pass. And health being the cause of
eating and drinking, there joineth itself as an attendant a
dangerous pleasure, which mostly endeavours to go before
it, so that I may for her sake do what I say I do, or wish to
do, for health's sake. Nor have each the same measure ; for
what is enough for health, is too little for pleasure. And
oft it is uncertain w^hether it be the necessary care of the body
which is yet asking for sustenance, or whether a voluptuous
deceivableness of greediness is proffering its services. In
this uncertainty the unhappy soul rejoiceth, and therein
prepares an excuse to shield itself, glad that it appeareth not
what sufficeth for the moderation of health, that under the
cloak of health, it may disguise the matter of gratification.
** Ps. ii. II. "i Cor. XV. 54. "Matt. vi. 34. « i Cor. vi. 13.
*' I Cor. XV. 54. *' Ibid. ix. 27.
192 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
These temptations I daily endeavour to resist, and I call
on Thy right hand, and to Thee do I refer my perplexities;
because I have as yet no settled counsel herein.
I hear the voice of my God commanding, Let not your
hearts be overcharged zvith surfeiting and drunkenness.*^
Drunkenness is far from me; Thou wilt have mercy, that it
come not near me. But full feeding sometimes creepeth
upon Thy servant; Thou wilt have mercy, that it may be
far from me. For tio one can he continent unless Thou give
it.*" Many things Thou givest us, praying for them; and
what good soever we have received before we prayed, from
Thee we received it ; yea to the end we might afterwards
know this, did we before receive it. Drunkard was I never,
but drunkards have I known made sober by Thee. From
Thee then it was, that they who never were such, should
not so be, as from Thee it was, that they who have been,
should not ever so be ; and from Thee it was, that both might
know from Whom it was. I hear another voice of Thine.
Go not after thy lusts, and from thy pleasure turn away^
Yea by Thy favour have I heard that which I have much
loved; neither if we eat, shall we abound; neither if we eat
not, shall we lackf^ which is to say, neither shall the one
make me plenteous nor the other miserable. I heard also
another, for I have learned in whatsoever state I am, there-
with to be content; I knozv how to abound, and how to suffer
need. I can do all things through Christ that strengtheneth
me.^' Behold a soldier of the heavenly camp, not the dust
which we are. But remember,^ Lord, that we are dust, and
that of dust Thou hast made man;^ and he was lost and is
found.^^ Nor could he of himself do this, because he whom
I so loved, saying this through the in-breathing of Thy in-
spiration, was of the same dust. / can do all things (saith
he) through Him that strengtheneth me. Strengthen me, that
/ can. Give what Thou enjoinest, and enjoin what Thou
wilt. He confesses to have received, and v/hen he glorieth,
in the Lord he glorieth.^ Another have I heard begging that
he might receive. Take from me (saith he) the desires of the
belly ;^^ whence it appeareth, O my holy God, that Thou
** Luke xxi. 34. *^ Wisd. viii. 21. ^o jTcclus. xviii. 30. ^ i Cor. viii. 8.
^- Phil. iv. 11-13. ^3 ps .jij_ i^. ^ Gen. iii, 19. ^^ Luj^g xv. 32.
^ I Cor. i. 30, 31. ''^ Ecclus. xxiii. 6.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 193
givest, when that is done which Thou commandest to be done.
Thou hast taught me, good Father, that to the pure, all
things are pure; but that it is evil unto the man that cateth
with offence ;^ and, that every creature of Thine is good, and
nothing to be refused, which is received with thanksgiving;''
and that meat commendeth us not to God;'^ and, that no man
should judge us in meat or drink ;'^ and, that he zuhich cateth,
let him not despise him that eateth not; and let him not that
eateth not, judge him that eateth.'" These things have I
learned, thanks be to Thee, praise to Thee, my God, my
Master, knocking at my ears, enHghtening my heart; deliver
me out of all temptation. I fear not uncleanness of meat,
but the uncleanness of lusting. I know that Noah was per-
mitted to eat all kind of flesh that was good for food ;*" that
Elijah was fed with flesh ;"* that John, endued with an admi-
rable abstinence, was not polluted by feeding on living
creatures, locusts. I know also that Esau was deceived by
lusting for lentiles ;°° and that David blamed himself for
desiring a draught of water ;** and that our King was tempted,
not concerning flesh, but bread." And therefore the people
in the wilderness also deserved to be reproved, not for de-
siring flesh, but because, in the desire of food, they murmured
against the Lord.*^
Placed then amid these temptations, I strive daily against
concupiscence in eating and drinking. For it is not of such
nature that I can settle on cutting it off once for all, and
never touching it afterward, as I could of concubinage. The
bridle of the throat then is to be held attempered between
slackness and stiffness. And who is he, O Lord, who is not
some whit transported beyond the limits of necessity? who-
ever he is, he is a great one ; let him make Thy Name great.
But I am not such, for / am a sinful man." Yet do I too
magnify Thy name; and He makcih intercession to Thee'"' for
my sins who hath overcome the zcorld;'^ numbering me
among the weak members of His body;"" because Thine eyes
have seen that of Him which is imperfect, and in Thy book
shall all be written.''*
WRom. xiv. 20. »» i Tim. iv. 4- ** « Cor. viii. 8. "Col. ii. i6.
«" Rom. xiv. 3. «» Gen. ix. 3. «* i Kings xvii. 6. « Gen. xxv. 34-
••2 Sam. xxiii. 15-17. '^ Matt. iv. 3. •» Numb. xi. «» Luke v. 8.
WRom. viii. 34. ~ 'i John xvi. 33- ^" » Cor. xii. 22. « Ps. cxxxix. '6.
7 — HC VII
194 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
With the allurements of smells, I am not much concerned.
When absent, I do not miss them ; when present, I do not
refuse them ; yet ever ready to be without them. So I seem
to myself; perchance I am deceived. For that also is a
mournful darkness whereby my abilities within are hidden
from me; so that my mind making enquiry into herself
of her own powers, ventures not readily to believe herself;
because even what is in it is mostly hidden unless experience
reveal it. And no one ought to be secure in that life, the
whole whereof is called a tr'xal'^^ that he who hath been
capable of worse to be made better, may not likewise of
better be made worse. Our only hope, only confidence, only
assured promise is Thy mercy.
The delights of the ear had more firmly entangled and
subdued me ; but Thou didst loosen and free me. Now, in
those melodies which Thy words breathe soul into, when
sung with a sweet and attuned voice, I do little repose ; yet
not so to be held thereby, but that I can disengage myself
when I will. But with the words which are their life and
whereby they find admission into me, themselves seek in my
affections a place of some estimation, and I can scarcely as-
sign them one suitable. For at one time I seem to myself
to give them more honour than is seemly, feeling our minds
to be more holily and fervently raised unto a flame of devo-
tion, by the holy words themselves when thus sung, than when
not; and that the several affections of our spirit, by a sweet
variety, have their own proper measures in the voice and
singing, by some hidden correspondence wherewith they are
stirred up. But this contentment of the flesh, to which the
soul must not be given over to be enervated doth oft beguile
me, the sense not so waiting upon reason as patiently to fol-
low her; but having been admitted merely for her sake, it
strives even to run before her, and lead her. Thus in these
things I unawares sin, but afterwards am aware of it.
At other times, shunning over-anxiously this very decep-
tion, I err in too great strictness; and sometimes to that
degree, as to wish the whole melody of sweet music which
is used to David's Psalter, banished from my ears, and the
Church's too; and that mode seems to me safer, which I
... '*Job vii. I. — Vulg.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 195
remember to have been often told me of Athanasius. Bishop
of Alexandria, who made the reader of the psalm utter it
with so slight inflection of voice, that it was nearer speaking
than singing. Yet again, when I remember the tears I shed
at the Psalmody of Thy Church, in the beginning of my
recovered faith ; and how at this time I am moved not with
the singing, but with the things sung, when they are sung
with a clear voice and modulation most suitable, I acknowl-
edge the great use of this institution. Thus I fluctuate
between peril of pleasure and approved wholesomeness ; in-
clined the rather (though not as pronouncing an irrevocable
opinion) to approve of the usage of singing in the church;
that so by the delight of the ears the weaker minds may
rise to the feeding of devotion. Yet when it befalls me to
be more moved with the voice than the words sung, I confess
to have sinned penally, and then had rather not hear music.
See now my state : weep with me, and weep for me, ye, whoso
regulate your feelings within, as that good action ensues.
For you who do not act, these things touch not you. But
Thou, O Lord my God, hearken ; behold, and see, and have
mercy and heal wr," Thou, in whose presence I have become
a problem to myself; and that is my infirmity.'"'
There remains the pleasure of these eyes of my flesh, on
which to make my confessions in the hearing of the ears
of Thy temple, these brotherly and devout cars : and so to con-
clude the temptations of the lust of the flesh, which yet assail
me, groaning earnestly, and desiring to he clothed upon zvith
my house from heaven.^ The eyes love fair and varied
forms, and bright and soft colours. Let not these occupy my
soul ; let God rather occupy it, zcV/o made these things, very
gooiP indeed, yet is He my good, not they. And these
affect me, waking, the whole day, nor is any rest given me
from them, as there is from musical, sometimes in silence,
from all voices. For this queen of colours, the light, bath-
ing all which we behold, wherever I am through the day,
gliding by me in varied forms, soothes me when engaged on
other things, and not observing it. And so strongly doth it
entwine itself, that if it be suddenly withdrawn, it is with
longing sought for. and if absent long, saddeneth the mind.
*• Ps. vi. 3. ™Ps. Ixxvii. 10. "2 Cor. v. 2. ™Gen. i. 31.
196 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
O Thou Light, which Tobias saw, when these eyes closed
he taught his son the way of Hfe ;'° and himself went before
with the feet of charity, never swerving. Or which Isaac
saw, when his fleshly eyes being heavy^ and closed by old
age, it was vouchsafed him, not knowingly, to bless his sons,
but by blessing to know them. Or which Jacob saw, when
he also, blind through great age, with illumined heart, in
the persons of his sons shed light on the different races of
the future people, in them foresignified ; and laid his hands,
mystically crossed upon his grandchildren by Joseph, not
as their father by his outward eye corrected them, but as
himself inwardly discerned.^ This is the light, it is one,
and all are one, who see and love it. But that corporeal
light whereof I spake, it seasoneth the life of this world
for her blind lovers with an enticing and dangerous sweet-
ness. But they who know how to praise Thee for it, " O
All-creating Lord," take it up in Thy hymns, and are not
taken up with it in their sleep. Such would I be. These
seductions of the eyes I resist, lest my feet wherewith I walk
upon Thy way be ensnared ; and I lift up mine invisible eyes
to Thee that Thou wouldest pluck my feet out of the snared
Thou dost ever and anon pluck them out, for they are en-
snared. Thou ceasest not to pluck them out, while I often
entangle myself in the snares on all sides aid: because Thou
that keepest Israel neither slumber nor sleep.^
What innumerable toys, made by divers arts and manu-
factures in our apparel, shoes, utensils and all sort of works,
in pictures also in divers images, and these far exceeding
all necessary and moderate use and all pious meaning, have
men added to tempt their own eyes withal; outwardly fol-
lowing what themselves make, inwardly forsaking Him by
whom themselves were made, and destroying that which
themselves have been made ! But I, my God and my Glory,
do hence also sing a hymn to Thee, and do consecrate praise
to Him who consecrateth me, because beautiful pat-
terns which through men's souls are conveyed into their
cunning hands, come from that Beauty, which is above our
souls, which my soul day and night sigheth after. But the
framers and followers of the outward beauties derive thence
"Tob, iv. so Gen. xxvii. 8i Gen. xlviii. ^2 ps, xxv. 15 ^ Ps. cxxi. 4.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 197
the rule of judging of them, but not of using them. And
He is there, though they perceive Him not, that so tht-y
might not wander, but keep their strength for Thee^ and
not scatter it abroad upon pleasurable wearinesses. And I,
though I speak and see this, entangle my steps with these
outward beauties; but Thou pluckest me out, O Lord, Thou
pluckest me out; because Thy loving-kindness is before my
eyes.^^ For I am taken miserably, and Thou pluckest me
out mercifully ; sometimes not perceiving it, when I had but
lightly lighted upon them; otherwhiles with pain, because
I had stuck fast in them.
To this is added another form of temptation more mani-
foldly dangerous. For besides that concupiscence of the
flesh which consisteth in the delight of all senses and pleas-
ures, wherein it slaves, who go far from Thee^ waste and
perish, the soul hath, through the same senses of the body,
a certain vain and curious desire, veiled under the title of
knowledge and learning, not of delighting in the flesh, but
of making experiments through the flesh. The seat whereof
being in the appetite of knowledge, and sight being the sense
chiefly used for attaining knowledge, it is in Divine lan-
guage called The hist of the eyes.^ For to see, belongeth
properly to the eyes; yet we use this word of the other
senses also, when we employ them in seeking knowledge.
For we do not say, hark how it flashes, or smell how it
glows, or taste how it shines, or feel how it gleams ; for
all these are said to be seen. And yet we say not only,
see how it shineth, which the eyes alone can perceive ; but
also, see how it soundeth, see how it smelleth, see how
it tasteth, see how hard it is. And so the general experience
of the senses, as was said, is called The lust of the eyes,
because the office of seeing, wherein the eyes hold the pre-
rogative, the other senses by the way of similitude take to
themselves when they make search after any knowledge.
But by this may more evidently be discerned, wherein
pleasure and wherein curiosity is the object of the senses ;
for pleasure seeketh objects beautiful, melodious, fragrant,
savoury, soft; but curiosity, for trial's sake, the contrary
as well, not for the sake of suffering annoyance, but out of
•* Ps. Iviii. — Vulg. ^ Ps. XXV. 3. ** Ps. Ixxiii. 27. ^ i John ii. 16.
198 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
the lust of making trial and knowing them. For what
pleasure hath it, to see in a mangled carcase what will
make you shudder? and yet if it be lying near, they flock
thither, to be made sad, and to turn pale. Even in sleep
they are afraid to see it. As if when awake, any one forced
them to see it, or any report of its beauty drew them thither !
Thus also in the other senses, which it were long to go
through. From this disease of curiosity are all those strange
sights exhibited in the theatre. Hence men go on to search
out the hidden powers of nature (which is besides our
end), which to know profits not, and wherein men desire
nothing but to know. Hence also, if with that same end
of perverted knowledge magical arts be enquired by. Hence
also in religion itself, is God tempted, when signs and
wonders are demanded of Him, not desired for any good
end, but merely to make trial of.
In this so vast wilderness, full of snares and dangers, be-
hold many of them, I have cut off, and thrust out of my
heart, as Thou hast given me, O God of my salvation. And
yet when dare I say, since so many things of this kind
buzz on all sides about our daily life — when dare I say that
nothing of this sort engages my attention or causes in me an
idle interest? True, the theatres do not now carry me
away, nor care I to know the courses of the stars, nor
did my soul ever consult ghosts departed; all sacrilegious
mysteries I detest. From Thee, O Lord my God, to whom
I owe humble and single-hearted service, by what artifices
and suggestions doth the enemy deal with me to desire
some sign! But I beseech Thee by our King, and by our
pure and holy country, Jerusalem, that as any consenting
thereto is far from me, so may it ever be further and fur-
ther. But when I pray Thee for the salvation of any, my
end and intention is far different. Thou givest and wilt
give me to follow Thee willingly, doing what Thou wilt^
Notwithstanding, in how many most petty and contemp-
tible things is our curiosity daily tempted, and how often
we give way, who can recount? How often do we begin
as it were tolerating people telling vain stories, lest we
offend the weak; then by degrees we take interest therein!
^ John xxi. 22.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 199
I go not now to the circus to see a dog coursing a hare ; but
in the field, if passing, that coursing peradventure will dis-
tract me even from some weighty thought, and draw me
after it : not that I turn aside the body of my beast, yet still
incline my mind thither. And unless Thou, having made me
see my infirmity, didst speedily admonish me either through
the sight itself, by some contemplation to rise towards Thee,
or altogether to despise and pass it by, I dully stand fixed
therein. What, when sitting at home, a lizard catching
flies, or a spider entangling them rushing into her nets,
ofttimes takes my attention? Is the thing different, because
they are but small creatures? I go on from them to praise
Thee the wonderful Creator and Orderer of all, but this
does not first draw my attention. It is one thing to rise
quickly, another not to fall. And of such things is my
life full ; and my one hope is Thy wonderful great mercy. For
when our heart becomes the receptacle of such things and
is overcharged with throngs of this abundant vanity, then
are our prayers also thereby often interrupted and dis-
tracted, and whilst in Thy presence we direct the voice of
our heart to Thine ears, this so great concern is broken
off, by the rushing in of I know not what idle thoughts.
Shall we then account this also among things of slight con-
cernment, or shall aught bring us back to hope, save Thy
complete mercy, since Thou hast begun to change us?
And Thou knowest how far Thou hast already changed
me, who first healedst me of the lust of vindicating myself,
that so Thou mightest forgive all the rest of my iniquities,
and heal all my infirmities, and redeem my life from cor-
ruption, and crozvn me zvith mercy and pity, and satisfy my
desire zvith good things;^ who didst curb my pride with
Thy fear, and tame my neck to Thy yoke. And now I bear
it and it is light^ unto nie, because so hast Thou promised,
and hast made it; and verily so it was, and I knew it not,
when I feared to take it.
But, O Lord, Thou alone Lord without pride, because
Thou art the only true Lord, who hast no Lord; hath this
third kind of temptation also ceased from me, or can it
cease through this whole life? To wish, namely, to be
wPs. ciii. 3-s. ""Matt. xi. 30.
200 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
feared and loved of men, for no other end, but that we
may have a joy therein vi^'hich is no joy? A miserable life
this and a foul boastfulness? Hence especially it com.es
that men do neither purely love nor fear Thee. And there-
fore dost Thou resist the proud, and givest grace to the
humhle:^ yea. Thou thunderest down upon the ambitions
of the world, and the foundations of the mountains trembled
Because now certain offices of human society make it neces-
sary to be loved and feared of men, the adversary of our
true blessedness layeth hard at us, every where spreading
his snares of " well-done, well-done ;" that greedily catching
at them, we may be taken unawares, and sever our joy
from Thy truth, and set it in the deceivingness of men;
and be pleased at being loved and feared, not for Thy sake,
but in Thy stead : and thus having been made like him, he
may have them for his own, not in the bands of charity,
but in the bonds of punishment: who purposed to set his
throne in the north^ that dark and chilled they might serve
him pervertedly and crookedly imitating Thee. But we, O
Lord, behold we are Thy little Hock;^ possess us as Thine,
stretch Thy wings over us, and let us fly under them. Be
Thou our glory; let us be loved for Thee, and Thy word
feared in us. Who would be praised of men vi^hen Thou
blamest, will not be defended of men when Thou judgest;
nor delivered when Thou condemnest. But when — not the
sinner is praised in the desires of his soul/^ nor he blessed
who doth ungodlily^ but — a man is praised for some gift
which Thou hast given him, and he rejoices more at the
praise for himself than that he hath the gift for which he
is praised, he also is praised, while Thou dispraisest; and
better is he who praised than he who is praised. For the
one took pleasure in the gift of God in man ; the other was
better pleased with the gift of man, than of God.
By these temptations we are assailed daily, O Lord: with-
out ceasing are we assailed. Our daily furnace^'' is the
tongue of men. And in this way also Thou commandest
us continence. Give what Thou enjoinest, and enjoin what
Thou wilt. Thou knowest on this matter the groans of
'^ Jam. iv. 6. *2 Ps. xviii. 7. ^^Is. xiv. 13, 14. ** Luke xii. 32.
8^ Ps. ix. 29. — Vulg. '* Ps. X. 3. *^ Prov. xxvii. 21.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 201
my heart, and the floods of mine eyes. For I cannot leam
how far I am more cleansed from this plague, and I much
fear my secret sins^ which Thine eyes know, mine do not.
For in other kinds of temptations I have some sort of
means of examining myself; in this, scarce any. For, in
refraining my mind from the pleasures of the flesh and idle
curiosity, I see how much I have attained to, when I do
without them; foregoing, or not having them. For then I
ask myself how much more or less troublesome it is to me
not to have them? Then, riches, which are desired, that
they may serve to some one or two or all of the three con-
cupiscences,"" if the soul cannot discern whether, when it
hath them, it despiseth them, they may be cast aside, that
so it may prove itself. But to be without praise, and therein
essay our powers, must we live ill, yea so abandonedly and
atrociously, that no one should know without detesting us?
What greater madness can be said or thought of? But if
praise useth and ought to accompany a good life and good
works, we ought as little to forego its company, as good
life itself. Yet I know not whether I can well or ill be
without any thing, unless it be absent.
What then do I confess unto Thee in this kind of tempta-
tion, O Lord? What, but that I am delighted wath praise,
but with truth itself, more than with praise? For were it
proposed to me, whether I would, being frenzied in error
on all things, be praised by all men, or being consistent
and most settled in the truth be blamed by all, I see which
I should choose. Yet fain would I that the approbation of
another should not even increase my joy for any good in
me. Yet I own, it doth increase it, and not so only, but
dispraise doth diminish it. And when I am troubled at this
my misery, an excuse occurs to me, which of what value
it is. Thou God knowest, for it leaves me uncertain. For
since Thou has commanded us not continency alone, that
is, from what things to refrain our love, but righteousness
also, that is, whereon to bestow it, and hast willed us to
love not Thee only, but our neighbour also; often, when
pleased with intelligent praise, I seem to myself to be
pleased with the proficiency or towardliness of my neigh-
's Ps. xix. 12. ^ I John ii. 16.
202 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
bour, or to be grieved for evil in him, v^hen I hear him
dispraise either what he understands not, or is good. For
sometimes I am grieved at my own praise, either when those
things be praised in me, in which I mishke myself, or even
lesser and slight goods are more esteemed than they ought.
But again how know I whether I am therefore thus affected,
because I would not have him who praiseth me differ from
me about myself; not as being influenced by concern for
him, but because those same good things which please me
in myself, please me more when they please another also?
For some how I am not praised when my judgment of
myself is not praised; forasmuch as either those things are
praised, which displease me; or those more, which please
me less. Am I then doubtful of myself in this matter?
Behold, in Thee, O Truth, I see that I ought not to be
moved at my own praises, for my own sake, but for the
good of my neighbour. And whether it be so with me, I
know not. For herein I know less of myself than of Thee.
I beseech now, O my God, discover to me myself also, that
I may confess unto my brethren, who are to pray for me,
wherein I find myself maimed. Let me examine myself again
more diligently. If in my praise I am moved with the good
of my neighbour, why am I less moved if another be un-.
justly dispraised than if it be myself? Why am I more
stung by reproach cast upon myself, than at that cast upon
another, with the same injustice, before me? Know I not
this also ? or is it at last that I deceive myself ^°° and do not
the truth before Thee in my heart and tongue? This mad-
ness put far from me, O Lord, lest mine own mouth be to
me the sinner's oil to make fat my head.^'^ I am poor and
needy f^^^ yet best, while in hidden groanings I displease my-
self, and seek Thy mercy, until what is lacking in my defect-
ive state be renewed and perfected, on to that peace which the
eye of the proud knoweth not.
Yet the word which cometh out of the mouth, and deeds
known to men, bring with them a most dangerous temptation
through the love of praise : which to establish a certain ex-
cellency of our own, solicits and collects men's suffrages.
It tempts, even when it is reproved by myself in myself, on the
100 Gal. vi. 3 ; I John i. 8. "> Ps. cxli. 5. 102 Ps. cix. 22.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 203
very ground that it is reproved ; and often glories more vainly
of the very contempt of vainglory ; and so it is no longer con-
tempt of vainglory, w^hereof it glories; for it doth not
contemn when it glorieth.
Within also, within is another evil, arising' out of a like
temptation ; whereby men become vain, pleasing themselves
in themselves, though they please not, or displease or care
not to please others. But pleasing themselves, they much
displease Thee, not only taking pleasure in things not good,
as if good, but in Thy good things, as though their own ; or
even if as Thine, yet as though for their own merits ; or even
if as though from Thy grace, yet not with brotherly rejoic-
ing, but envying that grace to others. In all these and the
like perils and travails, Thou seest the trembling of my heart;
and I rather feel my wounds to be cured by Thee, than not
inflicted by me.
Where hast Thou not walked with me, O Truth, teaching
me what to beware, and what to desire; when I referred to
Thee what I could discover here below, and consulted Thee?
With my outward senses, as I might, I surveyed the world
and observed the life, which my body hath from me, and
these my senses. Thence entered I the recesses of my mem-
ory, those manifold and spacious chambers, wonderfully fur-
nished with innumerable stores; and I considered, and stood
aghast ; being able to discern nothing of these things without
Thee, and finding none of them to be Thee. Nor was I my-
self, who found out these things, who went over them all,
and laboured to distinguish and to value every thing accord-
ing to its dignity, taking some things upon the report of my
senses, questioning about others which I felt to be mingled
with myself, numbering and distinguishing the reporters
themselves, and in the large treasure-house of my memory
revolving some things, storing up others, drawing out others.
Nor yet was I myself when I did this, i. e., that my power
whereby I did it, neither was it Thou, for Thou art the abid-
ing light, which I consulted concerning all these, whether
they w^ere, what they were, and how to be valued; and I
heard Thee directing and commanding me ; and this I often
do, this delights me ; and as far as I may be freed from neces-
sary duties, unto this pleasure have I recourse. Nor in all
204 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
these which I run over consulting Thee can I find any safe
place for my soul, but in Thee; whither my scattered mem-
bers may be gathered, and nothing of me depart from Thee.
And sometimes Thou admittest me to an affection, very un-
usual, in my inmost soul ; rising to a strange sweetness, which
if it were perfected in me, I know not what in it would not
belong to the life to come. But through my miserable en-
cumbrances I sink down again into these lower things, and
am swept back by former custom, and am held, and greatly
weep, but am greatly held. So much doth the burden of a
bad custom weigh us down. Here I can stay, but would
not ; there I would, but cannot ; both ways, miserable.
Thus then have I considered the sicknesses of my sins in
that threefold concupiscence, and have called Thy right hand
to my help. For with a wounded heart have I beheld Thy
brightness, and stricken back I said, "Who can attain thither ?
/ am cast away from the sight of Thine eyes."^"^ Thou art
the Truth who presidest over all, but I through my covet-
ousness would not indeed forego Thee, but would with Thee
possess a lie ; as no man would in such wise speak falsely, as
himself to be ignorant of the truth. So then I lost Thee,
because Thou vouchsafest not to be possessed with a lie.
Whom could I find to reconcile me to Thee? was I to have
recourse to Angels? by what prayers, by what sacraments?
Many endeavouring to return unto Thee, and of themselves
unable, have, as I hear, tried this, and fallen into the desire
of curious visions, and been accounted worthy to be deluded.
For they, being high minded, sought Thee by the pride of
learning, swelling out rather than smiting upon their breasts,
and so by the agreement of their heart, drew unto- them-
selves the princes of the air,^°* the fellow-conspirators of their
pride, by whom, through magical influences, they were de-
ceived, seeking a mediator, by whom they might be purged,
and there was none. For the devil it was, transforming
himself into an Angel of light^^^ And it much enticed proud
flesh, that he had no body of flesh. For they were mortal,
and sinners ; but Thou, Lord, to whom they proudly sought
to be reconciled, art immortal, and without sin. But, a
mediator between God and man must have something like
"3Ps. xxxi. 22. io*Eph. ii. 2. ^^^2 Cor. xi. 14.
THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE 205
to God, something like to men; lest being in both like to
man, he should be far from God: or if in both like God, too
unlike man : and so not be a mediator. That deceitful medi-
ator then, by whom in Thy secret judgments pride deserved
to be deluded, hath one thing in common with man, that is
sin; another he would seem to have in common with God;
and not being clothed with the mortality of flesh, would
vaunt himself to be immortal. But since the wages of sin
is dcath,^'^ this hath he in common with men, that with them
he should be condemned to death.
But the true Mediator, Whom in Thy secret mercy Thou
hast showed to the humble, and sentest, that by His example
also they might learn that same humility, that Mediator be-
tween God and man, the Man Christ Jesus,^"" appeared be-
twixt mortal sinners and the immortal Just One ; mortal with
men, just with God : that because the wages of righteousness
is life and peace. He might by a righteousness conjoined
with God make void that death of sinners, now made right-
eous, which He willed to have in common with them.
Hence He was showed forth to holy men of old; that so
they, through faith in His Passion to come, as we through
faith of it passed, might be saved. For as Man, He was a
Mediator; but as the Word, not in the middle between God
and man, because equal to God, and God with God, and to-
gether one God.
How hast Thou loved us. good Father, who sparedst not
Thine only Son, but deliveredst Him up for us ungodly l^"^
How hast Thou loved us, for whom He that thought it no
robbery to be equal zvith Thee, was made subject even to the
death of the cross^ He alone, free among the dead,^'" having
power to lay dozvn his life, and pozver to take it again :'^^^ for
us to Thee both Victor and Victim, and therefore Victor,
because the Victim; for us to Thee Priest and Sacrifice,
and therefore Priest because the Sacrifice; making us to
Thee, of servants, sons, by being born of Thee, and serving
us. Well then is my hope strong in Him, that Thou zvilt heal
all my infirmities^^- by Him Who sitteth at Thy right hand
and maketh intercession for us;^'^ else should I despair. For
i>«Rom. vi. 20. ">^i Tim. ii. S- '•* Rom. viii. 32. ""Phil- "-...6. 8.
uops. Ixxxviii. 5. Ill John x. 18. "^^ Ps. cii. 3. ^i* Rom. vm. 34.
206 THE CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE
many and great are my infirmities, many they are, and great;
but Thy medicine is mightier. We might imagine that Thy
Word was far from any union with man, and despair of our-
selves, unless He had been made flesh and dwelt among us.^*
Affrighted with my sins and the burden of my misery, I
had cast in my heart, and had purposed to flee to the wil-
derness:^ but Thou forbadest me, and strengthenedst me,
saying, Therefore Christ died for all, that they which live
may now no longer live unto themselves, but unto Him that
died for them^^^ See, Lord, I cast my care upon Thee^^ that I
may live, and consider wondrous things out of Thy law^
Thou knowest my unskilfulness, and my infirmities; teach
me, and heal me. He, Thine only Son, in Whom are hid
all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge ^^^ hath redeemed
me with His blood. Let not the proud speak evil of me;^'°
because I meditate on my Ransom, and eat and drink, and
communicate it; and poor, desired to be satisfied from Him,
amongst those that eat and are satisfied, and they shall praise
the Lord who seek Him.^
"*John i. 12. 115 ps. iy_ 7 iie 2 Cor. v. 15. "^ Ps. Iv. 22.
"«Ps. cxix. 18, ii»Col. ii. 3. i^Ps. cxix. 122.— Vulg. 1^ Ps. xxii. 26.
THE IMITATION
OF CHRIST
BY
THOMAS A KEMPIS
TRANSLATED BV
REV. WILLIAM BENHAM
INTRODUCTORY NOTE
The treatise "Of the Imitation of Christ" appears to have been
originally written in Latin early in the fifteenth century. Its
exact date and its authorship are still a matter of debate. Manu-
scripts of the Latin version survive in considerable numbers all
over Western Europe, and they, with the vast list of translations
and of printed editions, testify to its almost unparalleled popu-
larity. One scribe attributes it to St. Bernard of Claiwaux; but
the fact that it contains a quotation from St. Francis of Assist,
who was born thirty years after the death of St. Bernard, disposes
of this theory. In England there exist many manuscripts of the
first three books, called "Musica Ecclesiastica," frequently ascribed
to the English mystic Walter Hilton. But Hilton seems to have
died in 1395, and there is no evidence of the existence of the work
before 1400. Many manuscripts scattered throughout Europe
ascribe the book to Jean le Charlier de Gerson, the great Chan-
cellor of the University of Paris, who was a leading figure in the
Church in the earlier part of the fifteenth century. The most
probable author, however, especially when the internal evidence is
considered, is Thomas Haemmerlein, known also as Thomas a
Kempis, from his native town of Kemp en, near the Rhine, about
forty miles north of Cologne. Haemmerlein, who was born in
1379 or 1380, was a member of the order of the Brothers of
Common Life, and spent the last seventy years of his life at
Mount St. Agnes, a monastery of Augustinian canons in the
diocese of Utrecht. Here he died on July 26, 1471, after an un-
eventful life spent in copying manuscripts, reading, and compos-
ing, and in the peaceful routine of monastic piety.
With the exception of the Bible, no Christian writing has had
so wide a vogue or so sustained a popularity as this. And yet,
in one sense, it is hardly an original work at all. Its structure
it owes largely to the writings of the medieval mystics, and its
ideas and phrases are a mosaic from the Bible and the Father's of
the early Church. But these elements are interwoven with such
delicate skill and a religious feeling at once so ardent and so
sound that it promises to remain, what it has been for five hun-
dred years, the supreme call and guide to spiritual aspiration.
CONTENTS
BOOK I
PAGE
Admonitions Profitable for the Spiritual Life ... 213
I. Of the Imitation of Christ, and of Contempt of the World
and all its Vanities 213
II. Of thinking humbly of Oneself 214
III. Of the Knowledge of Truth ^'5
IV. Of Prudence in Action 2' 7
V. Of the Reading of Holy Scripture 218
VI. Of Inordinate Aflfections 219
VII. Of fleeing from Vain Hope and Pride 219
VIII. Of the Danger of too much Familiarity 220
IX. Of Obedience and Subjection 221
X. Of the Danger of Superfluity of Words 221
XI. Of seeking Peace of Mind, and of Spiritual Progress . . . 222
XII. Of the Uses of Adversity 224
XIII. Of resisting Temptation 224
XIV. On avoiding Rash Judgment ^^^
XV. Of Works of Charity ^^7
XVI. Of bearing with the Faults of Others 228
XVII. Of a Religious Life ^-9
XVIII. Of the Example of the Holy Fathers 229
XIX. Of the Exercises of a Religious Man 231
XX. Of the Love of Solitude and Silence 233
XXI. Of Compunction of Heart 23S
XXII. Of the Contemplation of Human Misery 237
XXIII. Of Meditation upon Death 239
XXIV. Of the Judgment and Punishment of the Wicked .... 242
XXV. Of the Zealous Amendment of our Whole Life 244
BOOK II
PAGE
Admonitions Concerning the Inner Life 248
CHAP.
I. Of the Inward Life
248
II. Of Lowly Submission ^So
209
210 CONTENTS
CHAP. PAGE
III. Of the Good, Peaceable Man .......•,.251
IV. Of a Pure Mind and Simple Intention 252
V. Of Self-Esteem 253
VI. Of the Joy of a Good Conscience 254
VII. Of loving Jesus above all Things 255
VIII. Of the Intimate Love of Jesus 256
IX. Of the Lack of all Comfort 257
X. Of Gratitude for the Grace of God 260
XI. Of the Fewness of those who love the Cross of Jesus . . . 262
XII. Of the Royal Way of the Holy Cross 263
BOOK III
PAGE
On Inward Consolation 268
CHAP.
I. Of the Inward Voice of Christ to the Faithful Soul . . . 268
II. What the Truth saith inwardly without Noise of Words . 269
III. How all the Words of God are to be heard with Humility,
and how many consider them not 270
IV. How we must walk in Truth and Humility before God . . 272
V. Of the Wonderful Power of the Divine Love 273
VI. Of the Proving of the True Lover 275
VII. Of hiding our Grace under the Guard of Humility . . . 277
VIII. Of a Low Estimation of Self in the Sight of God . . . 279
IX. That all Things are to be referred to God as the Final End . 280
X. That it is Sweet to despise the World and to serve God . . 281
XI. That the Desires of the Heart are to be Examined and
Governed 282
XII. Of the Inward Growth of Patience, and of the Struggle
against Evil Desires 283
XIII. Of the Obedience of One in Lowly Subjection after the
Example of Jesus Christ 285
XIV. Of Meditation upon the Hidden Judgments of God, that we
may not be lifted up because of our Well-doing . . . 286
XV. How we must Stand and Speak in Everything that we
desire 287
XVI. That True Solace is to be sought in God alone .... 288
XVII. That all Care is to be Cast upon God 289
XVIII. That Temporal Miseries are to be borne patiently after the
Example of Christ , 290
XIX. Of bearing Injuries, and who shall be approved as truly
Patient 291
XX. Of Confession of our Infirmity and of the Miseries of this
Life . 292
XXI. That we must Rest in God above all Goods and Gifts . . 294
XXII. Of the Recollection of God's Manifold Benefits .... 296
XXIII. Of Four Things which bring Great Peace 297
XXIV. Of avoiding Curious Inquiry into the Life of Another . . 299
XXV. Wherein Firm Peace of Heart and True Profit consist . . 300
CONTENTS 211
CHAP. PAGE
XXVI. Of the Exaltation of a Free Spirit, which Humble Prayer
more deserveth than doth Frequent Reading . . 301
XXVII. That Personal Love greatly hindereth from the Highest
Good 302
XXVIII. Against the Tongues of Detractors 303
XXIX. How when Tribulation cometh we must call upon and
bless God 304
XXX. Of seeking Divine Help, and the Confidence of obtaining
Grace 305
XXXI. Of the Neglect of every Creature, that the Creator may
be found 307
XXXII. Of Self-denial and the casting away all Selfishness . . 308
XXXIII. Of Instability of the Heart, and of directing the Aim
towards God 309
XXXIV. That to Him who loveth God is Sweet above all Things
and in all Things 310
• XXXV. That there is no Security against Temptation in this Life 311
XXXVI. Against Vain Judgments of Men 312
XXXVII. Of Pure and Entire Resignation of Self, for the obtaining
Liberty of Heart 313
XXXVIII. Of a Good Government in External Things, and of having
Recourse to God in Dangers 315
XXXIX. That Man must not be Immersed in Business . . . . 316
XL. That Man hath no Good in Himself, and nothing whereof
to Glory 316
XLI. Of Contempt of all Temporal Honour 318
XLII. That our Peace is not to be placed in Men 318
XLIII. Against \'ain and Worldly Knowledge 319
XLIV. Of not troubling Ourselves about Outward Things . . 320
XLV. That we must not believe Everyone, and that we are prone
to fall in our Words 321
XLVI. Of having Confidence in God when Evil Words are cast at us 323
XLVII. That all Troubles are to be endured for the sake of Eternal
Life 324
XLVIIl. Of the Day of Eternity and of the Straitnesses of this Life 326
XLIX. Of the Desire after Eternal Life, and how Great Blessings
are promised to those who strive 328
L. How a Desolate Man ought to commit Himself into the
Hands of God 330
LI. That we must give Ourselves to Humble Works when we
are unequal to those that are Lofty 333
LII. That a Man ought not to reckon Himself worthy of Con-
solation, but more worthy of Chastisement . . . 334
LIII. That the Grace of God does not join itself to those who
mind Earthly Things 335
LIV. Of the Diverse Motions of Nature and of Grace . . . 336
LV. Ot the Corruption of Nature and the Efficacy of Divine Grace 339
LVI. That we ought to deny Ourselves, and to imitate Christ by
Means of the Cross 341
212 CONTENTS
CHAP. pj^jjj
LVII. That a Man must not be too much Cast Down when he fall-
eth into some Fault 343
LVIII. Of Deeper Matters, and God's Hidden Judgments which are
not to be Inquired into 344
LIX. That all Hope and Trust is to be Fixed in God alone . . 347
BOOK IV
PAGE
Of the Sacrament of the Altar 349
CHAP.
I. With how Great Reverence Christ must be Received . . 349
II. That the Greatness and Charity of God is shown to Men in
the Sacrament 323
III. That it is Profitable to Communicate often 355
IV. That many Good Gifts are bestowed upon those who Com-
municate devoutly 357
V. Of the Dignity of this Sacrament, and of the Office of the
P"."t 359
VI. An Inquiry concerning Preparation for Communion . . 360
VII. Of the Examination of Conscience and Purpose of Amend-
ment 360
VIII. Of the Oblation of Christ upon the Cross, and of Resigna-
tion of Self 362
IX. That we ought to offer Ourselves and all that is Ours to
God, and to Pray for all 363
X. That Holy Communion is not lightly to be omitted . . . 365
XI. That the Body and Blood of Christ and the Holy Scriptures
are most necessary to a Faithful Soul 367
XII. That he who is about to Communicate with Christ ought to
Prepare Himself with Great Diligence 370
XIII. That the Devout Soul ought with the whole heart to yearn
after Union with Christ in the Sacrament . . . 371
XIV. Of the Fervent Desire of certain devout Persons to receive
the Body and Blood of Christ 373
XV. That the Grace of Devotion is acquired by Humility and
Self-Denial 374
XVI. That we ought to lay open our Necessities to Christ and to
require His Grace 375
XVII. Of Fervent Love and Vehement Desire of receiving Christ . 376
XVIII. That a Man should not be a Curious Searcher of the Sacra-
ment, but a humble Imitator of Christ, submitting his
Sense to Holy Faith 378
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
THE FIRST BOOK
ADMONITIONS PROFITABLE FOR THE
SPIRITUAL LIFE
CHAPTER I
Of the imitation of Christ, and of contempt of the world
and all its vanities
"F JTE that folloxveth me shall not walk in darkness^ saith
g1 the Lord. These are the words of Christ; and they
teach us how far we must imitate His life and char-
acter, if we seek true illumination, and deliverance from
all blindness of heart. Let it be our most earnest study,
therefore, to dwell upon the life of Jesus Christ.
2. His teaching surpasscth all teaching of holy men, and
such as have His Spirit find therein the hidden manna!' But
there are many who, though they frequently hear the Gospel,
yet feel but little longing after it, because they have not the
mind of Christ. He, therefore, that will fully and with true
wisdom understand the words of Christ, let him strive to
conform his whole life to that mind of Christ.
3. What doth it profit thee to enter into deep discussion
concerning the Holy Trinity, if thou lack humility, and be
thus displeasing to the Trinity? For verily it is not deep
words that make a man holy and upright; it is a good life
which maketh a man dear to God. I had rather feel con-
trition than be skilful in the definition thereof. If thou
knewest the whole Bible, and the sayings of all the philoso-
phers, what should all this profit thee without the love
^John viii. 12. ^Revelations ii. 17.
213
214 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
and grace of God? Vanity of vanities, all is vanity, save
to love God, and Him only to serve. That is the highest
wisdom, to cast the world behind us, and to reach forward
to the heavenly kingdom.
4. It is vanity then to seek after, and to trust in, the
riches that shall perish. It is vanity, too, to covet honours,
and to lift up ourselves on high. It is vanity to follow the
desires of the flesh and be led by them, for this shall bring
misery at the last. It is vanity to desire a long life, and to
have little care for a good life. It is vanity to take thought
only for the life which now is, and not to look forward
to the things which shall be hereafter. It is vanity to love
that which quickly passeth away, and not to hasten where
eternal joy abideth.
5. Be ofttimes mindful of the saying,' The eye is not
satisfied with seeing, nor the ear zvith hearing. Strive,
therefore, to turn away thy heart from the love of the
things that are seen, and to set it upon the things that are
not seen. For they who follow after their own fleshly lusts,
defile the conscience, and destroy the grace of God.
CHAPTER II
Of thinking humbly of oneself
There is naturally in every man a desire to know, but
what profiteth knowledge without the fear of God? Better
of a surety is a lowly peasant who serveth God, than a
proud philosopher who watcheth the stars and neglecteth
the knowledge of himself. He who knoweth himself well
is vile in his own sight; neither regardeth he the praises
of men. If I knew all the things that are in the world,
and were not in charity, what should it help me before God,
■who is to judge me according to my deeds?
2. Rest from inordinate desire of knowledge, for therein
is found much distraction and deceit. Those who have
knowledge desire to appear learned, and to be called wise.
Many things there are to know which profiteth little or
nothing to the soul. And foolish out of measure is he who
* Ecclesiastes i. 8.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 215
attendeth upon other things rather than those which serve
to his soul's health. Many words satisfy not the soul, but
a good life refresheth the mind, and a pure conscience giveth
great confidence towards God.
3. The greater and more complete thy knowledge, the
more severely shalt thou be judged, unless thou hast lived
holily. Therefore be not lifted up by any skill or knowledge
that thou hast; but rather fear concerning the knowledge
which is given to thee. If it seemeth to thee that thou
knowest many things, and understandest them well, know
also that there are many more things which thou knowest
not. Be not high-minded, but rather confess thine ignor-
ance. Why desirest thou to lift thyself above another,
when there are found many more learned and more skilled
in the Scripture than thou? If thou wilt know and learn
anything with profit, love to be thyself unknown and to be
counted for nothing.
4. That is the highest and most profitable lesson, when
a man truly knoweth and judgeth lowly of himself. To
account nothing of one's self, and to think always kindly
and highly of others, this is great and perfect wisdom. Even
shouldest thou see thy neighbour sin openly or grievously,
yet thou oughtest not to reckon thyself better than he, for
thou knowest not how long thou shalt keep thine integrity.
All of us are weak and frail ; hold thou no man more frail
than thyself.
CHAPTER III
Of the knowledge of truth
Happy is the man whom Truth by itself doth teach, not by
figures and transient words, but as it is in itself.' Our
own judgment and feelings often deceive us, and we discern
but little of the truth. What doth it profit to argue about
hidden and dark things, concerning which we shall not be
even reproved in the judgment, because we knew them
not? Oh, grievous folly, to neglect the things which are
profitable and necessary, and to give our minds to
^ Psalm xciv. 12; Numbers xii. 8.
216 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
things which are curious and hurtful ! Having eyes, we
see not.
2. And what have we to do with talk about genus and
species ! He to whom the Eternal Word speaketh is free
from multiplied questionings. From this One Word are
all things, and all things speak of Him; and this is the Be-
ginning which also speaketh unto us.^ No man without
Him understandeth or rightly judgeth. The man to whom
all things are one, who bringeth all things to one, who
seeth all things in one, he is able to remain steadfast of
spirit, and at rest in God. O God, who art the Truth, make
me one with Thee in everlasting love. It wearieth me often-
times to read and listen to many things; in Thee is all that
I wish for and desire. Let all the doctors hold their peace;
let all creation keep silence before Thee : speak Thou alone
to me.
3. The more a man hath unity and simplicity in himself,
the more things and the deeper things he understandeth ; and
that without labour, because he receiveth the light of under-
standing from above. The spirit which is pure, sincere, and
steadfast, is not distracted though it hath many works to do,
because it doth all things to the honour of God, and striveth
to be free from all thoughts of self-seeking. Who is so
full of hindrance and annoyance to thee as thine own
undisciplined heart? A man who is good and devout
arrangeth beforehand within his own heart the works which
he hath to do abroad; and so is not drawn away by the
desires of his evil will, but subjecteth everything to the
judgment of right reason. Who hath a harder battle to
fight than he who striveth for self-mastery ? And this should
be our endeavour, even to master self, and thus daily to
grow stronger than self, and go on unto perfection.
4. All perfection hath some imperfection joined to it in
this life, and all our power of sight is not without some dark-
ness. A lowly knowledge of thyself is a surer way to God
than the deep searchings of man's learning. Not that learn-
ing is to be blamed, nor the taking account of anything
that is good; but a good conscience and a holy life is better
than all. And because many seek knowledge rather than
"John viii. 25 (Vulg.).
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 217
good living, therefore they go astray, and bear little or no
fruit.
5. O if they would give that diligence to the rooting out
of vice and the planting of virtue which they give unto vain
questionings: there had not been so many evil doings and
stumbling-blocks among the laity, nor such ill living among
houses of religion. Of a surety, at the Day of Judgment
it will be demanded of us, not what we have read, but what
we have done ; not how well we have spoken, but how holily
we have lived. Tell me, where now are all those masters
and teachers, whom thou knewest well, whilst they were
yet with you, and flourished in learning? Their stalls are
now filled by others, who perhaps never have one thought
concerning them. Whilst they lived they seemed to be some-
what, but now no one speaks of them.
6. Oh how quickly passeth the glory of the world away !
Would that their life and knowledge had agreed together!
For then would they have read and inquired unto good
purpose. How many perish through empty learning in this
world, who care little for serving God. And because they
love to be great more than to be humble, therefore they
"have become vain in their imaginations." He only is truly
great, who hath great charity. He is truly great who
deemeth himself small, and counteth all height of honour
as nothing. He is the truly wise man, who counteth all
earthly things as dung that he may win Christ. And he is
the truly learned man, who doeth the will of God, and for-
saketh his own will.
CHAPTER IV
Of prudence in action
We must not trust every word of others or feeling within
ourselves, but cautiously and patiently try the matter,
whether it be of God. Unhappily we are so weak that we
find it easier to believe and speak evil of others, rather than
good. But they that are perfect, do not give ready heed
to every news-bearer, for they know man's weakness that
it is prone to evil and unstable in words.
218 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
2. This is great wisdom, not to be hasty in action, or
stubborn in our own opinions. A part of this wisdom also
is not to believe every word we hear, nor to tell others all
that we hear, even though we believe it. Take counsel with
a man who is wise and of a good conscience ; and seek to be
instructed by one better than thyself, rather than to follow
thine own inventions. A good life maketh a man wise
toward God, and giveth him experience in many things.
The more humble a man is in himself, and the more obe-
dient towards God, the wiser will he be in all things, and
the more shall his soul be at peace.
CHAPTER V
Of the reading of Holy Scriptures
It is Truth which we must look for in Holy Writ, not cun-
ning of words. All Scripture ought to be read in the spirit
in which it was written. We must rather seek for what
is profitable in Scripture, than for what ministereth to
subtlety in discourse. Therefore we ought to read books
which are devotional and simple, as well as those which
are deep and difficult. And let not the weight of the writer
be a stumbling-block to thee, whether he be of little or
much learning, but let the love of the pure Truth draw
thee to read. Ask not, who hath said this or that, but
look to what he says.
2. Men pass away, but the truth of the Lord endureth for
ever. Without respect of persons God speaketh to us in
divers manners. Our own curiosity often hindereth us in
the reading of holy writings, when we seek to understand
and discuss, where we should pass simply on. If thou
wouldst profit by thy reading, read humbly, simply, honestly,
and not desiring to win a character for learning. Ask
freely, and hear in silence the words of holy men; nor be
displeased at the hard sayings of older men than thou, for
they are not uttered without cause.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 219
.CHAPTER VI
Of inordinate affections
Whensoever a man desireth aught above measure, imme-
diately he becometh restless. The proud and the avaricious
man are never at rest; while the poor and lowly of heart
abide in the multitude of peace. The man who is not yet
wholly dead to self, is soon tempted, and is overcome in
small and trifling matters. It is hard for him who is weak
in spirit, and still in part carnal and inclined to the pleasures
of sense, to withdraw himself altogether from earthly de-
sires. And therefore, when he withdraweth himself from
these, he is often sad, and easily angered too if any oppose
his will.
2. But if, on the other hand, he yield to his inclination,
immediately he is weighed down by the condemnation of
his conscience; for that he hath followed his own desire,
and yet in no way attained the peace which he hoped for.
For true peace of heart is to be found in resisting passion,
not in yielding to it. And therefore there is no peace in
the heart of a man who is carnal, nor in him who is given
up to the things that are without him, but only in him who
is fervent towards God and living the life of the Spirit.
CHAPTER VII
Of fleeing from vain hope and pride
Vain is the life of that man who putteth his trust in men
or in any created Thing. Be not ashamed to be the servant
of others for the love of Jesus Christ, and to be reckoned
poor in this life. Rest not upon thyself, but build thy hope
in God. Do what lieth in thy power, and God will help
thy good intent. Trust not in thy learning, nor in the
cleverness of any that lives, but rather trust in the favour
of God, who resisteth the proud and giveth grace to the
humble.
2. Boast not thyself in thy riches if thou hast them,
nor in thy friends if they be powerful, but in God, who
giveth all things, and in addition to all things desireth to
220 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
give even Himself. Be not lifted up because of thy strength
or beauty of body, for with only a slight sickness it will
fail and wither away. Be not vain of thy skilfulness or
ability, lest thou displease God, from whom cometh every
good gift which we have.
3. Count not thyself better than others, lest perchance
thou appear worse in the sight of God, who knoweth what
is in man. Be not proud of thy good works, for God's
judgments are of another sort than the judgments of man,
and what pleaseth man is ofttimes displeasing to Him. If
thou hast any good, believe that others have more, and so
thou mayest preserve thy humility. It is no harm to thee
if thou place thyself below all others; but it is great harm
if thou place thyself above even one. Peace is ever with
the humble man, but in the heart of the proud there is envy
and continual wrath.
CHAPTER VIII
Of the danger of too much familiarity
Open not thine heart to every man, but deal with one who
is wise and feareth God. Be seldom with the young and
with strangers. Be not a flatterer of the rich ; nor willingly
seek the society of the great. Let thy company be the
humble and the simple, the devout and the gentle, and let
thy discourse be concerning things which edify. Be not
familiar with any woman, but commend all good women
alike unto God. Choose for thy companions God and His
Angels only, and flee from the notice of men.
2. We must love all men, but not make close companions
of all. It sometimes falleth out that one who is unknown
to us is highly regarded through good report of him, whose
actual person is nevertheless unpleasing to those who behold
it. We sometimes think to please others by our intimacy,
and forthwith displease them the more by the faultiness of
character which they perceive in us.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 221
CHAPTER IX
Of obedience and subjection
It is verily a great thing to live in obedience, to be under
authority, and not to be at our own disposal. Far safer is it
to live in subjection than in a place of authority. Many are
in obedience from necessity rather than from love; these
take it amiss, and repine for small cause. Nor will they
gain freedom of spirit, unless with all their heart they sub-
mit themselves for the love of God. Though thou run hither
and thither, thou wilt not find peace, save in humble sub-
jection to the authority of him who is set over thee. Fancies
about places and change of them have deceived many.
2. True it is that every man willingly followeth his own
bent, and is the more inclined to those who agree with him.
But if Christ is amongst us, then it is necessary that we
sometimes yield up our own opinion for the sake of peace.
Who is so wise as to have perfect knowledge of all things?
Therefore trust not too much to thine own opinion, but be
ready also to hear the opinions of others. Though thine
own opinion be good, yet if for the love of God thou fore-
goest it, and followest that of another, thou shalt the more
profit thereby.
3. Ofttimes I have heard that it is safer to hearken and
to receive counsel than to give it. It may also come to
pass that each opinion may be good ; but to refuse to hearken
to others when reason or occasion requireth it, is a mark
of pride or wilfulness.
CHAPTER X
Of the danger of superfluity of words
Avoid as far as thou canst the tumult of men; for talk
concerning worldly things, though it be innocently under-
taken, is a hindrance, so quickly are we led captive and
defiled by vanity. Many a time I wish that I had held my
peace, and had not gone amongst men. But why do we
talk and gossip so continually, seeing that we so rarely re-
222 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
sume our silence without some hurt done to our conscience?
We like talking so much because we hope by our conver-
sations to gain some mutual comfort, and because we seek
to refresh our wearied spirits by variety of thoughts. And
we very willingly talk and think of those things which we
love or desire, or else of those which we most dislike.
2. But alas ! it is often to no purpose and in vain. For
this outward consolation is no small hindrance to the inner
comfort which cometh from God. Therefore must we watch
and pray that time pass not idly away. If it be right and
desirable for thee to speak, speak things which are to edifi-
cation. Evil custom and neglect of our real profit tend
much to make us heedless of watching over our lips. Never-
theless, devout conversation on spiritual things helpeth not
a little to spiritual progress, most of all where those of
kindred mind and spirit find their ground of fellowship
in God.
CHAPTER XI
Of seeking peace of mind and of spiritual progress
We may enjoy abundance of peace if we refrain from busy-
ing ourselves with the sayings and doings of others, and
things which concern not ourselves. How can he abide
long time in peace who occupieth himself with other men's
matters, and with things without himself, and meanwhile
payeth little or rare heed to the self within? Blessed are
the single-hearted, for they shall have abundance of peace.
2. How came it to pass that many of the Saints were so
perfect, so contemplative of Divine things? Because they
steadfastly sought to mortify themselves from all worldly
desires, and so were enabled to cling with their whole heart
to God, and be free and at leisure for the thought of Him.
We are too much occupied with our own affections, and too
anxious about transitory things. Seldom, too, do we entirely
conquer even a single fault, nor are we zealous for daily
growth in grace. And so we remain lukewarm and un-
spiritual.
3. Were we fully watchful of ourselves, and not bound
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 223
in spirit to outward things, then might we be wise unto
salvation, and make progress in Divine contemplation. Our
great and grievous stumbling-block is that, not being freed
from our affections and desires, we strive not to enter into
the perfect way of the Saints. And when even a little
trouble befalleth us, too quickly are we cast down, and fly
to the world to give us comfort.
4. If we would quit ourselves like men, and strive to
stand firm in the battle, then should we see the Lord helping
us from Heaven. For He Himself is alway ready to help
those who strive and who trust in Him ; yea. He provideth
for us occasions of striving, to the end that we may win the
victory. If we look upon our progress in religion as a
progress only in outward observances and forms, our devout-
ness will soon come to an end. But let us lay the axe to the
very root of our life, that, being cleansed from affections,
we may possess our souls in peace.
5. If each year should see one fault rooted out from us,
we should go quickly on to perfection. But on the contrary,
we often feel that we were better and holier in the begin-
ning of our conversion than after many years of profession.
Zeal and progress ought to increase day by day ; yet now it
seemeth a great thing if one is able to retain some portion
of his first ardour. If we would put some slight stress on
ourselves at the beginning, then afterwards we should be
able to do all things with ease and joy.
6. It is a hard thing to break through a habit, and a yet
harder thing to go contrary to our own will. Yet if thou
overcome not slight and easy obstacles, how shalt thou over-
come greater ones? Withstand thy will at the beginning,
and unlearn an evil habit, lest it lead thee little by little
into worse difficulties. Oh, if thou knewest what peace to
thyself thy holy life should bring to thyself, and what joy
to others, methinketh thou wouldst be more zealous for
spiritual profit.
224 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
CHAPTER XII
Of the uses of adversity
It is good for us that we sometimes have sorrows and adver-
sities, for they often make a man lay to heart that he is only a
stranger and sojourner, and may not put his trust in any
worldly thing. It is good that we sometimes endure con-
tradictions, and are hardly and unfairly judged, when we
do and mean what is good. For these things help us to be
humble, and shield us from vain-glory. For then we seek
the more earnestly the witness of God, when men speak
evil of us falsely, and give us no credit for good.
2. Therefore ought a man to rest wholly upon God, so
that he needeth not seek much comfort at the hand of men.
When a man who feareth God is afflicted or tried or oppressed
with evil thoughts, then he seeth that God is the more
necessary unto him, since without God he can do no good
thing. Then he is heavy of heart, he groaneth, he crieth
out for the very disquietness of his heart. Then he groweth
weary of life, and would fain depart and be with Christ.
By all this he is taught that in the world there can be no
perfect security or fulness of peace.
CHAPTER XIII
Of resisting temptation
So long as we live in the world, we cannot be without trouble
and trial. Wherefore it is written in Job, The life of man
upon the earth is a trial} And therefore ought each of us
to give heed concerning trials and temptations, and watch
unto prayer, lest the devil find occasion to deceive ; for
he never sleepeth, but goeth about seeking whom he may
devour. No man is so perfect in holiness that he hath never
temptations, nor can we ever be wholly free from them.
2. Yet, notwithstanding, temptations turn greatly unto
our profit, even though they be great and hard to bear; for
through them we are humbled, purified, instructed. All
^ Job vii. I (Vulg.).
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 225
Saints have passed through much tribulation and temptation,
and have profited thereby. And they who endured not temp-
tation became reprobate and fell away. There is no
position so sacred, no place so secret, that it is without
temptations and adversities.
3. There is no man wholly free from temptations so long
as he liveth, because we have the root of temptation within
ourselves, in that we are born in concupiscence. One temp-
tation or sorrow passeth, and another cometh; and always
we shall have somewhat to suffer, for we have fallen from
perfect happiness. Many who seek to fly from temptations
fall yet more deeply into them. By flight alone we cannot
overcome, but by endurance and true humility we are made
stronger than all our enemies.
4. He who only resisteth outwardly and pulleth not up by
the root, shall profit little; nay, rather temptations will
return to him the more quickly, and will be the more ter-
rible. Little by little, through patience and longsuffering,
thou shalt conquer by the help of God, rather than by violence
and thine own strength of will. In the midst of temptation
often seek counsel ; and deal not hardly with one who is
tempted, but comfort and strengthen him as thou wouldest
have done unto thyself.
5. The beginning of all temptations to evil is instability
of temper and want of trust in God ; for even as a ship with-
out a helm is tossed about by the waves, so is a man who is
careless and infirm of purpose tempted, now on this side, now
on that. As fire testeth iron, so doth temptation the upright
man. Oftentimes we know not what strength we have ; but
temptation revealeth to us what we are. Nevertheless, we
must watch, especially in the beginnings of temptation ; for
then is the foe the more easily mastered, when he is not
suffered to enter within the mind, but is met outside the
door as soon as he hath knocked. Wherefore one saith,
Check the beginnings; once thou might'st have cured,
But now 'tis past thy skill, too long hath it endured.
For first cometh to the mind the simple suggestion, then the
strong imagination, afterwards pleasure, evil affection, assent.
And so little by little the enemy entereth in altogether, be-
8 — HC VII
226 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
cause he was not resisted at the beginning. And the longer
a man delayeth his resistance, the weaker he groweth, and
the stronger groweth the enemy against him.
6. Some men suffer their most grievous temptations in the
beginning of their conversion, some at the end. Some are
sorely tried their whole life long. Some there are who are
tempted but lightly, according to the wisdom and justice
of the ordering of God, who knoweth the character and cir-
cumstances of men, and ordereth all things for the welfare
of His elect.
7. Therefore we ought not to despair when we are tempted,
but the more fervently should cry unto God. that He will
vouchsafe to help us in all our tribulation ; and that He will,
as St. Paul saith, zcith the temptation make a zuay to escape
that -cve may be able to bear it.' Let us therefore humble
ourselves under the mighty hand of God in all temptation
and trouble, for He will save and exalt such as are of an
humble spirit.
8. In temptations and troubles a man is proved, what prog-
ress he hath made, and therein is his reward the greater,
and his virtue doth the more appear. Nor is it a great thing
if a man be devout and zealous so long as he suffereth no
affliction ; but if he behave himself patiently in the time of
adversity, then is there hope of great progress. Some are
kept safe from great temptations, but are overtaken in those
which are little and common, that the humiliation may teach
them not to trust to themselves in great things, being weak
in small things.
CHAPTER XIV
On avoiding rash judgment
Look well unto thyself, and beware that thou judge not the
doings of others. In judging others a man laboureth in vain ;
he often erreth, and easily falleth into sin; but in judging
and examining himself he always laboureth to good purpose.
According as a matter toucheth our fancy, so oftentimes do
we judge of it; for easily do we fail of true judgment be-
cause of our own personal feeling. If God were always
* I Corinthians x. 13,
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 227
the sole object of our desire, we should the less easily be
troubled by the erring judgment of our fancy.
2. But often some secret thought lurking within us, or
even some outward circumstance, turneth us aside. Many
are secretly seeking their own ends in what they do, yet
know it not. They seem to live in good peace of mind so
long as things go well with them, and according to their
desires, but if their desires be frustrated and broken, im-
mediately they are shaken and displeased. Diversity of
feelings and opinions very often brings about dissensions
between friends, between countrymen, between religious
and godly men.
3. Established custom is not easily relinquished, and no
man is very easily led to see with the eyes of another. If
thou rest more upon thy own reason or experience than upon
the power of Jesus Christ, thy light shall come slowly and
hardly; for God willeth us to be perfectly subject unto Him-
self, and all our reason to be exalted by abundant love
towards Him.
CHAPTER XV
Of works of charity
For no worldly good whatsoever, and for the love of no man,
must anything be done which is evil, but for the help of the
suffering a good work must sometimes be postponed, or be
changed for a better ; for herein a good work is not destroyed,
but improved. Without charity no work profiteth, but what-
soever is done in charity, however small and of no reputation
it be, bringeth forth good fruit; for God verily considereth
what a man is able to do, more than the greatness of what
he doth.
2. He doth much who loveth much. He doth much who
doth well. He doth well who ministereth to the public good
rather than to his own. Oftentimes that seemeth to be
chanty which is rather carnality, because it springeth from
natural inclination, self-will, hope of repayment, desire of
gain.
3. He who hath true and perfect charity, in no wise seeketh
his own good, but desireth that God alone be altogether
228 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
glorified. He envieth none, because he longeth for no selfisfi
joy; nor doth he desire to rejoice in himself, but longeth to
be blessed in God as the highest good. He ascribeth good
to none save to God only, the Fountain whence all good
proceedeth, and the End, the Peace, the joy of all Saints.
Oh, he who hath but a spark of true charity, hath verily
learned that all worldly things are full of vanity.
CHAPTER XVI
Of bearing with the faults of others
Those things which a man cannot amend in himself or in
others, he ought patiently to bear, until God shall otherwise
ordain. Bethink thee that perhaps it is better for thy trial
and patience, without which our merits are but little worth.
Nevertheless thou oughtest, when thou findeth such impedi-
ments, to beseech God that He would vouchsafe to sustain
thee, that thou be able to bear them with a good will.
2. If one who is once or twice admonished refuse to
hearken, strive not with him, but commit all to God, that His
will may be done and His honour be shown in His servants,
for He knoweth well how to convert the evil unto good.
Endeavour to be patient in bearing with other men's faults
and infirmities whatsoever they be, for thou thyself also hast
many things which have need to be borne with by others.
If thou canst not make thine own self what thou desireth,
how shalt thou be able to fashion another to thine own lik-
ing. We are ready to see others made perfect, and yet we
do not amend our own shortcomings.
3. We will that others be straitly corrected, but we will
not be corrected ourselves. The freedom of others dis-
pleaseth us, but we are dissatisfied that our own wishes shall
be denied us. We desire rules to be made restraining others,
but by no means will we suffer ourselves to be restrained.
Thus therefore doth it plainly appear how seldom we weigh
our neighbour in the same balance with ourselves. If all
men were perfect, what then should we have to suffer from
others for God?
4. But now hath God thus ordained, that we may learn to
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 229
bear one another's burdens, because none is without defect,
none without a burden, none sufficient of himself, none wise
enough of himself; but it behoveth us to bear with one an-
other, to comfort one another, to help, instruct, admonish
one another. How much strength each man hath is best
proved by occasions of adversity : for such occasions do not
make a man frail, but show of what temper he is.
CHAPTER XVII
Of a religious life
It behoveth thee to learn to mortify thyself in many things,
if thou wilt live in amity and concord with other men. It
is no small thing to dwell in a religious community or con-
gregation, and to live there without complaint, and therein to
remain faithful even unto death. Blessed is he who hath
fived a good life in such a body, and brought it to a happy
end. If thou wilt stand fast and wilt profit as thou oughtest,
hold thyself as an exile and a pilgrim upon the earth. Thou
wilt have to be counted as a fool for Christ, if thou wilt
lead a religious life.
2. The clothing and outward appearance are of small ac-
count ; it is change of character and entire mortification of
the affections which make a truly religious man. He who
seeketh aught save God and the health of his soul, shall find
only tribulation and sorrow. Nor can he stand long in
peace, who striveth not to be least of all and servant of all.
3. Thou art called to endure and to labour, not to a life of
ease and trifling talk. Here therefore are men tried as gold
in the furnace. No man can stand, unless with all his heart
he will humble himself for God's sake.
CHAPTER XVIII
Of the example of the Holy Fathers
Consider now the lively examples of the holy fathers, in
whom shone forth real perfectness and religion, and thou
shalt see how little, even as nothing, is all that we do. Ah f
230 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
What is our life when compared to theirs? They, saints and
friends of Christ as they were, served the Lord in hunger
and thirst, in cold and nakedness, in labour and weariness,
in watchings and fastings, in prayer and holy meditations, in
persecutions and much rebuke.
2. O how many and grievous tribulations did the Apostles,
Martyrs, Confessors, Virgins, endure; and all others who
would walk in the footsteps of Christ. For they hated their
souls in this world that they might keep them unto life
eternal. O how strict and retired a life was that of the holy
fathers who dwelt in the desert ! what long and grievous
temptations they did suffer ! how often were they assaulted
by the enemy ! what frequent and fervid prayers did they
offer unto God ! what strict fasts did they endure ! what fer-
vent zeal and desire after spiritual profit did they manifest !
how bravely did they fight that their vices might not gain the
mastery ! how entirely and steadfastly did they reach after
God ! By day they laboured, and at night they gave them-
selves ofttimes unto prayer; yea, even when they were la-
bouring they ceased not from mental prayer.
3. They spent their whole time profitably; every hour
seemed short for retirement with God; and through the
great sweetness of contemplation, even the need of bodily
refreshment was forgotten. They renounced all riches,
dignities, honours, friends, kinsmen; they desired nothing
from the world; they ate the bare necessaries of life; they
were unwilling to minister to the body even in necessity.
Thus were they poor in earthly things, but rich above
measure in grace and virtue. Though poor to the outer eye,
within they were filled with grace and heavenly benedictions.
4. They were strangers to the world, but unto God they
were as kinsmen and friends. They seemed unto themselves
as of no reputation, and in the world's eyes contemptible;
but in the sight of God they were precious and beloved.
They stood fast in true humility, they lived in simple obedi-
ence, they walked in love and patience ; and thus they waxed
strong in spirit, and obtained great favour before God. To
all religious men they were given as an example, and they
ought more to provoke us unto good livings than the number
of the lukewarm tempteth to carelessness of life.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 231
5. O how great was the love of all religious persons at
the beginning of this sacred institution ! O what devoutness
of prayer ! what rivalry in holiness ! what strict discipline was
observed ! what reverence and obedience under the rule of
the master showed they in all things ! The traces of them
that remain until now testify that they were truly holy and
perfect men, who fighting so bravely trod the world under-
foot. Now a man is counted great if only he be not a trans-
gressor, and if he can only endure with patience what he
hath undertaken.
6. O the coldness and negligence of our times, that we so
quickly decline from the former love, and it is become a
weariness to live, because of sloth and lukewarmness. May
progress in holiness not wholly fall asleep in thee, who
many times hast seen so many examples of devout men !
CHAPTER XIX
Of the exercises of a religious man
The life of a Christian ought to be adorned with all virtues,
that he may be inwardly what he outwardly appeareth unto
men. And verily it should be yet better within than without,
for God is a discerner of our heart. Whom we must rever-
ence with all our hearts wheresoever we are, and walk pure
in His presence as do the angels. We ought daily to renew
our vows, and to kindle our hearts to zeal, as if each day
were the first day of our conversion, and to say, "Help me,
God, in my good resolutions, and in Thy holy service, and
grant that this day I may make a good beginning, for hitherto
1 have done nothing!"
2. According to our resolution so is the rate of our prog-
ress, and much diligence is needful for him who would
make good progress. For if he who resolveth bravely often-
times falleth short, how shall it be with him who resolveth
rarely or feebly ? But manifold causes bring about abandon-
ment of our resolution, yet a trivial omission of holy exer-
cises can hardly be made without some loss to us. The
resolution of the righteous dependeth more upon the grace
of God than upon their own wisdom ; for in Him they always
232 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
put their trust, whatsoever they take in hand. For man pro-
poseth, but God disposeth; and the zcay of a man is not in
himself.^
' 3. If a holy exercise be sometimes omitted for the sake
of some act of piety, or of some brotherly kindness, it can
easily be taken up afterwards ; but if it be neglected through
distaste or slothfulness, then is it sinful, and the mischief
will be felt. Strive as earnestly as we may, we shall still
fall short in many things. Always should some distinct reso-
lution be made by us ; and, most of all, we must strive against
those sins which most easily beset us. Both our outer and
inner life should be straitly examined and ruled by us, be-
cause both have to do with our progress.
4. If thou canst not be always examining thyself, thou
canst at certain seasons, and at least twice in the day, at
evening and at morning. In the morning make thy resolves,
and in the evening inquire into thy life, how thou hast sped
to-day in word, deed, and thought; for in these ways thou
hast often perchance offended God and thy neighbour. Gird
up thy loins like a man against the assaults of the devil;
bridle thine appetite, and thou wilt soon be able to bridle
every inclination of the flesh. Be thou never without some-
thing to do ; be reading, or writing, or praying, or meditating,
or doing something that is useful to the community. Bodily
exercises, however, must be undertaken with discretion, nor
are they to be used by all alike.
5. The duties which are not common to all must not be
done openly, but are safest carried on in secret. But take
heed that thou be not careless in the common duties, and
more devout in the secret; but faithfully and honestly dis-
charge the duties and commands which lie upon thee, then
afterwards, if thou hast still leisure, give thyself to thyself as
thy devotion leadeth thee. All cannot have one exercise, but
one suiteth better to this man and another to that. Even
for the diversity of season different exercises are needed,
some suit better for feasts, some for fasts. We need one
kind in time of temptations and others in time of peace and
quietness. Some are suitable to our times of sadness, and
others when we are joyful in the Lord.
^ Jeremiah x. 23.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 233
6. When we draw near the time of the great feasts, good
exercises should be renewed, and the prayers of holy men
more fervently besought. We ought to make our resolutions
from one Feast to another, as if each were the period of our
departure from this world, and of entering into the eternal
feast. So ought we to prepare ourselves earnestly at solemn
seasons, and the more solemnly to live, and to keep straightest
watch upon each holy observance, as though we were soon
to receive the reward of our labours at the hand of God.
7. And if this be deferred, let us believe ourselves to be
as yet ill-prepared, and unworthy as yet of the glory which
shall be revo^led in us at the appointed season; and let
us study to prepare ourselves the better for our end. Blessed
is that servant, as the Evangelist Luke hath it, zvJiom, zvhen
the Lord covieth He shall find zcatching. Verily I say unto
you He will make him ruler over all that He hath."
CHAPTER XX
Of the love of solitude and silence
Seek a suitable time for thy meditation, and think frequently
of the mercies of God to thee. Leave curious questions.
Study such matters as bring thee sorrow for sin rather than
amusement. If thou withdraw thyself from trifling con-
versation and idle goings about, as well as from novelties and
gossip, thou shalt find thy time sufficient and apt for good
meditation. The greatest saints used to avoid as far as
they could the company of men, and chose to live in secret
with God.
2. One hath said, " As oft as I have gone among men,
so oft have I returned less a man." This is what we often
experience when we have been long time in conversation.
For it is easier to be altogether silent than it is not to exceed
in word. It is easier to remain hidden at home than to
keep sufficient guard upon thyself out of doors. He, there-
fore, that seeketh to reach that which is hidden and spiritual,
must go with Jesus " apart from the multitude." No man
safely goeth abroad who loveth not to rest at home. No
2 Luke xii. 43, 44-
234 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
man safely talketh but he who loveth to hold his peace. No
man safely ruleth but he who loveth to be subject. No man
safely commandeth but he who loveth to obey.
3. No man safely rejoiceth but he who hath the testimony
of a good conscience within himself. The boldness of the
Saints was always full of the fear of God. Nor were they
the less earnest and humble in themselves, because they shone
forth with great virtues and grace. But the boldness of
wicked men springeth from pride and presumption, and at
the last turneth to their own confusion. Never promise thy-
self security in this life, howsoever good a monk or devout
a solitary thou seemest.
4. Often those who stand highest in the esteem of men,
fall the more grievously because of their over great confi-
dence. Wherefore it is very profitable unto many that they
should not be without inward temptation, but should be fre-
quently assaulted, lest they be over confident, lest they be
indeed lifted up into pride, or else lean too freely upon the
consolations of the world. O how good a conscience should
that man keep, who never sought a joy that passeth away,
who never became entangled with the world ! O how great
peace and quiet should he possess, who would cast off all
vain care, and think only of healthful and divine things, and
build his whole hope upon God !
5. No man is worthy of heavenly consolation but he who
hath diligently exercised himself in holy compunction. If
thou wilt feel compunction within thy heart, enter into thy
chamber and shut out the tumults of the world, aS' it is
written. Commune with your ozvn heart in your own chamber
and be still.^ In retirement thou shalt find what often thou
wilt lose abroad. Retirement, if thou continue therein,
groweth sweet, but if thou keep not in it, begetteth weariness.
If in the beginning of thy conversation thou dwell in it and
keep it well, it shall afterwards be to thee a dear friend, and
a most pleasant solace.
6. In silence and quiet the devout soul goeth forward and
learneth the hidden things of the Scriptures. Therein findeth
she a fountain of tears, wherein to wash and cleanse herself
each night, that she may grow the more dear to her Maker
I Psalm iv. 4>
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 235
as she dwelleth the further from all worldly distraction.
To him who withdraweth himself from his acquaintance and
friends God with His holy angels will draw nigh. It is better
to be unknown and take heed to oneself than to neglect one-
self and work wonders. It is praiseworthy for a religious
man to go seldom abroad, to fly from being seen, to have
no desire to see men.
7. Why wouldest thou see what thou mayest not have?
The world passeth away and the lust thereof. The desires
of sensuality draw thee abroad, but when an hour is past,
what dost thou bring home, but a weight upon thy conscience
and distraction of heart? A merry going forth bringeth
often a sorrowful return, and a merry evening maketh a
sad morning? So doth all carnal joy begin pleasantly, but
in the end it gnaweth away and destroyeth. What canst
thou see abroad which thou seest not at home? Behold
the heaven and the earth and the elements, for out of these
are all things made.
8. What canst thou see anywhere which can continue long
under the sun? Thou believest perchance that thou shalt
be satisfied, but thou wilt never be able to attain unto this.
If thou shouldest see all things before thee at once, what
.would it be but a vain vision? Lift up thine eyes to God
on high, and pray that thy sins and negligences may be for-
given. Leave vain things to vain men, and mind thou the
things which God hath commanded thee. Shut thy door
upon thee, and call unto thyself Jesus thy beloved. Remain
with Him in thy chamber, for thou shalt not elsewhere find
so great peace. If thou hadst not gone forth nor listened
to vain talk, thou hadst better kept thyself in good peace.
But because it sometimes delighteth thee to hear new things,
thou must therefore suffer trouble of heart.
CHAPTER XXI
Of compunction of heart
If thou wilt make any progress keep thyself in the fear of
God, and long not to be too free, but restrain all thy senses
under discipline and give not thyself up to senseless mirth.
236 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
Give thyself to compunction of heart and thou shalt find
devotion. Compunction openeth the w^ay for many good
things, vi^hich dissoluteness is w^ont quickly to lose. It is
wonderful that any man can ever rejoice heartily in this
life v^ho considereth and weigheth his banishment, and the
manifold dangers which beset his soul.
2. Through lightness of heart and neglect of our short-
comings we feel not the sorrows of our soul, but often vainly
laugh when we have good cause to weep. There is no true
liberty nor real joy, save in the fear of God with a good
conscience. Happy is he who can cast away every cause of
distraction and bring himself to the one purpose of holy com-
punction. Happy is he who putteth away from him what-
soever may stain or burden his conscience. Strive manfully;
custom is overcome by custom, li thou knowest how to let
men alone, they will gladly let thee alone to do thine own
works.
3. Busy not thyself with the affairs of others, nor entangle
thyself with the business of great men. Keep always thine
eye upon thyself first of all, and give advice to thyself
specially before all thy dearest friends. If thou hast not the
favour of men, be not thereby cast down, but let thy concern
be that thou boldest not thyself so well and circumspectly,
as becometh a servant of God and a devout monk. It is
often better and safer for a man not to have many comforts
in this life, especially those which concern the flesh. But
that we lack divine comforts or feel them rarely is to our
own blame, because we seek not compunction of heart, nor
utterly cast away those comforts which are vain and worldly.
4. Know thyself to be unworthy of divine consolation, and
worthy rather of much tribulation. When a man hath per-
fect compunction, then all the world is burdensome and
bitter to him. A good man will find sufficient cause for
mourning and weeping; for whether he considereth himself,
or pondereth concerning his neighbour, he knoweth that no
man liveth here without tribulation, and the more thoroughly
he considereth himself, the more thoroughly he grieveth.
Grounds for just grief and inward compunction there are in
our sins and vices, wherein we lie so entangled that we are
but seldom able to contemplate heavenly things.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 237
5. If thou thoughtest upon thy death more often than
how long thy life should be, thou wouldest doubtless strive
mere earnestly to improve. And if thou didst seriously con-
sider the future pains of hell, I believe thou wouldest will-
ingly endure toil or pain and fear not discipline. But be-
cause these things reach not the heart, and we still love
pleasant things, therefore we remain cold and miserably
indifferent.
6. Oftentimes it is from poverty of spirit that the wretched
body is so easily led to complain. Pray therefore humbly
unto the Lord that He will give thee the spirit of compunc-
tion and say in the language of the prophet. Feed me, O
Lord, -with bread of tears, and give me plenteousness of tears
to drink^
CHAPTER XXn
On the contemplation of human misery
Thou art miserable wheresoever thou art, and whitherso-
ever thou turnest, unless thou turn thee to God. Why art
thou disquieted because it happeneth not to thee according
to thy wishes and desires? Who is he that hath everything
according to his will? Neither I, nor thou, nor any man
upon the earth. There is no man in the world free from
trouble or anguish, though he were King or Pope. Who
is he who hath the happiest lot? Even he who is strong
to suffer somewhat for God.
2. There are many foolish and unstable men who say,
" See what a prosperous life that man hath, how rich and
how great he is, how powerful, how exalted." But lift up
thine eyes to the good things of heaven, and thou shalt
see that all these worldly things are nothing, they are utterly
uncertain, yea, they are wearisome, because they are never
possessed without care and fear. The happiness of man lieth
not in the abundance of temporal things but a moderate
portion sufficeth him. Our life upon earth is verily wretched-
ness. The more a man desireth to be spiritual, the more
bitter doth the present life become to him; because he the
better understandeth and seeth the defects of human cor-
1 Psalm Ixxv. 5.
238 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
ruption. For to eat, to drink, to watch, to sleep, to rest, to
labour, and to be subject to the other necessities of nature,
is truly a great wretchedness and affliction to a devout man,
who would fain be released and free from all sin.
3. For the inner man is heavily burdened with the neces-
sities of the body in this world. Wherefore the prophet
devoutly prayeth to be freed from them, saying. Deliver me
from my necessities, O Lord^ But woe to those who know
not their own misery, and yet greater woe to those who
love this miserable and corruptible life. For to such
a degree do some cling to it (even though by labouring or
begging they scarce procure what is necessary for sub-
sistence) that if they might live here always, they would
care nothing for the Kingdom of God.
4. Oh foolish and faithless of heart, who lie buried so
deep in worldly things, that they relish nothing save the
things of the flesh ! Miserable ones ! they will too sadly
find out at the last, how vile and worthless was that which
they loved. The saints of God and all loyal friends of
Christ held as nothing the things which pleased the flesh, or
those which flourished in this life, but their whole hope
and affection aspired to the things which are above. Their
whole desire was borne upwards to everlasting and invisible
things, lest they should be drawn downwards by the love of
things visible.
5. Lose not, brother, thy loyal desire of progress to things
spiritual. There is yet time, the hour is not past. Why
wilt thou put off thy resolution? Arise, begin this very
moment, and say, " Now is the time to do : now is the
time to fight, now is the proper time for amendment." When
thou art ill at ease and troubled, then is the time when thou
art nearest unto blessing. Thou must go through fire and
water that God may bring thee into a wealthy place. Un-
less thou put force upon thyself, thou wilt not conquer thy
faults. So long as we carry about with us this frail body,
we cannot be without sin, we cannot live without weariness
and trouble. Gladly would we have rest from all misery;
but because through sin we have lost innocence, we have
lost also the true happiness. Therefore must we be patient,
X Psalm XXV. 17.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 230
and wait for the mercy of God, until this tyranny be over-
past, and this mortality he swallowed up of life.
6. O how great is the frailty of man, which is ever prone
to evil ! To-day thou confessest thy sins, and to-morrow
thou committest again the sins thou didst confess. Now dost
thou resolve to avoid a fault, and within an hour thou be-
havest thyself as if thou hadst never resolved at all. Good
cause have we therefore to humble ourselves, and never to
think highly of ourselves, seeing that we are so frail and un-
stable. And quickly may that be lost by our negligence,
which by much labour was hardly attained through grace.
7. What shall become of us at the end, if at the beginning
we are lukewarm and idle? Woe unto us, if we choose to
rest, as though it were a time of peace and security, while
as yet no sign appeareth in our life of true holiness.
Rather had we need that we might begin yet afresh, like good
novices, to be instructed unto good living, if haply there
might be hope of some future amendment and greater
spiritual increase.
CHAPTER XXIII
Of meditation upon death
Very quickly will there be an end of thee here ; take heed
therefore how it will be with thee in another world. To-
day man is, and to-morrow he will be seen no more. And
being removed out of sight, quickly also he is out of mind. O
the dulness and hardness of man's heart, which thinketh only
of the present, and looketh not forward to the future. Thou
oughtest in every deed and thought so to order thyself, as if
thou wert to die this day. If thou hadst a good conscience
thou wouldst not greatly fear death. It were better for
thee to watch against sin, than to fly from death. If to-day
thou art not ready, how shalt thou be ready to-morrow ? To-
morrow is an uncertain day ; and how knowest thou that
thou shalt have a to-morrow ?
2. What doth it profit to live long, when we amend so
little? Ah! long life doth not always amend, but often the
more increaseth guilt. Oh that we might spend a single day
in this world as it ought to be spent ! Many there are who
240 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
reckon the years since they were converted, and yet often-/'
times how little is the fruit thereof. If it is a fearful thing'
to die, it may be perchance a yet more fearful thing to live
long. Happy is the man who hath the hour of his death
always before his eyes, and daily prepareth himself to die.
If thou hast ever seen one die, consider that thou also shalt
pass away by the same road.
3. When it is morning reflect that it may be thou shalt
not see the evening, and at eventide dare not to boast thyself
of the morrow. Always be thou prepared, and so live that
death may never find thee unprepared. Many die suddenly
and unexpectedly. For at such an hour as yc think not, the Son
of Man cometh} When that last hour shall come, thou wilt
begin to think very differently of thy whole life past, and wilt
mourn bitterly that thou hast been so negligent and slothful.
4. Happy and wise is he who now striveth to be such in
life as he would fain be found in death! For a perfect con-
tempt of the world, a fervent desire to excel in virtue, the
love of discipline, the painfulness of repentance, readiness
to obey, denial of self, submission to any adversity for love
of Christ; these are the things which shall give great con-
fidence of a happy death. Whilst thou art in health thou
hast many opportunities of good works; but when thou art
in sickness I know not how much thou wilt be able to do.
Few are made better by infirmity : even as they who wander
much abroad seldom become holy.
5. Trust not thy friends and kinsfolk, nor put off the
work of thy salvation to the future, for men will forget thee
sooner than thou thinkest. It is better for thee now to pro-
vide in time, and to send some good before thee, than to
trust to the help of others. If thou art not anxious for
thyself now, who, thinkest thou, will be anxious for thee
afterwards? Now the time is most precious. Now is the
accepted time, now is the day of salvation. But, alas ! that
thou spendest not well this time, wherein thou mightest lay
up treasure which should profit thee everlastingly. The
hour will come when thou shalt desire one day, yea, one
hour, for amendment of life, and I know not whether thou
shalt obtain.
* Matthew xxiv. 44.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 241
6. Oh, dearly beloved, from what danger thou mightest
free thyself, from what great fear, if only thou wouldst
always live in fear, and in expectation of death ! Strive now
to live in such wise that in the hour of death thou mayest
rather rejoice than fear. Learn now to die to the world,
so 5halt thou begin to live with Christ. Learn now to con-
temn all earthly things, and then mayest thou freely go unto
Christ. Keep under thy body by penitence, and then shalt
thou be able to have a sure confidence.
7. Ah, foolish one ! why thinkest thou that thou shalt live
long, when thou art not sure of a single day? How many
have been deceived, and suddenly have been snatched away
from the body ! How many times hast thou heard how one
was slain by the sword, another was drowned, another fall-
ing from on high broke his neck, another died at the table,
another whilst at play ! One died by fire, another by the
sword, another by the pestilence, another by the robber.
Thus Cometh death to all, and the life of men swiftly passeth
away like a shadow.
8. Who will remember thee after thy death? And who
will entreat for thee? Work, work now, oh dearly beloved,
work all that thou canst. For thou knowest not when thou
shalt die, nor what shall happen unto thee after death.
While thou hast time, lay up for thyself undying riches.
Think of nought but of thy salvation : care only for the things
of God. Make to thyself friends, by venerating the saints of
God and walking in their steps, that zi'hcn thou failcst, thou
mayest he received into everlasting habitations'
9. Keep thyself as a stranger and a pilgrim upon the earth,
to whom the things of the world appertain not. Keep thine
heart free, and lifted up towards God. for here have we no
continuing city^ To Him direct thy daily prayers with cry-
ing and tears, that thy spirit may be found worthy to pass
happily after death unto its Lord. Amen.
' Luke xvi. 9. ^ Hebrews xiii. 14.
242 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
CHAPTER XXIV /
Of the judgment and punishment of the wicked
In all that thou doest, remember the end, and how thou
wilt stand before a strict judge, from whom nothing is hid,
who is not bribed with gifts, nor accepteth excuses, but will
judge righteous judgment. O most miserable and foolish
sinner, who art sometimes in fear of the countenance of an
angry man, what wilt thou answer to God, who knoweth all
thy misdeeds? Why dost thou not provide for thyself
against the day of judgment, when no man shall be able to
be excused or defended by means of another, but each one
shall bear his burden himself alone? Now doth thy labour
bring forth fruit, now is thy weeping acceptable, thy groaning
heard, thy sorrow well pleasing to God, and cleansing to
thy soul.
2. Even here on earth the patient man findeth great oc-
casion of purifying his soul. When suffering injuries he
grieveth more for the other's malice than for his own wrong ;
when he prayeth heartily for those that despitefully use him,
and forgiveth them from his heart; when he is not slow to
ask pardon from others ; when he is swifter to pity than to
anger ; when he frequently denieth himself and striveth alto-
gether to subdue the flesh to the spirit. Better is it now to
purify the soul from sin, than to cling to sins from which we
must be purged hereafter. Truly we deceive ourselves by
the inordinate love which we bear towards the flesh.
3. What is it which that fire shall devour, save thy sins?
The more thou sparest thyself and followest the flesh, the
more heavy shall thy punishment be, and the more fuel art
thou heaping up for the burning. For wherein a man hath
sinned, therein shall he be the more heavily punished. There
shall the slothful be pricked forward with burning goads,
and the gluttons be tormented with intolerable hunger and
thirst. There shall the luxurious and the lovers of pleasure
be plunged into burning pitch and stinking brimstone, and
the envious shall howl like mad dogs for very grief.
4. No sin will there be which shall not be visited with
its own proper punishment. The proud shall be filled with
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 243
utter confusion, and the covetous shall be pinched with miser-
able poverty. An hour's pain there shall be more grievous
than a hundred years here of the bitterest penitence. No
quiet shall be there, no comfort for the lost, though here
sometimes there is respite from pain, and enjoyment of the
solace of friends. Be thou anxious now and sorrowful for
thy sins, that in the day of judgment thou mayest have bold-
ness with the blessed. For then shall the righteous man
stand in great boldness before the face of such as have
afflicted him and made no account of his labours.^ Then
shall he stand up to judge, he who now submitteth himself
in humility to the judgments of men. Then shall the poor
and humble man have great confidence, while the proud is
taken with fear on every side.
5. Then shall it be seen that he was the wise man in this
world who learned to be a fool and despised for Christ.
Then shall all tribulation patiently borne delight us, while the
mouth of the ungodly shall be stopped. Then shall every
godly man rejoice, and every profane man shall mourn.
Then the afflicted flesh shall more rejoice than if it had been
alway nourished in delights. Then the humble garment shall
put on beauty, and the precious robe shall hide itself as vile.
Then the little poor cottage shall be more commended than
the gilded palace. Then enduring patience shall have more
might than all the power of the world. Then simple obedi-
ence shall be more highly exalted than all worldly wisdom.
6. Then a pure and good conscience shall more rejoice
than learned philosophy. Then contempt of riches shall
have more weight than all the treasure of the children of
this world. Then shalt thou find more comfort in having
prayed devoutly than in having fared sumptuously. Then
thou wilt rather rejoice in having kept silence than in having
made long speech. Then holy deeds shall be far stronger
than many fine words. Then a strict life and sincere peni-
tence shall bring deeper pleasure than all earthly delight.
Learn now to suflfer a little, that then thou mayest be enabled
to escape heavier sufferings. Prove first here, what thou
art able to endure hereafter. If now thou art able to bear
so little, how wilt thou be able to endure eternal torments?
iWisd. V. I.
244 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
If now a little suffering maketh thee so impatient, what shall
hell-fire do then? Behold of a surety thou art not able to
have two Paradises, to take thy fill or delight here in this
world, and to reign with Christ hereafter.
7. If even unto this day thou hadst ever lived in honours
and pleasures, what would the whole profit thee if now death
came to thee in an instant? All therefore is vanity, save
to love God and to serve Him only. For he who loveth God
with all his heart feareth not death, nor punishment, nor
judgment, nor hell, because perfect love giveth sure access
to God. But he who still delighteth in sin, no marvel if he
is afraid of death and judgment. Nevertheless it is a good
thing, if love as yet cannot restrain thee from evil, that at
least the fear of hell should hold thee back. But he who
putteth aside the fear of God cannot long continue in good,
but shall quickly fall into the snares of the devil.
CHAPTER XXV
Of the zealous amendment of our whole life
Be thou watchful and diligent in God's service, and bethink
thee often why thou hast renounced the world. Was it
not that thou mightest live to God and become a spiritual
man? Be zealous, therefore, for thy spiritual profit, for
thou shalt receive shortly the reward of thy labours, and
neither fear nor sorrow shall come any more into thy
borders. Now shalt thou labour a little, and thou shalt find
great rest, yea everlasting joy. If thou shalt remain faith-
ful and zealous in labour, doubt not that God shall be faithful
and bountiful in rewarding thee. It is thy duty to have a
good hope that thou wilt attain the victory, but thou must not
fall into security lest thou become slothful or lifted up.
2. A certain man being in anxiety of mind, continually
tossed about between hope and fear, and being on a certain
day overwhelmed with grief, cast himself down in prayer
before the altar in a church, and meditated within himself,
saying, "Oh ! if I but knew that I should still persevere,"
and presently heard within him a voice from God, "And
if thou didst know it, what wouldst thou do? Do now what
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 245
thou wouldst do then^ and thou shalt be very secure." And
straightway being comforted and strengthened, he committed
himself to the will of God and the perturbation of spirit
ceased, neither had he a mind any more to search curiously to
know what should befall him hereafter, but studied rather to
inquire what was the good and acceptable will of God, for
the beginning and perfecting of every good work.
3. Hope in the Lord and he doing good, saith the Prophet;
dwell in the land and thou shalt he fe(f with its riches.
One thing there is which holdeth back many from progress
and fervent amendment, even the dread of diflficulty, or the
labour of the conflict. Nevertheless they advance above
all others in virtue who strive manfully to conquer those
things which are most grievous and contrary to them, for
there a man profiteth most and meriteth greater grace where
he most overcometh himself and mortifieth himself in spirit.
4. But all men have not the same passions to conquer and
to mortify, yet he who is diligent shall attain more profit,
although he have stronger passions, than another who is
more temperate of disposition, but is withal less fervent in
the pursuit of virtue. Two things specially avail unto im-
provement in holiness, namely firmness to withdraw ourselves
from the sin to which by nature we are most inclined, and
earnest zeal for that good in which we are most lacking.
And strive also very earnestly to guard against and subdue
those faults which displease thee most frequently in others.
5. Gather some profit to thy soul wherever thou art, and
wherever thou seest or hearest good examples, stir thyself
to follow them, but where thou seest anything which is
blameworthy, take heed that thou do not the same; or if at
any time thou hast done it, strive quickly to amend thyself.
As thine eye observeth others, so again are the eyes of
others upon thee. How sweet and pleasant is it to see
zealous and godly brethren temperate and of good discipline;
and how sad is it and grievous to see them walking disor-
derly, not practising the duties to which they are called. How
hurtful a thing it is to neglect the purpose of their calling,
and turn their inclinations to things which are none of their
business.
* Psalm xxxvii. 3.
246 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
6. Be mindful of the duties which thou hast undertaken,
and set always before thee the remembrance of the Crucified.
Truly oughtest thou to be ashamed as thou lookest upon the
life of Jesus Christ, because thou hast not yet endeavoured
to conform thyself more unto Him, though thou hast been
a long time in the way of God. A religious man who exer-
cises himself seriously and devoutly in the most holy life
and passion of our Lord shall find there abundantly all things
that are profitable and necessary for him, neither is there
need that he shall seek anything better beyond Jesus. Oh!
if Jesus crucified would come into our hearts, how quickly,
and completely should we have learned all that we need to
know !
7. He who is earnest receiveth and beareth well all things
that are laid upon him. He who is careless and lukewarm
hath trouble upon trouble, and suffereth anguish upon every
side, because he is without inward consolation, and is for-
bidden to seek that which is outward. He who is living
without discipline is exposed to grievous ruin. He who
seeketh easier and lighter discipline shall always be in dis-
tress, because one thing or another will give him displeasure.
8. O ! if no other duty lay upon us but to praise the Lord
our God with our whole heart and voice ! Oh ! if thou never
hadst need to eat or drink, or sleep, but wert always able
to praise God, and to give thyself to spiritual exercises alone;
then shouldst thou be far happier than now, when for so
many necessities thou must serve the flesh. O ! that these
necessities were not, but only the spiritual refreshments of
the soul, which alas we taste too seldom.
9. When a man hath come to this, that he seeketh comfort
from no created thing, then doth he perfectly begin to enjoy
God, then also will he be well contented with whatsoever shall
happen unto him. Then will he neither rejoice for much nor
be sorrowful for little, but he committeth himself altogether
and with full trust unto God, who is all in all to him, to
whom nothing perisheth nor dieth, but all things live to Him
and obey His every word without delay.
10. Remember always thine end, and how the time which
is lost returneth not. Without care and diligence thou shalt
never get virtue. H thou beginnest to grow cold, it shall
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 247
begin to go ill with thee, but if thou givcst thyself unto zeal
thou shalt find much peace, and shalt find thy labour the
lighter because of the grace of God and the love of virtue.
A zealous and diligent man is ready for all things. It is
greater labour to resist sins and passions than to toil in
bodily labours. He who shunneth not small faults falleth
little by little into greater. At eventide thou shalt always
be glad if thou spend the day profitably. Watch over thy-
self, stir thyself up, admonish thyself, and howsoever it be
with others, neglect not thyself. The more violence thou
dost unto thyself, the more thou shall profit. Amen.
THE SECOND BOOK
ADMONITIONS CONCERNING THE
INNER LIFE
CHAPTER I
Of the inward life
f~TlHE kingdom of God is within you/' saith the Lord.
/ Turn thee with all thine heart to the Lord and forsake
this miserable world, and thou shalt find rest unto thy
soul. Learn to despise outward things and to give thyself
to things inward, and thou shalt see the kingdom of God
come within thee. For the kingdom of God is peace and joy
in the Holy Ghost, and it is not given to the wicked. Christ
will come to thee, and show thee His consolation, if thou
prepare a worthy mansion for Him within thee. All His
glory and beauty is from within, and there it pleaseth Him
to dwell. He often visiteth the inward man and holdeth with
him sweet discourse, giving him soothing consolation, much
peace, friendship exceeding wonderful.
2. Go to, faithful soul, prepare thy heart for this bride-
groom that he may vouchsafe to come to thee and dwell with-
in thee, for so He saith, if any man loveth me he will keep
my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come
unto him and make our abode with him.^ Give, therefore,
place to Christ and refuse entrance to all others. When
thou hast Christ, thou art rich, and hast sufficient. He shall
be thy provider and faithful watchman in all things, so that
thou hast no need to trust in men, for men soon change
and swiftly pass away, but Christ remaineth for ever and
standeth by us firmly even to the end.
3. There is no great trust to be placed in a frail and mortal
1 Luke xvii. 21. = John xiv. 23.
248
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 249
man, even though he be useful and dear to us, neither should
much sorrow arise within us if sometimes he oppose and
contradict us. They who are on thy side to-day, may to-
morrow be against thee, and often are they turned round
like the wind. Put thy whole trust in God and let Him be
thy fear and thy love. He will answer for thee Himself, and
will do for thee what is best. Here hast thou no continuing
city^ and wheresoever thou art, thou art a stranger and a
pilgrim, and thou shalt never have rest unless thou art
closely united to Christ within thee.
4. Why dost thou cast thine eyes hither and thither, since
this is not the place of thy rest? In heaven ought thy
habitation to be, and all earthly things should be looked upon
as it were in the passing by. All things pass away and thou
equally with them. Look that thou cleave not to them
lest thou be taken with them and perish. Let thy contem-
plation be on the Most High, and let thy supplication be
directed unto Christ without ceasing. If thou canst not
behold high and heavenly things, rest thou in the passion
of Christ and dwell willingly in His scared wounds. For
if thou devoutly fly to the wounds of Jesus, and the precious
marks of the nails and the spear, thou shalt find great comfort
in tribulation, nor will the slights of men trouble thee much,
and thou wilt easily bear their unkind words.
5. Christ also, when He was in the world, was despised
and rejected of men, and in His greatest necessity was left
by His acquaintance and friends to bear these reproaches.
Christ was willing to suffer and be despised, and darest thou
complain of any? Christ had adversaries and gainsayers,
and dost thou wish to have all men thy friends and bene-
factors? Whence shall thy patience attain her crown if no
adversity befall thee? If thou art unwilling to suffer any
adversity, how shalt thou be the friend of Christ? Sustain
thyself with Christ and for Christ if thou wilt reign with
Christ.
6. If thou hadst once entered into the mind of Jesus, and
hadst tasted yea even a little of his tender love, then wouldst
thou care nought for thine own convenience or inconvenience,
but wouldst rather rejoice at trouble brought upon thee,
* Hebrews xiii. 14.
250 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
because the love of Jesus maketh a man to despise himself.
He who loveth Jesus, and is inwardly true and free from
inordinate affections, is able to turn himself readily unto
God, and to rise above himself in spirit, and to enjoy fruit-
ful peace.
7. He who knoweth things as they are and not as they are
said or seem to be, he truly is wise, and is taught of God
more than of men. He who knoweth how to walk from with-
in, and to set little value upon outward things, requireth not
places nor waiteth for seasons, for holding his intercourse
with God. The inward man quickly recollecteth himself,
because he is never entirely given up to outward things.
No outward labour and no necessary occupations stand in
his way, but as events fall out, so doth he fit himself to them.
He who is rightly disposed and ordered within careth not
for the strange and perverse conduct of men. A man is
hindered and distracted in so far as he is moved by outward
things.
8. If it were well with thee, and thou wert purified from
evil, all things would work together for thy good and profit-
ing. For this cause do many things displease thee and
often trouble thee, that thou art not yet perfectly dead to thy-
self nor separated from all earthly things. Nothing so de-
fileth and entangleth the heart of man as impure love
towards created things. If thou rejectest outward comfort
thou wilt be able to contemplate heavenly things and fre-
quently to be joyful inwardly.
CHAPTER II
Of lowly submission
Make no great account who is for thee or against thee, but
mind only the present duty and take care that God be with
thee in whatsoever thou doest. Have a good conscience
and God will defend thee, for he whom God will help no
man's perverseness shall be able to hurt. If thou knowest
how to hold thy peace and to suffer, without doubt thou
shalt see the help of the Lord. He knoweth the time and
the way to deliver thee, therefore must thou resign thyself
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 251
to Him. To God it belongeth to help and to deliver from
all confusion. Oftentimes it is very profitable for keeping us
in greater humility, that others know and rebuke our faults.
2. When a man humbleth himself for his defects, he then
easily pacifieth others and quickly satisfieth those that are
angered against him. God protecteth and delivereth the
humble man, He loveth and comforteth the humble man,
to the humble man He inclineth Himself, on the humble He
bestoweth great grace, and when he is cast down He raiseth
him to glory: to the humble He revealeth His secrets, and
sweetly draweth and inviteth him to Himself. The humble
man having received reproach, is yet in sufficient peace,
because he resteth on God and not on the world. Reckon not
thyself to have profited in anywise unless thou feel thyself
to be inferior to all.
CHAPTER HI
Of the good, peaceable man
First keep thyself in peace, and then shalt thou be able to
be a peacemaker towards others. A peaceable man doth
more good than a well-learned. A passionate man turneth
even good into evil and easily believeth evil ; a good, peace-
able man converteth all things into good. He who dwelleth
in peace is suspicious of none, but he who is discontented
and restless is tossed with many suspicions, and is neither
quiet himself nor suffereth others to be quiet. He often
saith what he ought not to say, and omitteth what it were
more expedient for him to do. He considereth to what duties
others are bound, and neglecteth those to which he is bound
himself. Therefore be zealous first over thyself, and then
mayest thou righteously be zealous concerning thy neighbour.
2. Thou knowest well how to excuse and to colour thine
own deeds, but thou wilt not accept the excuses of others.
It would be more just to accuse thyself and excuse thy
brother. If thou wilt that others bear with thee, bear thou
with others. Behold how far thou art as yet from the true
charity and humility which knows not how to be angry or
indignant against any save self alone. It is no great thing
252 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
to mingle with the good and the meek, for this is naturally
pleasing to all, and every one of us willingly enjoyeth peace
and liketh best those who think with us : but to be able to
live peaceably with the hard and perverse, or with the dis-
orderly, or those who oppose us, this is a great grace and
a thing much to be commended and most worthy of a man.
3. There are who keep themselves in peace and keep peace
also with others, and there are who neither have peace nor
suffer others to have peace ; they are troublesome to others, but
always more troublesome to themselves. And there are who
hold themselves in peace, and study to bring others unto
peace ; nevertheless, all our peace in this sad life lieth in
humble suft'ering rather than in not feeling adversities. He
who best knoweth how to suffer shall possess the most peace ;
that man is conqueror of himself and lord of the world, the
friend of Christ, and the inheritor of heaven.
CHAPTER IV
Of a pure mind and simple intention
By two wings is man lifted above earthly things, even by
simplicity and purity. Simplicity ought to be in the intention,
purity in the affection. Simplicity reacheth towards God,
purity apprehendeth Him and tasteth Him. No good action
will be distasteful to thee if thou be free within from inordi-
nate affection. If thou reachest after and seekest, nothing
but the will of God and the benefit of thy neighbour, thou
wilt entirely enjoy inward .liberty. If thine heart were
right, then should every creature be a mirror of life and a
book of holy doctrine. There is no creature so small and
vile but that it showeth us the goodness of God.
2. If thou wert good and pure within, then wouldst thou
look upon all things without hurt and understand them
aright. A pure heart seeth the very depths of heaven and
hell. Such as each one is inwardly, so judgeth he outwardly.
If there is any joy in the world surely the man of pure heart
possesseth it, and if there is anywhere tribulation and
anguish, the evil conscience knoweth it best. As iron cast
into the fire loseth rust and is made altogether glowing, so
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 253
the man who turneth himself altogether unto God is freed
from slothfulness and changed into a new man.
3. When a man beginneth to grow lukewarm, then he
feareth a little labour, and willingly accepteth outward con-
solation ; but when he beginneth perfectly to conquer him-
self and to walk manfully in the way of God, then he
counteth as nothing those things which aforetime seemed to
be so grievous unto him.
CHAPTER V
Of self-esteem
We cannot place too little confidence in ourselves, because
grace and understanding are often lacking to us. Little
light is there within us, and what we have we quickly lose
by negligence. Oftentimes we perceive not how great is our
inward blindness. We often do ill and excuse it worse.
Sometimes we are moved by passion and count it zeal ; we
blame little faults in others and pass over great faults in
ourselves. Quickly enough we feel and reckon up what we
bear at the hands of others, but we reflect not how much
others are bearing from us. He who would weigh well and
rightly his own doings would not be the man to judge
severely of another.
2. The spiritually-minded man putteth care of himself
before all cares ; and he who diligently attendeth to himself
easily keepeth silence concerning others. Thou wilt never
be spiritually minded and godly unless thou art silent con-
cerning other men's matters and take full heed to thyself.
If thou think wholly upon thyself and upon God, what thou
seest out of doors shall move thee little. Where art thou
when thou art not present to thyself? and when thou hast
overrun all things, what hath it profited thee, thyself being
neglected? If thou wouldst have peace and true unity, thou
must put aside all other things, and gaze only upon thyself.
3. Then thou shalt make great progress if thou keep thy-
self free from all temporal care. Thou shalt lamentably
fall away if thou set a value upon any worldly thing. Let
nothing be great, nothing high, nothing pleasing, nothing
254 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
acceptable unto thee, save God Himself or the things of God.
Reckon as altogether vain whatsoever consolation comes to
thee from a creature. The soul that loveth God looketh not
to anything that is beneath God. God alone is eternal and
incomprehensible, filling all things, the solace of the soul, and
the true joy of the heart.
CHAPTER VI
Of the joy of a good conscience
The testimony of a good conscience is the glory of a good
man. Have a good conscience and thou shalt ever have joy.
A good conscience is able to bear exceeding much, and is
exceeding joyful in the midst of adversities; an evil con-
science is ever fearful and unquiet. Thou shalt rest sweetly
if thy heart condemn thee not. Never rejoice unless when
thou hast done well. The wicked have never true joy, nor
feel internal peace, for there is no peace, saith my God, to the
wicked^ And if they say "we are in peace, there shall no
harm happen unto us, and who shall dare to do us hurt?"
believe them not, for suddenly shall the wrath of God rise up
against them, and their deeds shall be brought to nought,
and their thoughts shall perish.
2. To glory in tribulation is not grievous to him who
loveth; for such glorying is glorying in the Cross of Christ.
Brief is the glory which is given and received of men. Sad-
ness always goeth hand in hand with the glory of the world.
The glory of the good is in their conscience, and not in
the report of men. The joy of the upright is from God and
in God, and their joy is in the truth. He who desireth true
and eternal glory careth not for that which is temporal ; and
he who seeketh temporal glory, or who despiseth it from his
heart, is proved to bear little love for that which is heavenly.
He who careth for neither praises nor reproaches hath
great tranquillity of heart.
3. He will easily be contented and filled with peace, whose
conscience is pure. Thou art none the holier if thou art
praised, nor the viler if thou art reproached. Thou art what
^Isaiah Ivii. 21.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 255
thou art ; and thou canst not be better than God pronounceth
thee to be. If thou considerest well what thou art inwardly,
thou wilt not care what men will say to thee. Man looketh
on the outward appearance, hut the Lord looketh on the
heart :^ man looketh on the deed, but God considereth the
intent. It is the token of a humble spirit always to do well,
and to set little by oneself. Not to look for consolation
from any created thing is a sign of great purity and inward
faithfulness.
4. He that seeketh no outward witness on his own behalf,
showeth plainly that he hath committed himself wholly to
God. For not he that commendeth himself is approved, as
St. Paul saith, hut whom the Lord commendeth^ To walk
inwardly with God, and not to be held by any outer affections,
is the state of a spiritual man.
CHAPTER VII
Of loving Jesus above all things
Blessed is he who understandeth what it is to love Jesus,
and to despise himself for Jesus' sake. He must give up
all that he loveth for his Beloved, for Jesus will be loved
alone above all things. The love of created things is deceiv-
ing and unstable, but the love of Jesus is faithful and lasting.
He who cleaveth to created things will fall with their slip-
periness; but he who embraceth Jesus will stand upright
for ever. Love Him and hold Him for thy friend, for He
will not forsake thee when all depart from thee, nor will he
suffer thee to perish at the last. Thou must one day be
separated from all, whether thou wilt or wilt not.
2. Cleave thou to Jesus in life and death, and commit
thyself unto His faithfulness, who, when all men fail thee,
is alone able to help thee. Thy Beloved is such, by nature,
that He will suffer no rival, but alone will possess thy heart,
and as a king will sit upon His own throne. If thou wouldst
learn to put away from thee every created thing, Jesus
would freely take up His abode with thee. Thou wilt find
all trust little better than lost which thou hast placed in men,
* I Samuel xvi. 7. * 2 Corinthians x. 18.
256 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
and not in Jesus. Trust not nor lean upon a reed shaken
with the wind, because all Uesh is grass, and the goodliness
thereof falleth as the Hovjer of the Held}
3. Thou wilt be quickly deceived if thou lookest only upon
the outward appearance of men, for if thou seekest thy com-
fort and profit in others, thou shalt too often experience loss.
If thou seekest Jesus in all things thou shalt verily find
Jesus, but if thou seekest thyself thou shalt also find thyself,
but to thine own hurt. For if a man seeketh not Jesus he is
more hurtful to himself than all the world and all his
adversaries.
CHAPTER VIII
Of the intimate love of Jesus
When Jesus is present all is well and nothing seemeth hard,
but when Jesus is not present everything is hard. When
Jesus speaketh not within, our comfort is nothing worth,
but if Jesus speaketh but a single word great is the comfort
we experience. Did not Mary Magdalene rise up quickly
from the place where she wept when Martha said to her,
The Master is come and calleth for thee?' Happy hour
when Jesus calleth thee from tears to the joy of the spirit!
How dry and hard art thou without Jesus ! How senseless
and vain if thou desirest aught beyond Jesus ! Is not this
greater loss than if thou shouldst lose the whole world?
2. What can the world profit thee without Jesus? To be
without Jesus is the nethermost hell, and to be with Jesus
is sweet paradise. If Jesus were with thee no enemy could
hurt thee. He who findeth Jesus findeth a good treasure,
yea, good above all good ; and he who loseth Jesus loseth
exceeding much, yea, more than the whole world. Most
poor is he who liveth without Jesus, and most rich is he who
is much with Jesus.
3. It is great skill to know how to live with Jesus, and to
know how to hold Jesus is great wisdom. Be thou humble
and peaceable and Jesus shall be with thee. Be godly and
quiet, and Jesus will remain with thee. Thou canst quickly
drive away Jesus and lose His favour if thou wilt turn away
1 Isaiah xl. 6. " John xi. 28.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 257
to the outer things. And if thou hast put Him to flight and
lost Him, to whom wilt thou flee, and whom then wilt thou
seek for a friend? Without a friend thou canst not live
long, and if Jesus be not thy friend above all thou shalt be
very sad and desolate. Madly therefore doest thou if thou
trusteth or findest joy in any other. It is preferable to have
the whole world against thee, than Jesus offended with thee.
Therefore of all that are dear to thee, let Jesus be specially
loved.
4. Let all be loved for Jesus' sake, but Jesus for His own.
Jesus Christ alone is to be specially loved, for He alone is
found good and faithful above all friends. For His sake
and in Him let both enemies and friends be dear to thee,
and pray for them all that they may all know and love Him.
Never desire to be specially praised or loved, because this
belongeth to God alone, who hath none like unto Himself.
Nor wish thou that any one set his heart on thee, nor do
thou give thyself up to the love of any, but let Jesus be in
thee and in every good man.
5. Be pure and free within thyself, and be not entangled
by any created thing. Thou oughtest to bring a bare and
clean heart to God, if thou desirest to be ready to see how
gracious the Lord is. And in truth, unless thou be pre-
vented and drawn on by His grace, thou wilt not attain to
this, that having cast out and dismissed all else, thou alone
art united to God. For when the grace of God cometh to
a man, then he becometh able to do all things, and when it
departeth then he will be poor and weak and given up unto
troubles. In these thou art not to be cast down nor to de-
spair, but to rest with calm mind on the will of God, and
to bear all things which come upon thee unto the praise of
Jesus Christ ; for after winter cometh summer, after night
returneth day, after the tempest a great calm.
CHAPTER IX
Of the lack of all comfort
It is no hard thing to despise human comfort when divine
is present. It is a great thing, yea very great, to be able to
9 — HC VII
258 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
bear the loss both of human and divine comfort ; and for the
love of God willingly to bear exile of heart, and in nought
to seek oneself, nor to look to one's own merit. What great
matter is it, if thou be cheerful of heart and devout when
favour cometh to thee? That 13 an hour wherein all rejoice.
Pleasantly enough doth he ride whom the grace of God
carrieth. And what marvel, if he feeleth no burden who
is carried by the Almighty, and is led onwards by the Guide
from on high ?
2. We are willing to accept anything for comfort, and it
is difficult for a man to be freed from himself. The holy
martyr Laurence overcame the love of the world and even
of his priestly master, because he despised everything in the
world which seemed to be pleasant ; and for the love of
Christ he calmly suffered even God's chief priest, Sixtus,
whom he dearly loved, to be taken from him. Thus by the
love of the Creator he overcame the love of man, and instead
of human comfort he chose rather God's good pleasure. So
also learn thou to resign any near and beloved friend for
the love of God. Nor take it amiss when thou hast been
deserted by a friend, knowing that we must all be parted
from one another at last.
3. Mightily and long must a man strive within himself
before he learn altogether to overcome himself, and to draw
his whole affection towards God. When a man resteth upon
himself, he easily slippeth away unto human comforts. But
a true lover of Christ, and a diligent seeker after virtue,
falleth not back upon those comforts, nor seeketh such
sweetnesses as may be tasted and handled, but desireth
rather hard exercises, and to undertake severe labours for
Christ.
4. When, therefore, spiritual comfort is given by God,
receive it with giving of thanks, and know that it is the
gift of God, not thy desert. Be not lifted up, rejoice not
overmuch nor foolishly presume, but rather be more humble
for the gift, more wary and more careful in all thy doings;
for that hour will pass away, and temptation will follow.
When comfort is taken from thee, do not straightway despair,
but wait for the heavenly visitation with humility and pa-
tience, for God is able to give thee back greater favour and
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 259
consolation. This is not new nor strange to those who have
made trial of the way of God, for with the great saints and
the ancient prophets there was often this manner of change.
5. Wherefore one said w4ien the favour of God was present
with him, / said in my prosperity I shall never he moved^
but he goeth on to say what he felt within himself when
the favour departed: Thou didst turn Thy face from me,
and I was troubled. In spite whereof he in no wise de-
spaireth, but the more instantly entreateth God, and saith,
Unto Thee, O Lord, will I cry, and will pray unto my God;
and then he receiveth the fruit of his prayer, and testifieth
how he hath been heard, saying, The Lord heard me and had
mercy upon me, the Lord was my helper. But wherein?
Thou hast turned my heaviness into joy. Thou hast put off
my sackcloth and girded me with gladness. If it was thus
with the great saints, we who are poor and needy ought not
to despair if we are sometimes in the warmth and sometimes
in the cold, for the Spirit cometh and goeth according to the
good pleasure of His will. Wherefore holy Job saith, Thou
dost visit him in the morning, and suddenly Thou dost prove
him.*
6. Whereupon then can I hope, or wherein may I trust,
save only in the great mercy of God, and the hope of heavenly
grace? For whether good men are with me, godly brethren
or faithful friends, whether holy books or beautiful dis-
courses, whether sweet hymns and songs, all these help but
little, and have but little savour when I am deserted by God's
favour and left to mine own poverty. There is no better
remedy, then, than patience and denial of self, and an abid-
ing in the will of God.
7. I have never found any man so religious and godly,
but that he felt sometimes a withdrawal of the divine favour,
and lack of fervour. No saint was ever so filled with
rapture, so enlightened, but that sooner or later he was
tempted. For he is not worthy of the great vision of God,
who, for God's sake, hath not been exercised by some temp-
tation. For temptation is wont to go before as a sign of the
comfort which shall follow, and heavenly comfort is promised
to those who are proved by temptation. As it is written,
* Psalm XXX. 6. ^Job vii. 18.
260 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
To him that overcomcth I zvill give to cat of the tree of
life.'
8. Divine comfort is given that a man may be stronger
to bear adversities. And temptation followeth, lest he be
lifted up because of the benefit. The devil sleepeth not; thy
flesh is not yet dead; therefore, cease thou not to make thy-
self ready unto the battle, for enemies stand on thy right
hand and on thy left, and they are never at rest.
CHAPTER X
Of gratitude for the Grace of God
Why seekest thou rest when thou art born to labour? Pre-
pare thyself for patience more than for comforts, and for
bearing the cross more than for joy. For who among the
men of this world would not gladly receive consolation and
spiritual joy if he might always have it? For spiritual com-
forts exceed all the delights of the world, and all the pleasures
of the flesh. For all worldly delights are either empty or
unclean, whilst spiritual delights alone are pleasant and
honourable, the ofifspring of virtue, and poured forth by God
into pure minds. But no man can always enjoy these divine
comforts at his own will, because the season of temptation
ceaseth not for long.
2. Great is the difference between a visitation from above
and false liberty of spirit and great confidence in self. God
doeth well in giving us the grace of comfort, but man doeth
ill in not immediately giving God thanks thereof. And thus
the gifts of grace are not able to flow unto us, because we are
ungrateful to the Author of them, and return them not
wholly to the Fountain whence they flow. For grace ever
becometh the portion of him who is grateful and that is
taken away from the proud, which is wont to be given to
the humble.
3. I desire no consolation which taketh away from me
compunction, I love no contemplation which leadeth to
pride. For all that is high is not holy, nor is every-
thing that is sweet good; every desire is not pure; nor is
» Revelations ii. 7.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 261
everything that is dear to us pleasing unto God. Willingly
do I accept that grace whereby I am made humbler and
more wary and more ready to renounce myself. He who
is made learned by the gift of grace and taught wisdom by
the stroke of the withdrawal thereof, will not dare to
claim any good thing for himself, but will rather confess
that he is poor and needy. Give unto God the thing zvhich
is God's^ and ascribe to thyself that which is thine ; that is,
give thanks unto God for His grace, but for thyself alone
confess thy fault, and that thy punishment is deserved for
thy fault.
4. Sit thou down always in the lowest room and thou
shall be given the highest place." For the highest cannot
be without the lowest. For the highest saints of God are
least in their own sight, and the more glorious they are, so
much the lowlier are they in themselves ; full of grace and
heavenly glory, they are not desirous of vain-glory ; resting
on God and strong in His might, they cannot be lifted up in
any wise. And they who ascribe unto God all the good which
they have received, " seek not glory one of another, but the
glory which cometh from God only," and they desire that
God shall be praised in Himself and in all His Saints above
all things, and they are always striving for this very thing,
5. Be thankful, therefore, for the least benefit and thou
shalt be worthy to receive greater. Let the least be unto
thee even as the greatest, and let that which is of little
account be unto thee as a special gift. If the majesty of
the Giver be considered, nothing that is given shall seem
small and of no worth, for that is not a small thing which
is given by the Most High God. Yea, though He gave
punishment and stripes, we ought to be thankful, because
He ever doth for our profit whatever He suffereth to come
upon us. He who seeketh to retain the favour of God,
let him be thankful for the favour which is given, and
patient in respect of that which is taken away. Let him
pray that it may return ; let him be wary and humble that
he lose it not.
* Matthew xxii. 21. * Luke xiv. 10.
262 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
CHAPTER XI
Of the fewness of those who love the Cross of Jesus
Jesus hath many lovers of His heavenly kingdom, but few
bearers of His Cross. He hath many seekers of comfort,
but few of tribulation. He findeth many companions of
His table, but few of His fasting. All desire to rejoice with
Him, few are willing to undergo anything for His sake.
Many follow Jesus that they may eat of His loaves, but few
that they may drink of the cup of His passion. Many are
astonished at His Miracles, few follow after the shame of
His Cross. Many love Jesus so long as no adversities
happen to them. Many praise Him and bless Him, so long
as they receive any comforts from Him. But if Jesus hide
Himself and withdraw from them a little while, they fall
either into complaining or into too great dejection of mind.
2. But they who love Jesus for Jesus' sake, and not for
any consolation of their own, bless Him in all tribulation
and anguish of heart as in the highest consolation. And
if He should never give them consolation, nevertheless they
would always praise Him and always give Him thanks.
3. Oh what power hath the pure love of Jesus, unmixed
with any gain or love of self! Should not all they be called
mercenary who are always seeking consolations? Do they
not prove themselves lovers of self more than of Christ who
are always seeking their own gain and advantage? Where
shall be found one who is willing to serve God altogether
for nought?
4. Rarely is any one found so spiritual as to be stripped
of all selfish thoughts, for who shall find a man truly poor
in spirit and free of all created things? "His value is
from afar, yea from the ends of the earth." A man may
give away all his goods, yet that is nothing; and if he do
many deeds of penitence, yet that is a small thing; and
though he understand all knowledge, yet that is afar off;
and if he have great virtue and zealous devotion, yet much
is lacking unto him, yea, one thing which is the most neces-
sary to him of all. What is it then? That having given
tip all things besides, he give up himself and go forth from
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 263
himself utterly, and retain nothing of self-love; and having
done all things which he knoweth to be his duty to do, that
he feel that he hath done nothing. Let him not reckon that
much which might be much esteemed, but let him pronounce
himself to be in truth an unprofitable servant, as the Truth
Himself saith, When ye have done all things that are com-
manded you, say, li'e are unprofitable servants} Then may
he be truly poor and naked in spirit, and be able to say with
the Prophet, As for me, I am poor and needy} Nevertheless,
no man is richer than he, no man stronger, no man freer.
For he knoweth both how to give up himself and all things,
and how to be lowly in his own eyes.
CHAPTER XII
Of the royal way of the Holy Cross
That seemeth a hard saying to many, // any man will come
after Me, let him deny himself and take up his Cross and
follow Me} But it will be much harder to hear that last
sentence. Depart from me, ye uncked, into eternal fire} For
they who now willingly hear the word of the Cross and
follow it, shall not then fear the hearing of eternal dam-
nation. This sign of the Cross shall be in heaven when the
Lord cometh to Judgment. Then all servants of the Cross,
who in life have conformed themselves to the Crucified,
shall draw nigh unto Christ the Judge with great boldness.
2. Why fearest thou then to take up the cross which
leadeth to a kingdom? In the Cross is health, in the Cross
is life, in the Cross is protection from enemies, in the Cross
is heavenly sweetness, in the Cross strength of mind, in the
Cross joy of the spirit, in the Cross the height of virtue, in
the Cross perfection of holiness. There is no health of the
soul, no hope of eternal life, save in the Cross. Take up
therefore, thy cross and follow Jesus and thou shalt go
into eternal life. He went before thee bearing His Cross
and died for thee upon the Cross, that thou also mayest bear
thy cross and mayest love to be crucified upon it. For if
* Luke xvii. lo. 'Psalm xxv. 16. 'Matthew xvi. 24.
* Matthew xxv. 41.
264 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
thou be dead with Him, thou shalt also live with Him, and
if thou be a partaker of His sufferings thou shalt be also
of His glory.
3. Behold everything dependeth upon the Cross, and every-
thing lieth in dying; and there is none other way unto life
and to true inward peace, except the way of the Holy Cross
and of daily mortification. Go where thou wilt, seek whatso-
ever thou wilt, and thou shalt find no higher way above
nor safer way below, than the way of the Holy Cross. Dis-
pose and order all things according to thine own will and
judgment, and thou shalt ever find something to suffer either
willingly or unwillingly, and thus thou shalt ever find thy
cross. For thou shalt either feel pain of body, or tribulation
of spirit within thy soul.
4. Sometimes thou wilt be forsaken of God, sometimes
thou wilt be tried by thy neighbour, and which is more, thou
wilt often be wearisome to thyself. And still thou canst
not be delivered nor eased by any remedy or consolation,
but must bear so long as God will. For God will have thee
learn to suffer tribulation without consolation, and to submit
thyself fully to it, and by tribulation be made more humble.
No man understandeth the Passion of Christ in his heart so
well as he who hath had somewhat of the like suffering
himself. The Cross therefore is always ready, and every
where waiteth for thee. Thou canst not flee from it whither-
soever thou hurriest, for whithersoever thou comest, thou
bearest thyself with thee, and shalt ever find thyself. Turn
thee above, turn thee below, turn thee without, turn thee
within, and in them all thou shalt find the Cross ; and needful
is it that thou everywhere possess patience if thou wilt have
internal peace and gain the everlasting crown.
5. If thou willingly bear the Cross, it will bear thee, and
will bring thee to the end which thou seekest, even where
there shall be the end of suffering; though it shall not be
here. If thou bear it unwillingly, thou makest a burden for
thyself and greatly increaseth thy load, and yet thou must
bear it. If thou cast away one cross, without doubt thou
shalt find another and perchance a heavier.
6. Thinkest thou to escape what no mortal hath been able
to avoid? Which of the saints in the world hath been with-
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 265
out the cross and tribulation ? For not even Jesus Christ our
Lord was one hour without the anguish of His Passion, so
long as He lived. It behooved, He said, Christ to suffer and
to rise from the dead, and so enter into his glory* And how
dost thou seek another way than this royal way, which is
the way of the Holy Cross?
7. The whole life of Christ was a cross and a martyrdom,
and dost thou seek for thyself rest and joy? Thou art
wrong, thou art wrong, if thou seekest aught but to suffer
tribulations, for this whole mortal life is full of miseries,
and set round with crosses. And the higher a man hath
advanced in the spirit, the heavier crosses he will often
find, because the sorrow of his banishment increaseth with
the strength of his love.
8. But yet the man who is thus in so many wise afflicted,
is not without refreshment of consolation, because he feeleth
abundant fruit to be growing within him out of the bearing
of his cross. For whilst he willingly submitteth himself to
it, every burden of tribulation is turned into an assurance
of divine comfort, and the more the flesh is wasted by afflic-
tion, the more is the spirit strengthened mightily by inward
grace. And ofttimes so greatly is he comforted by the desire
for tribulation and adversity, through love of conformity
to the Cross of Christ, that he would not be without sorrow
and tribulation ; for he believeth that he shall be the more
acceptable to God, the more and the heavier burdens he is
able to bear for His sake. This is not the virtue of man,
but the grace of Christ which hath such power and energy
in the weak flesh, that what it naturally hateth and fleeth
from, this it draweth to and loveth through fervour of spirit.
9. It is not in the nature of man to bear the cross, to love
the cross, to keep under the body and to bring it into
subjection, to fly from honours, to bear reproaches meekly,
to despise self and desire to be despised, to bear all adver-
sities and losses, and to desire no prosperity in this world.
H thou lookest to thyself, thou wilt of thyself be able to do
none of this; but if thou trustest in the Lord, endurance
shall be given thee from heaven, and the world and the flesh
shall be made subject to thy command. Yea, thou shalt
* Luke xxiv. 46.
266 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
not even fear thine adversary the devil, if thou be armed
with faith and signed with the Cross of Christ.
10. Set thyself, therefore, like a good and faithful servant
of Christ, to the manful bearing of the Cross of thy Lord,
who out of love was crucified for thee. Prepare thyself for
the bearing many adversities and manifold troubles in this
wretched life; because so it shall be with thee whereso-
ever thou art, and so in very deed thou shalt find it,
wherever thou hide thyself. This it must be; and there is
no means of escaping from tribulation and sorrow, except
to bear them patiently. Drink thou lovingly thy Lord's
cup if thou desirest to be His friend and to have thy lot
with Him. Leave consolations to God, let Him do as seemeth
best to Him concerning them. But do thou set thyself to
endure tribulations, and reckon them the best consolations;
for the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to he
compared with the glory which shall he revealed in us* nor
would they be even if thou wert to endure them all.
11. When thou hast come to this, that tribulation is sweet
and pleasant to thee for Christ's sake, then reckon that it
is well with thee, because thou hast found paradise on earth.
So long as it is hard to thee to suffer and thou desirest to
escape, so long it will not be well with thee, and tribulations
will follow thee everywhere.
12. If thou settest thyself to that thou oughtest, namely, to
suffer and to die, it shall soon go better with thee, and thou
shalt find peace. Though thou shouldest be caught up with
Paul unto the third heaven,^ thou art not on that account
secure from suffering evil. / will show him, saith Jesus,
what great things he must suffer for My Name's sake.^ It
remaineth, therefore, to thee to suffer, if thou wilt love
Jesus and serve Him continually.
13. Oh that thou wert worthy to suffer something for the
name of Jesus, how great glory should await thee, what
rejoicing among all the saints of God, what bright example
also to thy neighbour ! For all men commend patience,
although few be willing to practise it. Thou oughtest surely
to suffer a little for Christ when many suffer heavier things
for the world.
* Romans viiL 18. ^ 2 Corinthians xii. 2. • Acts ix- 16.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 267
14. Know thou of a surety that thou oughtest to lead the
life of a dying man. And the more a man dieth to himself,
the more he beginneth to live towards God. None is fit for
the understanding of heavenly things, unless he hath sub-
mitted himself to bearing adversities for Christ. Nothing
more acceptable to God, nothing more healthful for thyself
in this world, than to suffer willingly for Christ. And if it
were thine to choose, thou oughtest rather to wish to suffer
adversities for Christ, than to be refreshed with manifold
consolations, for thou wouldest be more like Christ and
more conformed to all saints. For our worthiness and
growth in grace lieth not in many delights and consolations,
but rather in bearing many troubles and adversities.
15. If indeed there had been anything better and more
profitable to the health of men than to suffer, Christ would
surely have shown it by word and example. For both the
disciples who followed Him, and all who desire to follow
Him, He plainly exhorteth to bear their cross, and saith,
// any man ivill come after Me, let him deny himself and
take up his cross, and follow MeJ So now that we have
thoroughly read and studied all things, let us hear the con-
clusion of the whole matter. IVe must through much tribu-
lation enter into the kingdom of God.^
' Luke ix. 2i. * Acts xiv. 21.
THE THIRD BOOK
ON INWARD CONSOLATION
CHAPTER I
Of the inward voice of Christ to the faithful soul
/WILL hearken what the Lord God shall say within me}
Blessed is the soul which heareth the Lord speaking
within it, and receiveth the word of consolation from
His mouth. Blessed are the ears which receive the echoes of
the soft whisper of God, and turn not aside to the whisper-
ings of this world. Blessed truly are the ears which listen
not to the voice that soundeth without, but to that which
teacheth truth inwardly. Blessed are the eyes which are
closed to things without, but are fixed upon things within.
Blessed are they who search inward things and study to
prepare themselves more and more by daily exercises for the
receiving of heavenly mysteries. Blessed are they who long
to have leisure for God, and free themselves from every
hindrance of the world. Think on these things, O my soul,
and shut the doors of thy carnal desires, so mayest thou hear
what the Lord God will say within thee.
2. These things saith thy Beloved, " I am thy salvation,
I am thy peace and thy life. Keep thee unto Me, and thou
shalt find peace." Put away thee all transitory things,
seek those things that are eternal. For what are all tem-
poral things but deceits, and what shall all created things
help thee if thou be forsaken by the Creator? Therefore
put all things else away, and give thyself to the Creator,
to be well pleasing and faithful to Him, that thou mayest
be able to attain trae blessedness.
^ Psalm Ixxxv. 8.
268
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 269
CHAPTER II
What the truth saith inwardly without noise of words
Speak Lord, for thy servant heareth.^ I am Thy servant;
O give me understanding that I may know Thy testimonies.
Incline my heart unto the words of Thy month." Let thy
speech distil as the dew. The children of Israel spake in old
time to Moses, Speak thou unto us and we will hear, but let
not the Lord speak unto us lest we die.^ Not thus, O Lord,
not thus do I pray, but rather with Samuel the prophet, I
beseech Thee humbly and earnestly, Speak, Lord, for Thy
servant heareth. Let not Moses speak to me, nor any
prophet, but rather speak Thou, O Lord, who didst inspire
and illuminate all the prophets ; for Thou alone without th«n
canst perfectly fill me with knowledge, whilst they without
Thee shall profit nothing.
2. They can indeed utter words, but they give not the spirit.
They speak with exceeding beauty, but when Thou art silent
they kindle not the heart. They give us scriptures, but Thou
makest known the sense thereof. They bring us mysteries,
but Thou revealest the things which are signified. They
utter commandments, but Thou helpest to the fulfilling of
them. Thy show the way, but Thou givest strength for
the journey. They act only outwardly, but Thou dost in-
struct and enlighten the heart. They water, but Thou givest
the increase. They cry with words, but Thou givest under-
standing to the hearer.
3. Therefore let not Moses speak to me, but Thou, O Lord
my God, Eternal Truth ; lest I die and bring forth no fruit,
being outwardly admonished, but not enkindled within ; lest
the word heard but not followed, known but not loved,
believed but not obeyed, rise up against me in the judgment.
Speak, Lord, for Thy servant heareth; Thou hast the words
of eternal life.* Speak unto me for some consolation unto
my soul, for the amendment of my whole life, and for the
praise and glory and eternal honour of Thy Name.
*i Samuel iii. 9. = Psalm cxix. 125. * Exodus xx. 19.
* John vi. 68.
270 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
CHAPTER III
How all the words of God are to be heard with tumility,
and how many consider them not
" My Son, hear My words, for My words are most sweet,
surpassing all the knowledge of the philosophers and wise
men of this world. My words are spirit, and they are lifc,^
and are not to be weighed by man's understanding. They
are not to be drawn forth for vain approbation, but to be
heard in silence, and to be received with all humility and
with deep love."
2. And I said, "Blessed is the man whom Thou teachest,
O Lord, and instructcst him in, Thy law, that ThoiC: mayest
give him rest in time of adversity^ and that he be not deso-
late in the earth."
3. " I," saith the Lord, " taught the prophets from the be-
ginning, and even now cease I not to speak unto all ; but
many are deaf and hardened against My voice; many love
to listen to the world rather than to God, they follow after
the desires of the flesh more readily than after the good
pleasure of God. The world promiseth things that are tem-
poral and small, and it is served with great eagerness. I
promise things that are great and eternal, and the hearts of
mortals are slow to stir. Who serveth and obeyeth Me in
all things, with such carefulness as he serveth the world and
its rulers?
Be thou ashamed, O Sidon, saith the sea; 3
And if thou reason seekest, hear thou me.
For a little reward men make a long journey; for eternal
life many will scarce lift a foot once from the ground.
Mean reward is sought after; for a single piece of money
sometimes there is shameful striving; for a thing which is
vain and for a trifling promise, men shrink not from toiling
day and night."
4. " But, O shame ! for an unchangeable good, for an in-
estimable reward, for the highest honour and for a glory
that fadeth not away, it is irksome to them to toil even a
^ John vi. 63. 2 Psalm xciv. 13. 3 Isaiah xxiii. 4.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 271
little. Be thou ashamed therefore, slothful and discontented
servant, for they are found readier unto perdition than thou
unto life. They rejoice more heartily in vanity than thou
in the truth. Sometimes, indeed, they are disappointed of
their hope, but my promise faileth no man, nor sendeth away
empty him who trusteth in Me. What I have promised I
will give ; what I have said I will fulfil ; if only a man
remain faithful in My love unto the end. Therefore am I
the rewarder of all good men, and a strong approver of all
who are godly.
5. " Write My words in thy heart and consider them dili-
gently, for they shall be very needful to thee in time of
temptation. What thou understandest not when thou readest,
thou shalt know in the time of thy visitation. I am wont to
visit Mine elect in twofold manner, even by temptation and
by comfort, and I teach them two lessons day by day, the
one in chiding their faults, the other in exhorting them to
grow in grace. He who hath My words and rejecteth them,
hath one who shall judge him at the last day."
A PRAYER FOR THE SPIRIT OF DEVOTION
6. O Lord my God, Thou art all my good, and who am
I that I should dare to speak unto Thee? I am the very
poorest of Thy servants, an abject worm, much poorer and
more despicable than I know or dare to say. Nevertheless re-
member, O Lord, that I am nothing, I have nothing, and
can do nothing. Thou only art good, just and holy; Thou
canst do all things, art over all things, fillest all things,
leaving empty only the sinner. Call to mind Thy tender
mercies, and fill my heart with Thy grace. Thou who wilt
not that Thy work should return to Thee void.
7. How can I bear this miserable life unless Thy mercy
and grace strengthen me? Turn not away Thy face from
me, delay not Thy visitation. Withdraw not Thou Thy
comfort from me, lest my soul '' gasp after thee as a thirsty
land." Lord, teach me to do Thy will, teach me to walk
humbly and uprightly before Thee, for Thou art my wisdom,
who knowest me in truth, and knewest me before the world
was made and before I was born into the world.
272
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
CHAPTER IV
How we must walk in truth and humility before God
" My Son ! walk before Me in truth, and in the simpUcity
of thy heart seek Me continually. He who walketh before
Me in the truth shall be safe from evil assaults, and the
truth shall deliver him from the wiles and slanders of the
wicked. If the truth shall make thee free, thou shalt
be free indeed, and shalt not care for the vain words of
men."
2. Lord, it is true as Thou sayest; let it, I pray Thee, be
so with me; let Thy truth teach me, let it keep me and
preserve me safe unto the end. Let it free me from
all evil and inordinate affection, and I will walk before Thee
in great freedom of heart.
3. " I will teach thee," saith the Truth, " the things which
are right and pleasing before Me. Think upon thy sins
with great displeasure and sorrow, and never think thyself
anything because of thy good works. Verily thou art a sin-
ner, liable to many passions, yea, tied and bound with them.
Of thyself thou always tendest unto nothing, thou wilt
quickly fall, quickly be conquered, quickly disturbed, quickly
undone. Thou hast nought whereof to glory, but many
reasons why thou shouldest reckon thyself vile, for thou
art far weaker than thou art able to comprehend.
4. "Let, therefore, nothing which thou doest seem to thee
great ; let nothing be grand, nothing of value or beauty,
nothing worthy of honour, nothing lofty, nothing praise-
worthy or desirable, save what is eternal. Let the eternal
truth please thee above all things, let thine own great vile-
ness displease thee continually. Fear, denounce, flee nothing
so much as thine own faults and sins, which ought to be more
displeasing to thee than any loss whatsoever of goods.
There are some who walk not sincerely before me, but being
led by curiosity and pride, they desire to know my secret
things and to understand the deep things of God, whilst they
neglect themselves and their salvation. These often fall
into great temptations and sins because of their pride and
curiosity, for I ?.m against them.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 273
5- "Fear thou the judgments of God. fear greatly the
wrath of the Almighty. Shrink from debating upon the
works of the Most High, but search narrowly thine own
iniquities into what great sins thou hast fallen, and ho'v many
good things thou hast neglected. There are some who carry
their devotion only in books, some in pictures, some in out-
^yard signs and figures ; some have Me in their mouths but
little in their hearts. Others there are who, being enlight-
ened in their understanding and purged in their afifections,
continually long after eternal things, hear of earthly things
■wnth unwillingness, obey the necessities of nature with sor-
row. And these understand what the Spirit of truth
speakcth in them ; for He teacheth them to despise earthly
things and to love heavenly; to neglect the world and to de-
sire heaven all the day and night."
CHAPTER V
Of the wonderful power of the Divine Love
I BLESS Thee, O Heavenly Father, Father of my Lord Jesus
Christ, for that Thou hast vouchsafed to think of me, poor
that I am. O, Father of Mercies and God of all comfort^
I give thanks unto Thee, who refreshest me sometimes with
thine own comfort, when I am unworthy of any comfort.
I bless and glorify Thee continually, with thine only be-
gotten Son and the Holy Ghost, the Paraclete, for ever and
ever. O Lord God, Holy lover of my soul, when Thou
shalt come into my heart, all my inward parts shall rejoice.
Thou art my glory and the joy of my heart. Thou art my
hope and my refuge in the day of my trouble.
2. But because I am still weak in love and imperfect in
virtue, I need to be strengthened and comforted by Thee;
therefore visit Thou me often and instruct me with Thy
holy ways of discipline. Deliver me from evil passions, and
cleanse my heart from all inordinate affections, that, being
healed and altogether cleansed within, I may be made ready
to love, strong to suffer, steadfast to endure.
3. Love is a great thing, a good above all others, which
^ 2 Corinthians i. 3.
274 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
alone maketh every he2i\y burden light, and equaliseth every
inequality. For it beareth the burden and maketh it no
burden, it maketh every bitter thing to be sweet and of
good taste. The surpassing love of Jesus impelleth to ^reat
works, and exciteth to the continual desiring of greater per-
fection. Love willeth to be raised up, and not to be held
down by any mean thing. Love willeth to be free and aloof
from all worldly affection, lest its inward power of vision
be hindered, lest it be entangled by any worldly prosperity
or overcome by adversity. Nothing is sweeter than love,
nothing stronger, nothing loftier, nothing broader, nothing
pleasanter, nothing fuller or better in heaven nor on earth,
for love was born of God and cannot rest save in God
above all created things.
4. He who loveth flyeth, runneth, and is glad: he is free
and not hindered. He giveth all things for all things, and
hath all things in all things, because he resteth in One who
is high above all. from whom every good floweth and pro-
ceedeth. He looketh not for gifts, but turneth himself to
the Giver above all good things. Love oftentimes knowetb
no measure, but breaketh out above all measure ; love f eeleth
no burden, reckoneth not labours, striveth after more than
it is able to do. pleadeth not impossibility;, because it judgeth
all things which are lawful for it to be possible. It is
strong therefore for all things, and it fulfilleth many things,
and is successful where he who loveth not faileth and lieth
down.
5. Love is watchful, and whilst sleeping still keepeth
watch; though fatigued it is not weary, though pressed it is
not forced, though alarmed it is not terrified, but like the
living flame and the burning torch, it breaketh forth on high
and securely triumpheth. If a man loveth, he knoweth what
this voice crieth. For the ardent affection of the soul is a
great clamour in the ears of God. and it saith: !My God, my
Beloved ! Thou art all mine, and I am all Thine.
6. Enlarge Thou me in love, that I may learn to taste
with the innermost mouth of my heart how sweet it is to
love, to be dissolved, and to swim in love. Let me be holden
by love, mounting above myself through exceeding fervour
and admiration. Let me sing the song of love, let me follow
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 275
Thee my Beloved on high, let my soul exhaust itself in Thy
praise, exulting with love. Let me love Thee more than
myself, not loving myself except for Thy sake, and all men
in Thee who truly love Thee, as the law of love commandeth
which shineth forth from Thee.
7. Love is swift, sincere, pious, pleasant, gentle, strong,
patient, faithful, prudent, long-suffering, manly, and never
seeking her own ; for wheresoever a man seeketh his own,
there he falleth from love. Love is circumspect, humble,
and upright ; not weak, not fickle, nor intent on vain things ;
sober, chaste, steadfast, quiet, and guarded in all the senses.
Love is subject and obedient to all that are in authority,
vile and lowly in its own sight, devout and grateful towards
God, faithful and always trusting in Him even when God
hideth His face, for without sorrow we cannot live in love.
8. He who is not ready to suffer all things, and to con-
form to the will of the Beloved, is not worthy to be called
a lover of God. It behoveth him who loveth to embrace
willingly all hard and bitter things for the Beloved's sake,
and not to be drawn away from Him because of any
contrary accidents.
CHAPTER VI
Of the proving of the true lover
" My Son, thou art not yet strong and prudent in thy love."
2. Wherefore. O my Lord?
3. " Because for a little opposition thou fallest away from
thy undertakings, and too eagerly seekest after consolation.
The strong lover standeth fast in temptations, and believeth
not the evil persuasions of the enemy. As in prosperity I
please him, so in adversity I do not displease.
4. "The prudent lover considereth not the gift of the lover
so much as the love of the giver. He looketh for the af-
fection more than the value, and setteth all gifts lower than
the Beloved. The noble lover resteth not in the gift, but
in Me above every gift.
5. " All is not lost, though thou sometimes think of Me or
of My saints, less than thou shouldest desire. That good and
sweet affection which thou sometimes perceivest is the effect
276 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
of present grace and some foretaste of the heavenly country;
but hereon thou must not too much depend, for it goeth and
Cometh. But to strive against the evil motions of the mind
■which come to us, and to resist the suggestions of the devil,
is a token of virtue and great merit.
6. " Therefore let not strange fancies disturb thee, whence-
soever they arise. Bravely observe thy purpose and thy up-
right intentions towards God. It is not an illusion when
thou art sometimes suddenly carried away into rapture, and
then suddenly art brought back to the wonted vanities of thy
heart. For thou dost rather unwillingly undergo them than
cause them; and so long as they displease thee and thou
strivest against them, it is a merit and no loss.
7. " Know thou that thine old enemy altogether striveth
to hinder thy pursuit after good, and to deter thee from
every godly exercise, to wit, the contemplation of the Saints,
the pious remembrance of My passion, the profitable recol-
lection of sin, the keeping of thy own heart, and the stead-
fast purpose to grow in virtue. He suggesteth to thee many
evil thoughts, that he may work in thee weariness and terror,
and so draw thee away from prayer and holy reading.
Humble confession displeaseth him, and if he were able he
would make thee to cease from Communion. Believe him
not, nor heed him, though many a time he hath laid for thee
the snares of deceit. Account it to be from him, when he
suggesteth evil and unclean thoughts. Say unto him, ' De-
part unclean spirit; put on shame, miserable one; horribly
unclean art thou, who bringest such things to mine ears.
Depart from me, detestable deceiver; thou shalt have no
part in me; but Jesus shall be with me, as a strong warrior,
and thou shalt stand confounded. Rather would I die and
bear all suffering, than consent unto thee. Hold thy peace
and be dumb ; I will not hear thee more, though thou plottest
more snares against me. The Lord is my light and my sal-
vation: whom then shall I fear? Though a host of men
should rise up against me, yet shall not my heart be afraid.
The Lord is my strength and my Redeemer.'^
8. " Strive thou like a good soldier ; and if sometimes thou
fail through weakness, put on thy strength more bravely
1 Psalms xxvii. 1-3; xix. 14.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 277
than before, trusting in My more abundant grace, and take
thou much heed of vain confidence and pride. Because of it
many are led into error, and sometimes fall into blindness
well-nigh irremediable. Let this ruin of the proud, who
foolishly lift themselves up, be to thee for a warning and
a continual exhortation to humility."
CHAPTER VII
Of hiding our grace under the guard of humility
"My Son, it is better and safer for thee to hide the grace
of devotion, and not to lift thyself up on high, nor
to speak much thereof, nor to value it greatly; but
rather to despise thyself, and to fear as though this
grace were given to one unworthy thereof. Nor must thou
depend too much upon this feeling, for it can very
quickly be turned into its opposite. Think when thou art
in a state of grace how miserable and poor thou art wont
to be without grace. Nor is there advance in spiritual life
in this alone, that thou hast the grace of consolation, but
that thou humbly and unselfishly and patiently takest the
withdrawal thereof ; so that thou cease not from the exercise
of prayer, nor suffer thy other common duties to be in any-
wise neglected ; rather do thy task more readily, as though
thou hadst gained more strength and knowledge; and do
not altogether neglect thyself because of the dearth and
anxiety of spirit which thou feelest.
2. " For there are many who, when things have not gone
prosperous with them, become forthwith impatient or sloth-
ful. For the zvay of a man is not in himself,'' but it is God's
to give and to console, when He will, and as much as He
will, and whom He will, as it shall please Him. and no
further. Some who were presumptuous because of the grace
of devotion within them, have destroyed themselves, because
they would do more than they were able, not considering the
measure of their own littleness, but rather following the
impulse of the heart than the judgment of the reason. And
because they presumed beyond what was well-pleasing unto
1 Jeremiah x. 23.
278 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
God, therefore they quickly lost grace. They became poor
and were left vile, who had built for themselves their nest
in heaven ; so that being humbled and stricken with poverty,
they might learn not to fly with their own wings, but to
put their trust under My feathers. They who are as yet
new and unskilled in the way of the Lord, unless they rule
themselves after the counsel of the wise, may easily be de-
ceived and led away.
3. " But if they wish to follow their own fancies rather
than trust the experience of others, the result will be very
dangerous to them if they still refuse to be drawn away from
their own notion. Those who are wise in their own con-
ceits, seldom patiently endure to be ruled by others. It is
better to have a small portion of wisdom with humility,
and a slender understanding, than great treasures of sciences
with vain self-esteem. It is better for thee to have less than
much of what may make thee proud. He doeth not very
discreetly who giveth himself entirely to joy, forgetting his
former helplessness and the chaste fear of the Lord, which
feareth to lose the grace offered. Nor is he very wise, after
a manly sort, who in time of adversity, or any trouble what-
soever, beareth himself too despairingly, and feeleth con-
cerning Me less trustfully than he ought.
4. " He who in time of peace willeth to be oversecure
shall be often found in time of war overdispirited and full
of fears. If thou knewest always how to continue humble
and moderate in thyself, and to guide and rule thine own
spirit well, thou wouldest not so quickly fall into danger and
mischief. It is good counsel that when fervour of spirit is
kindled, thou shouldest meditate how it will be with thee
when the light is taken away. Which when it doth happen,
remember that still the light may return again, which I
have taken away for a time for a warning to thee, and also
for mine own glory. Such a trial is often more useful than
if thou hadst always things prosperous according to thine
own will.
5. " For merits are not to be reckoned by this, that a man
hath many visions or consolations, or that he is skilled in
the Scriptures, or that he is placed in a high situation ; but
that he is grounded upon true humility and filled with divine
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 279
charity, that he always purely and uprightly seeketh the
honour of God. that he setteth not by himself, but un-
feignedly despiseth himself, and even rejoiceth to be despised
and humbled by others more than to be honoured."
CHAPTER VIII
Of a low estimation of self in the sight of God
I WILL speak unto my Lord who am but dust and ashes. If
I count myself more, behold Thou standest against me, and
my iniquities bear true testimony, and I cannot gainsay it.
But if I abase myself, and bring myself to nought, and shrink
from all self-esteem, and grind myself to dust, which I am,
Thy grace will be favourable unto me, and Thy light will
be near unto my heart ; and all self-esteem, how little soever
it be, shall be swallowed up in the depths of my nothingness,
and shall perish for ever. There Thou showest to me my-
self, what I am, what I was, and whither I have come:
so foolish was I and ignorant.^ If I am left to myself,
behold I am nothing, I am all weakness ; but if suddenly
Thou look upon me, immediately I am made strong, and
filled with new joy. And it is great marvel that I am
so suddenly lifted up, and so graciously embraced by Thee,
since I am always being carried to the deep by my own
weight.
2. This is the doing of Thy love which freely goeth before
me and succoureth me in so many necessities, which guardeth
me also in great dangers and snatcheth me, as I may truly
say, from innumerable evils. For verily, by loving myself
amiss, I lost myself, and by seeking and sincerely loving
Thee alone, I found both myself and Thee, and through love
I have brought myself to yet deeper nothingness : because
Thou, O most sweet Lord, dealest with me beyond all merit,
and above all which I dare ask or think.
3. Blessed be Thou, O my God. because though I be un-
worthy of all Thy benefits. Thy bountiful and infinite good-
ness never ceaseth to do good even to ingrates and to those
who are turned far from Thee. Turn Thou us unto Thy-
* Psalm Ixxiii. 22.
280 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
self, that we may be grateful, humble, and godly, for Thou
art our salvation, our courage, and our strength.
CHAPTER IX
That all things are to be referred to God, as the final end
" My Son, I must be thr Supreme and final end, if thou
desirest to be truly happy. Out of such purpose thy affection
shall be purified, which too often is sinfully bent upon itself
and upon created things. For if thou seekest thyself in any
matter, straightway thou wilt fail within thyself and grow
barren. Therefore refer everything to Me first of all, for
it is I who gave thee all. So look upon each blessing as
flowing from the Supreme Good, and thus all things are
to be attributed to Me as their source.
2. " From Me the humble and great, the poor and the
rich, draw water as from a living fountain, and those who
serve ^le with a free and faithful spirit shall receive grace
for grace. But he who will glory apart from ]Me, or will
be delighted with any good which lieth in himself, shall not
be established in true joy, nor shall be enlarged in heart,
but shall be greatly hindered and thrown into tribulation.
Therefore thou must not ascribe any good to thyself, nor
look upon virtue as belonging to any man. but ascribe it
all unto God. without whom man hath nothing. I gave all,
I will receive all again, and with great strictness require
I the giving of thanks.
3. " This is the Truth, and by it the vanity of boasting is
put to flight. And if heavenly grace and true charity shall
enter into thee, there shall be no envy, nor straitening of
the heart, nor shall any self-love take possession of thee.
For divine charity conquereth all things, and enlargeth all
the powers of the soul. If thou art truly wise, thou wilt
rejoice in ^le alone, thou wilt hope in "Me alone: for there
is none good but one, that is God^ Who is to be praised
above all things, and in all things to receive blessing."
iLuke xviiL 19.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 281
CHAPTER X
That it is sweet to despise the world and to serve God
Now will I speak again, O my Lord, and hold not my peace ;
I will say in the ears of my God, my Lord, and my King,
who is exalted above all. Oh how plentiful is Thy goodness
which Thou hast laid tip for them tliat fear Thee!^ But
what art Thou to those who love Thee? What to
those who serve Thee with their whole heart? Truly
unspeakable is the sweetness of the contemplation of
Thee, which Thou bestowest upon those who love Thee.
In this most of all Thou hast showed me the sweet-
ness of Thy charity, that when I was not, Thou madest me,
and when I wandered far from Thee, Thou broughtest me
back that I might serve Thee, and commandedst me to love
Thee.
2. O Fountain of perpetual love, what shall I say con-
cerning Thee? How shall I be unmindful of Thee, who
didst vouchsafe to remember me, even after I pined away
and perished? Thou hast had mercy beyond all hope upon
Thy servant, and hast showed Thy grace and friendship be-
yond all deserving. What reward shall I render Thee for
this Thy grace? For it is not given wnto all to renounce
this world and its affairs, and to take up a religious life.
For is it a great thing that I should serve Thee, whom every
creature ought to serve? It ought not to seem a great
thing to me to serve Thee; but rather this appeareth to
me a great and wonderful thing, that Thou vouchsafest to
receive as Thy servant one so poor and unworthy, and
to join him unto Thy chosen servants.
3. Behold all things which I have are Thine, and with
them I serve Thee. And yet verily it is Thou who servest
me, rather than I Thee. Behold the heaven and the earth
which Thou hast created for the service of men ; they are at
Thy bidding, and perform daily whatsoever Thou dost com-
mand. Yea, and this is little ; for Thou hast even ordained the
Angels for the service of man. But it surpasseth even all
these things, that Thou Thyself didst vouchsafe to minister
1 Psalm xxxi. 21.
282 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
unto man, and didst promise that Thou wouldest give Thy-
self unto him.
4. What shall I render unto Thee for all these Thy mani-
fold mercies? Oh that I were able to serve Thee all the
days of my life ! Oh that even for one day I were enabled
to do Thee service worthy of Thyself ! For verily Thou
art worthy of all service, all honour, and praise without end.
Verily Thou art my God, and I am Thy poor servant, who
am bound to serve Thee with all my strength, nor ought
I ever to grow weary of Thy praise. This is my wish, this
is my exceeding great desire, and whatsoever is lacking to
me, vouchsafe Thou to supply.
5. It is great honour, great glory to serve Thee, and to
despise all for Thy sake. For they shall have great grace
who of their own will shall submit themselves to Thy most
holy service. They who for Thy love have cast away every
carnal delight shall find the sweetest consolation of the Holy
Ghost. They who enter the narrow way of life for Thy
Name's sake, and have put away all worldly cares, shall attain
great liberty of spirit.
6. Oh grateful and delightsome service of God, whereby
man is made truly free and holy ! Oh sacred condition of
the religious servant, which maketh man equal to the Angels,
well-pleasing unto God, terrible to evil spirits, and accept-
able to all faithful ones ! Oh service to be embraced and
ever desired, in which the highest good is promised, and
joy is gained which shall remain for evermore !
CHAPTER XI
That the desires of the heart are to be examined and governed
" My Son, thou hast still many things to learn, which thou
hast not well learned yet."
2. What are they. Lord?
3. " To place thy desire altogether in subjection to My
good pleasure, and not to be a lover of thyself, but an
earnest seeker of My will. Thy desires often excite and
urge thee forward; but consider with thyself whether thou
art not more moved for thine own objects than for My honour.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 283
If it is Myself that thou seekest, thou shalt be well content
with whatsoever I shall ordain; but if any pursuit of thine
own lieth hidden within thee, behold it is this which hindereth
and weigheth thee down.
4. " Beware, therefore, lest thou strive too earnestly after
some desire which thou hast conceived, without taking coun-
sel of Me ; lest haply it repent thee afterwards, and that dis-
please thee which before pleased, and for which thou didst
long as for a great good. For not every affection which
seemeth good is to be forthwith followed; neither is every
opposite affection to be immediately avoided. Sometimes it
is expedient to use restraint even in good desires and wishes,
lest through importunity thou fall into distraction of mind,
lest through want of discipline thou become a stumbling-
block to others, or lest by the resistance of others thou be
suddenly disturbed and brought to confusion.
5. " Sometimes, indeed, it is needful to use violence, and
manfully to strive against the sensual appetite, and not to
consider what the flesh may or not will ; but rather to strive
after this, that it may become subject, however unwillingly,
to the spirit. And for so long it ought to be chastised and
compelled to undergo slavery, even until it be ready for all
things, and learn to be contented with little, to be delighted
with things simple, and never to murmur at any incon-
venience."
CHAPTER XII
Of the inward growth of patience, and of the struggle
against evil desires
O Lord God, I see that patience is very necessary unto me ;
for many things in this life fall out contrary. For howso-
ever I may have contrived for my peace, my life cannot go
on without strife and trouble.
2. "Thou speakest truly. My Son. For I will not that
thou seek such a peace as is without trials, and knoweth no
adversities; but rather that thou shouldest judge thyself to
have found peace, when thou art tried with manifold tribu-
lations, and proved by many adversities. If thou shalt say
that thou art not able to bear much, how then wilt thou
284 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
sustain the fire hereafter? Of two evils we should always
choose the less. Therefore, that thou mayest escape eternal
torments hereafter, strive on God's behalf to endure present
evils bravely. Thinkest thou that the children of this world
suffer nought, or but little? Thou wilt not find it so, even
though thou find out the most prosperous.
3. " ' But,' thou wilt say, ' they have many delights, and
they follow their own wills, and thus they bear lightly their
tribulations.'
4. " Be it so, grant that they have what they list ; but how
long, thinkest thou, vnll it last? Behold, like the smoke
those who are rich in this world will pass away, and no
record shall remain of their past joys. Yea, even while they
yet live, they rest not without bitterness and weariness and
fear. For from the very same thing wherein they find
delight, thence they oftentimes have the punishment of sor-
row. Justly it befalleth them, that because out of measure
they seek out and pursue pleasures, they enjoy them not
without confusion and bitterness. Oh how short, how false,
how inordinate and wicked are all these pleasures ! Yet
because of their sottishness and blindness men do not under-
stand; but like brute beasts, for the sake of a little pleasure
of this corruptible life, they incur death of the soul. Thou
therefore, my son, go not after thy lusts, but refrain thyself
from thine appetites.^ Delight thou in the Lord, and He
shall give thee thy heart's desire?
5. " For if thou wilt truly find delight, and be abundantly
comforted of Me, behold in the contempt of all worldly
things and in the avoidance of all worthless pleasures shall
be thy blessing, and fulness of consolation shall be given thee.
And the more thou withdrawest thyself from all solace of
creatures, the more sweet and powerful consolations shalt
thou find. But at the first thou shalt not attain to them,
without some sorrow and hard striving. Long-accustomed
habit will oppose, but it shall be overcome by better habit.
The flesh will murmur again and again, but will be restrained
by fervour of spirit. The old serpent will urge and embitter
thee, but will be put to flight by prayer; moreover, by use-
ful labour his entrance will be greatly obstructed."
^ Ecclesiastes xviii. 30. - Psalm xxxvii. 4.
THE IMITATION OP CHRIST 285^
CHAPTER XIII
Of the obedience of one in lowly subjection after the
example of Jesus Christ
" My Son, he who striveth to withdraw himself from obedi-
ence, withdraweth himself also from grace, and he who
seeketh private advantages, loseth those which are common
unto all. If a man submit not freely and willingly to one
set over him, it is a sign that his flesh is not yet perfectly
subject to himself, but often resisteth and mur\mureth.
Learn therefore quickly to submit thyself to him who is
over thee, if thou seekest to bring thine own flesh into sub-
jection. For the outward enemy is very quickly overcome
if the inner man have not been laid low. There is no more
grievous and deadly enemy to the soul than thou art to
thyself, if thou art not led by the Spirit. Thou must not
altogether conceive contempt for thyself, if thou wilt pre-
vail against flesh and blood. Because as yet thou inordi-
nately lovest thyself, therefore thou shrinkest from yielding
thyself to the will of others.
2. " But what great thing is it that thou, who art dust
and nothingness, yieldest thyself to man for God's sake,
when I, the Almighty and the Most High, who created all
things out of nothing, subjected Myself to man for thy sake?
I became the most humble and despised of men, that by My
humility thou mightest overcome thy pride. Learn to obey,
O dust ! Learn to humble thyself, O earth and clay, and to
bow thyself beneath the feet of all. Learn to crush thy
passions, and to yield thyself in all subjection,
3. " Be zealous against thyself, nor suffer pride to live
within thee, but so show thyself subject and of no reputation,
that all may be able to walk over thee, and tread thee down
as the clay in the streets. What hast thou, O foolish man,
of which to complain? What, O vile sinner, canst thou
answer those who speak against thee, seeing thou hast so
often offended God, and many a time hast deserved hell?
But Mine eye hath spared thee, because thy soul was
precious in My sight ; that thou mightest know My love,
and mightest be thankful for My benefits; and that thou
286 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
mightest give thyself altogether to true subjection and
humility, and patiently bear the contempt which thou
meritest."
CHAPTER XIV
Of meditation upon the hidden judgments of God, that we may
not be lifted up because of our well-doing
Thou sendest forth Thy judgments against me, O Lord, and
shakest all my bones with fear and trembling, and my soul
trembleth exceedingly. I stand astonished, and remember
that the heavens are not clean in thy sight. ^ If Thou
chargest Thine angels with folly, and didst spare them not,
how shall it be unto me? Stars have fallen from heaven,
and what shall I dare who am but dust ? They whose works
seemed to be praiseworthy, fell into the lowest depths, and
they who did eat Angels' food, them have I seen delighted
with the husks that the svvdne do eat.
2. There is therefore no holiness, if Thou O Lord, with-
draw Thine hand. No wisdom profiteth, if Thou leave off
to guide the helm. No strength availeth, if Thou cease to
preserve. No purity is secure, if Thou protect it not. No
self-keeping availeth, if Thy holy watching be not there.
For when we are left alone we are swallowed up and perish,
but when we are visited, we are raised up, and we live. For
indeed we are unstable, but are made strong through Thee;
we grow cold, but are rekindled by Thee.
3. Oh, how humbly and abjectly must I reckon of myself,
how must I weigh it as nothing, if I seem to have nothing
good ! Oh, how profoundly ought I to submit myself to
Thy unfathomable judgments, O Lord, when I find myself
nothing else save nothing, and again nothing! Oh weight
unmeasurable, oh ocean which cannot be crossed over, where
I find nothing of myself save nothing altogether ! Where,
then, is the hiding-place of glory, where the confidence be-
gotten of virtue? All vain-glory is swallowed up in the
depths of Thy judgments against me.
4. What is all flesh in Thy sight? For how shall the day
^Job XV. 15.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 287
boast against Him that fashioned it?" How can he be lifted
up in vain speech whose heart is subjected in truth to God?
The whole world shall not lift him up whom Truth hath
subdued; nor shall he be moved by the mouth of all who
praise him, who hath placed all his hope in God. For they
themselves who speak, behold, they are all nothing; for they
shall cease with the sound of their words, but the truth of
the Lord endiireth for ever!'
CHAPTER XV
How we must stand and speak, in everything that we desire
" My Son, speak thou thus in every matter, ' Lord, if it
please Thee, let this come to pass. Lord, if this shall be for
Thine honour, let it be done in Thy Name. Lord, if thou see
it good for me, and approve it as useful, then grant me to
use it for Thy honour. But if thou knowest that it shall be
hurtful unto me, and not profitable for the health of my soul,
take the desire away from me ' ! For not every desire is
from the Holy Ghost, although it appear to a man right
and good. It is difficult to judge with certainty whether a
good or an evil spirit move thee to desire this or that, or
whether thou art moved by thine own spirit. Many have
been deceived at the last, who seemed at the beginning to
be moved by a good spirit.
2. "Therefore, whatsoever seemeth to thee desirable, thou
must always desire and seek after it with the fear of God
and humility of heart, and most of all, must altogether re-
sign thyself, and commit all unto Me and say, ' Lord, thou
knowest what is best ; let this or that be, according as Thou
wilt. Give what Thou wilt, so much as Thou wilt, when
Thou wilt. Do with me as Thou knowest best, and as best
shall please Thee, and as shall be most to Thine honour.
Place me where Thou wilt, and freely work Thy will with
me in all things. I am in Thine hand, and turn me in my
course. Behold, I am Thy servant, ready for all things ; for
I desire to live not to myself but to Thee. Oh, that I might
live worthily and perfectly.' "
- Psalm xxix. i6. ^ Psalm cxvii. 2.
288 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
A PRAYER TO BE ENABLED TO DO GOD'S WILL PERFECTLY
3. Grant me Thy grace, most merciful Jesus, that it may
be with me, and work in me, and persevere with me, even
unto the end. Grant that I may ever desire and wish what-
soever is most pleasing and dear unto Thee. Let Thy will
be mine, and let my will alway follow Thine, and entirely
accord with it. May I choose and reject whatsoever Thou
dost; yea, let it be impossible for me to choose or reject
except according to Thy will.
4. Grant that I may die to all worldly things, and for Thy
sake love to be despised and unknown in this world. Grant
unto me, above all things that I can desire, to rest in Thee,
and that in Thee my heart may be at peace. Thou art the
true peace of the heart, Thou alone its rest ; apart from Thee
all things are hard and unquiet. In Thee alone, the supreme
and eternal Good, / will lay me down in peace and take my
rest.^ Amen,
CHAPTER XVI
That true solace is to be sought in God alone
Whatsoever I am able to desire or to think of for my solace,
I look for it not here, but hereafter. For if I alone had all
the solaces of this world, and were able to enjoy all its de-
lights, it is certain that they could not endure long. Where-
fore, O my soul, thou canst be fully comforted and perfectly
refreshed, only in God, the Comforter of the poor, and the
lifter up of the humble. Wait but a little while, my soul,
wait for the Divine promise, and thou shalt have abundance
of all good things in heaven. If thou longest too inordi-
nately for the things which are now, thou shalt lose those
which are eternal and heavenly. Let temporal things be in
the use, eternal things in the desire. Thou canst not be
satisfied with any temporal good, for thou wast not created
for the enjoyment of these.
2. Although thou hadst all the good things which ever
were created, yet couldst not thou be happy and Wessed; all
thy blessedness and thy felicity lieth in God who created all
^ Psalm iv. 9.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 289
things; not such feHcity as seemeth good to the foolish
lover of the world, but such as Christ's good and faithful
servants wait for, and as the spiritual and pure in heart
sometimes taste, whose conversation is in heaven} All hu-
man solace is empty and short-lived ; blessed and true is that
solace which is felt inwardly, springing from the truth. The
godly man everywhere beareth about with him his own
Comforter, Jesus, and saith unto Him: "Be with me. Lord
Jesus, always and everywhere. Let it be my comfort to be
able to give up cheerfully all human comfort. And if Thy
consolation fail me, let Thy will and righteous approval be
alway with me for the highest comfort. For Thou z^nlt not
ahvays be chiding, neither keepest Thou Thine anger for
ever."'
CHAPTER XVn
That all care is to be cast upon God
" My Son, suffer me to do w th thee what I will ; I know
what is expedient for thee. Thou thinkest as a man, in
many things thou judgest as human affection persuadeth
thee."
2. Lord, what Thou sayest is true. Greater is Thy care
for me than all the care which I am able to take for myself.
For too insecurely doth he stand who casteth not all his care
upon Thee. Lord, so long as my will standeth right and
firm in Thee, do with me what Thou wilt, for whatsoever
Thou shalt do with me cannot be aught but good. Blessed
be Thou if Thou wilt leave me in darkness: blessed also
be Thou if Thou wilt leave me in light. Blessed be Thou
if Thou vouchsafe to comfort me, and always blessed be
Thou if Thou cause me to be troubled.
3. " My Son ! even thus thou must stand if thou desirest
to walk with Me. Thou must be ready alike for suffering
or rejoicing. Thou must be poor and needy as willingly as
full and rich."
4. Lord, I will willingly bear for Thee whatsoever Thou
wilt have to come upon me. Without choice I will receive
from Thy hand good and evil, sweet and bitter, joy and sad-
' Philippians iii. 20. = Psalm cii. 9.
10— HC VII
290 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
ness, and will give Thee thanks for all things which shall
happen unto me. Keep me from all sin, and I will not fear
death nor hell. Only cast me not away for ever, nor blot
me out of the book of life. Then no tribulation which shall
come upon me shall do me hurt.
CHAPTER XVIII
That temporal miseries are to be borne patiently after
the example of Christ
" My Son ! I came down from heaven for thy salvation ; I
took upon Me thy miseries not of necessity, but drawn by love
that thou mightest learn patience and mightest bear temporal
miseries without murmuring. For from the hour of My
birth, until My death upon the Cross, I ceased not from
bearing of sorrow; I had much lack of temporal things; I
oftentimes heard many reproaches against Myself; I gently
bore contradictions and hard words ; I received ingratitude
for benefits, blasphemies for My miracles, rebukes for My
doctrine."
2. Lord, because Thoti wast patient in Thy life, herein
most of all fulfilling the commandment of Thy Father, it is
well that I, miserable sinner, should patiently bear myself
according to Thy will, and as long as Thou wilt have it so,
should bear about with me for my salvation, the burden of
this corruptible life. For although the present life seemeth
burdensome, it is nevertheless already made very full of
merit through Thy grace, and to those who are weak it be-
cometh easier and brighter through Thy example and the
footsteps of Thy saints; but it is also much more full
of consolation than it was of old, under the old Testament,
when the gate of heaven remained shut; and even the way
to heaven seemed more obscure when so few cared to seek
after the heavenly kingdom. But not even those who were
then just and in the way of salvation were able, before Thy
Passion and the ransom of Thy holy Death, to enter the
kingdom of heaven.
3. Oh what great thanks am I bound to give Thee, who
hast vouchsafed to show me and all faithful people the good
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 291
and right way to Thine eternal kingdom, for Thy way is
our way, and by holy patience we walk to Thee who art
our Crown. If Thou hadst not gone before and taught us,
who would care to follow? Oh, how far would they have
gone backward if they had not beheld Thy glorious example !
Behold we are still lukewarm, though we have heard of Thy
many signs and discourses; what would become of us if we
had not such a light to help us follow Thee?
CHAPTER XIX
Of bearing injuries, and who shall be approved
as truly patient
"What sayest thou, My Son? Cease to complain; consider
My suffering and that of My saints. Thou hast not yet re-
sisted unto blood.^ It is little which thou sufferest in com-
parison with those who have suffered so many things, have
been so strongly tempted, so grievously troubled, so many-
wise proved and tried. Thou oughtest therefore to call to
mind the more grievous sufferings of others that thou
mightest bear thy lesser ones more easily, and if they seem
not to thee little, see that it is not thy impatience which is
the cause of this. But whether they be little or whether they
be great, study to bear them all with patience.
2. " So far as thou settest thyself to bear patiently, so
far thou dost wisely and art deserving of the more merit;
thou shalt also bear the more easily if thy mind and habit
are carefully trained hereunto. And say not ' I cannot bear
these things from such a man, nor are things of this kind
to be borne by me, for he hath done me grievous harm and
imputeth to me what I had never thought : but from another
I will suffer patiently, such things as I see I ought to suffer.'
Foolish is such a thought as this, for it considereth not the
virtue of patience, nor by whom that virtue is to be crowned,
but it rather weigheth persons and offences against self.
3. " He is not truly patient who will only suffer as far as
seemeth right to himself and from whom he pleaseth. But
the truly patient man considereth not by what man he is
1 Hebrews xii. 4.
292 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
tried, whether by one above him, or by an equal or Inferior,
whether by a good and holy man, or a perverse and un-
worthy; but indifferently from every creature, whatsoever or
how often soever adversity happeneth to him, he gratefully
accepteth all from the hand of God and counteth it great
gain: for with God nothing which is borne for His sake,
however small, shall lose its reward.
4. " Be thou therefore ready for the fight if thou wilt
have the victory. Without striving thou canst not win the
crown of patience; if thou wilt not suffer thou refusest to
be crowned. But if thou desirest to be crowned, strive man-
fully, endure patiently. Without labour thou drawest not
near to rest, nor without fighting comest thou to victory."
5. Make possible to me, O Lord, by grace what seemeth
impossible to me by nature. Thou knowest how little I am
able to bear, and how quickly I am cast down when a like
adversity riseth up against me. Whatsoever trial of tribula-
tion may come to me, may it become unto me pleasing and
acceptable, for to suffer and be vexed for Thy sake is ex-
ceeding healthful to the soul.
CHAPTER XX
Of confession of our infirmity and of the miseries of this life
/ WILL acknowledge my sin unto Thee ;^ I will confess to
Thee, Lord, my infirmity. It is often a small thing which
casteth me down and maketh me sad. I resolve that I will
act bravely, but when a little temptation cometh, immediately
I am in a great strait. Wonderfully small sometimes is
the matter whence a grievous temptation cometh, and whilst
I imagine myself safe for a little space; when I am not
considering, I find myself often almost overcome by a little
puff of wind.
2. Behold, therefore, O Lord, my humility and my frailty,
which is altogether known to Thee. Be merciful unto me,
and drazv me out of the mire that I sink not," lest I ever re-
main cast down. This is what frequently throweth me back-
ward and confoundeth me before Thee, that I am so liable
1 Psalm xxxii. 5. -Psalm lix. 16.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 293
to fall, so weak to resist my passions. And though their
assault is not altogether according to my will, it is violent
and grievous, and it altogether wearieth me to live thus
daily in conflict. Herein is my infirmity made known to me,
that hateful fancies always rush in far more easily than
they depart.
3. Oh that Thou, most mighty God of Israel, Lover of all
faithful souls, wouldst look upon the labour and sorrow of
Thy servant, and give him help in all things whereunto he
striveth. Strengthen me with heavenly fortitude, lest the
old man, this miserable flesh, not being yet fully subdued to
the spirit, prevail to rule over me ; against which I ought to
strive so long as I remain in this most miserable life. Oh
what a life is this, where tribulations and miseries cease
not, where all things are full of snares and of enemies, for
when one tribulation or temptation goeth, another cometh,
yea, while the former conflict is yet raging others come more
in number and unexpected.
4. And how can the life of man be loved, seeing that it
hath so many bitter things, that it is subjected to so many
calamities and miseries. How can it be even called life,
when it produces so many deaths and plagues? The
world is often reproached because it is deceitful and
vain, yet notwithstanding it is not easily given up,
because the lusts of the flesh have too much rule over
it. Some draw us to love, some to hate. The lust of the
flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, these draw
to love of the world ; but the punishments and miseries which
righteously follow these things, bring forth hatred of the
world and weariness.
5. But, alas ! an evil desire conquereth a mind given to the
world, and thinketh it happiness to be under the nettles' be-
cause it savoureth not nor perceiveth the sweetness of God
nor the inward gracefulness of virtue. But they who per-
fectly despise the world and strive to live unto God in holy
discipline, these are not ignorant of the divine sweetness
promised to all who truly deny themselves and see clearly
how grievously the world erreth, and in how many ways it
is deceived.
' Job XXX. 7.
294 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
CHAPTER XXI
That we must rest in God above all goods and gifts
Above all things and in all things thou shalt rest alway in
the Lord, O my soul, for he himself is the eternal rest of
the saints. Grant me, most sweet and loving Jesus, to rest
in Thee above every creature, above all health and beauty,
above all glory and honour, above all power and dignity,
above all knowledge and skilfulness, above all riches and
arts, above all joy and exultation, above all fame and praise,
above all sweetness and consolation, above all hope and
promise, above all merit and desire, above all gifts and re-
wards which Thou canst give and pour forth, above all joy
and jubilation which the mind is able to receive and feel; in
a word, above Angels and Archangels and all the army of
heaven, above all things visible and invisible, and above
everything which Thou, O my God, art not.
2. For Thou, O Lord, my God, art best above all things;
Thou only art the Most High, Thou only the Almighty, Thou
only the All-sufficient, and the Fulness of all things; Thou
only the All-delightsome and the All-comforting; Thou alone
the altogether lovely and altogether loving; Thou alone the
Most Exalted and Most Glorious above all things; in Whom
all things are, and were, and ever shall be, altogether and
all-perfect. And thus it falleth short and is insufficient
whatsoever Thou givest to me without Thyself or whatso-
ever Thou revealest or dost promise concerning Thyself,
whilst Thou art not seen or fully possessed : since verily my
heart cannot truly rest nor be entirely content, except it
rest in Thee, and go beyond all gifts and every creature.
3. O my most beloved Spouse, Jesus Christ, most holy
lover of my soul. Ruler of this whole Creation, who shall
give me the wings of true liberty, that I may flee to Thee and
find rest? Oh when shall it be given me to be open to
receive Thee to the full, and to see how sweet Thou art,
O Lord my God? When shall I collect myself altogether
in Thee, that because of Thy love I may not feel myself
at all, but may know Thee only above every sense and
measure, in measure not known to others. But now I oft-
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 295
times groan, and bear my sad estate with sorrow; because
many evils befall me in this vale of miseries which con-
tinually disturb and fill me with sorrow, and encloud me,
continually hinder and fill me with care, allure and entangle
me, that I cannot have free access to Thee, nor enjoy that
sweet intercourse which is always near at hand to the blessed
spirits. Let my deep sighing come before Thee, and my
manifold desolation on the earth.
4. O Jesus, Light of Eternal Glory, solace of the wander-
ing soul, before Thee my mouth is without speech, and my
silence speaketh to Thee. How long will my Lord delay
to come unto me? Let Him come unto me. His poor and
humble one. and make me glad. Let Him put forth His
hand, and deliver His holy one from every snare. Come,
Oh come; for without Thee shall be no joyful day or hour,
for Thou art my joy, and without Thee is my table empty.
I am miserable, and in a manner imprisoned and loaded
with fetters, until Thou refresh me by the light of Thy
presence, and give me liberty, and show Thy loving coun-
tenance.
5. Let others seek some- other thing instead of Thee, what-
soever it shall please them; but for my part nothing else
pleaseth or shall please, save Thou, my God, my hope, my
eternal salvation. I will not hold my peace, nor cease to
implore, until Thy grace return, and until Thou speak to
me within.
6. " Behold, here I am ! Behold, I come to thee, for thou
didst call Me. Thy tears and the longing of thy soul, thy
humbleness and contrition of heart have inclined Me, and
brought Me to thee."
7. And I said Lord, I have called upon Thee, and I have
longed to enjoy Thee, being ready to reject everything for
Thy sake. For Thou didst first move me to seek Thee.
Therefore, blessed be Thou, O Lord, who has wrought this
good work upon Thy servant, according to the multitude of
Thy mercy. What then hath Thy servant to say in Thy
presence, save to humble himself greatly before Thee, being
alway mindful of his own iniquity and vileness. For there
is none like unto Thee in all marvels of heaven and earth.
Excellent are Thy works, true are Thy judgments, and by
296 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
Thy Providence are all things governed. Therefore praise
and glory be unto Thee, O Wisdom of the Father, let my
mouth and my soul and all created things praise and bless
Thee together.
CHAPTER XXII
Of the recollection of God's manifold benefits
Open, O Lord, my heart in Thy law, and teach me to walk
in the way of Thy commandments. Grant me to understand
Thy will and to be mindful of Thy benefits, both general and
special, with great reverence and diligent meditation, that
thus I may be able worthily to give Thee thanks. Yet I
know and confess that I cannot render Thee due praises
for the least of Thy mercies. I am less than the least of
all the good things which Thou gavest me ; and when I
consider Thy majesty, my spirit faileth because of the great-
ness thereof.
2. All things which we have in the soul and in the body,
and whatsoever things we possess, whether outwardly or in-
wardly, naturally or supernaturally, are Thy good gifts,
and prove Thee, from whom we have received them all, to
be good, gentle, and kind. Although one receiveth many
things, and another fewer, yet all are Thine, and without
Thee not even the least thing can be possessed. He who
hath received greater cannot boast that it is of his own
merit, nor lift himself up above others, nor contemn those
beneath him; for he is the greater and the better who
ascribeth least to himself, and in giving thanks is the humbler
and more devout ; and he who holdeth himself to be viler
than all, and judgeth himself to be the more unworthy, is
the apter for receiving greater things.
3. But he who hath received fewer gifts, ought not to be cast
down, nor to take it amiss, nor to envy him who is richer;
but rather ought he to look unto Thee, and to greatly extol
Thy goodness, for Thou pourest forth Thy gifts so richly,
so freely and largely, without respect of persons. All
things come of Thee ; therefore in all things shalt thou be
praised. Thou knowest what is best to be given to each;
and why this man hath less, and that more, is not for us
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 297
but for Thee to understand, for unto Thee each man's
deservings are fully known.
4. Wherefore, O Lord God, I reckon it even a great benefit,
not to have many things, whence praise and glory may ap-
pear outwardly, and after the thought of men. For so it
is that he who considereth his own poverty and vileness,
ought not only to draw therefrom no grief or sorrow, or
sadness of spirit, but rather comfort and cheerfulness; be-
cause Thou, Lord, hast chosen the poor and humble, and
those who are poor in this world, to be Thy friends and
acquaintance. So give all Thine apostles witness whom
Thou hast made princes in all lands. Yet they had their con-
versation in this world blameless, so humble and meek, with-
out any malice or deceit, that they even rejoiced to suffer
rebukes for Thy Name's sakc,^ and what things the world
hateth, they embraced with great joy.
5. Therefore ought nothing so much to rejoice him who
loveth Thee and knoweth Thy benefits, as Thy will in him,
and the good pleasure of Thine eternal Providence, where-
with he ought to be so contented and comforted, that he
would as willingly be the least as any other would be the
greatest, as peaceable and contented in the lowest as in the
highest place, and as willingly held of small and low account
and of no name or reputation as to be more honourable and
greater in the world than others. For Thy will and the
love of Thine honour ought to go before all things, and to
please and comfort him more, than all benefits that are given
or may be given to himself.
CHAPTER XXIII
Of four things which bring great peace
" My Son, now will I teach thee the way of peace and of
true liberty."
2. Do, O my Lord, as Thou sayest, for this is pleasing unto
me to hear.
3. " Strive. My Son, to do another's will rather than thine
own. Choose always to have less rather than more. Seek
^ Acts V. 41.
298 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
always after the lowest place, and to be subject to all. Wish
always and pray that the will of God be fulfilled in thee. Be-
hold, such a man as this entereth into the inheritance of
peace and quietness."
4. O my' Lord^ this Thy short discourse hath in itself much
of perfectness. It is short in words but full of meaning, and
abundant in fruit. For if it were possible that I should
fully keep it, disturbance would not so easily arise within
me. For as often as I feel myself disquieted and weighed
down, I find myself to have gone back from this teaching.
But Thou, Who art Almighty, and always lovest progress in
the soul, vouchsafe more grace, that I may be enabled to fulfil
Thy exhortation, and work out my salvation.
A PRAYER AGAINST EVIL THOUGHTS
5. Lord my God, he not Thou far from me, my God,
haste Thee to help me^ for many thoughts and great fears
have risen up against me, afflicting my soul. How shall
I pass through them unhurt? how shall I break through
them ?
6. "I," saith He, "will go before thee, and make the crooked
places straight."^ I will open the prison doors, and reveal
to thee the secret places.
7. Do, Lord, as Thou sayest; and let all evil thoughts fly
away before Thy face. This is my hope and my only com-
fort, to fly unto Thee in all tribulation, to hope in Thee, to
call upon Thee from my heart and patiently wait for Thy
loving kindness.
A PRAYER FOR ENLIGHTENMENT OF THE MIND
8. Enlighten me^ Blessed Jesus, with the brightness of Thy
inner light, and cast forth all darkness from the habitation
of my heart. Restrain my many wandering thoughts, and
carry away the temptations which strive to do me hurt.
Fight Thou mightily for me, and drive forth the evil beasts,
so call I alluring lusts, that peace may he within Thy walls
and plenteousness of praise within Thy palaces^ even in my
pure conscience. Command Thou the winds and the storms,
>■ Psalm Ixxi. 12. ^ Isaiah xlv. 2. ^ Psalm cxxii. 7.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 299
say unto the sea. " Be still," say unto the stormy wind, " Hold
thy peace," so shall there be a great calm.
9. Ok send forth Thy light and Thy truth* that they may
shine upon the earth; for I am but earth without form and
void until Thou give me light. Pour forth Thy grace from
above; water my heart with the dew of heaven; give the
waters of devotion to water the face of the earth, and cause
it to bring forth good and perfect fruit. Lift up my mind
which is oppressed with the weight of sins, and raise my
whole desire to heavenly things; that having tasted the
sweetness of the happiness which is from above, it may take
no pleasure in thinking of things of earth.
10. Draw me and deliver me from every unstable comfort
of creatures, for no created thing is able to satisfy my desire
and to give me comfort. Join me to Thyself by the insepar-
able bond of love, for Thou alone art sufficient to him that
loveth Thee, and without Thee all things are vain toys.
CHAPTER XXIV
Of avoiding of curious inquiry into the life of another
" My Son, be not curious, nor trouble thyself with vain cares.
What is that to thee? Follow thou Mc} For what is it to
thee whether a man be this or that, or say or do thus or
thus? Thou hast no need to answer for others, but thou
must give an answer for thyself. Why therefore dost thou
entangle thyself? Behold, I know all men, and I behold
all things which are done under the sun ; and I know how
it standeth with each one, what he thinketh, what he willeth,
and to what end his thoughts reach. All things therefore
are to be committed to Me ; watch thou thyself in godly
peace, and leave him who is imquiet to be unquiet as he
will. Whatsoever he shall do or say, shall come unto him,
for he cannot deceive Me.
2. " Trouble not thyself about the shadow of a great name,
nor about the friendship of many, nor about the love of men
towards thee. For these things beget distraction and great
sorrows of heart. My word should speak freely unto thee,
« Psalm xliii. 3. ^ John xxi. 12.
300 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
and I would reveal secrets, if only thou didst diligently
look for My appearing, and didst open unto Me the gates
of thy heart. Be sober and watch unto prayerj' and humble
thyself in all things."
CHAPTER XXV
Wherein firm peace of heart and true profit consist
" My Son, I have said, Peace I leave with you. My peace I
give unto you, not as the world giveth give I unto you} All
men desire peace, but all do not care for the things which be-
long unto true peace. My peace is with the humble and lowly
in heart. Thy peace shall be in much patience. If thou
heardest Me, and didst follow My voice, thou shouldest
enjoy much peace."
2. What then shall I do, Lord?
3. " In everything take heed to thyself what thou doest,
and what thou sayest; and direct all thy purpose to this,
that thou please Me alone, and desire or seek nothing apart
from Me. But, moreover, judge nothing rashly concerning
the words or deeds of others, nor meddle with matters which
are not committed to thee; and it may be that thou shalt
be disturbed little or rarely. Yet never to feel any disquiet,
nor to suffer any pain of heart or body, this belongeth not to
the present life, but is the state of eternal rest. Therefore
count not thyself to have found true peace, if thou hast
felt no grief ; nor that then all is well if thou hast no
adversary ; nor that this is perfect if all things fall out ac-
cording to thy desire. Nor then reckon thyself to be any-
thing great, or think that thou art specially beloved, if thou
art in a state of great fervour and sweetness of spirit; for
not by these things is the true lover of virtue known, nor
in them doth the profit and perfection of man consist."
4. In what then, Lord?
5. " In offering thyself with all thy heart to the Divine
Will, in not seeking the things which are thine own, whether
great or small, whether temporal or eternal; so that thou
remain with the same steady countenance in giving of
' I Peter iv. 7. ^ John xiv. 27.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 301
thanks between prosperity and adversity, weighing all things
in an equal balance. If thou be so brave and long-suffering
in hope that when inward comfort is taken from thee, thou
even prepare thy heart for the more endurance, and justify
not thyself, as though thou oughtest not to suffer these heavy
things, but dost justify Me in all things that I appoint, and
dost bless My Holy Name, then dost thou walk in the true
and right way of peace, and shalt have a sure hope that
thou shalt again behold My face with joy. For if thou
come to an utter contempt of thyself, know that then thou
shalt enjoy abundance of peace, as much as is possible where
thou art but a wayfaring man."
CHAPTER XXVI
Of the exaltation of a free spirit, which humble prayer more
deserveth than doth frequent reading
Lord, this is the work of a perfect man, never to slacken
his mind from attention to heavenly things, and among many
cares to pass along as it were without care, not after the man-
ner of one indifferent, but rather with the privilege of a free
mind, cleaving to no creature with inordinate affection.
2. I beseech Thee, my most merciful Lord God, preserve
me from the cares of this life, lest I become too much en-
tangled ; from many necessities of the body, lest I be taken
captive by pleasure ; from all obstacles of the spirit, lest I be
broken and cast down with cares. I say not from those
things which the vanity of the world goeth about after with
all eagerness, but from those miseries, which by the uni-
versal curse of mortality weigh down and hold back the soul
of thy servant in punishment, that it cannot enter into
liberty of spirit, so often as it would.
3. O my God, sweetness unspeakable, turn into bitterness
all my fleshly consolation, which draweth me away from
the love of eternal things, and wickedly allureth toward
itself by setting before me some present delight. Let not,
O my God, let not flesh and blood prevail over me, let not
the world and its short glory deceive me, let not the devil
and his craftiness supplant me. Give me courage to resist,
302 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
patience to endure, constancy to presevere. Grant, in place
of all consolations of the world, the most sweet unction of
Thy Spirit, and in place of carnal love, pour into me the
love of Thy Name.
4. Behold, food and drink and clothing, and all the other
needs appertaining to the support of the body, are burden-
some to the devout spirit. Grant that I may use such things
with moderation, and that I be not entangled with inordinate
affection for them. To cast away all these things is not
lawful, because nature must be sustained, but to require
superfluities and things which merely minister delight, the
holy law forbiddeth ; for otherwise the flesh would wax in-
solent against the spirit. In all these things, I beseech Thee,
let Thy hand guide and teach me, that I in no way exceed.
CHAPTER XXVII
That personal love greatly hindereth from the highest good
" My Son, thou must give all for all, and be nothing of
thine own. Know thou that the love of thyself is more
hurtful to thee than anything in the world. According to
the love and inclination which thou hast, everything more
or less cleaveth to thee. If thy love be pure, sincere, well-
regulated, thou shalt not be in captivity to anything. Do
not covet what thou mayest not have ; do not have what is
able to hinder thee, and to rob thee of inward liberty. It
is wonderful that thou committest not thyself to Me from
the very bottom of thy heart, with all things which thou
canst desire or have.
2. "Why art thou consumed with vain sorrow? Why art
thou wearied with superfluous cares? Stand thou by My
good pleasure, and thou shalt suffer no loss. If thou seekest
after this or that, and wilt be here or there, according to
thine own advantage or the fulfilling of thine own pleasure,
thou shalt never be in quiet, nor free from care, because
in everything somewhat will be found lacking, and every-
where there will be somebody who opposeth thee.
3. " Therefore it is not gaining or multiplying of this
thing or that which advantageth ^hee, but rather the despis-
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
303
ing it and cutting it by the root out of thy heart; which thou
must not only understand of money and riches, but of the
desire after honour and vain praise, things which all pass
away with the world. The place availeth little if the spirit
of devotion is wanting; nor shall that peace stand long
which is sought from abroad, if the state of thy heart is
without the true foundation, that is, if it abide not in Me.
Thou mayest change, but thou canst not better thyself; for
when occasion ariseth and is accepted thou shalt find what
thou didst fly from, yea more."
A PRAYER FOR CLEANSING OF THE HEART AND FOR HEAVENLY WISDOM
4. Strengthen me, O God, by the grace of Thy Holy Spirit.
Give me virtue to be strengthened with might in the inner
man, and to free my heart from all fruitless care and
trouble, and that I be not drawn away by various desires
after any things whatsoever, whether of little value or great,
but that I may look upon all as passing away, and myself
as passing away with them ; because there is no profit under
the sun, and all is vatiity and vexation of spirit.' Oh how
wise is he that considereth thus !
5. Give mc, O Lord, heavenly wisdom, that I may learn
to seek Thee above all things and to find Thee; to relish
Thee above all things and to love Thee ; and to understand
all other things, even as they are, according to the order
of Thy wisdom. Grant me prudently to avoid the flatterer,
and patiently to bear with him that opposeth me; for this
is great wisdom, not to be carried by every wind of words,
nor to give ear to the wicked flattering Siren ; for thus do
we go safely on in the way we have begun.
CHAPTER XXVHI
Against the tongues of detractors
" My Son, take it not sadly to heart, if any think ill of thee, and
say of thee what thou art unwilling to hear. Thou oughtest to
think worse of thyself, and to believe no man weaker than thy-
» Ecclesiastes ii. 1 1-
304 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
self. If thou walkest inwardly, thou wilt not weigh flying
words above their value. It is no small prudence to keep
silence in an evil time and to turn inwardly unto Me, and not
to be troubled by human judgment.
2. " Let not thy peace depend upon the word of men ;
for whether they judge well or ill of thee, thou art not
therefore any other man than thyself. Where is true
peace or true glory? Is it not in Me? And he who
seeketh not to please men, nor feareth to displease, shall
enjoy abundant peace. From inordinate love and vain
fear ariseth all disquietude of heart, and all distraction
of the senses."
CHAPTER XXIX
How when tribulation cometh we must call upon and bless God
Blessed be thy name, O Lord, for evermore, who hast willed
this temptation and trouble to come upon me. I cannot
escape it, but have need to flee unto Thee, that Thou mayest
succour me and turn it unto me for good. Lord, now am I
in tribulation, and it is not well within my heart, but I am
sore vexed by the suffering which lieth upon me. And now,
O dear Father, what shall I say? I am taken among the
snares. Save me from this hour, hut for this cause came I
unto this hour^ that Thou mightest be glorified when I am
deeply humbled and am delivered through Thee. Let it he
Thy pleasure to deliver mef for what can I do who am poor,
and without Thee whither shall I go? Give patience this
time also. Help me. O Lord my God, and I will not fear
how much soever I be weighed down.
2. And now amid these things what shall I say? Lord,
Thy will be done. I have well deserved to be troubled and
weighed down. Therefore I ought to bear, would that it be
with patience, until the tempest be overpast and comfort
return. Yet is Thine omnipotent arm able also to take this
temptation away from me, and to lessen its power that I
fall not utterly under it, even as many a time past thou has
helped me, O God, my merciful God. And as much as this
1 John xii. 27. * Psalm xl. 16.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 305
deliverance is difficult to me, so much is it easy to Thee, O
right hand of the most Highest.
CHAPTER XXX
Of seeking divine help, and the confidence of obtaining grace
" My Sou, I the Lord am a stronghold in the day of trouble.'-
Come unto Me, when it is not well with thee
" This it is which chiefly hindereth heavenly consolation,
that thou too slowly betakcst thyself unto prayer For be-
fore thou earnestly scekest unto Me, thou dost first seek
after many means of comfort, and refresheth thyself in out-
ward things: so it cometh to pass that all thmgs profit thee
but little Sntil thou learn that it is I who deliver those who
trust in Me; neither beside Me is there any strong help,
nor profitable counsel, nor enduring remedy. But now, re-
covering courage after the tempest, grow thou strong in the
light of My mercies, for I am nigh, saith the Lord that I
may restore all things not only as they were at the first, but
also abundantly and one upon another , „ . , i-k-e
2 " For is anything too hard for Me, or shall I be like
unto one who saith and doeth not? Where is thy faith?
Stand fast and with perseverance. Be long-suffering and
strong. Consolation will come unto thee in its due season.
Wait for Me; yea, wait; I will come and hea thee. It is
temptation which vexeth thee, and a vain fear which ternfieth
thee What doth care about future events bring thee, save
sorrow upon sorrow? SutJicicnt for the day is the evil there-
of"- It is vain and useless to be disturbed or lifted up about
future things which perhaps will never come.
, " But it is the nature of man to be deceived by fancies
of this sort, and it is a sign of a mind which is still weak
to be so easily drawn away at the suggestion of the enemy.
For he careth not whether he deceive and beguile by true
means or false; whether he throw thee down by the love of
le present or fear of the future. Therefore let not thy
heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. Believe in Me,
and put thy trust in My mercy.' When thou thinkest thy-
iNahum I. 7. ^Matthew vi. 34- 'John xiv. 27; Psalm xiii. S-
306 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
self far removed from Me, I am often the nearer. When
thou reckonest that almost all is lost, then often is greater
opportunity of gain at hand. All is not lost when something
goeth contrary to thy wishes. Thou oughtest not to judge
according to present feeling, nor so to take or give way to
any grief which befalleth thee, as if all hope of escape were
taken away.
4. " Think not thyself totally abandoned, although for the
time I have sent to thee some tribulation, or have even with-
drawn some cherished consolation ; for this is the way to
the Kingdom of Heaven. And without doubt it is better
for thee and for all My other servants, that ye should be
proved by adversities, than that ye should have all things
as ye would. I know thy hidden thoughts : and that it is
very needful for thy soul's health that sometimes thou be
left without relish, lest perchance thou be lifted up by pros-
perity, and desirous to please thyself in that which thou art
not. What I have given I am able to take away, and to
restore again at My good pleasure.
5. " When I shall have given, it is Mine ; when I shall
have taken away, I have not taken what is thine ; for every
good gift and every perfect gift^ is from me. If I shall
have sent upon thee grief or any vexation, be not angry,
nor let thy heart be sad; I am able quickly to lift thee up
and to change every burden into joy. But I am just and
greatly to be praised, when I do thus unto thee.
6. " If thou rightly consider, and look upon it with truth,
thou oughtest never to be so sadly cast down because of adver-
sity, but rather shouldst rejoice and give thanks; yea, verily
to count it the highest joy that I afflict thee with sorrows and
spare thee not. As My Father hath loved Me, so love I youf
thus have I spoken unto My beloved disciples : whom I sent
forth not unto worldly joys, but to great strivings; not unto
honours, but unto contempt; not unto ease, but to labours;
not unto rest, but to bring forth much fruit with patience.
My son, remember these words."
* James 1. 17. =^John xv. 9.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 307
CHAPTER XXXI
Of the neglect of every creature, that the Creator may be found
O Lord, I still need more grace, if I would arrive where
neither man nor any other creature may hinder me. For so
long as anything kcepeth me back, I cannot freely fly unto
Thee. He desired eagerly thus to fly, who cried, saying.
Oh that I had ivings like a dove, for then would I Hee away
and be at rest. What is more peaceful than the single eye?
And what more free than he that desireth nothing upon
earth ? Therefore must a man rise above every creature,
and perfectly forsake himself, and with abstracted mind
to stand and behold that Thou, the Creator of all things,
hast among Thy creatures nothing like unto Thyself. And
except a man be freed from all creatures, he will not be
able to reach freely after Divine things. Therefore few
are found who give themselves to contemplation, because
few know how to separate themselves entirely from perish-
ing and created things.
2. For this much grace is necessary, which may lift up
the soul and raise it above itself. And except a man be lifted
up in the spirit, and freed from all creatures, and altogether
united to God, whatsoever he knoweth, whatsoever even he
hath, it mattereth but little. He who esteemeth anything
great save the one only incomprehensible, eternal, good, shall
long time be little and lie low. For whatsoever is not God
is nothing, and ought to be counted for nothing. Great is
the difference between a godly man, illuminated with wis-
dom, and a scholar learned in knowledge and given to books.
Far nobler is that doctrine which floweth down from the
divine fulness above, than that which is acquired laboriously
by human study.
3. Many are found who desire contemplation, but they do
not strive to practice those things which are required there-
unto. It is also a great impediment, that much is made of
symbols and external signs, and too little of thorough morti-
fication. I know not how it is, and by what spirit we are
led, and what we who would be deemed spiritual are aiming
at, that we give so great labour and so eager solicitude for
308 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
transitory and worthless things, and scarcely ever gather our
senses together to think at all of our inward condition.
4. Ah, me ! Forthwith after a little recollection we rush
out of doors, and do not subject our actions to a strict ex-
amination. Where our affections are set we take no heed,
and we weep not that all things belonging to us are so
defiled. For because all flesh had corrupted itself upon the
earth, the great deluge came. Since therefore our inmost
affections are very corrupt, it followeth of necessity that our
actions also are corrupt, being the index of a deficient inward
strength. Out of a pure heart proceedeth the fruit of good
living.
5. We demand, how much a man hath done ; but from how
much virtue he acted, is not so narrowly considered. We ask
if he be strong, rich, handsome, clever, whether he is a good
writer, good singer, good workman; but how poor he may
be in spirit, how patient and gentle, how devout and medi-
tative, on these things many are silent. Nature looketh upon
the outward appearance of a man, grace turneth its thought
to the heart. The former frequently judgeth amiss; the
latter trusteth in God, that it may not be deceived.
CHAPTER XXXII
Of self-denial and the casting away all selfishness
" My Son, thou canst not possess perfect liberty unless thou
altogether deny thyself. All they are enslaved who are
possessors of riches, they who love themselves, the selfish,
the curious, the restless ; those who ever seek after soft
things, and not after the things of Jesus Christ; those who
continually plan and devise that which will not stand. For
whatsoever cometh not of God shall perish. Hold fast the
short and complete saying, ' Renounce all things, and thou
shalt find all things; give up thy lust, and thou shalt find
rest.' Dwell upon this in thy mind, and when thou art full
of it, thou shalt understand all things."
2. O Lord, this is not the work of a day, nor children's
play; verily in this short saying is enclosed all the perfection
of the religious.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 309
3. " My son, thou oughtest not to be turned aside, nor
immediately cast down, because thou hast heard the way of
the perfect. Rather oughtest thou to be provoked to higher
aims, and at the least to long after the desire thereof. Oh
that it were so with thee, and that thou hadst come to
this, that thou wert not a lover of thine own self, but wert
ready always to My nod, and to his whom I have placed
over thee as thy father. Then shouldest thou please Me
exceedingly, and all thy life should go on in joy and
peace. Thou hast still many things to renounce, which if
thou resign not utterly to Me, thou shalt not gain what thou
seekest. / counsel thee to buy of Me gold tried in the Urc,
that thou maycst he rich^ that is heavenly wisdom, which
despiseth all base things. Put away from thee earthly wis-
dom, and all pleasure, whether common to men, or thine own.
4. " I tell thee that thou must buy vile things with those
which are costly and great in the esteem of men. For
wonderfully vile and small, and almost given up to forget-
fulness, doth true heavenly wisdom appear, which thinketh
not high things of itself, nor seeketh to be magnified upon
the earth ; many honour it with their lips, but in heart are
far from it ; it is indeed the precious pearl, which is hidden
from many."
CHAPTER XXXIII
Of instability of the heart, and of directing the aim towards God
" My Son, trust not thy feeling, for that which is now will
be quickly changed into somewhat else. As long as thou
livest thou art subject to change, howsoever unwilling; so
that thou art found now joyful, now sad; now at peace, now
disquieted ; now devout, now indevout ; now studious, now
careless ; now sad, now cheerful. But the wise man, and
he who is truly learned in spirit, standeth above these change-
able things, attentive not to what he may feel in himself,
or from what quarter the wind may blow, but that the whole
intent of his mind may carry him on to the due and much-
desired end. For thus will he be able to remain one and
the same and unshaken, the single eye of his desire being
* Revelation iii. 18.
310 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
steadfastly fixed, through the manifold changes of the world,
upon Me.
2. " But according as the eye of intention be the more
pure, even so will a man make his way steadfastly through
the manifold storms. But in many the eye of pure intention
waxeth dim; for it quickly resteth itself upon anything
pleasant which occurreth, and rarely is any man found al-
together free from the blemish of self-seeking. So the Jews
of old came to Bethany, to the house of Martha and Mary,
that they might see not Jesus, but Lazarus, whom he had
raised from the dead.^ Therefore must the eye of the in-
tention be cleansed, that it may be single and right, and
above all things which come in its way, may be directed
unto Me."
CHAPTER XXXIV
That to him who loveth God is sweet above all things
and in all things
Behold, God is mine, and all things are mine ! What will I
more, and what more happy thing can I desire? O delight-
some and sweet world ! that is, to him that loveth the Word,
not the world, neither the things that are in the world.' My
God, my all ! To him that understandeth, that word suffi-
ceth, and to repeat it often is pleasing to him that loveth
it. When Thou art present all things are pleasant; when
Thou art absent, all things are wearisome. Thou makest
the heart to be at rest, givest it deep peace and festal joy.
Thou makest it to think rightly in every matter, and in every
matter to give Thee praise; neither can anything please
long without Thee but if it would be pleasant and of sweet
savour. Thy grace must be there, and it is Thy wisdom which
must give unto it a sweet savour.
2. To him who tasteth Thee, what can be distasteful?
And to him who tasteth Thee not, what is there which can
make him joyous? But the worldly wise, and they who
enjoy the flesh, these fail in Thy wisdom; for in the wisdom
of the world is found utter vanity, and to be carnally minded
is death. But they who follow after Thee through contempt
^John xii. g. " i John ii. 15.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 311
of worldly things, and mortification of the flesh, are found
to be the truly wise because they are carried from vanity
to verity, from the flesh to the spirit. They taste that the
Lord is good, and whatsoever good they find in creatures,
they count it all unto the praise of the Creator. Unlike,
yea, very unlike is the enjoyment of the Creator to enjoyment
of the Creature, the enjoyment of eternity and of time, of light
uncreated and of light reflected.
3. O Light everlasting, surpassing all created lights, dart
down Thy ray from on high which shall pierce the inmost
depths of my heart. Give purity, joy, clearness, life to my
spirit that with all its powers it may cleave unto Thee with
rapture passing man's understanding. Oh when shall that
blessed and longed-for time come when Thou shalt satisfy
me with Thy presence, and be unto me All in all? So long
as this is delayed, my joy shall not be full. Still, ah me!
the old man liveth in me : he is not yet all crucified, not yet
quite dead ; still he lustcth fiercely against the spirit, wageth
inward wars, nor suffereth the soul's kingdom to be in peace.
4. But Thou zvho rulest the raging of the sea, and stillest the
waves thereof when they arise, rise up and help me. Scatter
the people that delight in zvar.' Destroy them by Thy power.
Show forth, I beseech Thee, Thy might, and let Thy right hand
be glorified, for I have no hope, no refuge, save in Thee, O
Lord my God.
CHAPTER XXXV
That there is no security against temptation in this life
"My Son, thou art never secure in this life, but thy spiritual
armour will always be needful for thee as long as thou
livest. Thou dwellest among foes, and art attacked on the
right hand and on the left. If therefore thou use not on
all sides the shield of patience, thou wilt not remain long
unwounded. Above all, if thou keep not thy heart fixed
upon Me with steadfast purpose to bear all things for My
sake, thou shalt not be able to bear the fierceness of the
attack, nor to attain to the victory of the blessed. There-
fore must thou struggle bravely all thy life through, and put
^ Psalm Ixviii. 30.
312 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
forth a strong hand against those things which oppose thee.
For to him that overcometh is the hidden manna given/ but
great misery is reserved for the slothful.
2. " If thou seek rest in this life, how then wilt thou attain
unto the rest which is eternal? Set not thyself to attain
much rest, but much patience. Seek the true peace, not in
earth but in heaven, not in man nor in any created thing,
but in God alone. For the love of God thou must willingly
undergo all things, whether labours or sorrows, temptations,
vexations, anxieties, necessities, infirmities, injuries, gain-
sayings, rebukes, humiliations, confusions, corrections, de-
spisings ; these things help unto virtue, these things prove
the scholar of Christ ; these things fashion the heavenly
crown. I will give thee an eternal reward for short labour,
and infinite glory for transient shame.
3. " Thinkest thou that thou shalt always have spiritual
consolations at thy will? My Saints had never such, but
instead thereof manifold griefs, and divers temptations, and
heavy desolations. But patiently they bore themselves in all,
and trusted in God more than in themselves, knowing that
the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to he
compared zvith the glory zvhich shall be revealed in us."
Wouldst thou have that immediately which many have
hardly attained unto after many tears and hard labours?
Wait for the Lord, quit thyself like a man and be strong;
be not faint-hearted, nor go aside from Me, but constantly
devote thy body and soul to the glory of God. I will re-
ward thee plenteously, / will be with thee in trouble."^
CHAPTER XXXVI
Against vain judgments of men
" My Son, anchor thy soul firmly upon God, and fear not
man's judgment, when conscience pronounceth thee pious
and innocent. It is good and blessed thus to suffer;
nor will it be grievous to the heart which is humble, and
which trusteth in God more than in itself. Many men have
^Revelation ii. 17. ^ Romans viii. 17. * Psalm xci. 15.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 313
many opinions, and therefore little trust is to be placed in
them. But moreover it is impossible to please all. Although
Paul studied to please all men in the Lord, and to be-
come all things to all men^ yet nevertheless unth him it
zi-as a very small thing that he should be judged by man's
judgment."'
2. He laboured abundantly, as much as in him lay, for
the building up and the salvation of others ; but he could
not avoid being sometimes judged and despised by others.
Therefore he committed all to God, who knew all, and by
patience and humility defended himself against evil speakers,
or foolish and false thinkers, and those who accused him ac-
cording to their pleasure. Nevertheless, from time to time
he replied, lest his silence should become a stumbling-block
to those who were weak.
3. " Who art thou, that thou shouldst be afraid of a man
that shall die? To-day he is, and to-morrow his place is
not found. Fear God and thou shalt not quail before the
terrors of men. What can any man do against thee by
words or deeds? He hurteth himself more than thee, nor
shall he escape the judgment of God, whosoever he may be.
Have thou God before thine eyes, and do not contend with
fretful words. And if for the present thou seem to give
way, and to suffer confusion which thou hast not deserved,
be not angry at this, nor by impatience diminish thy reward ;
but rather look up to Me in heaven, for I am able to deliver
thee from all confusion and hurt, and to render to every
man according to his works."
CHAPTER XXXVn
Of pure and entire resignation of self, for the obtaining
liberty of heart
" My Son, lose thyself and thou shalt find Me. Stand still
without all choosing and all thought of self, and thou shalt
ever be a gainer. For more grace shall be added to thee,
as soon as thou resignest thyself, and so long as thou dost
not turn back to take thyself again."
1 1 Corinthians ix. 22. - i Corinthians iv. 3.
314 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
2. O Lord, how often shall I resign myself, and in what
things shall I lose myself?
3. " Always ; every hour : in that which is little, and in
that which is great. I make no exception, but will that thou
be found naked in all things. Otherwise how canst thou be
Mine and I thine, unless thou be inwardly and outwardly
free from every will of thine own? The sooner thou dost
this, the better shall it be with thee; and the more fully
and sincerely, the more thou shalt please Me, and the more
abundantly shalt thou be rewarded.
4. " Some resign themselves, but with certain reservations,
for they do not fully trust in God, therefore they think
that they have some provision to make for themselves. Some
again at first offer everything; but afterwards being pressed
by temptation they return to their own devices, and thus
make no progress in virtue. They will not attain to the
true liberty of a pure heart, nor to the grace of My sweet
companionship, unless they first entirely resign themselves
and daily offer themselves up as a sacrifice ; without this
the union which bringeth forth fruit standeth not nor will
stand.
5. " Many a time I have said unto thee, and now say
again, Give thyself up, resign thyself, and thou shalt have
great inward peace. Give all for all ; demand nothing, ask
nothing in return ; stand simply and with no hesitation in
Me, and thou shalt possess Me. Thou shalt have liberty of
heart, and the darkness shall not overwhelm thee. For this
strive thou, pray for it, long after it, that thou mayest be
delivered from all possession of thyself, and nakedly follow
Jesus who was made naked for thee ; mayest die imto thy-
self and live eternally to Me. Then shall all vain fancies
disappear, all evil disturbings, and superfluous cares. Then
also shall immoderate fear depart from thee, and inordinate
love shall die."
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 315
CHAPTER XXXVIII
Of a good government in external things, and of having
recourse to God in dangers
" My Son, for this thou must diligently make thy endeavour,
that in every place and outward action or occupation thou
mayest be free within, and have power over thyself; and
that all things be under thee, not thou under them ; that
thou be master and ruler of thy actions, not a slave or hire-
ling, but rather a free and true Hebrew, entering into the
lot and the liberty of the children of God, who stand above
the present and look upon the eternal, who with the left
eye behold things transitory, and with the right things
heavenly ; whom temporal things draw not to cleave unto,
but who rather draw temporal things to do them good
service, even as they were ordained of God to do, and
appointed by the Master Workman, who hath left nought
in His creation without aim and end.
2. " And if in any chance of life thou stand not in out-
ward appearances, nor judgest things which are seen and
heard by the fleshy sense, but straightway in every cause
enterest with Moses into the tabernacle to ask counsel of
God; thou shalt hear a divine response and come forth in-
structed concerning many things that are and shall be. For
always Moses had recourse to the tabernacle for the solving
of all doubts and questionings ; and fled to the help of prayer
to be delivered from the dangers and evil deeds of men.
Thus also oughtest thou to fly to the secret chamber of thy
heart, and earnestly implore the divine succour. For this
cause we read that Joshua and the children of Israel were
deceived by the Gibeonites, that they asked not counsel at
the mouth of the Lord,' but being too ready to listen
to fair speeches, were deceived by pretended piety."
1 Joshua ix. 14.
316 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
CHAPTER XXXIX
That mail must not be immersed in business
" My Son, always commit thy cause to Me ; I will dispose
it aright in due time. Wait for My arrangement of it, and
then thou shalt find it for thy profit."
2. O Lord, right freely I commit all things to Thee; for
my planning can profit but little. Oh that I did not dwell
so much on future events, but could offer myself altogether
to Thy pleasures without delay.
3. " My Son, a man often striveth vehemently after some-
what which he desireth ; but when he hath obtained it he be-
ginneth to be of another mind, because his affections towards
it are not lasting, but rather rush on from one thing to an-
other. Therefore it is not really a small thing, when in
small things we resist self."
4. The true progress of man lieth in self-denial, and a
man who denieth himself is free and safe. But the old
enemy, opposer of all good things, ceaseth not from temp-
tation; but day and night setteth his wicked snares, if
haply he may be able to entrap the unwary. Watch and
pray, saith the Lord, lest ye enter into temptation}
CHAPTER XL
That man hath no good in himself, and nothing
whereof to glory
LORD, zvhat is man that Thou art mindful of him, or the
son of man that Thou visitest himf^ What hath man de-
served, that Thou shouldest bestow thy favour upon him?
Lord, what cause can I have of complaint, if Thou forsake
me? Or what can I justly allege, if Thou refuse to hear
my petition? Of a truth, this I may truly think and say.
Lord, I am nothing, I have nothing that is good of myself, but
I fall short in all things, and ever tend unto nothing. And
unless I am helped by Thee and inwardly supported, I be-
come altogether lukewarm and reckless.
1 Matthew xxvi. 41. "^ Psalm viii. 4
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 317
2. But Thou, O Lord, art always the same, and endurest
for ever, always good, righteous, and holy; doing all things
well, righteously, and holily, and disposing all in Thy wisdom.
But I who am more ready to go forward than backward,
never continue in one stay, because changes sevenfold pass
over me. Yet it quickly becometh better when it so pleaseth
Thee, and Thou puttest forth Thy hand to help me ; because
Thou alone canst aid without help of man, and canst so
strengthen me that my countenance shall be no more changed,
but my heart shall be turned to Thee, and rest in Thee alone.
3. Wherefore, if I but knew well how to reject all human
consolations, whether for the sake of gaining devotion, or
because of the necessity by which I was compelled to seek
Thee, seeing there is no man who can comfort me ; then could
I worthily trust in Thy grace, and rejoice in the gift of
new consolation.
4. Thanks be to Thee, from whom all cometh, whenso-
ever it goeth well with me ! But I am vanity and nothing
in Thy sight, a man inconstant and weak. What then have
I whereof to glory, or why do I long to be held in honour?
Is it not for nought? This also is utterly vain. Verily vain
glory is an evil plague, the greatest of vanities, because it
draweth us away from the true glory, and robbeth us of
heavenly grace. For whilst a man pleaseth himself he dis-
pleaseth Thee ; whilst he gapeth after the praises of man, he
is deprived of true virtues.
5. But true glory and holy rejoicing lieth in glorying in
Thee and not in self; in rejoicing in Thy Name, not in our
own virtue ; in not taking delight in any creature, save
only for Thy sake. Let thy Name, not mine be praised;
let Thy work, not mine be magnified; let Thy holy Name be
blessed, but to me let nought be given of the praises of men.
Thou art my glory, Thou art the joy of my heart. In Thee
will I make my boast and be glad all the day long, but for
myself let me not glory save only in my infirmities."
6. Let the Jews seek the honour which cometh from one
another; but I will ask for that which cometh from God
only^^ Truly all human glory, all temporal honour, all
worldly exultation, compared to Thy eternal glory, is but
* 2 Corinthians xii. 5. ^ John v. 44.
318 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
vanity and folly. O God my Truth and my Mercy, Blessed
Trinity, to Thee alone be all praise, honour, power, and glory
for ever and for ever. Amen.
CHAPTER XLI
Of contempt of all temporal honour
" My Son, make it no matter of thine, if thou see others
honoured and exalted, and thyself despised and humbled.
Lift up thine heart to Me in heaven, and then the contempt
of men upon earth will not make thee sad."
2. O Lord, we are in blindness, and are quickly seduced
by vanity. If I look rightly within myself, never was injury
done unto me by any creature, and therefore I have nought
whereof to complain before Thee. But because I have many
times and grievously sinned against Thee, all creatures do
jtistly take arms against me. Therefore to me confusion
and contempt are justly due, but to Thee praise and honour
and glory. And except I dispose myself for this, namely, to
be willing that every creature should despise and desert me,
and that I should be esteemed altogether as nothing, I cannot
be inwardly filled with peace and strength, nor spiritually
enlightened, nor fully united to Thee.
CHAPTER XLH
That our peace is not to be placed in men
" My Son, if thou set thy peace on any person because thou
hast high opinion of him, and art familiar with him, thou
shalt be unstable and entangled. But if thou betake thyself
to the ever-living and abiding Truth, the desertion or death
of a friend shall not make thee sad. In Me ought the love
of thy friend to subsist, and for My sake is every one to
be loved, whosoever he be, who appeareth to thee good, and
is very dear to thee in this life. Without Me friendship
hath no strength or endurance, neither is that love true
and pure, which I unite not. Thou oughtest to be so dead
to such affections of beloved friends, that as far as in thee
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 319
lieth, thou wouldst rather choose to be without any com-
panionship of men. The nearer a man approacheth to God,
the further he recedeth from all earthly solace. The deeper
also he descendeth into himself, and the viler he appeareth
in his own eyes, the higher he ascendeth towards God.
2. " But he who attributeth anything good to himself,
hindereth the grace of God from coming to him, because
the grace of the Holy Ghost ever seeketh the humble heart.
If thou couldst make thyself utterly nothing, and empty thy-
self of the love of every creature, then should it be My
part to overflow unto thee with great grace. When thou
settest thine eyes upon creatures, the face of the Creator
is withdrawn from thee. Learn in all things to conquer
thyself for thy Creator's sake, then shalt thou be able to
attain unto divine knowledge. How small soever anything
be, if it be loved and regarded inordinately, it holdeth us
back from the highest good, and corrupteth."
CHAPTER XLHI
Against vain and worldly knowledge
" My Son, let not the fair and subtle sayings of men move
thee. For the kingdom of God is not in word, but in power}
Give ear to My words, for they kindle the heart and en-
lighten the mind, they bring contrition, and they supply
manifold consolations. Never read thou the word that thou
mayest appear more learned or wise ; but study for the morti-
fication of thy sins, for this will be far more profitable for
thee than the knowledge of many diflficult questions.
2. " When thou hast read and learned many things, thou
must always return to one first principle. I am He that
teachcth man knozvledge," and I give unto babes clearer
knowledge than can be taught by man. He to whom I speak
will be quickly wise and shall grow much in the spirit. Woe
unto them who inquire into many curious questions from
men, and take little heed concerning the way of My service.
The time will come when Christ will appear, the Master
of masters, the Lord of the Angels, to hear the lessons of
1 I Corinthians iv. 20. ^^ Psalm xciv. 10.
320 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
all, that is to examine the consciences of each one. And
then will He search Jerusalem ivith candles^ and the hid-
den things of darkness^ shall be made manifest, and the
arguings of tongues shall be silent.
3. " I am He who in an instant lift up the humble spirit,
to learn more reasonings of the Eternal Truth, than if a
man had studied ten years in the schools. I teach without
noise of words, without confusion of opinions, without striv-
ing after honour, without clash of arguments. I am He who
teach men to despise earthly things, to loathe things present,
to seek things heavenly, to enjoy things eternal, to flee hon-
ours, to endure offences, to place all hope in Me, to desire
nothing apart from Me, and above all things to love Me
ardently.
4. *' For there was one, who by loving Me from the bot-
tom of his heart, learned divine things, and spake things
that were wonderful ; he profited more by forsaking all things
than by studying subtleties. But to some I speak common
things, to others special; to some I appear gently in signs
and figures, and again to some I reveal mysteries in much
light. The voice of books is one, but it informeth not all
ahke; because I inwardly am the Teacher of truth, the
Searcher of the heart, the Discerner of the thoughts, the
Mover of actions, distributing to each man, as I judge meet."
CHAPTER XLIV
Of not troubling ourselves about outward things
" My Son, in many things it behoveth thee to be ignorant,
and to esteem thyself as one dead upon the earth, and as
one to whom the whole world is crucified. Many things
also thou must pass by with deaf ear, and must rather think
upon those things which belong unto thy peace. It is more
profitable to turn away thine eyes from those things that
displease, and to leave each man to his own opinion, than
to give thyself to discourses of strife. If thou stand well
with God and hast His judgment in thy mind, thou wilt
verily easily bear to be as one conquered."
* Zephaniah i. 12. *i Corinthians iv. 5.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 321
2. O Lord, to what have we come? Behold a temporal
loss is mourned over; for a trifling gain we labour and hurry;
and spiritual loss passeth away into forgetfulness, and we
rarely recover it. That which profiteth little or nothing is
looked after, and that which is altogether necessary is negli-
gently passed by; because the whole man slideth away to
outward things, and unless he quickly recovereth himself
in outward things he willingly lieth down.
CHAPTER XLV
That we must not believe everyone, and that we are prone
to fall in our words
LORD, he thoti my help in trouble, for vain is the help of
man} How often have I failed to find faithfulness, where
I thought I possessed it. How many times I have found it
where I least expected. Vain therefore is hope in men, but
the salvation of the just, O God, is in Thee. Blessed be
thou, O Lord my God, in all things which happen unto us.
We are weak and unstable, we are quickly deceived and
quite changed.
2. Who is the man who is able to keep himself so warily
and circumspectly as not sometimes to come into some
snare of perplexity? But he who trusteth in Thee, O Lord,
and seeketh Thee with an unfeigned heart, doth not so easily
slip. And if he fall into any tribulation, howsoever he may
be entangled, yet very quickly he shall be delivered through
Thee, or by Thee shall be comforted, because Thou wilt not
forsake him that trusteth in Thee unto the end. A friend
who continueth faithful in all the distresses of his friend
is rare to be found. Thou, O Lord, Thou alone art most
faithful in all things, and there is none other like unto Thee.
3. Oh, how truly wise was that holy soul which said,
" My mind is steadfastly fixed, and it is grounded in Christ."^
If thus it were with me, the fear of man should not so easily
tempt me, nor the arrows of words move me. Who is suffi-
cient to foresee all things, who to guard beforehand against
future ills? If even things which are foreseen sometimes
1 Psalm Ix. II, "St. Agatha.
II — HC VII
322 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
hurt us, what can things which are not foreseen do, but
grievously injure? But wherefore have I not better pro-
vided for myself, miserable that I am? Why, too, have I
given such heed to others? But we are men, nor are we
other than frail men, even though by many we are
reckoned and called angels. Whom shall I trust, O Lord,
whom shall I trust but Thee? Thou art the Truth, and
deceivest not, nor canst be deceived. And on the other hand.
Every man is a liar^ weak, unstable and frail, especially in
his words, so that one ought scarcely ever to believe what
seemeth to sound right on the face of it.
4. With what wisdom hast thou warned us beforehand to
bezvare of men, and that a man's foes are they of his oxvn
household* and that we must not believe if one say unto us
Lo here, or Lo there^ I have been taught by my loss, and O
that I may prove more careful and not foolish hereby. " Be
cautious," saith some one : " be cautious, keep unto thyself
what I tell thee." And whilst I am silent and believe that
it is hid with me, he himself cannot keep silence concerning
it, but straightway betrayeth me and himself, and goeth his
way. Protect me, O Lord, from such mischief-making and
reckless men ; let me not fall into their hands, nor ever do
such things myself. Put a true and steadfast word into my
mouth, and remove a deceitful tongue far from me. What
I would not suffer, I ought by all means to beware of doing.
5. Oh, how good and peacemaking a thing it is to be silent
concerning others, and not carelessly to believe all reports,
nor to hand them on further ; how good also to lay one's self
open to few, to seek ever to have Thee as the beholder of
the heart ; not to be carried about with every wind of words,
but to desire that all things inward and outward be done
according to the good pleasure of Thy will ! How safe for
the preserving of heavenly grace to fly from human approval,
and not to long after the things which seem to win admiration
abroad, but to follow with all earnestness those things which
bring amendment of life and heavenly fervour ! How many
have been injured by their virtue being made known and
too hastily praised. How truly profitable hath been grace
^ Psalm cxvi. 11; Romans iii. 4. * Matthew x. 17, 36.
5 Matthew xxiv. 23.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 323
preserved in silence in this frail life, which, as we are told,
is all temptation and warfare.
CHAPTER XLVI
Of having confidence in God when evil words are cast at us
" My Son, stand fast and believe in Me. For what are
words but words? They fly through the air, but they bruise
no stone. If thou are guilty, think how thou wouldst gladly
amend thyself; if thou knowest nothing against thyself, con-
sider that thou wilt gladly bear this for God's sake. It is
little enough that thou sometimes hast to bear hard words,
for thou art not yet able to bear hard blows. And where-
fore do such trivial matters go to thine heart, except that
thou art yet carnal, and regardest men more than thou
oughtest? For because thou fearest to be despised, thou
art unwilling to be reproved for thy faults, and seekest
paltry shelters of excuses.
2. " But look better into thyself, and thou shalt know that
the world is still alive in thee, and the vain love of pleasing
men. For when thou fleest away from being abased and
confounded for thy faults, it is plain that thou art neither
truly humble nor truly dead to the world, and that the world
is not crucified to thee. But hearken to My word, and thou
shalt not care for ten thousand words of men. Behold, if
all things could be said against thee which the utmost malice
could invent, what should it hurt thee if thou wert altogether
to let it go, and make no more account of it than of a mote ?
Could it pluck out a single hair of thy head?
3. " But he that hath no heart within him. and hath not
God before his eyes, is easily moved by a word of reproach ;
but he who trusteth in Me, and seeketh not to abide by his
own judgment, shall be free from the fear of men. For I am
the Judge and the Discerner of all secrets; I know how the
thing hath been done ; I know both the injurer and the bearer.
From Me went forth that word, by My permission this hath
happened, that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.'
I shall judge the guilty and the innocent; but beforehand
1 Luke ii. 35.
324 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
I have willed to try them both by a secret judgment.
4. " The testimony of men often deceiveth. My judgment
is true ; it will stand, and it shall not be overturned. It com-
monly lieth hid, and only to few in certain cases is it made
known ; yet it never erreth, nor can err, although it seem
not right to the eyes of foolish men. To Me, therefore,
must men have recourse in all judgment, and must not lean
to their opinion. For there shall no evil happen to the just'
whatsoever may be sent to him by God. Even though some
unjust charge be brought against him, he will care little;
nor, again, will he exult above measure, if through others
he be clearly vindicated. For he considereth that I am He
who try the hearts and reins ^ who judge not outwardly and
according to human appearance ; for often in Mine eyes that
is found blameworthy which in the judgment of men is held
worthy of praise."
5. O Lord God, O Judge, just, strong, and patient, who
knowest the frailty and sinfulness of men, be Thou my
strength and my whole confidence; for my own conscience
sufficeth me not. Thou knowest what I know not ; and there-
fore ought I under all rebuke to humble myself, and to bear
it meekly. Therefore mercifully forgive me as often as I
have not done this, and grant me the next time the grace of
greater endurance. For better unto me is Thine abundant
pity for the attainment of Thy pardon, than the righteous-
ness which I believe myself to have for defence against my
conscience, which lieth wait against me. Although / know
nothing against myself, yet am / not hereby justified* because
if Thy mercy were removed away, in Thy sight should no
man living be justified^
CHAPTER XLVII
That all troubles are to be endured for the sake of
eternal life
" My Son, let not the labours which thou hast undertaken
for Me break thee down, nor let tribulations cast thee down
^Proverbs xii. 21. 'Psalm vii. 9. *i Corinthians iv. 4.
^ Psalm cxliii. 2.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 325
in any wise, but let my promise strengthen and comfort thee
in every event. I am sufficient to reward thee above all
measure and extent. Not long shalt thou labour here, nor
always be weighed down with sorrows. Wait yet a little
while, and thou shalt see a speedy end of thine evils. An
hour shall come when all labour and confusion shall cease.
Little and short is all that passeth away with time.
2. " Do earnestly what thou dost ; labour faithfully in My
vineyard; I will be thy reward. Write, read, sing, weep, be
silent, pray, endure adversities manfully; eternal life is
worthy of all these conflicts, yea, and of greater. Peace
shall come in one day which is known to the Lord; which
shall be neither day nor night,^ but light eternal, infinite
clearness, steadfast peace, and undisturbed rest. Thou shalt
not say then, Who shall deliver me from the body of this
death F' nor cry out. Woe is me, for m\ sojourning is pro-
longed,' because death will be utterly destroyed, and there
shall be salvation which can never fail, no more anxiety,
happy delight, sweet and noble society.
3. " Oh, if thou sawest the unfading crowns of the Saints
in heaven, and with what great glory they now rejoice, who
aforetime were reckoned by this world contemptibly and
as it were unworthy of life, truly thou wouldst immediately
humble thyself even to the earth, and wouldst desire rather
to be in subjection to all, than to have authority over one;
nor wouldst thou long for pleasant days of this life, but
wouldst more rejoice to be afflicted for God's sake, and
wouldst esteem it gain to be counted for nought amongst
men.
4. " Oh, if these things were sweet to thy taste, and moved
thee to the bottom of thine heart, how shouldst thou dare
even once to complain ? Are not all laborious things to be
endured for the sake of eternal life? It is no small thing,
the losing or gaining the Kingdom of God. Lift up there-
fore thy face to heaven. Behold, I and all My Saints with
Me, who in this world had a hard conflict, now rejoice, are
now comforted, are now secure, are now at peace, and shall
remain with Me evermore in the Kingdom of My Father."
^ Zechariah xiv. 2. - Romans vii. 24. ^ Psalm cxx.
326 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
CHAPTER XLVIII
Of the day of eternity and of the straitnesses of this life
Oh most blessed mansion of the City which is above ! Oh
most clear day of eternity which the night obscureth not,
but the Supreme Truth ever enlighteneth ! Day always joy-
ful, always secure and never changing its state into those
which are contrary. Oh would that this day might shine
forth, and that all these temporal things would come to an
end. It shineth indeed upon the Saints, glowing with unend-
ing brightness, but only from afar and through a glass, upon
those who are pilgrims on the earth.
2. The citizens of heaven know how glorious that day is;
the exiled sons of Eve groan, because this is bitter and weari-
some. The days of this life are few and evil, full of sorrows
and straits, where man is defiled with many sins, ensnared
with many passions, bound fast with many fears, wearied
with many cares, distracted with many questionings, en-
tangled with many vanities, compassed about with many
errors, worn away with many labours, weighed down with
temptations, enervated by pleasures, tormented by poverty.
3. Oh when shall there be an end of these evils? When
shall I be delivered from the wretched slavery of my sins?
When shall I be mindful, O Lord, of Thee alone? When
shall I rejoice in Thee to the full? When shall I be in true
liberty without any impediment, without any burden on mind
or body? When shall there be solid peace, peace immovable
and secure, peace within and without, peace firm on every
side? Blessed Jesus, when shall I stand to behold Thee?
When shall I gaze upon the glory of Thy kingdom? When
shalt Thou be to me all in all? Oh when shall I be with
Thee in Thy Kingdom which Thou hast prepared from the
foundation of the world for them that love Thee ? I am left
destitute, an exile in a hostile land, where are daily wars
and grievous misfortunes.
4. Console my exile, mitigate my sorrow, for towards Thee
all my desire longeth. For all is to me a burden, whatso-
ever this world offereth for consolation. I yearn to enjoy
Thee intimately, but I cannot attain unto it. I long to cleave
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 327
to heavenly things, but temporal things and unmortified
passions press me down. In my mind I would be above all
things, but in my flesh I am unwillingly compelled to be
beneath them. So, wretched man that I am, I fight with my-
self, and am made grievous even unto myself, while the spirit
seeketh to be above and the flesh to be beneath.
5. Oh how I suffer inwardly, while with the mind I dis-
course on heavenly things, and presently a crowd of carnal
things rusheth upon me whilst I pray. My God. be not Thou
far from me, nor depart in wrath from Thy servant. Cast
forth Thy lightning and scatter them; send out Thine ar-
rows^ and let all delusions of my enemy be confounded.
Recall my senses unto Thyself, cause me to forget all worldly
things ; grant me quickly to cast away and despise the im-
aginations of sin. Succour me, O Eternal Truth, that no
vanity may move me. Come unto me, O Heavenly Sweet-
ness, and let all impurity flee from before Thy face. Pardon
me also, and of Thy mercy deal gently with me, whensoever
in prayer I think on anything besides Thee ; for truly I con-
fess that I am wont to be continually distracted. For often
and often, where in the body I stand or sit, there I myself
am not ; but rather am I there, whither I am borne by my
thoughts. Where my thought is. there am I ; and there
commonly is my thought where that which I love is. That
readily occurreth to me, which naturally delighteth, or pleas-
eth through custom.
6. Wherefore Thou, who art the Truth, hast plainly said,
Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." If
I love heaven, I gladly meditate on heavenly things. If I
love the world, I rejoice in the delights of the world, and
am made sorry by its adversities. If I love the flesh, I am
continually imagining the things which belong to the flesh ;
if I love the spirit, I am delighted by meditating on spiritual
things. For whatsoever things I love, on these I readily
converse and listen, and carry home with me the images of
them. But blessed is that man who for Thy sake. O Lord,
is willing to part from all creatures ; who doth violence to
his fleshly nature and crucifieth the lusts of the flesh by the
fervour of his spirit, so that with serene conscience he may
1 Psalm Ixxi. 12. = Matthew vi. n.
328 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
offer unto Thee a pure prayer, and be made worthy to enter
into the angehc choirs, having shut out from himself, both
outwardly and inwardly, all worldly things.
CHAPTER XLIX
Of the desire after eternal life, and how great blessings are
promised to those who strive
" My Son, when thou feelest the desire of eternal happiness
to be poured into thee from above, and longest to depart
from the tabernacle of this body, that thou mayest contem-
plate My glory without shadow of turning, enlarge thine
heart, and take in this holy inspiration with all thy desire.
Give most hearty thanks to the Supreme Goodness, who
dealeth with thee so graciously, visiteth thee so lovingly,
stirreth thee up so fervently, raiseth thee so powerfully, lest
thou sink down through thine own weight, to earthly things.
For not by thine own meditating or striving dost thou re-
ceive this gift, but by the sole gracious condescension of
Supreme Grace and Divine regard ; to the end that thou
mayest make progress in virtue and in more humility, and
prepare thyself for future conflicts, and cleave unto Me with
all the affection of thy heart, and strive to serve Me with
fervent will.
2. " My Son, often the fire burneth, but the flame ascendeth
not without smoke. So also the desires of some men burn
towards heavenly things, and yet they are not free from the
temptation of carnal affection. Thus therefore they are not
acting with an altogether simple desire for God's glory when
they pray to Him so earnestly. Such, too, is oftentimes thy
desire, when thou hast imagined it to be so earnest. For
that is not pure and perfect which is tainted with thine own
self-seeking.
3. " Seek thou not what is pleasant and advantageous to
thyself, but what is acceptable and honourable unto Me; for
if thou judgest rightly, thou must choose and follow after
My appointment rather than thine own desire; yea, rather
than anything that can be desired. I know thy desire, and
I have heard thy many groanings. Already thou longest
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 329
to be in the glorious liberty of the children of God; already
the eternal home delighteth thee, and the heavenly country
full of joy; but the hour is not yet come; there remaineth
still another season, even a season of warfare, a season of
labour and probation. Thou desirest to be filled with the
Chief Good, but thou canst not attain it immediately. I am
that Good; wait for Me, until the Kingdom of God shall
come.
4. " Thou must still be tried upon earth, and be exercised
in many things. Consolation shall from time to time be
given thee, but abundant satisfying shall not be granted. Be
strong therefore, and be thou brave both in working and in
suffering things which are against thy nature. Thou must
put on the new man, and be changed into another man.
Thou must often do what thou wouldst not; and thou must
leave undone what thou wouldst do. What pleaseth others
shall have good success, what pleaseth thee shall have no
prosperity. What others say shall be listened to; what thou
sayest shall receive no heed. Others shall ask and receive;
thou shalt ask and not obtain. Others shall be great in the
report of men, but about thee shall nothing be spoken. To
others this or that shall be entrusted; thou shalt be judged
useful for nought.
5. " For this cause nature shall sometimes be filled with
sadness; and it is a great thing if thou bear it silently. In
this and many like things the faithful servant of the Lord
is wont to be tried, how far he is able to deny himself and
bring himself into subjection in all things. Scarcely is there
anything in which thou hast need to mortify thyself so much
as in seeing things which are adverse to thy will ; especially
when things are commanded thee to be done which seem
to thee inexpedient or of little use to thee. And because
thou darest not resist a higher power, being under authority,
therefore it seemeth hard for thee to shape thy course
according to the nod of another, and to forego thine own
opinion.
6. " But consider, My Son, the fruit of these labours, the
swift end, and the reward exceeding great; and thou shalt
find it no pain to bear them then, but rather the strongest
solace of thy patience. For even in exchange for this tri-
330 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
fling desire which thou hast readily forsaken, thou shalt al-
ways have thy will in Heaven. There verily thou shalt find all
that thou wouldst, all that thou canst long for. There thou
shalt have all good within thy power without the fear of
losing it. There thy will, ever at one with Mine, shall desire
nothing outward, nothing for itself. There no man shall
■withstand thee, none shall complain of thee, none shall
hinder, nothing shall stand in thy path ; but all things desired
by thee shall be present together, and shall refresh thy
whole affection, and fill it up even to the brim. There I will
glory for the scorn suffered here, the garment of praise for
sorrow, and for the lowest place a throne in the Kingdom,
for ever. There shall appear the fruit of obedience, the
labour of repentance shall rejoice, and humble subjection
shall be crowned gloriously.
7. " Now therefore bow thyself humbly under the hands of
all men; nor let it trouble thee who said this or who ordered
that; but take special heed that whether thy superior, thy
inferior, or thy equal, require anything from thee, or even
show a desire for it ; take it all in good part, and study with
a good will to fulfil the desire. Let one seek this, another
that; let this man glory in this, and that man in that, and
be praised a thousand thousand times, but rejoice thou
only in the contempt of thyself, and in Mine own good
pleasure and glory. This is what thou art to long for, even
that whether by life or by death God may be ever magnified
in thee."^
CHAPTER L
How a desolate man ought to commit himself into
the hands of God
O Lord, Holy Father, be Thou blessed now and evermore;
because as Thou wilt so it is done, and what Thou doest is
good. Let Thy servant rejoice in Thee, not in himself, nor
in any other ; because Thou alone art the true joy, Thou art
my hope and my crown. Thou art my joy and my honour,
O Lord. What hath Thy servant^ which he received not
from Thee, even without merit of his own ? Thine are all
^ Philippians i. 20.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 331
things which Thou hast given, and which Thou hast made.
/ am poor and in misery even from my youth «/>/ and my
soul is sorrowful unto tears, sometimes also it is disquieted
within itself, because of the sufferings which are coming
upon it.
2. I long after the joy of peace; for the peace of Thy
children do I beseech, for in the light of Thy comfort they
are fed by Thee. If Thou give peace, if Thou pour into me
holy joy, the soul of Thy servant shall be full of melody,
and devout in Thy praise. But if Thou withdraw Thyself
as too often Thou art wont, he will not be able to run in the
way of Thy commandments, but rather he will smite his
breast and will bow his knees; because it is not with him as
yesterday and the day before, when Thy candle shincd upon
his head' and he walked under the shadow of Thy zcings*
from the temptations which beset him.
3. O Father, righteous and ever to be praised, the hour
cometh when Thy servant is to be proved. O beloved Father,
it is well that in this hour Thy servant suffer somewhat for
Thy sake. O Father, evermore to be adored, as the hour
cometh which Thou foreknewest from everlasting, when for
a little while Thy servant should outwardly bow down, but
always live inwardly with Thee; when for a little while he
should be little regarded, humbled, and fail in the eyes of
men ; should be wasted with sufferings and weaknesses, to
rise again with Thee in the dawn of the new light, and be
glorified in the heavenly places. O Holy Father, thou hast
ordained it so, and so hast willed it; and that is done which
Thou Thyself hast commanded.
4. For this is Thy favour to Thy friend, that he should
suffer and be troubled in the world for Thy love's sake, how
often soever, and by whomsoever and whosoever Thou hast
suffered it to be done. Without Thy counsel and providence,
and without cause, nothing cometh to pass on the earth,
// is good for me, Lord, that I had been in trouble, that I may
learn Thy statutes* and may cast away all pride of heart
and presumption. It is profitable for me that confusion hath
covered my face, that I may seek to Thee for consolation
1 Psalm Lxxxviii. 15. -Job xxix. 3. * Psalm xvii. 8.
* Psalm cxix. 71.
332 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
rather than unto men. By this also I have learned to dread
Thine unsearchable judgment, who afflictest the just with
the wicked, but not without equity and justice.
5. Thanks be unto Thee, because Thou hast not spared
my sins, but hast beaten me with stripes of love, inflicting
pains, and sending troubles upon me without and within.
There is none who can console me, of all things which are
under heaven, but Thou only, O Lord my God, Thou heavenly
Physician of souls, who dost scourge and hast mercy, who
leadest down to hell and bringcst up again.^ Thy discipline
over me, and Thy rod itself shall teach me.
6. Behold, O beloved Father, I am in Thy hands, I bow
myself under the rod of Thy correction. Smite my back
and my neck that I may bend my crookedness to Thy will.
Make me a pious and lowly disciple, as Thou wert wont to
be kind, that I may walk according to every nod of Thine.
To Thee I commend myself and all that I have for cor-
rection; better is it to be punished here than hereafter.
Thou knowest all things and each of them; and nothing
remaineth hid from Thee in man's conscience. Before they
are, thou knowest that they will be, and Thou needest not
that any man teach Thee or admonish Thee concerning the
things which are done upon the earth. Thou knowest what
is expedient for my profit, and how greatly trouble serveth
unto the scrubbing off the rust of sin. Do with me accord-
ing to Thy desired good pleasure, and despise not my life
which is full of sin, known to none so entirely and fully as
to Thee alone.
7. Grant me, O Lord, to know that which ought to be
known; to love that which ought to be loved; to praise that
which pleaseth Thee most, to esteem that which is precious
in Thy sight, to blame that which is vile in Thine eyes.
Suffer me not to judge according to the sight of bodily eyes,
nor to give sentence according to the hearing of the ears
of ignorant men; but to discern in true judgment between
visible and spiritual things, and above all things to be ever
seeking after the will of Thy good pleasure.
8. Oftentimes the senses of men are deceived in judging;
the lovers of the world also are deceived in that they love
" Job xiii. 2.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 333
only visible things. What is a man better because by man
he is reckoned very great? The deceiver deceiveth the
deceiver, the vain man the vain, the blind man the blind,
the weak man the weak, when they exalt one another ; and
in truth they rather put to shame, while they foolishly praise.
For as humble St. Francis saith, " What each one is in
Thine eyes, so much he is, and no more."
CHAPTER LI
That we must give ourselves to humble works when we are
unequal to those that are lofty
" My Son, thou art not always able to continue in very
fervent desire after virtues, nor to stand fast in the loftier
region of contemplation ; but thou must of necessity some-
times descend to lower things because of thine original cor-
ruption, and bear about the burden of corruptible life, though
unwillingly and with weariness. So long as thou wearest
a mortal body, thou shalt feel weariness and heaviness of
heart. Therefore thou oughtest to groan often in the flesh
because of the burden of the flesh, inasmuch as thou canst
not give thyself to spiritual studies and divine contemplation
unceasingly.
2. " At such a time it is expedient for thee to flee to
humble and external works, and to renew thyself with good
actions ; to wait for My coming and heavenly visitation with
sure confidence ; to bear thy exile and drought of mind with
patience, until thou be visited by Me again, and be freed
from all anxieties. For I will cause thee to forget thy
labours, and altogether to enjoy eternal peace. I will spread
open before thee the pleasant pastures of the Scriptures,
that with enlarged heart thou mayest begin to run in the
way of My commandments. And thou shalt say, ' The
sufferings of this present time are not worthy to he com-
pared with the glory zvhich shall be revealed in us.' "^
1 Romans viii. i8.
334 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
CHAPTER LII
That a man ought not to reckon himself worthy of consolation,
but more worthy of chastisement
LoRDj I am not worthy of Thy consolation, nor of any
spiritual visitation; and therefore Thou dealest justly with
me, when Thou leavest me poor and desolate. For if I were
able to pour forth tears like the sea, still should I not be
worthy of Thy consolation. Therefore am I nothing worthy
save to be scourged and punished, because I have grievously
and many a time offended Thee, and in many things have
greatly sinned. Therefore, true account being taken, I am
not worthy even of the least of Thy consolations. But Thou,
gracious and merciful God, who wiliest not that Thy works
should perish, to show forth the riches of Thy mercy upon
the vessels of mercy,^ vouchsafest even beyond all his own
deserving, to comfort Thy servant above the measure of
mankind. For Thy consolations are not like unto the dis-
coursings of men.
2. What have I done, O Lord, that Thou shouldst bestow-
any heavenly comfort upon me? I remember not that I
have done any good, but have been ever prone to sin and
slow to amendment. It is true and I cannot deny it. If I
should say otherwise. Thou wouldst rise up against me, and
there would be none to defend me. What have I deserved
for my sins but hell and everlasting fire? In very truth
1 confess that I am worthy of all scorn and contempt, nor
is it fit that I should be remembered among Thy faithful
servants. And although I be unwilling to hear this, never-
theless I will for the Truth's sake, accuse myself of my sins,
that the more readily I may prevail to be accounted worthy
of Thy mercy.
3. What shall I say, guilty that I am and filled with con-
fusion? I have no mouth to utter, unless it be this word
alone, " I have sinned. Lord, I have sinned ; have mercy upon
me, forgive me." Let me alone, that I may take comfort a
little before I go zvhettce I shall not return even to the land
of darkness and the shadow of death.' What dost Thou so
^Romans ix. 23. ^Job x. 20, 21.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 335
much require of a guilty and miserable sinner, as that he be
:ontrite, and humble himself for his sins? In true con-
trition and humiliation of heart is begotten the hope of pardon,
the troubled conscience is reconciled, lost grace is recovered,
a man is preserved from the wrath to come, and God and
the penitent soul hasten to meet each other with a holy kiss.*
4. The humble contrition of sinners is an acceptable sacri-
fice unto Thee. O Lord, sending forth a smell sweeter far
in Thy sight than the incense. This also is that pleasant
ointment which Thou wouldst have poured upon Thy sacred
feet, for a broken and contrite heart Thou hast never de-
spised.'' There is the place of refuge from the wrathful
countenance of the enemy. There is amended and washed
away whatsoever evil hath elsewhere been contracted.
CHAPTER LIII
That the Grace of God doth not join itself to those who
mind earthly things
" My Son, precious is My grace, it sufifereth not itself to be
joined with outward things, nor with earthly consolations.
Therefore thou oughtest to cast away all things which
hinder grace, if thou longest to receive the inpouring thereof.
Seek a secret place for thyself, love to dwell alone with thy-
self, desire the conversation of no one ; but rather pour out
thy devout prayer to God, that thou mayest possess a contrite
mind and a pure conscience. Count the whole world as
nought ; seek to be alone with God before all outward things.
For thou canst not be alone with Me, and at the same time
be delighted with transitory things. Thou oughtest to be
separated from thy acquaintances and dear friends, and keep
thy mind free from all worldly comfort. So the blessed
Apostle Peter beseecheth, that Christ's faithful ones bear
themselves in this world as strangers and pilgrims.^
2. " Oh how great a confidence shall there be to the dy-
ing man whom no affection to anything detaineth in the
world? But to have a heart so separated from all things,
a sickly soul doth not yet comprehend, nor doth the carnal
•Luke XV, 20. * Psalm 11. 17. » 1 Peter ii. 11.
336 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
man know the liberty of the spiritual man. But if indeed
he desire to be spiritually minded, he must renoimce both
those who are far ofif, and those who are near, and to be-
ware of no man more than himself. If thou perfectly coa-
quer thyself, very easily shalt thou subdue all things besides.
Perfect victory is the triumph over oneself. For whoso
keepeth himself in subjection, in such manner that the sen-
sual affections obey the reason, and the reason in all things
obeyeth Me, he truly is conqueror of himself, and lord of the
world.
3. " If thou desire to climb to this height, thou oughtest to
start bravely, and to lay the axe to the root, to the end that
thou mayest pull up and destroy the hidden inordinate in-
clination towards thyself, and towards all selfish and earthly
good. From this sin, that a man loveth himself too inordi-
nately, almost everything hangeth which needeth to be
utterly overcome : when that evil is conquered and put under
foot, there shall be great peace and tranquillity continually.
But because few strive earnestly to die perfectly to them-
selves, and do not heartily go forth from themselves, there-
fore do they remain entangled in themselves, and cannot be
raised in spirit above themselves. But he who desireth to
walk at liberty with Me, must of necessity mortify all his
evil and inordinate affections, and must cling to no creature
with selfish love."
CHAPTER LIV
Of the diverse motions of Nature and of Grace
" My Son, pay diligent heed to the motions of Nature and of
Grace, because they move in a very contrary and subtle
manner, and are hardly distinguished save by a spiritual
and inwardly enlightened man. All men indeed seek good,
and make pretence of something good in all that they say
or do; and thus under the appearance of good many are
deceived.
2. " Nature is deceitful and draweth away, ensnareth,
and deceiveth many, and always hath self for her end; but
Grace walketh in simplicity and turneth away from every
appearance of evil, maketh no false pretences, and doeth
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 337
all entirely for the sake of God, in whom also she finally
resteth.
3. " Nature is very unwilling to die, and to be pressed
down, and to be overcome, and to be in subjection, and to
bear the yoke readily; but Grace studieth self-mortification,
resisteth sensuality, seeketh to be subdued, longeth to be
conquered, and willeth not to use her own liberty. She
loveth to be held by discipline, and not to have authority
over any, but alv-ays to live, to remain, to have her being
under God, and for God's sake is ready to be humbly subject
to every ordinance of man.
4. " Nature laboureth for her own advantage, and con-
sidereth what profit she may gain from another; but Grace
considereth more, not what may be useful and convenient to
self, but what may be profitable to the many.
5. " Nature willingly receiveth honour and reverence ;
but Grace faithfully ascribeth all honour and glory to God.
6. " Nature feareth confusion and contempt, but Grace re-
joiceth to suffer shame for the name of Jesus.
7. " Nature loveth ease and bodily quiet ; Grace cannot
be unemployed, but gladly embraceth labour.
8. " Nature seeketh to possess things curious and at-
tractive, and abhorreth those which are rough and cheap;
Grace is delighted with things simple and humble, despiseth
not those which are rough, nor refuseth to be clothed with
old garments.
9. " Nature hath regard to things temporal, rejoiceth in
earthly lucre, is made sad by loss, vexed by any little in-
jurious word; but Grace reacheth after things eternal,
cleaveth not to those which are temporal, is not perturbed
by losses, nor embittered by any hard words, because she
hath placed her treasure and joy in heaven where nought
perisheth.
10. " Nature is covetous, and receiveth more willmgly than
she giveth. loveth things that are personal and private to
herself; while Grace is kind and generous, avoideth selfish-
ness, is contented with a little, believeth that it is more
blessed to give than to receive.
11. " Nature inclineth thee to created things, to thine own
flesh, to vanities and dissipation ; but Grace draweth to God
338 THK IMITATION OF CHRIST
and to virtue*!, rcnounceth creatures, fleeth from the world,
hatcth the desires of the flesh, restraineth vagaricd, blnsbetfa
to be »ccn in public.
12. " Nature is glad to receive some outward solace in
which the senses may have delight; but Grace seeketh to
)>c comforted in God alone, and to have delight in the chief
good abfjvc all visible things.
i;^. " Nature doeth everything for her own gain and profit,
can do nothing as a free favour, but hopeth to attain some-
thing as good or better, or some praise or favour for her
IxiuTits; and she lovcth that her own deeds and gifts should
be highly valued; but Grace seeketh nothing temporal, nor
rcf|nircth any other gift of reward than God alone; neither
longcth she for more of temporal necessities than such as
may suffice for the attaining of eternal life.
14. " Nature rcjoiceth in many friends and kinsfolk, she
boastcth of noble place and noble birth, she smileth on the
powerful, flattercth the rich, applaudeth those who are like
herself; but Grace loveth even her enemies, and is not lifted
up by the multitude of friends, setteth no store upon high
place or high birth, unless there be greater virtue therewith;
favnurcth the poor man more than the rich, hath more sym-
pathy with the innocent than with the powerful; rejoiceth
with the truthful, not with the liar; always exhorteth the
good to strive after better gifts of grace, and to become by
holiness like unto the Son of God.
15. "Nature quickly complaineth of poverty and of
trouble ; Grace beareth want with constancy.
16. " Nature looketh upon all things in reference to her-
self; striveth and argueth for self ; but Grace bringeth back all
things to God from whom they came at the beginning; ascrib-
eth no good to herself nor arrogantly presumeth ; is not con-
tentious, nor preferreth her own opinion to others, but in
every sense and understanding submitteth herself to the
Eternal wisdom and the Divine judgment.
17. " Nature is eager to know secrets and to hear new
things ; she loveth to appear abroad, and to make experience
of many things through the senses; she desireth to be ac-
knowledged and to do those things which win praise and
admiration ; but Grace careth not to gather up new or curious
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST MB
things, because all this springeth from the old corruption,
whereas there is nothing new or lasting upon earth. So
she teacheth to restrain the senses, to shun vain complacency
and ostentation, to hide humbly those things which merit
praise and real admiration, and from everything and in all
knowledge to seek after useful fruit, and the praise and
honour of God. She desireth not to receive praise for her-
self or her own, but longeth that God be blessed in all His
gifts, who out of unmingled love bestoweth all things."
i8. This Grace is a supernatural light, and a certain
special gift of God, and the proper mark of the elect, and
the pledge of eternal salvation ; it exalteth a man from earthly
things to love those that are heavenly; and it maketh the
carnal man spiritual. So far therefore as Nature is utterly
pressed down and overcome, so far is greater Grace bestowed
and the inner man is daily created anew by fresh visitations,
after the image of God.
CHAPTER LV
Of the cormption of Nature and the eflBcacy of Divine Grace
O Lord my God, who hast created me after thine own image
and simihtude, grant me this grace, which Thou hast shown
to be so great and so necessar\- for salvation, that I may con-
quer my wicked nature, which draweth me to sin and to
perdition. For I feel in my flesh the law of sin, contradict-
ing the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity
to the obedience of sensuality in many things; nor can I
resist its passions, unless Thy most holy grace assist me,
fervently poured into my heart.
2. There is need of Thy grace, yea, and of a great measure
thereof, that my nature may be conquered, which hath alway
been prone to e\i\ from my youth. For being fallen through
the first man Adam, and corrupted through sin, the punish-
ment of this stain descended upon all men; so that Nature
itself, which was framed good and right by Thee, is now
used to express the vice and infirmit\- of corrupted Nature;
because its motion left unto itself draweth men away to
evil and to lower things. For the little pox^-er which remain-
340 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
eth is as it were one spark lying hid in the ashes. This
is Natural reason itself, encompassed with thick clouds, hav-
ing yet a discernment of good and evil, a distinction of the
true and the false, though it be powerless to fulfil all that
it approveth, and possess not yet the full light of truth, nor
healthfulness of its affections.
3. Hence it is, O my God, that / delight in Thy law after
the inward nian,^ knowing that Thy commandment is holy
and just and good; reproving also all evil, and the sin that
is to be avoided: yet with the flesh I serve the law of sin,
whilst I obey sensuality rather than reason. Hence it is
that to will to do good is present with me, hut how to per-
form it I Und not." Hence I ofttimes purpose many good
things; but because grace is lacking to help mine infirmities,
I fall back before a little resistance and fail. Henoe it
cometh to pass that I recognize the way of perfectness, and
see very clearly what things I ought to do ; but pressed down
by the weight of my own corruption, I rise not to the things
which are more perfect.
4. Oh how entirely necessary is Thy grace to me, O Lord,
for a good beginning, for progress, and for bringing to
perfection. For without it I can do nothing, but / can do ail
things through Thy grace which strengtheneth me^ O
truly heavenly grace, without which our own merits are
nought, and no gifts of Nature at all are to be esteemed.
Arts, riches, beauty, strength, wit, eloquence, they all avail
nothing before Thee, O Lord, without Thy grace. For the
gifts of Nature belong to good and evil alike ; but the proper
gift of the elect is grace— that is, love — and they who bear
the mark thereof are held worthy of everlasting life. So
mighty is this grace, that without it neither the gift of
prophecy nor the working of miracles, nor any speculation,
howsoever lofty, is of any value at all. But neither faith,
nor hope, nor any other virtue is accepted with Thee with-
out love and grace. . .
5. O most blessed grace that makest the poor in spirit
rich in virtues, and renderest him who is rich in many things
humble in spirit, come Thou, descend upon me, fill me early
with Thy consolation, lest my soul fail through weariness
» Romans vu. 12, 22. 25. » Romans vii. 18. ^Philippians iv. 13.
THE LMITATION OF CHRIST 341
and drought of mind. I beseech thee, O Lord, that I may-
find grace in Thy sight, for Thy grace is sufficient for me*
when I obtain not those things which Nature longeth for.
If I be tempted and vexed with many tribulations, I will fear
no evil, while Thy grace remaineth with me. This alone
is my strength, this bringeth me counsel and help. It is
more powerful than all enemies, and wiser than all the wise
men in the world.
6. It is the mistress of truth, the teacher of discipline, the
light of the heart, the solace of anxiety, the banisher of'sor-
row, the deliverer from fear, the nurse of devotion, the
drawer forth of tears. What am I without it, save a dry
tree, a useless branch, worthy to be cast away 1 " Let Thy
grace, therefore, O Lord, always prevent and follow me,
and make me continually given to all good works, through
Jesus Christ, Thy Son. Amen."
CHAPTER LVI
That we ought to deny ourselves, and to imitate Christ by
means of the Cross
My Son, so far as thou art able to go out of thyself so far
shalt thou be able to enter into Me. As to desire no out-
ward thing worketh internal peace, so the forsaking of self
inwardly joineth unto God. I will that thou learn perfect
self-denial, living in My will without contradiction or com-
plaint. Follow Me : / am the way, the truth, and the life}
Without the way thou canst not go, without the truth thou
canst not know, without the life thou canst not live. I am
the Way which thou oughtest to follow; the Truth which
thou oughtest to believe ; the Life which thou oughtest to
hope for. I am the Way unchangeable: the Truth infallible;
the Life everlasting. I am the Way altogether straight, the
Truth supreme, the true Life, the blessed Life, the uncreated
Life. If thou remain in My way thou shalt know the Truth,
and the truth shall make thee freef and thou shalt lay hold on
eternal life.
2. " // thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments.^
* 3 Corinthians xii. 9. ^ John xiv. 6. = John viii. 32. * Matthew xix. 17, 21.
342 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
If thou wilt know the truth, beheve in Me. // thou wilt be
perfect, sell all that thou hast. If thou wilt be My disciple,
deny thyself. If thou wouldst possess the blessed life, de-
spise the life which now is. If thou wilt be exalted in
heaven, humble thyself in the world. If thou wilt reign
with Me, bear the cross with Me; for only the servants of
the cross find the way of blessedness and of true light."
3. O Lord Jesu, forasmuch as Thy life was straitened and
despised by the world, grant unto me to imitate Thee in
despising the world, for the servant is not greater than his
lord, nor the disciple above his master* Let Thy servant
be exercised in Thy life, because there is my salvation and
true holiness. Whatsoever I read or hear besides it, it
refresheth me not, nor giveth me delight.
4. " My son, because thou knowest these things and hast
read them all, blessed shalt thou be if thou doest them. He
who hath My commandments and keepeth them, he it is that
loveth Me, and I will love him, and will manifest Myself to
him,^ and I will make him to sit down with Me in My Father's
Kingdom."
5. O Lord Jesu, as Thou hast said and promised, even so
let it be unto me, and grant me to prove worthy. I have
received the cross at Thy hand; I have carried it, and will
carry it even unto death, as Thou hast laid it upon me.
Truly the life of a truly devoted servant is a cross, but it
leadeth to paradise. I have begun; I may not return back
nor leave it.
6. Come, my brothers, let us together go forward. Jesus
shall be with us. For Jesus' sake have we taken up this
cross, for Jesus' sake let us persevere in the cross. He will
be our helper, who was our Captain and Forerunner. Be-
hold our King entereth in before us, and He will fight foi;
us. Let us follow bravely, let no man fear terrors; let us
be prepared to die bravely in battle, and let us not so stain
our honour,^ as to fly from the cross.
* Matthew x. 24. ^ John xiv. 21. ^1 Mac. ix. lo.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 343
CHAPTER LVII
That a man must not be too much cast down when he
falleth into some faults
" My Son, patience and humility in adversities are more
pleasing to Me than much comfort and devotion in pros-
perity. Why doth a little thing spoken against thee make
thee sad? If it had been more, thou still oughtest not to
be moved. But now suffer it to go by ; it is not the first, it is
not new, and it will not be the last, if thou live long. Thou
art brave enough, so long as no adversity meeteth thee.
Thou givest good counsel also, and knowest how to
strengthen others with thy words; but when tribulation
suddenly knocketh at thine own door, thy counsel and
strength fail. Consider thy great frailty, which thou dost
so often experience in trifling matters nevertheless, for thy
soul's health these things are done when they and such
like happen unto thee.
2. " Put them away from thy heart as well as thou canst,
and if tribulation hath touched thee, yet let it not cast thee
down nor entangle thee long. At the least, bear patiently,
if thou canst not joyfully. And although thou be very un-
willing to hear it, and feel indignation, yet check thyself,
and suffer no unadvised word to come forth from thy lips,
whereby the little ones may be offended. Soon the storm
which hath been raised shall be stilled, and inward grief
shall be sweetened by returning grace. I yet live, saith the
Lord, ready to help thee, and to give thee more than wonted
consolation if thou put thy trust in Me, and call devoutly
upon Me.
3. " Be thou more calm of spirit, and gird thyself for
greater endurance. All is not frustrated, though thou find
thyself very often afflicted or grievously tempted. Thou
art man, not God; thou art flesh, not an angel. How
shouldst thou be able to remain alway in the same state of
virtue, when an angel in heaven fell, and the first man in
paradise? I am He who Hfteth up the mourners to deliver-
ance, and those who know their own infirmity I raise up to
my own nature."
344 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
4. O Lord, blessed be Thy word, sweeter to my mouth
than honey and the honeycomb. What should I do in my
so great tribulations and anxieties, unless Thou didst com-
fort me with Thy holy words? If only I may attain unto,
the haven of salvation, what matter is it what things or
how many I suffer? Give me a good end, give me a happy
passage out of this world. Remember me, O my God, and
lead me by the right way unto Thy Kingdom. Amen.
CHAPTER LVHI
Of deeper matters, and God's hidden judgments which are
not to be inquired into
" My Son, beware thou dispute not of high matters and of
the hidden judgments of God; why this man is thus left, and
that man is taken into so great favour; why also this man
is so greatly afflicted, and that so highly exalted. These
things pass all man's power of judging, neither may any
reasoning or disputation have power to search out the di-
vine judgments. When therefore the enemy suggesteth these
things to thee, or when any curious people ask such questions,
answer with that word of the Prophet, Just art Thou,
Lord, and true is Thy judgment^ and with this, The judg-
ments of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether^ My
judgments are to be feared, not to be disputed on, because
they are incomprehensible to human understanding.
2* " And be not given to inquire or dispute about the
merits of the Saints, which is holier than another, or which
is the greater in the Kingdom of Heaven. Such questions
often beget useless strifes and contentions : they also nourish
pride and vain glory, whence envyings and dissensions arise,
while one man arrogantly endeavoureth to exalt one Saint
and another another. But to wish to know and search out
such things bringeth no fruit, but it rather displeaseth the
Saints; for I am not the God of confusion hut of peace f
which peace consisteth more in true humility than in self-
exaltation.
3. " Some are drawn by zeal of love to greater affection
* Psalm cxix. 137. 2 psalm xix. 9. » Corinthians xiv. 33.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 345
to these Saints or those; but this is human affection rather
than divine. I am He Who made all the Saints: I gave
them grace, I brought them glory ; I know the merits of
every one; / prevented them tiith the blessings of My good-
ness* I foreknew my beloved ones from everlasting, / chose
them out of the world f they did not choose Me. I called
them by My grace, drew them by My mercy, led them on
through sundry temptations. I poured mighty consolations
upon them, I gave them perseverance, I crowned their
patience.
4. " I acknowledge the first and the last ; I embrace all
with inestimable love. I am to be praised in all My Saints;
I am to be blessed above all things, and to be honoured in
every one whom I have so gloriously exalted and predes-
tined, without any preceding merits of their own. He
therefore that shall despise one of the least of these My
people, honoureth not the great; because I made both small
and great.® And he who speaketh against any of My Saints
speaketh against Me, and against all others in the Kingdom
of Heaven."
They are all one through the bond of charity ; they think
the same thing, will the same thing, and all are united in love
one to another.
5. " But yet (which is far better) they love Me above
themselves and their own merits. For being caught up
above themselves, and drawn beyond self-love, they go all
straightforward to the love of Me, and they rest in Me in
perfect enjoyment. There is nothing which can turn them
away or press them down ; for being full of Eternal Truth,
they burn with the fire of inextinguishable charity. There-
fore let all carnal and natural men hold their peace concern-
ing the state of the Saints, for they know nothing save to
love their own personal enjoyment. They take away and
add according to their own inclination, not as it pleaseth
the Eternal Truth.
6. " In many men this is ignorance, chiefly is it so in
those who, being little enlightened, rarely learn to love any
one with perfect spiritual love. They are still much drawn
by natural affection and human friendship to these or to
* Psalm xxi. 3. ^ John xv. 19. • VVisA vi. 8.
346 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
those: and as they reckon of themselves in lower matters,
so also do they frame imaginations of things heavenly. But
there is an immeasurable difference between those things
which they imperfectly imagine, and these things which en-
lightened men behold through supernatural revelation.
7. "Take heed, therefore, My son, that thou treat not
curiously those things which surpass thy knowledge, but
rather make this thy business and give attention to it, namely,
that thou seek to be found, even though it be the least, in
the Kingdom of God. And even if any one should know
who were holier than others, or who were held greatest in
the Kingdom of Heaven; what should that knowledge profit
him, unless through this knowledge he should humble him-
self before Me, and should rise up to give greater praise
unto My name? He who considereth how great are his own
sins, how small his virtues, and how far he is removed from
the perfection of the Saints, doeth far more acceptably in the
sight of God, than he who disputeth about their greatness
or littleness.
8. "They are altogether well content, if men would learn
to be content, and to refrain from vain babbling. They
glory not of their own merits, seeing they ascribe no good
unto themselves, but all unto Me, seeing that I of my infinite
charity have given them all things. They are filled with
so great love of the Divinity, and with such overflowing joy,
that no glory is lacking to them, neither can any felicity be
lacking. All the Saints, the higher they are exalted in glory,
the humbler are they in themselves, and the nearer and
dearer are they unto Me. And so thou hast it written that
they cast their crowns before God and fell on their faces
before the Lamb, and worshipped Him that liveth for ever
and ever.'
9. "Many ask who is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven,
who know not whether they shall be worthy to be counted
among the least. It is a great thing to be even the least in
Heaven, where all are great, because all shall be called, and
shall be, the sons of God. A little one shall become a
thousand, but the sinner being an hundred years old shall
be accursed. For when the disciples asked who should be
' Revelation iv. 10; v. 14.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 347
ihe greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven, they received no
other answer than this, Except ye be converted and become
as little children, ye shall not enter into the Kingdom of
Heaven. But whosoever shall humble himself as this little
child, the same shall be greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven."^
lo. Woe unto them who disdain to humble themselves
willingly with the little children; for the low gate of the
kingdom of Heaven will not suffer them to enter in. Woe
also to them who are rich, who have their consolation here;"
because whilst the poor enter into the kingdom of God, they
shall stand lamenting without. Rejoice ye humble, and exult
ye poor, for yours is the kingdom of God if only ye walk in
the truth.
CHAPTER LIX
That all hope and trust is to be fixed in God alone
Lord, what is my trust which I have in this life, or what
is my greatest comfort of all the things which are seen under
Heaven? Is it not Thou, O Lord my God, whose mercies
are without number? Where hath it been well with me
without Thee? Or when could it be evil whilst Thou wert
near? I had rather be poor for Thy sake, than rich without
Thee. I choose rather to be a pilgrim upon the earth with
Thee than without Thee to possess heaven. Where Thou
art, there is heaven ; and where Thou are not, behold there
death and hell. Thou art all my desire, and therefore must
1 groan and cry and earnestly pray after Thee. In short I
can confide fully in none to give me ready help in necessities,
save in Thee alone, O my God. Thou art my hope. Thou art
my trust. Thou art my Comforter, and most faithful in all
things.
2. All men seek their own;^" Thou settest forward only my
salvation and my profit, and turnest all things unto my good.
Even though Thou dost expose me to divers temptations and
adversities. Thou ordainest all this unto my advantage, for
Thou are wont to prove Thy beloved ones in a thousand ways.
In which proving Thou oughtest no less to be loved and
* Matthew xviii. 3. » Philippians ii. 21. i" Luke vi.
348 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
praised, than if Thou wert filling me full of heavenly
consolations.
3. In Thee, therefore, O Lord God, I put all my hope and
my refuge, on Thee I lay all my tribulation and anguish; be-
cause I find all to be weak and unstable whatsoever I behold
out of Thee. For many friends shall not profit, nor strong
helpers be able to succour, nor prudent counsellors to give
a useful answer, nor the books of the learned to console,
nor any precious substance to deliver, nor any secret and
beautiful place to give shelter, if Thou Thyself do not
assist, help, strengthen, comfort, instruct, keep in safety.
4. For all things which seem to belong to the attainment
of peace and felicity are nothing when Thou art absent,
and bring no felicity at all in reality. Therefore art Thou
the end of all good, and the fulness of Life, and the soul of
eloquence; and to hope in Thee above all things is the
strongest solace of Thy servants. Mine eyes look unto Thee^
in Thee is my trust, O my God, Father of mercies.
5. Bless and sanctify my soul with heavenly blessing that
it may become Thy holy habitation, and the seat of Thy
eternal glory; and let nothing be found in the Temple of
Thy divinity which may offend the eyes of Thy majesty.
According to the greatness of Thy goodness and the multi-
tude of Thy mercies look upon me, and hear the prayer of
Thy poor servant, far exiled from Thee in the land of the
shadow of death. Protect and preserve the soul of Thy
least servant amid so many dangers of corruptible life, and
by Thy grace accompanying me, direct it by the way of
peace unto its home of perpetual light. Amen.
2 Psalm cxli. 8.
THE FOURTH BOOK
OF THE SACRAMENT OF THE ALTAR
A devout exhortation to the Holy Communion
The Voice of Christ
Come unto Me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and
I will refresh you,^ saith the Lord. The bread that I will
give is My flesh which I give for the life of the world.'
Take, eat: this is My Body, zi'hich is given for you: this do
in remembrance of Me^ He that eateth My flesh and
drinketh My blood dwelleth in Me and I in him. The words
that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life*
CHAPTER I
With how great reverence Christ must be received
The Voice of the Disciple
THESE are Thy words, O Christ. Eternal Truth;
though not uttered at one time nor written together
in one place of Scripture. Because therefore they
are Thy words and true, I must gratefully and faithfully re-
ceive them all. They are Thine, and Thou hast uttered them ;
and they are mine also, because Thou didst speak them for my
salvation. Gladly I receive them from Thy mouth, that they
may be more deeply implanted in my heart. Words of such
great grace arouse me, for they are full of sweetness and
love ; but my own sins terrify me, and my impure conscience
driveth me away from receiving so great mysteries. The
sweetness of Thy words encourageth me, but the multitude
of my faults presseth me down.
* Matthew xi. 28. ^loYxn vi. 51. ^ Matthew xxi. j6: Luke xw. ig.
* John vi. 57, 63.
349
3S0 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
2. Thou commandest that I draw near to Thee with firm
confidence, if I would have part with Thee, and that I
receive the food of immortaUty, if I desire to obtain eternal
life and glory. Come unto Me, sayest Thou, all that labour
and are heavy laden, and I will refresh you. Oh, sweet and
lovely word in the ear of the sinner, that Thou, O Lord my
God, dost invite the poor and needy to the Communion of
Thy most holy body and blood. But who am I, O Lord,
that I should presume to approach unto Thee? Behold the
heaven of heavens cannot contain Thee, and yet Thou sayest.
Come ye all unto Me.
3. What meaneth this most gracious condescension, this
most lovely invitation ? How shall I dare to come, who know
no good thing of myself, whence I might be able to presume?
How shall I bring Thee within my house, seeing that I so
often have sinned in Thy most loving sight? Angels and
Archangels stand in awe of Thee, the Saints and just men
fear Thee, and Thou sayest. Come unto Me! Except Thou,
Lord, hadst said it, who should believe it true? And except
Thou hadst commanded, who should attempt to draw near?
4. Behold, Noah, that just man, laboured for a hundred
years in building the ark, that he might be saved with the
few; and I, how shall I be able in one hour to prepare my-
self to receive the Builder of the world with reverence?
Moses, Thy servant. Thy great and especial friend, made an
ark of incorruptible wood, which also he covered with purest
gold, that he might lay up in it the tables of the law, and
I, a corruptible creature, shall I dare thus easily to receive
Thee, the Maker of the Law and the Giver of life? Solomon,
the wisest of the kings of Israel, was seven years building
his magnificent temple to the praise of Thy Name, and for
eight days celebrated the feast of its dedication, offered a
thousand peace offerings, and solemnly brought up the Ark of
the Covenant to the place prepared for it, with the sound
of trumpets and great joy, and I, unhappy and poorest of
mankind, how shall I bring Thee into my house, who scarce
know how to spend half an hour in devotion? And oh that
it were even one half hour worthily spent !
5. O my God, how earnestly these holy men strove to
please Thee ! And alas ! how little and trifling is that which
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 351
I do ! how short a time do I spend, when I am disposing
myself to Communion. Rarely altogether collected, most
rarely cleansed from all distraction. And surely in the
saving presence of Thy Godhead no unmeet thought ought
to intrude, nor should any creature take possession of me,
because it is not an Angel but the Lord of the Angels, that
I am about to receive as my Guest.
6. Yet there is a vast difference between the Ark of the
Covenant with its relics, and Thy most pure Body with its
ineffable virtues, between those sacrifices of the law, which
were figures of things to come, and the true sacrifice of Thy
Body, the completion of all the ancient sacrifices.
7. Wherefore then do I not yearn more ardently after Thy
adorable presence? Why do I not prepare myself with
greater solicitude to receive Thy holy things, when those
holy Patriarchs and Prophets of old, kings also and princes,
with the whole people, manifested so great affection of
devotion towards Thy Divine Service?
8. The most devout king David danced with all his might
before the Ark of God, calling to mind the benefits granted
to his forefathers in days past ; he fashioned musical instru-
ments of various sorts, put forth Psalms, and appointed them
to be sung with joy, played also himself ofttimes on the harp,
being inspired with the grace of the Holy Ghost ; he taught
the people of Israel to praise God, with the whole heart, and
with unity of voice to bless and praise Him every day. If
so great devotion was then exercised, and celebration of
divine praise was carried on before the Ark of the Testimony,
how great reverence and devotion ought now to be shown by
me and all Christian people at the ministering of the Sacra-
ment, at receiving the most precious Body and Blood of
Christ.
9. Many run to diverse places to visit the memorials of
departed Saints, and rejoice to hear of their deeds and to
look upon the beautiful buildings of their shrines. And
behold, Thou art present here with me, O my God, Saint of
Saints, Creator of men and Lord of the Angels. Often in
looking at those memorials men are moved by curiosity and
novelty, and very little fruit of amendment is borne away,
especially when there is so much careless trifling and so
352 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
little true contrition. But here in the Sacrament of the
Altar, Thou art present altogether, My God, the Man Christ
Jesus; where also abundant fruit of eternal life is given to
every one soever that receiveth Thee worthily and devoutly.
But to this no levity draweth, no curiosity, nor sensuality,
only steadfast faith, devout hope, and sincere charity.
10. O God, invisible Creator of the world, how won-
drously dost Thou work with us, how sweetly and graciously
Thou dealest with Thine elect, to whom Thou offerest Thy-
self to be received in this Sacrament ! For this surpasseth
all understanding, this specially draweth the hearts of the
devout and enkindleth their affections. For even thy true
faithful ones themselves, who order their whole life to
amendment, oftentimes gain from this most excellent Sacra-
ment great grace of devotion and love of virtue.
11. Oh admirable and hidden grace of the Sacrament,
which only Christ's faithful ones know, but the faithful and
those who serve sin cannot experience ! In this Sacrament
is conferred spiritual grace, and lost virtue is regained in the
soul, and the beauty which was disfigured by sin returneth
again. So great sometimes is this grace that out of the ful-
ness of devotion given, not only the mind but also the weak
body feeleth that more strength is supplied unto it.
12. But greatly must we mourn and lament over our
lukewarmness and negligence, that we are not drawn by
greater affection to become partakers of Christ, in whom all
the hope and the merit of those that are to be saved consist.
For He Himself is our sanctification and redemption} He
is the consolation of pilgrims and the eternal fruition of the
Saints. Therefore it is grievously to be lamented that many
so little consider this health-giving mystery, which maketh
heaven glad and preserveth the whole world. Alas for the
blindness and hardness of man's heart, that he considereth
not more this unspeakable gift, and even slippeth down
through the daily use, into carelessness.
13. For if this most holy Sacrament were celebrated in
one place only, and were consecrated only by one priest in
the whole world, with what great desire thinkest thou, would
men be affected towards that place and towards such a priest
1 I Corinthians i. 30.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 353
of God, that they might behold the divine mysteries cele-
brated? But now are many men made priests and in many
places the Sacrament is celebrated, that the grace and love of
God towards men might the more appear, the more widely the
Holy Communion is spread abroad over all the world.
Thanks be unto Thee, O good Jesus, Eternal Shepherd, who
hast vouchsafed to refresh us, poor and exiled ones, with
Thy precious Body and Blood, and to invite us to partake
these holy mysteries by the invitation from Thine own mouth,
saying, Come unto Me, ye who labour and are heavy laden,
and I will refresh you.
CHAPTER n
That the greatness and charity of God is shown to men
in the Sacrament
The Voice of the Disciple
Trusting in Thy goodness and great mercy, O Lord, I draw
near, the sick to the Healer, the hungering and thirsting to
the Fountain of life, the poverty-stricken to the King of
heaven, the servant to the Lord, the creature to the Creator,
the desolate to my own gentle Comforter. But whence is
this unto me, that Thou comest unto me? Who am I that
Thou shouldest offer mc Thyself? How doth a sinner dare
to appear before Thee? And how dost thou vouchsafe to
come to the sinner? Thou knowest Thy servant, and Thou
knowest that he hath in him no good thing for which Thou
shouldest grant him this grace. I confess therefore mine
own vileness, I acknowledge Thy goodness, I praise Thy
tenderness, and I give Thee thanks for Thine exceeding
great love. For Thou doest this for Thine own sake, not
for my merits, that Thy goodness may be more manifest
unto me. Thy charity more abundantly poured out upon me,
and Thy humility more perfectly commended unto me.
Therefore because this pleaseth Thee and Thou hast com-
manded that thus it shall be. Thy condescension pleaseth me
also ; and oh that mine iniquity hinder it not.
2. O most sweet and tender Jesus, what reverence, what
giving of thanks is due to Thee with perpetual praise for
12 — HC VII
354 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
the receiving of Thy sacred Body and Blood, the dignity
whereof no man is found able to express. But what shall
I think upon in this Communion in approaching my Lord,
whom I am not able worthily to honour, and nevertheless
whom I long devoutly to receive? What shall be better and
more healthful meditation for me, than utter humiUation of
myself before Thee, and exaltation of Thine infinite goodness
towards me? I praise Thee, O my God, and exalt Thee for
evermore. I despise myself, and cast myself down before
Thee into the deep of my vileness.
3. Behold, Thou art the Saint of saints and I the refuse
of sinners ; behold, Thou stoopest unto me who am not worthy
to look upon Thee; behold, Thou comest unto me, Thou
wiliest to be with me. Thou invitest me to Thy feast. Thou
wiliest to give me the heavenly food and bread of angels
to eat; none other, in truth, than Thyself, The living bread,
which didst descend from heaven; and givest life to the
world}
4. Behold, whence this love proceedeth ! what manner of
condescension shineth forth herein. What great giving of
thanks and praise is due unto Thee for these benefits ! Oh
how salutary and profitable Thy purpose when Thou didst
ordain this ! How sweet and pleasant the feast when Thou
didst give Thyself for food ! Oh how admirable is thy work-
ing, O Lord, how mighty Thy power, how unspeakable Thy
truth ! For Thou didst speak the word, and all things were
made ; and this is done which Thou hast commanded.
5. A thing wonderful, and worthy of faith, and surpassing
all the understanding of man, that Thou, O Lord my God,
very God and very man, givest Thyself altogether to us in
a little bread and wine, and art so our inexhaustible food.
Thou, O Lord of all, who hast need of nothing, hast willed
to dwell in us through Thy Sacrament. Preserve my heart
and my body undefiled, that with a joyful and pure con-
science I may be able very often to [celebrate, and]^ receive
to my perpetual health. Thy mysteries, which Thou hast con-
secrated and instituted both for Thine own honour, and for
a perpetual memorial.
6. Rejoice, O my soul, and give thanks unto God for so
*John vL 51. 2 The words in brackets are only suitable for a priest.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 355
great a gift and precious consolation, left unto thee in this
vale of tears. For so oft as thou callest this mystery to
mind and receivest the body of Christ, so often dost thou
celebrate the work of thy redemption, and art made partaker
of all the merits of Christ. For the charity of Christ never
groweth less, and the greatness of His propitiation is never
exhausted. Therefore, by continual renewal of thy spirit,
thou oughtest to dispose thyself hereunto and to weigh the
great mystery of salvation with attentive consideration. So
great, new, and joyful ought it to appear to thee when thou
comest to communion, as if on this self-same day Christ for
the first time were descending into the Virgin's womb and
becoming man, or hanging on the cross, suffering and dying
for the salvation of mankind.
CHAPTER HI
That it is profitable to Commvuiicate often
The Voice of the Disciple
Behold I come unto Thee, O Lord, that I may be blessed
through Thy gift, and be made joyful in Thy holy feast
which Thou, O God, of Thy goodness hast prepared for the
poor} Behold in Thee is all that I can and ought to desire.
Thou art my salvation and redemption, my hope and strength,
my honour and glory. Therefore rejoice the soul of Thy
servant this day, for unto Thee, O Lord Jesus, do I lift up my
soul.' I long now to receive Thee devoutly and reverently,
I desire to bring Thee into my house, so that with Zacchaeus
I may be counted worthy to be blessed by Thee and numbered
among the children of Abraham. My soul hath an earnest
desire for Thy Body, my heart longeth to be united with
Thee.
2. Give me Thyself and it sufficeth, for besides Thee no
consolation availeth. Without Thee I cannot be, and with-
out Thy visitation I have no power to live. And therefore
I must needs draw nigh unto Thee often, and receive Thee
for the healing of my soul, lest haply I faint by the way if
I be deprived of heavenly food. For so Thou, most merciful
^ Psalm Ixviii. lo. = Psalm Ixxxvi. 4.
356 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
Jesus, preaching to the people and healing many sick, didst
once say, / will not send them away fasting to their own
homes, lest they faint by the way? Deal therefore now to
me in like manner, for Thou left Thyself for the consolation
of the faithful in the Sacrament. For Thou art the sweet
refreshment of the soul, and he who shall eat Thee worthily
shall be partaker and inheritor of the eternal glory. Neces-
sary indeed it is for me, who so often slide backwards and
sin, so quickly wax cold and faint, to renew, cleanse, en-
kindle myself by frequent prayers and penitences and receiv-
ing of Thy sacred Body and Blood lest haply by too long
abstinence, I fall short of my holy resolutions.
3. For the imaginations of man's heart are evil from his
youth* and except divine medicine succour him, man slideth
away continually unto the worse. The Holy Communion
therefore draweth us back from evil, and strengtheneth us
for good. For if I now be so negligent and lukewarm
when I communicate [or celebrate], how should it be with
me, if I receive not this medicine, and sought not so great
a help? [And though I am not every day fit nor well pre-
pared to celebrate, I will nevertheless give diligent heed
at due season, to receive the divine mysteries, and to become
partaker of so great grace]. For this is the one principal
consolation of a faithful soul, so long as it is absent from
Thee in mortal body, that being continually mindful of its
God, it receiveth its Beloved with devout spirit.
4. Oh wonderful condescension of Thy pity surrounding
us, that Thou, O Lord God, Creator and Quickener of all
spirits, deignest to come unto a soul so poor and weak, and
to appease its hunger with Thy whole Deity and Humanity.
Oh happy mind and blessed soul, to which is granted devoutly
to receive Thee its Lord God, and in so receiving Thee to
be filled with all spiritual joy ! Oh how great a Lord doth
it entertain, how beloved a Guest doth it bring in, how
delightful a Companion doth it receive, how faithful a Friend
doth it welcome, how beautiful and exalted a Spouse, above
every other Beloved, doth it embrace. One to be loved above
all things that can be desired ! Oh my most sweet Beloved,
let heaven and earth and all the glory of them, be silent
in Thy presence; seeing whatsoever praise and beauty they
•Matthew xv. 32. * Genesis viii. 21.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 357
have it is of Thy gracious bounty ; and they shall never reach
unto the loveliness of Thy Name, Whose Wisdom is infinite.*
CHAPTER IV
That many good gifts are bestowed upon those who
Communicate devoutly
TAe yoice of the Disciple
O Lord my God, prevent Thou Thy servant with the blessings
of Thy sweetness, that I may be enabled to draw near
worthily and devoutly to Thy glorious Sacrament. Awaken
my heart towards Thee, and deliver me from heavy slumber.
Visit me with Thy salvation that I may in spirit taste Thy
sweetness, which plentifully lieth hid in this Sacrament as
in a fountain. Lighten also mine eyes to behold this so
great mystery, and strengthen me that I may believe it with
undoubting faith. For it is Thy word, not human power;
it is Thy holy institution, not the invention of man. For
no man is found fit in himself to receive and to understand
these things, which transcend even the wisdom of the Angels.
What portion then shall I, unworthy sinner, who am but
dust and ashes, be able to search into and comprehend of so
deep a Sacrament?
2. O Lord, in the simplicity of my heart, in good and firm
faith, and according to Thy will, I draw nigh unto Thee
with hope and reverence, and truly believe that Thou art
here present in the Sacrament, God and man. Thou wiliest
therefore that I receive Thee and unite myself to Thee in
charity. Wherefore I beseech Thy mercy, and implore Thee
to give me Thy special grace, to this end, that I may be
wholly dissolved and overflow with love towards Thee, and
no more suffer any other consolation to enter into me. For
this most high and most glorious Sacrament is the health of
the soul and the body, the medicine of all spiritual sickness,
whereby I am healed of my sins, my passions are bridled,
temptations are conquered or weakened, more grace is poured
into me, virtue begun is increased, faith is made firm, hope is
strengthened, and charity is enkindled and enlarged.
3. For in this Sacrament Thou hast bestowed many good
• Psalm cxlvii. .s.
358 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
things and still bestowest them continually on Thine elect
who communicate devoutly, O my God, Lifter up of my
soul. Repairer of human infirmity, and Giver of all inward
consolation. For Thou pourest into them much consola-
tion against all sorts of tribulation, and out of the deep
of their own misery Thou liftest them up to the hope of Thy
protection, and with ever new grace, dost inwardly refresh
and enlighten them; so that they who felt themselves to be
anxious and without affection before Communion, afterwards
being refreshed with heavenly food and drink, find themselves
changed for the better. And even in such wise Thou dealest
severally with Thine elect, that they may truly acknowledge
and clearly make proof that they have nothing whatsoever
of their own, and what goodness and grace come to them
from Thee; because being in themselves cold, hard of heart,
indevout, through Thee they become fervent, zealous, and
devout. For who is there coming humbly to the fountain of
sweetness, carrieth not away thence at the least some little
of that sweetness? Or who standing by a large fire, feeleth
not from thence a little of its heat? And Thou art ever
a full and overflowing fountain, a fire continually burning,
and never going out.
4. Wherefore if it is not suffered to me to draw from the
fulness of the fountain, nor to drink unto satisfying, yet
will I set my lips to the mouth of the heavenly conduit, that
at least I may receive a small drop to quench my thirst,
that I dry not up within my heart. And if I am not yet able
to be altogether heavenly and so enkindled as the Cherubim
and Seraphim, yet will I endeavour to give myself unto devo-
tion, and to prepare my heart, that I may gain if it be but
a little flame of the divine fire, through the humble receiving
of the life-giving Sacrament. But whatsoever is wanting
unto me, O merciful Jesus, Most Holy Saviour, do Thou
of Thy kindness and grace supply, who hast vouchsafed to
call all unto Thee, saying. Come unto me, all ye that are
weary and heavy laden, and I will refresh you.
5. I indeed labour in the sweat of my face, I am tormented
with sorrow of heart, I am burdened with sins, I am dis-
quieted with temptations, I am entangled and oppressed with
many passions, and there is none to help me, there is none to
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 359
deliver and ease me, but Thou, O Lord God, my Saviour, to
whom I commit myself and all things that are mine, that
Thou mayest preserve me and lead me unto life eternal.
Receive me unto the praise and glory of Thy name, who
hast prepared Thy Body and Blood to be my meat and drink.
Grant, O Lord God my Saviour, that with coming often to
Thy mysteries the zeal of my devotion may increase.
CHAPTER V
Of the dignity of this Sacrament, and of the office of the priest
The Voice of the Beloved
If thou hadst angelic purity and the holiness of holy John
the Baptist, thou wouldest not be worthy to receive or to
minister this Sacrament. For this is not deserved by merit
of man that a man should consecrate and minister the Sacra-
ment of Christ, and take for food the bread of Angels. Vast
is the mystery, and great is the dignity of the priests, to whom
is given what is not granted to Angels. For priests only,
rightly ordained in the church, have the power of conse-
crating and celebrating the Body of Christ. The priest
indeed is the minister of God, using the Word of God by
God's command and institution ; nevertheless God is there
the principal Author and invisible Worker, that to whom
all that He willeth is subject, and all He commandeth is
obedient.
2. Therefore thou must believe God Almighty in this
most excellent Sacrament, more than thine own sense or
any visible sign at all. And therefore with fear and rever-
ence is this work to be approached. Take heed therefore
and see what it is of which the ministry is committed to
thee by the laying on of the Bishop's hand. Behold thou art
made a priest and art consecrated to celebrate. See now
that thou do it before God faithfully and devoutly at due
time, and shew thyself without blame. Thou hast not light-
ened thy burden, but art now bound with a straiter bond
of discipline, and art pledged to a higher degree of holiness.
A priest ought to be adorned with all virtues and to afTord
to others an example of good life. His conversation must
360 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
not be with the popular and common ways of men, but with
Angels in Heaven or with perfect men on earth.
3. A priest clad in holy garments taketh Christ's place
that he may pray unto God with all supplication and humility
for himself and for the whole people. He must always
remember the Passion of Christ. He must diligently look
upon Christ's footsteps and fervently endeavour himself to
follow them. He must bear meekly for God whatsoever
ills are brought upon him by others. He must mourn for
his own sins, and for the sins committed by others, and may
not grow careless of prayer and holy oblation, until he
prevail to obtain grace and mercy. When the priest cele-
brateth, he honoureth God, giveth joy to the Angels,
buildeth up the Church, helpeth the living, hath communion
with the departed, and maketh himself a partaker of all good
things.
CHAPTER VI
An inquiry concerning preparation for Communion
The Voice of the Disciple
When I consider Thy dignity, O Lord, and mine own vile-
ness, I tremble very exceedingly, and am confounded within
myself. For if I approach not, I fly from life; and if I in-
trude myself unworthily, I run into Thy displeasure. What
then shall I do, O my God, Thou helper and Counsellor in
necessities.
2. Teach Thou me the right way ; propound unto me
some short exercise befitting Holy Communion. For it is
profitable to know how I ought to prepare my heart devoutly
and reverently for Thee, to the intent that I may receive Thy
Sacrament to my soul's health [or it may be also for the
celebrating this so great and divine mystery].
CHAPTER VH
Of the examination of conscience, and purpose of amendment
The Voice of the Beloved
Above all things the priest of God must draw nigh, with all
humility of heart and supplicating reverence, with full faith
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 361
and pious desire for the honour of God, to celebrate, minister,
and receive this Sacrament. Diligently examine thy con-
science and with all thy might with true contrition and humble
confession cleanse and purify it, so that thou mayest feel
no burden, nor know anything which bringeth thee remorse
and impedeth thy free approach. Have displeasure against
all thy sins in general, and specially sorrow and mourn be-
cause of thy daily transgressions. And if thou have time,
confess unto God in the secret of thine heart, all miseries of
thine own passion.
2. Lament grievously and be sorry, because thou art still
so carnal and worldly, so unmortified from thy passions, so
full of the motion of concupiscence, so unguarded in thine
outward senses, so often entangled in many vain fancies, so
much inclined to outward things, so negligent of internal ;
so ready to laughter and dissoluteness, so unready to weeping
and contrition ; so prone to ease and indulgence of the flesh,
so dull to zeal and fervour; so curious to hear novelties and
behold beauties, so loth to embrace things humble and de-
spised ; so desirous to have many things, so grudging in giv-
ing, so close in keeping; so inconsiderate in speaking, so
reluctant to keep silence ; so disorderly in manners, so incon-
siderate in actions ; so eager after food, so deaf towards the
Word of God; so eager after rest, so slow to labour; so
watchful after tales, so sleepy towards holy watchings ; so
eager for the end of them, so wandering in attention to them ;
so negligent in observing the hours of prayer, so lukewarm in
celebrating, so unfruitful in communicating; so quickly dis-
tracted, so seldom quite collected with thyself; so quickly
moved to anger, so ready for displeasure at others ; so prone
to judging, so severe at reproving; so joyful in prosperity,
so weak in adversity ; so often making many good resolutions
and bringing them to so little effect.
3. When thou hast confessed and bewailed these and thy
other shortcomings, with sorrow and sore displeasure at
thine own infirmity, make then a firm resolution of continual
amendment of life and of progress in all that is good. Then
moreover with full resignation and entire will offer thyself
to the honour of My name on the altar of thine heart as a
perpetual whole burnt-offering, even by faithfully presenting
362 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
thy body and soul unto Me, to the end that thou mayest so
be accounted worthy to draw near to offer this sacrifice of
praise and thanksgiving to God, and to receive the Sacra-
ment of My Body and Blood to thy soul's health. For
there is no oblation worthier, no satisfaction greater for the
destroying of sin, than that a man offer himself to God
purely and entirely with the oblation of the Body and Blood
of Christ in the Holy Communion. If a man shall have done
what in him lieth, and shall repent him truly, then how
often soever he shall draw nigh unto Me for pardon and
grace. As I live, saith the Lord, I have no pleasure in the
death of a sinner, but rather that he should be converted,
and live. All his transgressions that he hath committed,
they shall not be mentioned unto him}
CHAPTER Vni
Of the oblation of Christ upon the cross, and of
resignation of self
The Voice of the Beloved
As I of my own will offered myself unto God the Father on
the Cross for thy sins with outstretched hands and naked
body, so that nothing remained in Me that did not become
altogether a sacrifice for the Divine propitiation; so also
oughtest thou every day to offer thyself willingly unto Me
for a pure and holy oblation with all thy strength and af-
fections, even to the utmost powers of thine heart. What
more do I require of thee than thou study to resign thyself
altogether unto Me? Whatsoever thou givest besides thy-
self, I nothing care for, for I ask not thy gift, but thee.
2. As it would not be sufficient for thee if thou hadst all
things except Me, even so whatsoever thou shalt give Me,
if thou give Me not thyself, it cannot please Me. Offer thy-
self to Me, and give thyself altogether for God, so shall
thy offering be accepted. Behold I offered Myself altogether
to the Father for thee, I give also My whole body and blood
for food, that thou mightest remain altogether Mine and
I thine. But if thou stand in thyself, and offer not thyself
1 Ezekiel xviii. 22, 23.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 363
freely to My will, thy offering is not perfect, neither shall
the union betwixt us be complete. Therefore ought the
freewill offering of thyself into the hands of God to go
before all thy works, if thou wilt attain liberty and grace.
For this is the cause that so few are inwardly enlightened
and made free, that they know not how to deny themselves
entirely. My word standeth sure, Except a man forsake all,
he cannot he My disciple} Thou therefore, if thou wilt be
My disciple, offer thyself to Me with all thy affections.
CHAPTER IX
That we ought to offer ourselves and all that is ours to
God, and to pray for all
The Voice of the Duciple
Lord, all that is in the heaven and in the earth is Thine." I
desire to offer myself up unto thee as a freewill offering,
and to continue Thine for ever. Lord, in the uprightness of
mine heart I willingly offer^ myself to Thee to-day to be Thy
servant for ever, in humble submission and for a sacrifice
of perpetual praise. Receive me with this holy Communion
of Thy precious Body, which I celebrate before Thee this
day in the presence of the Angels invisibly surrounding,
that it may be for the salvation of me and of all Thy people.
2. Lord, I lay before Thee at this celebration all my sins
and offences which I have committed before Thee and Thy
holy Angels, from the day whereon I was first able to sin
even unto this hour; that Thou mayest consume and burn
them every one with the fire of Thy charity, and mayest
do away all the stains of my sins, and cleanse my conscience
from all offence, and restore me to Thy favour which by
sinning I have lost, fully forgiving me all, and mercifully
admitting me to the kiss of peace.
3. What can I do concerning my sins, save humbly to
confess and lament them and unceasingly to beseech Thy
propitiation? I beseech Thee, be propitious unto me and
hear me. when I stand before Thee, O my God. All my
sins displease me grievously: I will never more commit them;
'Luke xiv. 33. =" i Chronicles xxix. 11. » i Chronicles xxix. 17.
364 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
but I grieve for them and will grieve so long as I live, stead-
fastly purposing to repent me truly, and to make restitution
as far as I can. Forgive, O God, forgive me my sins for
Thy holy Name's sake; save my soul, which Thou hast re-
deemed with Thy precious blood. Behold I commit myself
to Thy mercy, I resign myself to Thy hands. Deal with me
according to Thy loving-kindness, not according to my
wickedness and iniquity.
4. I offer also unto Thee all my goodness, though it is
exceedingly little and imperfect, that Thou mayest mend and
sanctify it, that Thou mayest make it well pleasing and
acceptable in Thy sight, and ever draw it on towards per-
fection; and furthermore bring me safely, slothful and use-
less poor creature that I am, to a happy and blessed end.
5. Moreover I offer unto Thee all pious desires of the
devout, necessities of parents, friends, brothers, sisters, and
all who are dear to me, and of those who have done good to
me, or to others for Thy love; and those who have desired
and besought my prayers for themselves and all belonging
to them; that all may feel themselves assisted by Thy grace,
enriched by consolation, protected from dangers, freed from
pains; and that being delivered from all evils they may joy-
fully give Thee exceeding thanks.
6. I offer also to Thee prayers and Sacramental inter-
cessions for those specially who have injured me in aught,
made me sad, or spoken evil concerning me, or have caused
me any loss or displeasure ; for all those also whom I have
at any time made sad, disturbed, burdened, and scandalized,
by words or deeds, knowingly or ignorantly; that to all of
us alike, Thou mayest equally pardon our sins and mutual
offences. Take away, O Lord, from our hearts all suspicion,
indignation, anger, and contention, and whatsoever is able
to injure charity and diminish brotherly love. Have mercy,
have mercy. Lord, on those who entreat Thy mercy; give
grace to the needy ; and make us such that we may be worthy
to enjoy Thy grace, and go forward to the life eternal.
Amen.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 36S
CHAPTER X
That Holy Communion is not lightly to be omitted
The Voice of the Beloved
Thou must frequently betake thee to the Fountain of grace
and divine mercy, to the Fountain of goodness and all
purity; to the end that thou mayest obtain the healing of thy
passions and vices, and mayest be made stronger and more
watchful against all temptations and wiles of the devil.
The enemy, knowing what profit and exceeding strong
remedy lieth in the Holy Communion, striveth by all means
and occasions to draw back and hinder the faithful and
devout, so far as he can.
2. For when some set about to prepare themselves for
Holy Communion, they suffer from the more evil suggestions
of Satan. The very evil spirit himself (as is written in
Job), cometh among the sons of God that he may trouble
them by his accustomed evil dealing, or make them over
timid and perplexed; to the intent that he may diminish their
affections, or take away their faith by his attacks, if haply
he may prevail upon them to give up Holy Communion alto-
gether, or to come thereto with lukewarm hearts. But his
wiles and delusions must not be heeded, howsoever wicked
and terrible they be; but all his delusion must be cast
back upon his own head. The wretch must be despised and
laughed to scorn: neither must Holy Communion be omitted
because of his insults and the inward troubles which he
stirreth up.
3. Often also too much carefulness or some anxiety or
other touching confession hindereth from obtaining devotion.
Do thou according to the counsel of wise men, and lay aside
anxiety and scruple, because it hindereth the grace of God
and destroyeth devotion of mind. Because of some little
vexation or trouble do not thou neglect Holy Communion,
but rather hasten to confess it, and forgive freely all offences
committed against thee. And if thou hast offended any man.
humbly beg for pardon, and God shall freely forgive thee.
4. What profiteth it to put off for long time the confession
of thy sins, or to defer Holy Communion? Cleanse thyselt
366 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
forthwith, spit out the poison with all speed, hasten to take
the remedy, and thou shalt feel thyself better than if thou
didst long defer it. If to-day thou defer it on one account,
to-morrow perchance some greater obstacle will come, and
so thou mayest be long time hindered from Communion and
become more unfit. As soon as thou canst, shake thyself
from thy present heaviness and sloth, for it profiteth nothing
to be long anxious, to go long on thy way with heaviness
of heart, and because of daily little obstacles to sever thy-
self from divine things : nay it is exceeding hurtful to defer
thy Communion long, for this commonly bringeth on great
torpor. Alas ! there are some, lukewarm and undisciplined,
who willingly find excuses for delaying repentance, and desire
to defer Holy Communion, lest they should be bound to keep
stricter watch upon themselves.
5. Alas ! how little charity, what flagging devotion, have
they who so lightly put off Holy Communion. How happy
is he, how acceptable to God, who so liveth, and in such
purity of conscience keepeth himself, that any day he could
be ready and well inclined to communicate, if it were in
his power, and might be done without the notice of others.
If a man sometimes abstaineth for the sake of humility
or some sound cause, he is to be commended for his rever-
ence. But if drowsiness have taken hold of him, he ought
to rouse himself and to do what in him lieth ; and the Lord
will help his desire for the good will which he hath, which
God specially approveth.
6. But when he is hindered by sufficient cause, yet will
he ever have a good will and pious intention to communicate ;
and so he shall not be lacking in the fruit of the Sacrament.
For any devout man is able every day and every hour to
draw near to spiritual communion with Christ to his soul's
health and without hindrance. Nevertheless on certain days
and at the appointed time he ought to receive the Body and
Blood of his Redeemer with affectionate reverence, and
rather to seek after the praise and honour of God, than his
own comfort. For so often doth he communicate mystically,
and is invisibly refreshed, as he devoutly calleth to mind the
mystery of Christ's incarnation and His Passion, and is in-
flamed with the love of Him.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 367
7 He who only prepareth himself when a festival is at
hand or custom compelleth, will too often be unprepared.
Blessed is he who offereth himself to God for a whole burnt-
offering, so often as he celebrateth or communicateth ! Be
not too slow nor too hurried in thy celebrating, but preserve
the good received custom of those with whom thou hvest.
Thou oughtest not to produce weariness and annoyance in
others but to observe the received custom, according to the
institution of the elders; and to minister to the profit of
others rather than to thine own devotion or feeling.
CHAPTER XI
I
The Voice of the Disciple
That the Body and Blood of Christ and the Holy Scriptures are
most necessary to a faithful soul
ine yoice oj i«c x^.^c.^...
O MOST sweet Lord Jesus, how great is the blessedness of
d^e devout soul that feedeth with Thee in Thy banquet,
where Aere is set before it no other food than Thyself its
^nly B ioved, more to be desired than all the desires o the
heart? And to me it would verily be sweet to pour for h
mv tears in Thy presence from the very bottom of my heart,
"nd wTth the pious Magdalene to water Thy [eet with my
tears But where is this devotion ? Where the abundant flow-
ing of holy tears? Surely in Thy presence and m the pres-
ence of the holy Angels my whole heart ought to burn and
to weep for joy; fo? I have Thee in the Sacrament verily
nresent although hidden under other form.
^2 For in Thine own Divine brightness, mine eyes could
not endure to behold Thee, neither codd^he who le^^^^^^^^
stand before the splendour of the glory « J^^ ^J^^^^X,33,
dawn, and the shadows of figures flee away.
1 Cant. ii. I7.
368 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
that which is perfect is come, the using of Sacraments shall
cease, because the Blessed in heavenly glory have no need of
Sacramental remedy. For they rejoice unceasingly in the
presence of God, beholding His glory face to face, and
being changed from glory to glory^ of the infinite God, they
taste the Word of God made flesh, as He v^^as in the begin-
ning and remaineth for everlasting.
3. When I think on these wondrous things, even spiritual
comfort whatsoever it be becometh sore weariness to me;
for so long as I see not openly my Lord in His own Glory,
I count for nothing all which I behold and hear in the world.
Thou, O God, art my witness that nothing is able to comfort
me, no creature is able to give me rest, save Thou, O my
God, whom I desire to contemplate everlastingly. But this
is not possible, so long as I remain in this mortal state.
Therefore ought I to set myself unto great patience, and
submit myself unto Thee in every desire. For even Thy
Saints, O Lord, who now rejoice with Thee in the kingdom
of heaven, waited for the coming of Thy glory whilst they
lived here, in faith and great glory. What they believed,
that believe I ; what they hoped, I hope ; whither they have
attained to, thither through Thy grace hope I to come. I
will walk meanwhile in faith, strengthened by the examples
of the Saints. I will have also holy books for comfort
and for a mirror of life, and above them all Thy most
holy Body and Blood shall be for me a special remedy and
refuge.
4. For two things do I feel to be exceedingly necessary to
me in this life, without which this miserable life would be
intolerable to me; being detained in the prison of this body,
I confess that I need two things, even food and light. Thou
hast therefore given to me who am so weak, Thy sacred
Body and Blood, for the refreshing of my soul and body,
and hast set Thy Word for a lantern to my feet.' Without
these two I could not properly live ; for the Word of God is
the light of my soul, and Thy Sacrament the bread of life.
These may also be called the two tables, placed on this
side and on that, in the treasury of Thy holy Church. One
table is that of the Sacred Altar, bearing the holy bread, that
2 2 Corinthians iii. 18. * Psalm cxix. 105.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 369
is the precious Body and Blood of Christ ; the other is the
table of the Divine Law, containing holy doctrine, teaching
the true faith, and leading steadfastly onwards even to that
which is within the veil, where the Holy of Holies is.
5. Thanks be unto Thee. O Lord Jesus, Light of Light
everlasting, for that table of holy doctrine which Thou has
furnished unto us by Thy servants the Prophets and Apostles
and other teachers. Thanks be to Thee, O Creator and
Redeemer of men, who to make known Thy love to the whole
world has prepared a great supper, in which Thou hast set
forth for good not the typical lamb, but Thine own most
Holy Body and Blood; making all Thy faithful ones joyful
with this holy banquet and giving them to drink the cup
of salvation, wherein are all the delights of Paradise, and
the holy Angels do feed with us, and with yet happier
sweetness.
6. Oh how great and honourable is the office of the priests,
to whom it is given to consecrate the Sacrament of the Lord
of majesty with holy words, to bless it with the lips, to hold
it in their hands, to receive it with their own mouth, and
to administer it to others ! Oh how clean ought those hands
to be, how pure the mouth, how holy the body, how unspotted
the heart of the priest, to whom so often the Author of
purity entereth in ! From the mouth of the priest ought
naught to proceed but what is holy, what is honest and
profitable, because he so often receiveth the Sacrament of
Christ.
7. His eyes ought to be single and pure, seeing they are
wont to look upon the Body of Christ ; the hands should be
pure and lifted towards heaven, which are wont to hold
within them the Creator of heaven and earth. To priests
is it specially said in the Law, Be ye holy, for I the Lord your
God am holy.*'
8. Assist us with Thy grace, O Almighty God, that we who
have taken upon us the priestly office, may be able to con-
verse worthily and devoutly with Thee in all purity and good
conscience. And if we are not able to have our conversation
in such innocency of life as we ought, yet grant unto us
worthily to lament the sins which we have committed, and
* Leviticus xix. 2.
370 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
in the spirit of humility and full purpose of a good will,
to serve Thee more earnestly for the future.
CHAPTER XII
That he who is about to Communicate with Christ ought to
prepare himself with great diligence
The Voice of the Beloved
I AM the Lover of purity, and Giver of sanctity. I seek
a pure heart, and there is the place of My rest. Prepare for
Me the larger upper room furnished, and / will keep the
Passover at thy house with my disciples^ If thou wilt that
I come unto thee and abide with thee, purge out the old
leaven^ and cleanse the habitation of thy heart. Shut out
the whole world, and all the throng of sins ; sit as a sparrow
alone upon the house-top^ and think upon thy transgressions
with bitterness of thy soul. For everyone that loveth pre-
pareth the best and fairest place for his beloved, because
hereby the affection of him that entertaineth his beloved is
known.
2. Yet know thou that thou canst not make sufficient
preparation out of the merit of any action of thine, even
though thou shouldest prepare thyself for a whole year,
and hadst nothing else in thy mind. But out of My tender-
ness and grace alone art thou permitted to draw nigh unto My
table ; as though a beggar were called to a rich man's dinner,
and had no other recompense to offer him for the benefits
done unto him, but to humble himself and to give him thanks.
Do therefore as much as lieth in thee, and do it diligently,
not of custom, nor of necessity, but with fear, reverence,
and affection, receive the Body of thy beloved Lord God,
who vouchsafeth to come unto thee. I am He who hath
called thee; I commanded it to be done; I will supply what
is lacking to thee; come and receive Me.
3. When I give the grace of devotion, give thanks unto
thy God; it is not because thou art worthy, but because I
had mercy on thee. If thou hast not devotion, but rather
feelest thyself dry, be instant in prayer, cease not to groan
*Mark xiv. 14, 15. ^i Corinthians v. 7. * Psalm cii. 7.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 371
and knock; cease not until thou prevail to obtain some
crumb or drop of saving grace. Thou hast need of Me, I
have no need of thee. Nor dost thou come to sanctify Me,
but I come to sanctify thee and make thee better. Thou
comest that thou mayest be sanctified by Me, and be united
to Me ; that thou mayest receive fresh grace, and be kindled
anew to amendment of life. See that thou neglect not this
grace, but prepare thy heart with all diligence, and re-
ceive thy Beloved unto thee.
4. But thou oughtest not only to prepare thyself for
devotion before Communion, thou must also keep thyself
with all diligence therein after receiving the Sacrament ; nor
is less watchfulness needed afterwards, than devout prepa-
ration beforehand : for good watchfulness afterwards be-
cometh in turn the best preparation for the gaining more
grace. For hereby is a man made entirely indisposed to
good, if he immediately return from Communion to give
himself up to outward consolations. Beware of much speak-
ing; remain in a secret place, and hold communion with thy
God ; for thou hast Him whom the whole world cannot take
away from thee. I am He to whom thou oughtest wholly
to give thyself; so that now thou mayest live not wholly
in thyself, but in Me, free from all anxiety.
CHAPTER Xni
That the devout soul ought with the whole heart to yearn after
union with Christ in the Sacrament
The Voice of the Disciple
Who shall grant unto me, O Lord, that I may find Thee
alone, and open all my heart unto Thee, and enjoy Thee
as much as my soul desireth; and that no man may hence-
forth look upon me, nor any creature move me or have
respect unto me, but Thou alone speak unto me and I unto
Thee, even as beloved is wont to speak unto beloved, and
friend to feast with friend? For this do I pray, this do I
long for, that I may be wholly united unto Thee, and may
withdraw my heart from all created things, and by means
of Holy Communion and frequent celebration may learn
372 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
more and more to relish heavenly and eternal things. Ah,
Lord God, when shall I be entirely united and lost in Thee,
and altogether forgetful of myself? Thou in me, and I in
Thee;^ even so grant that we may in like manner continue
together in one.
2. Verily Thou art my Beloved, the choicest among ten
thousand,^ in whom my soul delighteth to dwell all the days
of her life. Verily Thou art my Peacemaker, in Whom is
perfect peace and true rest, apart from Whom is labour and
sorrow and infinite misery. Verily Thou art a God that
hidest Thyself, and Thy counsel is not with the wicked, but
Thy Word is with the humble and the simple. O how sweet,
O Lord, is Thy spirit, who that Thou mightest manifest Thy
sweetness towards Thy children, dost vouchsafe to refresh
them with the bread which is full of sweetness, which cometh
down from heaven. Verily there is no other nation so great,
which hath its gods drawing nigh to them, as Thou, our God,
art present unto all Thy faithful ones,^ unto whom for their
daily solace, and for lifting up their heart unto heaven.
Thou givest Thyself for their food and delight.
3. For what other nation is there so renowned as the
Christian people? Or what creature is so beloved under
heaven as the devout soul to which God entereth in, that he
may feed it with His glorious flesh ? O unspeakable grace !
O wonderful condescension! O immeasurable love specially
bestowed upon men ! But what reward shall I give unto
the Lord for this grace, for charity so mighty? There is
nothing which I am able to present more acceptable than to
give my heart altogether unto God, and to join it inwardly
to Him. Then all my inward parts shall rejoice, when my
sowl shall be perfectly united unto God. Then shall He say
unto me, " If thou wilt be with Me, I will be with thee."
And I will answer Him, " Vouchsafe, O Lord, to abide with
me, I will gladly be with Thee ; this is my whole desire, even
that my heart be united unto Thee."
1 John XV. 4. 2 Cant v. 10. * Deuteronomy iv. 7.
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 373
CHAPTER XIV
Of the fervent desire of certain devout persons to receive
the Body and Blood of Christ
The Voice of the Disciple
HOW great is the abundance of Thy sweetness, O Lord,
which Thou hast laid up for them that fear Thee. When
1 call to mind some devout persons who draw nigh to Thy
Sacrament, O Lord, with the deepest devotion and affection,
then very often I am confounded in myself and hlush for
shame, that I approach Thine altar and table of Holy Com-
munion so carelessly and coldly, that I remain so dry and
without affection, that I am not wholly kindled with love
before Thee, my God, nor so vehemently drawn and affected
as many devout persons have been, who out of the very
earnest desire of the Communion, and tender affection of
heart, could not refrain from weeping, but as it were with
mouth of heart and body alike panted inwardly after Thee,
O God, O Fountain of Life, having no power to appease or
satiate their hunger, save by receiving Thy Body with all
joyfulness and spiritual eagerness.
2. O truly ardent faith of those, becoming a very proof of
Thy Sacred Presence! For they verily know their Lord
in the breaking of bread, whose heart so ardently burncth
within them^ when Jesus walketh with them by the way. Ah
me ! far from me for the most part is such love and devotion
as this, such vehement love and ardour. Be merciful unto
me, O Jesus, good, sweet, and kind, and grant unto Thy poor
suppliant to feel sometimes, in Holy Communion, though it
be but a little, the cordial affection of Thy love, that my
faith may grow stronger, my hope in Thy goodness increase,
and my charity, once kindled within me by the tasting of the
heavenly manna, may never fail.
3. But Thy mercy is able even to grant me the grace
which I long for, and to visit me most tenderly with the
spirit of fervour when the day of Thy good pleasure shall
come. For, although I burn not with desire so vehement as
theirs who are specially devout towards Thee, yet, through
1 Luke xxiv. 32.
374 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
Thy grace, I have a desire after that greatly inflamed desire,
praying and desiring to be made partaker with all those who
so fervently love Thee, and to be numbered among their
holy company.
CHAPTER XV
That the grace of devotion is acquired by humility
and self-denial
The Voice of the Beloved
Thou oughtest to seek earnestly the grace of devotion, to
ask it fervently, to wait for it patiently and faithfully, to
receive it gratefully, to preserve it humbly, to work with
it diligently, and to leave to God the time and manner
of heavenly visitation until it come. Chiefly oughtest thou
to humble thyself when thou feelest inwardly little or no
devotion, yet not to be too much cast down, nor to grieve
out of measure. God ofttimes giveth in one short moment
what He hath long time denied; He sometimes giveth at the
end what at the beginning of prayer He hath deferred to
give.
2. If grace were always given immediately, and were at
hand at the wish, it would be hardly bearable to weak man.
Wherefore the grace of devotion is to be waited for with
a good hope and with humble patience. Yet impute it to
thyself and to thy sins when it is not given, or when it is
mysteriously taken away. It is sometimes a small thing which
hindereth and hideth grace; (if indeed that ought to be
called small and not rather great, which hindereth so great
a good) ; but if thou remove this, be it small or great, and
perfectly overcome it, thou wilt have what thou hast asked.
3. For immediately that thou hast given thyself unto God
with all thine heart, and hast sought neither this nor that ac-
cording to thine own will and pleasure, but hast altogether
settled thyself in Him, thou shalt find thyself united and at
peace; because nothing shall give thee so sweet relish and
delight, as the good pleasure of the Divine will. Whoso-
ever therefore shall have lifted up his will unto God with
singleness of heart, and shall have delivered himself from
every inordinate love or dislike of any created thing, he
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 375
will be the most fit for receiving grace, and worthy of the
gift of devotion. For where the Lord findeth empty vessels/
there giveth He His blessing. And the more perfectly a man
forsaketh things which cannot profit, and the more he dieth
to himself, the more quickly doth grace come, the more
plentifully doth it enter in, and the higher doth it lift up the
free heart.
4. Then shall he see, and flow together, and wonder,
and his heart shall be enlarged within him,° because the hand
of the Lord is with him, and he hath put himself wholly in
His hand, even for ever. Lo, thus shall the man be blessed,
that seeketh God with all his heart, and recciveth not his
soul in vain. This man in receiving the Holy Eucharist
obtaineth the great grace of Divine Union; because he hath
not regard to his own devotion and comfort, but. above all
devotion and comfort, to the glory and honour of God.
CHAPTER XVI
That we ought to lay open our necessities to Christ and
to require His Grace
The Voice of the Disciple
MOST sweet and loving Lord, whom now I devoutly desire
to receive. Thou knowest my infirmity and the necessity
which I suffer, in what evils and vices I lie; how often
1 am weighed down, tempted, disturbed, and defiled. I come
unto Thee for remedy, I beseech of Thee consolation
and support. I speak unto Thee who knowest all things,
toi whom all my secrets are open, and who >alone art
able perfectly to comfort and help me. Thou knowest what
good thing I most stand in need of, and how poor T am in
virtues.
2. Behold, I stand poor and naked before Thee, requiring
grace, and imploring mercy. Refresh the hungry suppliant,
kindle my coldness with the fire of Thy love, illuminate my
blindness with the brightness of Thy presence. Turn thou
all earthly things into bitterness for me, all grievous and
contrary things into patience, all things worthless and cre-
* 2 Kings iv. ^ Isaiah Ix. 5.
376 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
ated into contempt and oblivion. Lift up my heart unto Thee
in Heaven, and sufifer me not to wander over the earth.
Be Thou alone sweet unto me from this day forward for
ever, because Thou alone art my meat and drink, my love
and joy, my sweetness and my whole good.
3. Oh that Thou wouldest altogether by Thy presence,
kindle, consume, and transform me into Thyself; that I may
be made one spirit with Thee, by the grace of inward union,
and the melting of earnest love ! Suffer me not to go away
from Thee hungry and dry; but deal mercifully with me,
as oftentimes Thou hast dealt wondrously with Thy saints.
What marvel if I should be wholly kindled from Thee, and
in myself should utterly fail, since Thou art fire always
burning and never failing, love purifying the heart and en-
lightening the understanding.
CHAPTER XVII
Of fervent love and vehement desire of receiving Christ
The Voice of the Disciple
With the deepest devotion and fervent love, with all af-
fection and fervour of heart, I long to receive Thee, O Lord,
even as many Saints and devout persons have desired Thee
in communicating, who were altogether well pleasing to
Thee by their sanctity of life, and dwelt in all ardent de-
votion. O my God, Eternal Love, my whole Good, Happi-
ness without measure, I long to receive Thee with the most
vehement desire and becoming reverence which any Saint
ever had or could have
2. And although I be unworthy to have all those feelings
of devotion, yet do I offer Thee the whole affection of my
heart, even as though I alone had all those most grateful
inflamed desires. Yea, also, whatsoever things a pious mind
is able to conceive and long for, all these with the deepest
veneration and inward fervour do I offer and present unto
Thee. I desire to reserve nothing unto myself, but freely
and entirely to offer myself and all that I have unto Thee
for a sacrifice. O Lord my God, my Creator and Reedemer !
with such affection, reverence, praise, and honour, with such
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 377
gratitude, worthiness, and love, with such faith, hope, and
purity do I desire to receive Thee this day, as Thy most
blessed Mother, the glorious Virgin Mary, received and
desired Thee, when she humbly and devoutly answered the
Angel who brought unto her the glad tidings of the mystery
of the Incarnation. Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it
unto me according to thy zcord.^
3. And as Thy blessed forerunner, the most excellent of
Saints, John Baptist, being full of joy in Thy presence, leapt
while yet in the womb of his mother, for joy in the Holy
Ghost; and afterwards discerning Jesus walking amongst
men, humbled himself exceedingly, and said, with devout
afifection. The friend of the bridegroom, li'ho standeth and
heareth him, rejoiccth greatly because of the bridegroom's
voice;' even so I wish to be inflamed with great and holy
desires, and to present myself unto Thee with my whole
heart. Whence also, on behalf of myself and of all com-
mended to me in prayer, I offer and present unto Thee the
jubilation of all devout hearts, their ardent affections, their
mental ecstasies, and supernatural illuminations and heavenly
visions, with all the virtues and praises celebrated and to
be celebrated by every creature in heaven and earth ; to
the end that by all Thou mayest worthily be praised and
glorified for ever.
4. Receive my prayers, O Lord my God, and my desires
of giving Thee infinite praise and unbounded benediction,
which, according to the multitude of Thine unspeakable
greatness, are most justly due unto Thee. These do I give
Thee, and desire to give every day and every moment; and
with beseechings and affectionate desires I call upon all
celestial spirits and all Thy faithful people to join with me
in rendering Thee thanks and praises.
5. Let all peoples, nations, and tongues praise Thee, and
magnify Thy holy and sweet-sounding Name, with highest
jubilations and ardent devotion. And let all who reverently
and devoutly celebrate Thy most high Sacrament, and receive
it with full assurance of faith, be accounted worthy to find
grace and mercy with Thee, and intercede with all sup-
plication for me a sinner ; and when they shall have attained
> Luke i. 38. * John ui. 29.
378 THE IMITATION OF CHRIST
unto their wished-for devotion and joyous union with Thee,
and shall depart full of comfort and wondrously refreshed
from Thy holy, heavenW table, let them vouchsafe to be mind-
ful of me, ior \ am poor and needy.
CHAPTER XVIII
That a man should not be a curious searcher of the sacrament, but
a humble imitator of Christ, submitting his sense to holy faith
TAe Voice of the Beloved
Thou must take heed of curious and useless searching into
this most profound Sacrament, if thou wilt not be plunged
into the abyss of doubt. He that is a searcher of Majesty
shall be oppressed by the glory thereof.^ God is able to do
more than man can understand. A pious and humble search
after truth is to be allowed, when it is always ready to be
taught, and striving to walk after the wholesome opinions
of the fathers.
2, Blessed is the simplicity which leaveth alone the
difficult paths of questionings, and followeth the plain and
firm steps of God's commandments. Many have lost de-
votion whilst they sought to search into deeper things.
Faith is required of thee, and a sincere life, not loftiness of
intellect, nor deepness in the mysteries of God. If thou
understandest not nor comprehendest the things which are
beneath thee, how shalt thou comprehend those which are
above thee ? Submit thyself unto God, and humble thy sense
to faith, and the light of knowledge shall be given thee, as
shall be profitable and necessary unto thee.
3. There are some who are grievously tempted concern-
ing faith and the Sacrament; but this is not to be imputed
to themselves but rather to the enemy. Care not then for
this, dispute not with thine own thoughts, nor make answer
to the doubts which are cast into thee by the devil; but be-
lieve the words of God, believe His Saints and Prophets,
and the wicked enemy shall flee from thee. Often it profiteth
much, that the servant of God endureth such things. For
the enemy tempteth not unbelievers and sinners, because he
^ Proverbs xxv. 27 (Vulg.).
THE IMITATION OF CHRIST 379
already hath secure possession of them ; but he tempteth and
harasseth the faithful and devout by various means.
4. Go forward therefore with simple and undoubting
faith, and draw nigh unto the Sacrament with supplicating
reverence. And whatsoever thou art not enabled to under-
stand, that commit without anxiety to Almighty God. God
deceiveth thee not; he is deceived who believeth too much
in himself. God walketh with the simple, revealeth Himself
to the humble, giveth understanding to babes, openeth the
sense to pure minds, and hideth grace from the curious and
proud. Human reason is weak and may be deceived ; but
true faith cannot be deceived.
5. All reason and natural investigation ought to follow
faith, not to precede, nor to break it. For faith and love do
here especially take the highest place, and work in hidden
ways in this most holy and exceeding excellent Sacrament.
God who is eternal and incomprehensible, and of infinite
power, doth great and inscrutable things in heaven and in
earth, and His wonderful works arc past finding out. H the
works of God were of such sort that they might easily be
comprehended by human reason, they should no longer be
called wonderful or unspeakable.
THE PUBLISHERS OF THE HAR-
VARD CLASSICS • DR. ELIOT'S
FIVE-FOOT SHELF OF BOOKS • ARE
PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THE
PUBLICATION OF
THE JUNIOR CLASSICS
A LIBRARY FOR BOVS AND GIRLS
The Junior Classics constitute a set
of books whose contents -will delight
children and at the same time satisfy
the legitimate ethical requirements of
those who have the children's best
interests at heart.''
CHARLES W. ELIOT
THE COLLIER PRESS • NEW YORK
PFCOLLIER iff SON
A
